Overprotective Mom? — The Bump
Babies: 6 - 9 Months

Overprotective Mom?

My husband says I am being too overprotective of our 5 month old. I'm very cautious with my daughter with his family because of some of the things that they have said to me before and done lately. I know my husband was trying to be romantic by planning a surprise trip for our first anniversary but he didn't tell me that we where going to leave our daughter with his mother. They planned this and I felt ambushed. I don't like leaving her with them because they done listen to me and how I want them to treat her. I want them to do things how I want them done but they just laugh at me and go on doing things with her that I don't like. It all started when my daughter was a few weeks old my husband fell asleep with her on his chest and he is a very heavy sleeper and she ended up falling off of him onto her head on our concrete floor. They told me that things happen and it's ok that she was dropped. They even tried to make me feel better by telling me that my SIL hit her oldest sons head on the door jam and her youngest son rolled off of their bed a few days after having brain surgery. My daughter is a wiggle worm and is never still even when sleeping and they are constantly telling me to go lay her in my MIL's bed unattended. Like pillows are going to keep her from rolling off. My husband also takes everything they say to heart and he thinks that we should do everything that is mother and sister have done not what I want and feel is right to do with our daughter. I have been trying to be nice and not burn any bridges but it's getting to the point it's not going to matter if I do or not. Am I being unreasonable or is my instincts right?

Re: Overprotective Mom?

  • I agree with PP.  I would be very upset if my H planned a trip like that without telling me.  You two need to be on the same page about things and not fighting.  Which means you both need to compromise.  

    His family is likely not the delinquents you imagine them to me.  Shit does happen.  One day you are going to do something to cause your child harm (drop them, they fall when you aren't looking, etc) and you cannot judge yourself this harshly.  
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]jnnfrrose6ghostof5letters
  • smeame14 said:
    Maybe I am the odd one out, but I would be over t he moon if DH planned a suprise trip -even when DD was 5/6 months. As for his parents, shit happens. It happened with me (I watched as DD broke her arm and there was NOTHING in the world that I could have done to stop her from falling- NOTHING and I felt like shit for days, but we talk about it now and laugh). I will be honest when DD was 5months, I wanted my parents to do everything we did at home. Feedings at the right time, no TV, sleep at certain times etc. I remember getting frustrated when I knew things were not going the way I wanted them to. BUT I had to realize my parents are not me and DH. They raised 3 of us with no broken bones, no serious injuries, and I know they have a car seat I installed safely in their car, a pack and play, and all the necessities needed. They love her and would not intentionally do anything to put her in harms way. The one thing that would bother me a lot (that OP said)is putting her on a bed..... Maybe I am the only one that feels this way.
    When your first is 5 months it's easy to feel the way you are doing it is the ONLY way to do it.  Accepting that grandparents are (usually) capable really makes things better for everybody.    
  • I don't think you are being overprotective.   I would do what makes you feel comfortable.   If you don't want to leave the baby with his mother, I would come up with some alternatives - take the baby with you, go out to a nice dinner/movie, etc.  I would not feel comfortable leaving my 6 month old with someone else overnight. 
    blacktie3
  • While I can understand wanting your rules followed, there is also something to he said for relaxing a bit and getting a break. My first went to daycare. They did things differently there than we do at home, it was what it was. She learned flexibility. Heck, some things even dh and I do differently. I would love if my dh had planned a trip, and as long as my kid was in one piece, fed and happy when I returned, great. I think you need to choose your hill to die on (naps, feeding, etc) and let the rest of it go a bit.

    Married DH 7/30/11

    CSC arrived 5/7/12 

    CHC arrived 6/2/14

    [Deleted User]ashanne88roadspeckle[Deleted User]
  • Also, if you don't want to put her on a bed, buy a cheap PNP and leave it at their house. No excuse not to use it.

    Married DH 7/30/11

    CSC arrived 5/7/12 

    CHC arrived 6/2/14

    roadspeckle
  • Thank you all for the advice. I was hoping I was not overreacting and I don't feel I am anymore. My dh is very immature and does things I don't like just to make me mad. He knew not telling me we were dropping her off would make me mad and I feel it was not very nice of either of them.
  • I think you need to do what is comfortable for you. You will not enjoy this trip if you have legitimate concerns about your LO's safety. To me this seems to go beyond wanting things done "your way". 

     It's easy to tell someone to relax and let it go but if you are legitimately concerned, you will not be able to relax. My parents don't do things the way we do and yes, sometimes it's annoying, but I'm OK with them watching our son because I feel he is safe with them. And our daycare lady does a ton of stuff that I probably would do differently as well, but I feel he is safe there. 

    My MIL, on the other hand, does things like not check the temp of the bath water and she fell with my nephew when he was a baby because she was not paying attention.  I understand stuff happens, but there are some people who are just not as careful with little ones. I will not be leaving DS with her until he is much, much older because she has a track record of being majorly flighty. (Funny enough, my MIL has also suggested on more than one occasion to put my son on a bed in another room while at her house. Um... NO.) 

    Always, always trust your instincts and who cares what anyone else thinks. :) 
    Amanda2428NewMrsMacCNeuron79
  • I agree with what was mostly said already - to get on the same page with DH and that it is normal to feel like that.

    I just wanted to add I am the same way. My parents have been good at respecting me doing things my way when they watch her because they are MY parents and I can talk honestly and directly about what I want. But my DH's parents are passive/sweep-it-under-the-rug people so I was worried from Day 1 about letting them watch her (plus, while I was pregnant MIL had TWO strokes and did NOT call anyone for help or 911 because she also has depression issues from having multiple cancers/remissions the past 8 years and will not address them - I only let them watch her when my MIL *and* FIL are home in case MIL has some health issue). 

    Fortunately he stood up for me and told them do NOT feed her anything except what I leave them to feed her. They have respected it, but while they do, they drop hints in his ear about what we "should" do at home. This only interfered with our relationship once when he gave her plain water for the first time without asking me and when I was not around - because FIL kept telling him to. 

    So, I am the same way as a first time mom, and I don't think it's as much about me worrying other people will accidentally kill her or something, I think it's more about the fact that you would think people would first and foremost respect the mother's wishes. But it definitely helps when those wishes align with your SO. Or at least in front of your in-laws give the *appearance* we are solidified units that deserve our wishes to both be respected lol.
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  • blacktie3blacktie3 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Photogenic
    edited January 2015
    My husband says I am being too overprotective of our 5 month old. I'm very cautious with my daughter with his family because of some of the things that they have said to me before and done lately. I know my husband was trying to be romantic by planning a surprise trip for our first anniversary but he didn't tell me that we where going to leave our daughter with his mother. They planned this and I felt ambushed. I don't like leaving her with them because they done listen to me and how I want them to treat her. I want them to do things how I want them done but they just laugh at me and go on doing things with her that I don't like. It all started when my daughter was a few weeks old my husband fell asleep with her on his chest and he is a very heavy sleeper and she ended up falling off of him onto her head on our concrete floor. They told me that things happen and it's ok that she was dropped. They even tried to make me feel better by telling me that my SIL hit her oldest sons head on the door jam and her youngest son rolled off of their bed a few days after having brain surgery. My daughter is a wiggle worm and is never still even when sleeping and they are constantly telling me to go lay her in my MIL's bed unattended. Like pillows are going to keep her from rolling off. My husband also takes everything they say to heart and he thinks that we should do everything that is mother and sister have done not what I want and feel is right to do with our daughter. I have been trying to be nice and not burn any bridges but it's getting to the point it's not going to matter if I do or not. Am I being unreasonable or is my instincts right?

    No I don't think your being overprotective at all.  I am having some similar issues with my mother in law as well.  I don't want her carrying my son up and down my stairs because...according to her, she has such a bad back that she can't work, she now has gout in her ankle, and said she "tore" ligaments in the same ankle, drinks all day and uses pain pills for fun.  I told her that I didn't think she should because of her back and didn't address the rest.  That was back in September....she has brought him up stair since for NO reason.  I was leaving town for 2 days and she wanted to come stay with my husband while I was gone...I'm sure thinking she would watch the baby while he was at work.  I finally had to tell him I wasn't comfortable with leaving our son with her for extended period of time and have examples and told him that I had asked her not to and she did it anyway.  He didn't disagree.  So the first time I go out dinner for a friends birthday when my MIL was over...my husband was there...She takes the baby up stairs to put him to bed with his dad sitting right on the couch...WTF?!  Now they both are in trouble..LOL!  I guess I just can't leave him alone with her at all. 

    I'm sorry but I do not have to and I won't negotiate safety concerns with anyone!  Its always fine until it isn't.  I'm not saying accidents don't happen but if you see potential there is nothing wrong with taking precautions trying to avoid it!  My parents watch the baby while we are at work, they don't do excatley what I do but they also don't put my kid in dangerous situations either!

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