How soon can you leave baby?

mollymargaret1 · January 2015

To my STMs or FTMs with friends with babies: my SO and I have a trip plan where we will be out of town for a couple days 4 months after baby is born. My mother has already (very enthusiasticly) agreed to stay at our home and care for the baby.

My question is - is 4 months too soon to leave baby? I plan on pumping and freezing as much as possible and introducing bottle feeding ahead of time. We would be gone 4 days. But does anyone have expierence on this?

megron · January 2015

I'm going to crate train my baby so I can leave her almost immediately. Food, water, blanket, toy- kennel it.

tinybugsmom · January 2015

Four days is a long time to be gone if you plan to continue breastfeeding. Even if you pump on the trip, your supply may really go down.

CateOfChicago · January 2015

That's deft personal preference. I have friends who took short trips early on. My DD is 15 months and I have never spent a night away. I'm actually nervous about being away when this lo is born, which is totally ridiculous and I have made fun of others for thinking this. We have a wedding in Mexico when this LO will be 6 mos and we are going. If it were in the states, I would bring them but not to Mexico. I'm only staying 2 nights. DH thinks I'll chicken out so its my mission to prove him wrong.

Jtdd · January 2015

My concern would be if you are breastfeeding that baby may have trouble transitioning back to the breast after bottle feeding for 4 days. It's different then say bottle feeding during the day while working and then breastfeeding at night. 4 whole days is a long time for a 4 month old. Baby doesn't have to work as hard to get milk from a bottle and may get lazy when you try to go back to the breast. It may also be difficult to keep your supply up while your away. A pump is good but just not as good as your baby.

ElRuby · January 2015

megron said:
I'm going to crate train my baby so I can leave her almost immediately. Food, water, blanket, toy- kennel it.

You might want to rethink the blanket.... My dog used to eat his when he was in the crate

girlymama79 · January 2015

I left dd1 at 3 months to go on our honeymoon. (It was booked pre bfp). It was a fabulous trip but it was torture leaving her.

mamameghan · January 2015

Just keep in mind while pumping and freezing that 4 mos is a time when cluster feeding and feeding strikes can happen. Pump a lot more than you think you'll need. Make sure your mom is prepared for every possible issue to arise! But, don't be afraid to leave a baby. Plan your vacation and play it by ear once baby comes

thelittlestbee · January 2015

I have no personal experience with this since I'm a FTM. But DH and I already have a weekend trip planned for November of this year, when baby will be about 5 months old. No clue if I'll enjoy myself or spend the whole weekend crying. I guess time will tell.

ksimo6 · January 2015

We left DD for two night when she was 4 months old. It was hard to be away from her but a really good couple of days for our relationship. We got to hang out as adults and sleep in. It may be hard for you to go but you will have that face to come home to.

Katerina&Baby · January 2015

I'm a FTM but my sister wasn't comfortable leaving her son overnight until around 7 months. My BFF's little girl is close to 8 months now and she still hasn't felt comfortable leaving her overnight anywhere. The solution that both of them utilized when we all travelled for a wedding this past October was to bring their mom/MIL to babysit while they attended the wedding (BFF and I were in it). My parents also went with my sister and her husband to another destination wedding in the outer banks for the same reason (my mom had never been and was pumped for a reason to go).

You can't really predict what your comfort level is going to be (and that's really what it comes down to) - is there any way your mom or someone else you trust could travel with you?

mamayo26 · January 2015

We left DS for the first time just after he turned 6 months for 1 night. It was fine...it was actually harder to leave him at 16 months for a week vacation. It was fine once we were on the road and I was getting psyched for the vacation. I wasn't breastfeeding by either of these points in time for medical reasons, so can't help you there, but I do have friends who haven't left their 2+ year old over night...not even sure if they have gone out on a date in that time. It is easier now when DS goes to stay with grandparents (helps they have a crib and stuff now too). Since DS 2 will be on the same timeline it will probably be similar that we don't do an overnight until 6 months, but DS 1 was a great sleeper from day one, so we'll have to see how that goes as well.

vic8504 · January 2015

I have been apart from DD only 2 nights in the 2.5yrs since she has been born. I have no desire to leave her and go anywhere. If DH and I plan a vacation it is something that we can take her with us.

mamahawk12 · January 2015

4 days would be pretty hard if you're exclusively breastfeeding. It's a lot harder to keep your supply up with a pump... and 4 days worth of milk is A LOT that you'd have to have stored up ahead of time. Also, there's a good chance she won't be sleeping through the night by 4 months, so just make sure your MIL is aware of that

We have an out of town wedding about 4 months pp as well and we've mulled the options and decided it will just be way easier (albeit, less enjoyable) if we just bring baby along. Oh well, such is life when you're a parent.

housewifebecomesher · January 2015

I started traveling for work around 4 months. I left with 60 ounces in the fridge, DH used it all while I was gone and I only returned with 40 ounces. Sadly that was the beginning of the end of nursing for me.

That being said I think I had supply issues all along and didn't realize it. It can definitely work if you are dedicated to it, but like others have said if you are nursing you will want to work to really get your supply up before you leave and have a big freezer stash.

kelseygaona · January 2015

I left my son witg my inlaws to spend the night every other friday night because I had to work the bext saturday and then I would pick him up... that started around 4 months and it was nice to get a night to be friends with the hubby! I say if it were myself that it will be fine... but I can only speak for me.

laurendutch · January 2015

megron said:
I'm going to crate train my baby so I can leave her almost immediately. Food, water, blanket, toy- kennel it.

Is it too late to crate train my 4 year old twins? Haha!

OP, I have only left my boys a handful of times...not bc I didn't want to but bc my in laws/parents don't really offer to watch them overnight. You are lucky to have a Mom that is so enthusiastic to watch LO overnight!

megron · January 2015

laurendutch said:

megron said:
I'm going to crate train my baby so I can leave her almost immediately. Food, water, blanket, toy- kennel it.
Is it too late to crate train my 4 year old twins? Haha!

OP, I have only left my boys a handful of times...not bc I didn't want to but bc my in laws/parents don't really offer to watch them overnight. You are lucky to have a Mom that is so enthusiastic to watch LO overnight!

I don't think it's ever too late! I'm totally going to use my dogs as babysitters, too.. It seemed to work out ok in Peter Pan?

mollymargaret1 · January 2015

Thank you so much ladies!

mollymargaret1 · January 2015

Katerina&Baby said:

I'm a FTM but my sister wasn't comfortable leaving her son overnight until around 7 months. My BFF's little girl is close to 8 months now and she still hasn't felt comfortable leaving her overnight anywhere. The solution that both of them utilized when we all travelled for a wedding this past October was to bring their mom/MIL to babysit while they attended the wedding (BFF and I were in it). My parents also went with my sister and her husband to another destination wedding in the outer banks for the same reason (my mom had never been and was pumped for a reason to go). You can't really predict what your comfort level is going to be (and that's really what it comes down to) - is there any way your mom or someone else you trust could travel with you?

It's a vacation we planned and paid for before we knew we were pregnant thats why the just us part going is kind of set in stone :-/

queequeg09256 · January 2015

Hubby and I are planning a week long cruise next April for our 6 year anniversary lo will be 10 months I plan to stop nursing at that point (if nursing works out) all the grandparents are gunning at the chance to take the baby for a week. My sil has a year old baby never been left alone for a night she is getting married in July this year and still isn't planning on leaving her ds overnight even though she'll be a year and 7 months. Bit extreme for me. But I think it depends on your comfort level what you and your so think is right for your kid.

housewifebecomesher · January 2015

Personally I think it is healthy to have time away...but since my husband and I work full time and don't live near family, it wasn't really a choice for me! Depends on the child too. My daughter is so sociable she would get bored only being with us.

ksimo6 · January 2015

megron said:

laurendutch said:

megron said:
I'm going to crate train my baby so I can leave her almost immediately. Food, water, blanket, toy- kennel it.
Is it too late to crate train my 4 year old twins? Haha!

OP, I have only left my boys a handful of times...not bc I didn't want to but bc my in laws/parents don't really offer to watch them overnight. You are lucky to have a Mom that is so enthusiastic to watch LO overnight!
I don't think it's ever too late! I'm totally going to use my dogs as babysitters, too.. It seemed to work out ok in Peter Pan?

Our 3 year old lab is an excellent baby sitter for DD. Approved!

laurendutch · January 2015

megron said:

laurendutch said:

megron said:
I'm going to crate train my baby so I can leave her almost immediately. Food, water, blanket, toy- kennel it.
Is it too late to crate train my 4 year old twins? Haha!

OP, I have only left my boys a handful of times...not bc I didn't want to but bc my in laws/parents don't really offer to watch them overnight. You are lucky to have a Mom that is so enthusiastic to watch LO overnight!
I don't think it's ever too late! I'm totally going to use my dogs as babysitters, too.. It seemed to work out ok in Peter Pan?

I guess I need to get a dog now!

poppyc8 · January 2015

i found 4 months too soon to leave DS. but it's really what you end up being comfortable with. the first overnight trip i took away from DS was closer to when he was 9 months. by then they are more aware of their surroundings. At 4 months they are still so tiny and needing mom.

amooraxo · January 2015

Jtdd said:

My concern would be if you are breastfeeding that baby may have trouble transitioning back to the breast after bottle feeding for 4 days. It's different then say bottle feeding during the day while working and then breastfeeding at night. 4 whole days is a long time for a 4 month old. Baby doesn't have to work as hard to get milk from a bottle and may get lazy when you try to go back to the breast. It may also be difficult to keep your supply up while your away. A pump is good but just not as good as your baby.

There are many bottles out there now that the nipple requires baby to use the same suck as if she/he was on the breast to get any milk out. And if she has already introduced bottles, it should cause too much confusion for baby. But it is a lot of milk to pre-pump and it may be harder to keep your supply up with a pump exclusively. Although there are many woman who exclusively pump and do just fine... just depends on your supply and how your body adapts to being away from baby.

honeybunches101 · January 2015

It will be very hard to predict how you will feel until baby is here. I had planned to go out of town for a night or two for my best friend's bachelorette party when DS was 4 months old. I was really looking forward to going out drinking and staying in a hotel with a bunch of my girlfriends. But then the baby came and there was no way in hell I was going to leave him. 4 months is a tough time because it's when babies start to 'wake up' and become more aware of their surroundings, most go through sleep regressions and a big growth spurt. There is no way I would have been able to pump enough to last being gone. I left him overnight at 7 months for a wedding, and I had to pump every 3 hours, even overnight. It wasn't a choice, I would get super uncomfortable and wake up soaking wet. I was anxious to get back to my baby the next morning. He's almost 3 now and the most I would feel comfortable leaving him now would be 3 nights, max.

On the other hand, a good friend of mine had no problem leaving her 4 month old with her husband and parents when she left for 3 nights for her sister's bachelorette. She had a huge oversupply of milk so also had to pump every 3 hours, but had plenty of milk to leave with her son. They all survived and she had a great time.

Hopefully you would be able to bring the baby on the trip of you don't want to leave him/her yet.

ajgerber · January 2015

We took a quick overnight trip (only about 2 hours away from home) when DS was only 4 weeks. Stellar parents here.

Definitely listen to the moms who have breastfeeding experience. Also, if your baby is use to daycare at that point, it may not be as big of a hurdle for you since you may already be in a pumping routine at that point.

I think it is so important to spend some nights away if you have reliable care. It's good to regroup as a couple. I think it is tougher on you than it is for baby.

notquiteblushing · January 2015

I can't speak to the BFing relationship aspects of being apart because I EPd but remember that you will still need to pump when the baby is used to eating. I pumped 6-8 times a day while on maternity leave but when I went back to work it was hard to keep up my supply and we ended up switching to formula.

Also I'm usually one to say "go out and have fun!" but I didn't leave my son overnight until he was sleeping through the night which was at around 10 months old. At four months old? He was a mess! Up 5 or 6 times a night, difficult to put back down, etc. Your mother may seem enthusiastic now but does she remember the four month wakeful? I wouldn't put that on my worst enemy.

mollymargaret1 · January 2015

ajgerber said:
We took a quick overnight trip (only about 2 hours away from home) when DS was only 4 weeks. Stellar parents here.
Definitely listen to the moms who have breastfeeding experience. Also, if your baby is use to daycare at that point, it may not be as big of a hurdle for you since you may already be in a pumping routine at that point.
I think it is so important to spend some nights away if you have reliable care. It's good to regroup as a couple. I think it is tougher on you than it is for baby.

They will be in daycare full time for a month by this time yes so that should help.

And yes I am worried about how I will react!! I guess only time will tell on that.

MollyandChris · January 2015

When my second son was 4 months old, my job required me to travel to Houston for 5 days. My supply was the same upon return, I did milk sharing while I was there with what I pumped and my son nursed until he was almost a year. Good luck!

housewifebecomesher · January 2015

MollyandChris said:
When my second son was 4 months old, my job required me to travel to Houston for 5 days. My supply was the same upon return, I did milk sharing while I was there with what I pumped and my son nursed until he was almost a year. Good luck!

How did milk sharing work? Curious!

mollymargaret1 · January 2015

housewifebecomesher said:

When my second son was 4 months old, my job required me to travel to Houston for 5 days. My supply was the same upon return, I did milk sharing while I was there with what I pumped and my son nursed until he was almost a year. Good luck!
How did milk sharing work? Curious!

yes curious here too!

CurlyMom78 · January 2015

My mom & dad left me (2 yrs at the time) and my 6 mo sister for a week with my grandparents while they went on vacation.

ChrisLipstick · January 2015

My son wasn't terribly difficult at 4 months, but I don't think I would leave him for more than a night a 4 months. I understand wanting a break, but I think it is hard for both mom and baby to be away from each other for too long. I few hours at the spa or a night in a hotel can do wonders for your relaxation without the stress of being away too long or worries about milk supply.

annatta79 · January 2015

How far away will you be? Will you be able to get home if needed? DH and I tried to do a 2 night trip when DS was 7 months old. My parents watched him. They were able to handle 1 night, but not 2. We were only about an hour away so we were able to cut the trip short and go home. If you are flying somewhere and won't be able to get home (or won't be able to do it without significant expense) then I would reconsider.

And ditto to all the BF advice.

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