Last Name Question

KaLikeAWind · January 2015

My hubby and I are married, but I did not want to take his last name so I still rock my maiden name. We are now expecting our first kid and thought that if it was a boy, we would use his last name, and if it was a girl, we would use mine. A friend said this would be a huge problem, but couldn't explain why. Any thoughts?

Ace226 · January 2015

I have a hyphenated last name, but our kids will just have his name. I can't really explain my reason for it, except I'd always assumed that's how it would be. So having kids with my maiden name or a hyphenated name would just be weird to me, since it was never on my radar!

I wonder if she was thinking in terms of parental rights? Like picking the kid up from school, etc, or people assuming you were divorced? I don't think there's any really pressing issues that could come from it, but I could be missing one that she's thinking!

JMU_Bride09 · January 2015

I think that it would be complicated if you had another child who is the other gender. Would you continue the theme of gender based last names or would the second child receive the same last name as the first regardless of gender?

KaLikeAWind · January 2015

Ahh, good question. We are 37 & 38, so I'm not really sure there will be additional children. But yes, that's food for thought

Dr.Loretta · January 2015

Just be prepared for confusion from schools, doctor/dentist offices, etc. They're going to call you by whatever last name your child has, or call your child by your H's LN no matter what LN they happen to have. It can get annoying.

4N6s · January 2015

I think that's really odd...
What about your last name as the middle name and your husbands as the last name?
Or just change your last name so you all match...

nurse714 · January 2015

Sorry, but I think it's really silly to give a son your husband's name and a daughter your name. I'm traditional so I think you should give the child the father's last name. As a married person, I would want the entire family with the same last name, but since you didn't change your last name, I guess that doesn't matter to you. What does your husband think?

andrieya · January 2015

I didn't take my husbands last name but our baby and any that come after will all have his name

KaLikeAWind · January 2015

The problem here is his last name is terrible. Truly terrible. Mine is not much better. Both of us as children and still sometimes as adults take grief for our last names. So using either as a middle name is just not. So is hyphenation. And I'm not switching from one sucky name to a suckier one. And while we have thought of just all of us taking a whole new last name, hubby is adopted, and we consider it an insult to the family that gave him a home. Either way the kid is going to grow up with a last name that will give him/her trouble from teasing. I'm sure none of you want your kids to get constantly harassed over their name. We considered first and middle names, and initials, very seriously trying to keep the potential for teasing limited to the last name only.

The idea to have it go either way was his. Cause we were honestly at a loss what to do otherwise. Neither of us really want to saddle our kid with the curse of our last names. And the likelihood of siblings is slim to none. This seemed like a reasonable way to leave it up to fate / chance.

Frogger5 · January 2015

I am married but didn't change my last name. Implying that there are going to be serious repercussions if you don't have the same last name as your kid - or if the father doesn't have the same name as his kid - is just a really outdated notion IMO. I work in a school. I never assume that kids have the same last name as their parents, and I don't spend any time thinking about why people in a family might have different names. Give the kid whichever name you want! There is no actual reason why a kid should have his/her father's last name, it is just tradition.

I am interested in what your last names are now, though! Hard to imagine anything being that terrible - even more that two people with such horrible last names found each other and got married!

KaLikeAWind · January 2015

"I am interested in what your last names are now, though!"

Well my last name conveniently rhymes with whore. So as a kid I was called a whore, a lot. "Mel the whore" "kill her, she's a whore" "your moms a whore" "kill the whore" while pointing at me. My personal fav rhyme "kill the whore, leave a pile of gore". So that's me. My hubbys name is very unique, so I'm not comfortable leaving it here. Its got a TON of letters (13) and it goes really well into jokes about masterbation. Also, its so unique that at his high school reunion we met a guy who had married one of his classmates, and when she introduced us, the guy tells my husband 'oh I use your name as an alias all the time' and kinda snickers a bit. You'd think kinda flattering, until they leave and my hubby tells me she was one of the worst for name calling related to his name, with those good old standby jokes about masterbating. So she's a grown adult and is STILL talking crap about his name to people that don't even know him. Recently he also had occasion to have his name in the local paper but they contacted him and scolded him over trying to "pass a nickname for print" which was against the papers policy. They *would not believe* it was his given last name until he sent over a copy of his ID.

Thanks for the food for thought on school pickups and travel and the like. We'll be sure to make sure there is sufficient documentation available when traveling and stuff. And thanks to those who don't think we're weird

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2015

My husband's BFF and his wife have two kids, and the first one has his last name and the second has her's.

I like having the same last name as my sibling, but the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of one kid having my name, even if my kids had different names than each other. I'm uncomfortable with the idea of sex factoring into which one you use, but there could be some way to maybe flip a coin and see. Or determine which first names you like and see whose name goes better with it.

I also wanted to use a portmanteau at one point - first syllable of my name attached to my husband's one-syllable last name. He's not going for it.

The other option is using one last name as the middle name. We'd use mine as a second middle. If I can get my husband on board with using my last name as the last name for one of our children (we'd like two), then we can use his last name as a second middle in that case.

There are a lot of imperfect solutions when you want to pass on your own name! But at least there are a lot of choices and compromises.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2015

For the record, my husband and I get called each other's last names all the time. Especially at the vet, for some reason. Anyway, they got his last name wrong on our life insurance documents, so in that case, it was important to correct it. In other instances, I usually just move along. No big deal. It's never been a life or death issue.

neverblushed · January 2015

Hmm... this is an interesting situation.

I'm generally in favor of everyone in the family having the same last name, just for the sake of convenience. However, I respect that it's a choice that all families have to make, and it's not a one-size-fits-all situation. I work in a school where many moms do not share their child's last name. Sometimes they get referred to as Mrs. Kidlastname by mistake, but generally it's not a huge deal.

In your case, however, it seems like there's some reluctance to use your H's last name. I think kids can find something to tease about if they want to. If you go with your H's last name, just help your child find ways to deal with unkind comments assertively and calmly.

Dpatto93 · January 2015

My son has my last name, it's a different situation to yours but I think the childs second name depends on the circumstance. We didn't even think about it, from the moment I found out I was pregnant he got my name and so will the next baby. My partners 'family' are abusive bullies and we cut contact with them along time ago so I didn't want to carry their name on.

Want a personalized experience?

Last Name Question

Re: Last Name Question

Choose Another Board

Search Boards