2 year old sleep transition

perfectlove09 · January 2015

i haven't posted on this board in a long time. I have a DD1 who just hit 25 months and I have another DD2 who is 2.5 weeks.
I've been doing DD1's bedtime pretty much every night since birth. In December I wanted DH to start taking over so it was a smooth transition but he never did. The problem (and though I'm very AP I've seen it as a problem for a long time) is that she "needs" me to sit in her room until she falls asleep. When my DH actually does bedtime she's out pretty fast but when I do it she takes forever to fall asleep. I'm sitting in her room, in a recliner, while she's in her crib. Literally it can take an hour and that's not including books and nursing.

Now with a newborn (who I can hear crying now while I wait for #1 to fall asleep) I can't sit in here forever.
Right now she's REFUSES to let DH put her to bed. We can persuade her to let him do books but then she has a full on meltdown, clinging to me and shaking if I try to get DH to finish off the bedtime routine and wait for her to sleep.

Another side note, when I went to the hospital to have #2 we didn't know we were going to be in labor. I was sick and going in for fluids, so we left dd telling her I'd see her the next morning. My MIL put her to bed. No big deal. Well, got to hospital, has fluids and ended up going into labor. Then dd1 was also sick, and newborn ended up in NICU so dd1 didn't get to see me for 2 full days. I work mainly from home and we are VERY close so that was hard on her. Newborn ended up being in NICU for 10 days so we just got home last Saturday. DH obviously did all of her bedtimes and she was ok. When I got home he did the next 2 nights and it was fine. On the 3rd night he wasn't available so my MIL came to put her to bed while I took care of newborn... That's when all hell broke loose and now I'm stuck in here while DH tries to calm down and take care of the newborn.

I really need help. I hate to see dd sad and feeling upset and when she starts the full on meltdown I give in becuase I can't take it

But I also can't keep this up.
Any advice at all?

perfectlove09 · January 2015

ClaryPax said:
Ok- what this is simply speaking is 1. a change in routine and adjustment to the sibling 2. Throwing a tantrum.

She wants you and is throwing a tantrum to get it. We give in a lot to this too because it is just easier than dealing with the tantrum because I am her preferred parent. But we don't have a newborn. I'm sure this happened with my eldest, but he is 4 now (sister is 2), so I don't remember as well. But DH did a lot for my oldest because I was stuck on the couch nursing.

She will adjust to your DH, you both have to give it time maybe about 2 weeks and let her know that you are not going to give into her tantrums. Try to find something really nice to add to her bedtime routine that she really enjoys that can be just with her and DH. For example, rocking, special blanket/ pillows, lovey, DD loves the Frozen soundtrack, binky's, hold her hand etc. Reading like 10 books or something. Just make it really nice for her at bedtime, but with DH doing it and he has to stay firm- mommy isn't coming you have daddy now. She'll get used to it.

Thank you for the advice. So am i just supposed to let her completely lose it and ignore her? I have a hard time knowing when I'm giving in and when I'm actually making sure she doesn't resent this whole new process or me. She will occasionally have a tantrum during the day. Those are much different than this. At night it's like she's suddenly terrified. Nothing bad or scary has ever happened to her. There is no logical reason as far as my adult mind set is concerned that should make her so upset. She really ends up clinging to me and full on sobbing.

Tantrums are different. And we handle those differently. That's why I'm sorta at a loss

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2 year old sleep transition

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