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June 2015 Moms
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Been so sad lately...

sweetchildofmine143sweetchildofmine143 member
edited January 2015 in June 2015 Moms
I'm 18 weeks pregnant and I am more than happy that I'm having a healthy and active baby growing up inside me :) I really couldn't ask for anything more !

The only thing that's making me sad is how the baby's father is not here. He left a week before Christmas and since then, it's been hard emotionally. He's the last thing I think about before I go to sleep, and the first thing I think about when I wake. I miss him so much. I didn't tell him about the pregnancy right away, and I wanted to wait until the 3rd month, only because I was scared I would have a miscarriage (I had three in the past with a previous relationship, all before 8 weeks) and he didn't understand. I didn't even get to tell him- someone I thought was a close friend told a coworker of his and they in turn told him. He's mad the way he found out, and mad that I didn't tell him right away.. He told me I was trying to hide the pregnancy from him which wasn't the case. He called me a liar and a cheat. I haven't heard from him since. I've tried reaching out to him a couple of times but to no avail. I just feel he was ripped out from under me and that's partial to what hurts so badly. He never said goodbye. Is there anyway I can get him to talk to me? He was a part of my everyday and days just don't feel like days without him. I want him to be a part of the baby's life above all..
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Re: Been so sad lately...

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  • acethebaseacethebase member
    edited January 2015
    First off sorry you have to go through this alone right now, that has to be hard. But maybe you shouldn't have told anyone especially if you were waiting to tell the FATHER. I'm guessing he's probably more hurt than anything that he had to find out that way. I mean how would you feel if the roles were reversed, you'd probably be pretty hurt and angry. Maybe he just needs some time to cool off otherwise if he doesn't want to be a part of yours and the babies life he's not that worth it to begin with. If he loves you he will eventually forgive you, if not well then he's not that great of a man. My advice to you is to let him calm down and maybe in a little while approach him and tell him WHY you did things the way you did. Hugs to you and I hope everything will work itself out...
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  • karaelaine1991karaelaine1991 member
    I'm so sorry that you're going through this alone right now and that you've had difficult pregnancies in the past. That being said, I agree with PP: even with your worries - perhaps even more so because of your worries - baby's dad should have been the first to know. I can't blame him for being hurt. My advice? Give him space, then, when he's ready, give him one very sincere apology, and hope for the best. In the meantime, we're here to give you emotional support, and, as JAQ26 pointed out, therapy would probably be helpful. Best of luck!
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  • mishmardhionomishmardhiono member
    Wow what a betrayal.. Finding out from your colleague that your going to be a dad.. Imagine if the tables were turned? Imagine if he had a terrible life changing illness he hid from you for 3 months and your co walker told you. I know your pregnancy isn't an illness but it's life changing. I'm sorry but you really fkd up.
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  • MamaBishMamaBish member
    Maybe try to write him a letter apologizing profusely and asking him if he would like to talk to you, to please contact you. If he doesn't respond, leave him be. He is obviously very hurt about the way he found out but if he doesn't want to be with you, then he may need more time to himself, sorry to say. :(
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  • mamayo26mamayo26 member
    JAQ26 said:
    Seems like there's more to the story. I get being upset that you didn't tell him right away but it sounds like he doesn't trust you and doesn't believe the baby is his. If the baby is without a doubt his then you need to figure out steps to prove his paternity so he can be involved in his child's life or at least contribute child support. If you've been 100% faithful and know without a doubt that it's his baby I'd be a bit suspicious as to why he'd be so quick to call you a cheat.
    You could also be "ballsy" and go and talk to him, make a grand gesture or something. Only you know what the relationship was before it ended, so you need to make a judgment call. Sorry you are having to go through this, but if you really want him back I think you are going to need to do more than call him--show him by putting forth the effort.

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  • mishmardhionomishmardhiono member
    No it's pretty harsh hiding your pregnancy from your partner and discussing it with other people allowing him to fin out from a colleague.
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  • sweetchildofmine143sweetchildofmine143 member
    Yeah there's more to the story . He supposedly had a vasectomy, thus him calling me a "cheat". He's given me no proof that he's had one, however o think my being pregnant is enough proof that he hasn't had one, or it failed. They do fail after a certain amount of years, and also refused to get it checked. I offered him a prenatal paternity test (through blood draw) and at first he said no, then he told me he ordered the kit, and in turn he lied about ordering it! As for prior to- we got along GREAT. No issues between us or anything. I only went to my friend when I found out because I was with her when I took the test - her an I were friends for 9 years.. And she's a doctor. So that's why I trusted her! She knows my history. And yes, having had 3 prior miscarriages, I would want to spare hurting his feelings of what I had to go through. So there's nothing wrong with waiting until the 3rd month (when you're more in the clear)
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  • sweetchildofmine143sweetchildofmine143 member
    And nobody else knew so don't assume that. The least I would expect from mothers/ expectant mothers, would be for the most to be so judging about my situation. I have been apologizing to him and I honestly never meant to hurt him. I never expected to have this baby.. I thought the pregnancy would've ended the same way my others did. If you haven't been in the similar situation I would not expect you to understand. I would be mad if I were him there's no denying that! But I would at least try to understand where he was coming from.
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  • ksimo6ksimo6 member
    sweetchildofmine143 said:

    And nobody else knew so don't assume that. The least I would expect from mothers/ expectant mothers, would be for the most to be so judging about my situation. I have been apologizing to him and I honestly never meant to hurt him. I never expected to have this baby.. I thought the pregnancy would've ended the same way my others did. If you haven't been in the similar situation I would not expect you to understand. I would be mad if I were him there's no denying that! But I would at least try to understand where he was coming from.

    I have lost babies and if I kept my pregnancy from my husband, and he found out from someone else... He would be fucking pissed. And he would have every right to be. It sounds like the trust issues go both ways in your relationship. Get to counseling and figure out how you're going to co-parent at a minimum.
    • Married 6/1/2012
    • BFP #1 - 11/17/2012 -  MC 12/10/2012
    • BFP #2 - 2/12/2013 - EDD 10/17/2013 - DD Born 10/10/2013
    • BFP #3 - 1/29/2014 - Ectopic pregnancy discovered 1/31/2014
    • BFP #4 - 9/28/2014 - EDD 6/4/2015 - DS Born 5/31/2015


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  • karaelaine1991karaelaine1991 member
    sweetchildofmine143 said:

    And nobody else knew so don't assume that. The least I would expect from mothers/ expectant mothers, would be for the most to be so judging about my situation. I have been apologizing to him and I honestly never meant to hurt him. I never expected to have this baby.. I thought the pregnancy would've ended the same way my others did. If you haven't been in the similar situation I would not expect you to understand. I would be mad if I were him there's no denying that! But I would at least try to understand where he was coming from.

    Hopefully he will try eventually, but his feelings are understandably hurt. He probably feels betrayed, and you need to be understanding of him, too.

    As for us judging you, I can't speak for everyone, but I'm not. I understand that, given your history, you'd be very anxious about this. Even so, dad deserved to hear this news from you, end of story. I sincerely hope that you guys are able to work things out. If not, then look at the bright side - your going to be the mom of a precious little baby. This is something that it seems like you've been wanting for a long time. In this difficult time, try to focus on that - it might give you some hope to get through all of this.
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  • TrampslikeusTrampslikeus member
    Wait, so you've had 3 miscarriages but the fact that his supposed vasectomy doesn't seem to be working didn't come up until now? When you're pregnant for the 4th time? Hmmmmkay.

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  • lovethatcolosunlovethatcolosun member
    @Trampslikeus‌ she said her miscarriages were from a previous relationship, aka not her current one.

    I'm sorry you have to go through this, and I'm sure you have your reasons for handling the situation the way you did, and now in retrospect you can see how you might have handled things differently. Having a baby is a serious life changing event. It sounds like your man is having a little freak out about this, especially since he thought it would never happen (vasectomy). Maybe he will come around, maybe he won't. I honestly think if he doesn't want to have anything to do with you or the baby in the end, his blaming the whole thing on you not telling him sooner is a freaking cop out. I think there is something bigger going on with him if that's the case. Hopefully he will come around. In the mean time see if you can set up a face to face so you can listen to his concerns and talk it through. If he doesn't come around, I wish you luck on your journey.
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