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Tried to mentally prepare for today... didn't work (Intro)

xxkimmy8xxxxkimmy8xx member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I had my first prenatal appointment Monday morning and the midwife said my uterus felt like it was right on track for 7+5 and we started talking about how great summer babies are and she went through all the genetic testing options.  I mentioned that I saw blood in the toilet a week before (that I was VERY sure was hemorrhoids, I checked my cervix and confirmed that the blood wasn't coming from there) but I wanted to try to get in for an early ultrasound to see the baby. The midwife said the tech could sneak me in.  Well, the ultrasound showed a gestational sac and a yok sac... nothing else.  She asked if my dates were wrong, but I was VERY sure due to tracking ovulation.  I went in for a follow up beta on Wednesday and my numbers only went from 26,000 to 27,000 in two days, so I thought I was prepared for bad news today.

Well, today there was no further development on the ultrasound and the doctor said growth stopped at 6+1 (1/2.) My numbers are still going up, and I'm so mad at my body for not realizing there is no baby! My boobs are still sore, I'm still super hungry and nauseous in the morning. Ugh. Now we have to decide what to do... I have to go out of the country for work in a few weeks so it sounds like a D&C is the best option.  I never prepared for this...we just got married in August and were so excited to start a family.  My mom said its good that there was "never a baby" but to me there was!  We were getting nursery decorating ideas, picking out names... 

I know this is super silly, but 16 and pregnant was on TV today and I just started crying watching it... haha I'm ridiculous. :/
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Re: Tried to mentally prepare for today... didn't work (Intro)

  • Nikolie93Nikolie93 member
    Oh hon, you aren't ridiculous at all *hug*

    I'm sorry for your loss and although your mom may have been trying to console you, what she said angers me. As soon as we get that positive, it's a baby to us.

    I hope it passes quickly for you and you're healed for your trip.
    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 



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  • RoseTyler72RoseTyler72 member
    As soon as you get a positive test, there is most definitely a baby, no matter how small! I'm so sorry for your loss. And I totally get it about 16 and Pregnant, you are not ridiculous and  I would cry too! 

    2 MC 2014/2015
    Baby #1 born 2/27/2016
    Baby #2 born 3/25/2018
    BFP 06/03/2020, EDD 02/10/2021

    Anniversary
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  • Ann612Ann612 member
    You will find that people will say all kinds of things in an effort to help.  Some things actually will, some (like the example with your mom) will not.  

    Never hearing a heartbeat doesn't make your loss any less real or less painful.  And anything baby related can be a trigger, so never feel silly for what makes you cry.  

    I'm so sorry for your loss.  There's no preparing for how awful it feels.  
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  • meredithcarolemeredithcarole member
    I am very sorry for your loss. It is a baby to you the moment you see a positive pregnancy test, not having seen a heartbeat does not lessen your pain. I too had a missed miscarriage and I understand how frustrating it is when you continue having symptoms because your body hasn't caught onto the loss. For me a D&C was a good first step in working toward a sense of closure. I hope the procedure goes smoothly.
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animals in the Snow

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    About Me: 

    AMA 35 :  DH 33
    BFP#1 1/26/14 (EDD: 10/7/14).  MMC 3/10/14 D&C 3/14/14
    RE Consult 11/3/14 - AMH 2.25 "great" . FSH 7.10 . Low Vitamin D
    Myomectomy 12/17/14.  Benched until March.

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    My Ovulation Chart
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  • doveshoesdoveshoes member
    Good morning, 

    I also received the "there was never a baby there" comment so I know how it can sting. People don't know what to say, and they are trying to console you in the best way they know how. 

    As far as what to do, you will have to make your own decision based on what you believe works best in your situation. But I can tell you that I am currently less than 2 days post D+C, and my recovery has been relatively easy. Frankly, my normal periods are worse than what I am going through currently, though I am staying up with my pain meds so that may be helping. The emotional recovery is what is going to take some time for me.

    I wish you well as you face this difficult time. I'm sorry we are all here together, but I hope you find great support in this group.
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  • ronniesgirl1981ronniesgirl1981 member
    I am so sorry. I agree with PPs that we are mothers the minute that test turns positive.
    Me: 34 | He: 40
    TTC since 08/2012
    DX: DOR




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  • xxkimmy8xxxxkimmy8xx member
    Thanks so much for the support everyone. After talking things through with DH I think we're going to go with the D&C. Im hoping they can schedule me for Thursday so ill have the weekend to fully recover. As much as it upsets me to admit our little bean is in heaven, I'm ready to try to move on, heal, and hopefully start trying again soon.

    There is this nagging thought in the back of my mind that is telling me "there is something wrong, this is going to keep happening." Not sure how to make that go away....
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  • tcann320tcann320 member
    So very sorry for your loss. Agreeing with everyone and no one understands what it feels like to lose a child no matter If there's a sac, yolk sac, baby, ect....there was life there and then it's gone. It's a nightmare to have life growing inside you and wake up the next morning after a dc or miscarriage......and feel empty. People, family, ect may not mean any harm and are just reaching for words to ease the pain we feel sometimes.
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