Baby Shower Etiquette

babyas15 · January 2015

So my baby shower is planned for 3rd week of February. I am having my first baby, and I am very appreciative that a family friend has offered to do the baby shower. She let me know her ideas, and quite honestly I don't like a lot of her ideas. She made it seem like she was open to my thoughts, so I decided to politely mention something about the food, dessert, and drinks. It will be around lunch time, and I am familiar with my appetite and cravings. The food and dessert she has planned are icky to me. So I gave her ideas of what I would like. Next thing I know I get a text message from our family (her boyfriend/partner) with a web link on baby shower etiquette. Pretty much saying that I have no say, since a baby shower is being given to me. This got me so upset, that one she did not speak to me directly like I have been with her and two that she is not open to my ideas. What should I do? I was hoping for a stress free baby shower.

Unknown · January 2015

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babyas15 · January 2015

I offered to help with the food, drinks, and dessert. But still all I got in response was a link on baby shower etiquette.

Maybe I will just stay quiet the rest of the time so that there is no more conflict.

wheninrome627 · January 2015

aesur said:
I offered to help with the food, drinks, and dessert. But still all I got in response was a link on baby shower etiquette.

Maybe I will just stay quiet the rest of the time so that there is no more conflict.

Don't you know better than to ask a question around here? You need to be a part of the cool kids to get a response that doesn't rip you apart. Geez, get with it!

babyas15 · January 2015

Yep. I see that now. First and last post for me.

lakingsfan2015 · January 2015

wheninrome627 said:

I offered to help with the food, drinks, and dessert. But still all I got in response was a link on baby shower etiquette.

Maybe I will just stay quiet the rest of the time so that there is no more conflict.
Don't you know better than to ask a question around here? You need to be a part of the cool kids to get a response that doesn't rip you apart. Geez, get with it!

Yet you didn't offer any advice at all!

Unknown · January 2015

This content has been removed.

wheninrome627 · January 2015

lakingsfan2015 said:

wheninrome627 said:

aesur said:
I offered to help with the food, drinks, and dessert. But still all I got in response was a link on baby shower etiquette.

Maybe I will just stay quiet the rest of the time so that there is no more conflict.
Don't you know better than to ask a question around here? You need to be a part of the cool kids to get a response that doesn't rip you apart. Geez, get with it!

Yet you didn't offer any advice at all!

You wanted advice? Don't eat yellow snow.

sml72978 · January 2015

Maybe she's just trying to educate you on baby shower etiquette, its nice of her to throw the shower for you and she probably feels like you are downing it and not appreciative. Quite honestly if I were you I would eat what you want before going, then go and have a good time.

babyas15 · January 2015

Thank you for the suggestion. I think going with a full belly is a good idea.

wsaunders85 · January 2015

I would be grateful that someone was spending their time and money to throw me a shower and I would eat whatever they were serving dispite it sounding "icky" (or whatever 3rd grade discription you used). You're not an angel princess, you're pregnant. Be thankful for whatever people are willing to do for you.

smurf605 · January 2015

That does sound odd that they wouldn't go with your favorite desserts etc. But it sounds like you approached it wrong based on the response of getting a text sent to you. I would just let the host know that you are so excited and that you are sure that the party will be great next time you speak with them. And go with a full stomach before the party

I'm sure you will have a great time regardless of what dessert is served.

smurf605 · January 2015

Sorry to hear about your MIL @GFJ48. Every shower that I have thrown, I have paid attention to what the bride/future mom likes and tailored the menu to them (even co-workers/acquaintances). Same with the showers that have been thrown for me or family members. Sorry you don't have that person thinking about you.

josim · January 2015

Wow. My parents taught me manners, so I would just be appreciative my friend would be willing to throw a shower for me. If I didn't like her choice of food, I'd eat it anyway because that's what you do when you're a guest.

After your reaction to her ideas, she was probably upset and insulted. I can only imagine your body language. Her boyfriend was probably disgusted at your behaviour he felt it necessary to send a link to shower etiquette.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

babyas15 · January 2015

All is good! I love how direct communication is the best. Complete misunderstanding on both of our sides.

What I learned today, is to not use these discussion boards to ask questions. There is a lot of negativity. However thank you to those who had positive suggestions.

I considered completely being off of this site, however realized that there are some people here who ask questions, that are in need of positive support. If I have something meaningful to respond to someone then that is when I will write a post.

Lezzie82 · January 2015

OK so here is my delllimma.

So I am busy being pregnant with baby number 2, first off no one in my stupid family even offered me a damn shower so I had to hint around to the point of just blatantly asking them: "Hey who is thrown me a shower???" Ugh, right?

So my aunt offers because my mom is a raging bitch that only thinks of herself... and I accept. Next thing I know she is showing me menus from caterers I have never even HEARD of. Um hello? This is my shower bitch, I know my tastes for god sakes. So I agree to some of her caters but secretly make taste testing appointments behind her back so I can make sure the food isn't gross, because honestly it all sounds disgusting. Well she found out and got all pissed off and said something about how I WAS BEING RUDE!!!! Bitch you're being rude, and your decoration suck.

Long story short, I kicked her out of the shower and told her she was no longer invited. I'll still let her throw it for me but I don't want her there. And I am picking out all of my own decorations because obviously she can't decorate for shit based on her atrocious food choices.

That's all. End of rant. I'm going to send DH out for some cheesecake and have him feed it to me while I take a nap.

jesslfar · January 2015

I thought this was a snark post at first. I am glad you resolved the situation OP, but while you can ask questions, the tone of the question was a bit entitled and put people off which is why you got the answers in the tone you did. If you had asked if it was ok to politely ask the host if they could serve a particular dish instead of another you might have had a thread with a different response because most people here thought the post sounded greedy and selfish judging from the responses.

babyas15 · January 2015

Now that I re-read my original post I can see how it was taken in the wrong way. The conclusions that were made by it is complete opposite of who I am. Some people made good points, but some of the points I don't think require the name calling, cursing, and put downs.

Lezzie82 · January 2015

aesur said:

Now that I re-read my original post I can see how it was taken in the wrong way. The conclusions that were made by it is complete opposite of who I am. Some people made good points, but some of the points I don't think require the name calling, cursing, and put downs.

But the swinging penises are totally cool.

jessicamaister · January 2015

Regardless of how ungrateful or stupid a post sounds, who talks to people like this?

GFJ48 said:
Oh fucking awesome another stupid fucking baby shower thread.

Don't like what they're serving? Too fucking bad. Either eat it or don't but shut the fuck up about it and don't be so fucking ungrateful.

Go to your shower, slap a fucking smile on your face & act like you're enjoying every fucking minute of it.

josim · January 2015

jessicamaister said:

Regardless of how ungrateful or stupid a post sounds, who talks to people like this?
Oh fucking awesome another stupid fucking baby shower thread. Don't like what they're serving? Too fucking bad. Either eat it or don't but shut the fuck up about it and don't be so fucking ungrateful. Go to your shower, slap a fucking smile on your face & act like you're enjoying every fucking minute of it.

People who tell the fucking truth.

sb184 · January 2015

I would not bring your own food as that would be rude. You shouldn't have a say in any part of the shower and just act appreciated for everything that is done regardless of how you really feel. It do think it was rude of her to send you the link instead of just talk to you about her feelings, but she is right. You have no say and shouldn't give any suggestions. Even if someone ask me I just say "whatever is most convenient for you and whatever you want and I'm sure it will be lovely".

HSTeacherHeidi · January 2015

Lezzie82 said:
OK so here is my delllimma.

So I am busy being pregnant with baby number 2, first off no one in my stupid family even offered me a damn shower so I had to hint around to the point of just blatantly asking them: "Hey who is thrown me a shower???" Ugh, right?

So my aunt offers because my mom is a raging bitch that only thinks of herself... and I accept. Next thing I know she is showing me menus from caterers I have never even HEARD of. Um hello? This is my shower bitch, I know my tastes for god sakes. So I agree to some of her caters but secretly make taste testing appointments behind her back so I can make sure the food isn't gross, because honestly it all sounds disgusting. Well she found out and got all pissed off and said something about how I WAS BEING RUDE!!!! Bitch you're being rude, and your decoration suck.

Long story short, I kicked her out of the shower and told her she was no longer invited. I'll still let her throw it for me but I don't want her there. And I am picking out all of my own decorations because obviously she can't decorate for shit based on her atrocious food choices.

That's all. End of rant. I'm going to send DH out for some cheesecake and have him feed it to me while I take a nap.

This is a joke, right?

Must be...we are talking about baby 2? Picky about food? Letting someone throw your shower but not let them come?

Ballet80 · January 2015

I have two friends throwing me a shower. They have not asked me anything about theme, food, etc. I will not request anything or suggest they do anything for me. I am thankful for what they are doing and trust them to handle everything. Even if they do have food that I don't like, I will just not eat it and say nothing. It's just how you are supposed to handle things when someone is doing something out of kindness for you.

alesira · January 2015

I think you should of course appreciate that they're throwing the shower for you....but it is for you. So maybe you can find a way to say that you will take a casserole just to help out. I don't see anything wrong with wanting some food that you like. And sorry that you've gotten not so nice responses, hope you have a great time at your baby shower:)

blitzy23 · January 2015

I personally think it's bizzarre for people to throw a shower without asking the pregnant woman what she wants to eat!!! I guess I'm a serious brat, because I've made it extremely clear that I do not want a traditional shower with silly games and only women attending. I've also made it clear, that I only eat healthy food. Maybe people are talking shit behind my back, but they sure do seem happy to try to plan the party around my husband and my style and comfort levels.

supersarah77 · January 2015

I think that she shouldn't have asked your opinion if she didn't want to hear it. It seems like what she was really asking for was praise. The passive-aggressive etiquette link sent through someone else was childish.

That said, it's not really important what food is served and not worth potentially hurting feelings over it. It's a lot of work and pressure to throw someone a shower and I can see how that would be hurtful to her to have details she worked hard on criticized.

If it were me, I'd be the adult and reach out to her saying you got the etiquette text and ask if that was sent because she was hurt about you saying you don't like the food. She'll probably say yes, and then I'd apologize for hurting her feelings and express gratitude and excitement for her being so kind to throw you a shower. She can act like a passive-aggressive child, you can act like an adult and communicate directly.

a316b · January 2015

aesur said:

Thank you for the suggestion. I think going with a full belly is a good idea.

eating before you go is a good option, bringing some snacks.

Is it a shower at her home or at a restaurant? Not sure if there are price differences for offerings. Perhaps she's on a budget?

If you truly have an aversion to something on the menu, just avoid it that day.

If there are no other options and you really must have that food, You can text the person a few days before and say "I've been having a craving for ________ and have to eat it all the time! I'll bring some for everyone - how many people are you expecting? Can't wait, thanks for doing this!" Although prepare to be mocked well into the future about your food proclivities. My friends would tease me for all time if I tried that.

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