Late Term and Child Loss

Intro-- Long

Guess I'll jump on in with an official intro post. 

This is technically my second loss, I had a miscarriage almost 10 years ago in February of 2005 when I was 19 with my high school bf. I have worked through the grief of that loss, it was early in the 8-10 week range, and my husband and I (different guy than first loss) had been trying and found out the end of August that we were expecting our first child April 21st, 2015. We couldn't have been more ready or excited for this baby. Aside from some nasty MS in first tri everything was going well, strong heartbeat, appropriate growth at each appointment we were doing great. Went at 13 weeks for our NT scan, the physical scan looked perfect but our bloodwork came back saying we were at a 1 in 307 risk for trisomy 21. We were nervous but opted to get the Maternit21 blood test to look further into it because we did not want invasive testing done. The test came back that we were lowered to 1 in 10,000 risk so we thought great, in the clear now!

The day I got the blood test done I had my regular OB appointment the same day, that was 18 weeks. My normally low blood pressure was elevated and they took it probably 4 times in the office. I told my OB that I was nervous about what the results of the blood test would be so maybe thats why it was higher than normal. OB schedules a follow up to check BP again the following week. BP was still high so we were told that because I was before 20 weeks gestation they were going to classify me as chronic hypertensive as a result of pregnancy. I was to buy a BP cuff and monitor at home and if my pressures went above a certain threshold I was to call the office. Well one trip to the ER with BP 178/102 at 19 weeks got me landed on Labatolol to control BP and earned me a High Risk classification.

I kept getting told "you're still early" every week so we were trying not to worry too much. BP didn't go down on meds but didn't spike either and it wasn't so high that our doctors were afraid something bad would happen, they were more concerned about monitoring to make sure I didn't become pre-elcamptic. So our A/S went well at the perinatologist and because of the BP issues he also wanted to see us every 3 weeks to check baby's growth and bloodflow to and from the placenta to both me and LO. We had our next round of OB and perinatologist appointments on Tuesday 12/16 which was 22 weeks and everything looked good, LO was measuring a tiny bit small, but we were told it was only a day or two difference from what it should be so it wasn't cause for concern then and we would recheck at our appointment in 3 weeks. Friday 12/19 woke up at 6am choking because the uvula (punching bag thing in your throat) was very swollen, this had happened to me once before 3 years prior and we had raced to the ER they gave steroids to bring down the swelling and I was fine, this time being pregnant we called the OB first and he told us that if I was having trouble breathing to head to the ER so off we went.

The ER doctor ran his tests and was getting ready to discharge me but after consulting with my OB over the phone he ran an extra blood panel to check my liver enzymes which had been raised a couple of points when we had done my 24 hour urine check to get a baseline on protein and my kidney and liver functions the week of Thanksgiving so he wanted to recheck them. My platelet count came back slightly low and my liver enzymes came back slightly high so my OB wanted me admitted to L&D for observation and to recheck the 24 hour urine. Well, that didn't go well. The proteins in my urine had tripled but since I wasn't presenting with classic pre-eclampsia symptoms (headaches, blurry vision, nausea & vomiting) and my BP, while elevated, wasn't into a scary zone the doctors weren't entirely convinced it was pre-e. After reviewing my labs the high risk doctor came in Saturday night to tell us he felt it was pre-e and the only cure is delivery or I was going to get very sick. At that point we weren't too far from 24 weeks and viability so we were hoping to hold out until then, we wanted our baby to have a chance. The high risk doc didn't want us to wait more than 2 or 3 days to decide what we were going to do. We met with a NICU doctor to explain what the baby's odds would be and quality of life and she was blunt with us, if the baby even survived delivery odds were not in our favor at all. 

Sunday 12/21 we made the decision that we needed to induce labor I was already on Magnesium Sulfate to prevent seizures and my body wasn't handling it well as it was making me sick to my stomach. We met with our OB and asked if we had 24 hours to mentally prepare ourselves for what was to come and if he would tell us the sex of our baby (we were going to be Team Green but decided to save the delivery room moment for a child who would be able to survive). He agreed it would be ok to wait until Monday morning to start the induction and checked out records (the blood test we had done for Trisomy 21 told us the sex) and told us we were having a little boy. My next set of labs came in 10 minutes later and the OB came back in "I'm so sorry, we can't wait we need to induce today". 

Our world was shattered. We asked to be hooked up to the fetal heart monitor one more time to hear our sweet little boy for the last time. His heart rate had always been strong and in the upper 140s-150s, it had dropped down to 92-102. We recorded his heartbeat and gave him his name, Noah Gabriel, and went to start induction. They started me on medicine to soften and dilate my cervix but within 3 hours they realized I wasn't progressing fast enough and my labs just kept getting worse (they were still drawing blood every 3 hours) they used a catheter in my cervix to speed up the process too. This was when they told us that my pre-elampsia had escalated into HELLP syndrome and if they couldn't get Noah delivered quickly enough I'd be headed to the ICU. What they didn't tell us until afterwards was that my liver enzymes were elevated to almost 600 (normal is between 60-80) and my platelet count had plummeted to 30,000, they have to start transfusions at 20,000. Because my platelets were so low they couldn't give me an epidural because I would have started to bleed out from it which is also why they didn't want to do a C-section. 

I delivered my beautiful son Noah Gabriel at 2:42am on Monday 12/22/14. He was 10 1/2 inches and 3/4 of a pound. He was as the doctors had predicted, stillborn. We got to hold him, have him baptized and take lots of pictures. We were able to keep him in our room with us until Tuesday when the funeral home picked him up for cremation. I remained in the hospital until Christmas Day when I was finally stable enough to leave. 

I miss him every second of every day and now we are in the process of planning his memorial service. 
Noah Gabriel due:4/21/15 born sleeping 12/22/14

Hoping for a Rainbow in 2016

Re: Intro-- Long

  • He was born at 22w6d... can't believe I forgot to put that...
    Noah Gabriel due:4/21/15 born sleeping 12/22/14

    Hoping for a Rainbow in 2016
  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Noah. I'm glad you got to spend time with him and will have pictures of him.
    Abigail Grace 9/7/10
    Nathaniel Willis born sleeping 2/6/14
    Felicity Hope 4/6/15

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  • I'm so sorry you lost Noah. I'm glad you came out of delivery healthy, but understand that's not a consolation when your son didn't.

    I wish you didn't have to find this group, it's not a group anyone wants to be a part of. But please lean on the ladies here as much as you need to, they're amazing.
  • I am so sorry for your loss of Noah.  I'm so glad that you're physically okay but it breaks my heart that you lost Noah.  We're here for you; please let us support you in whatver way you need.
    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
    October 2011 - DS (7)  <3 
    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
    August 2015 - DD (3)  <3 
    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

  • Thank you ladies for all your kind words. It means so much just to see people using his name, I'm so scared people will either forget him completely or be too afraid to say his name.
    Noah Gabriel due:4/21/15 born sleeping 12/22/14

    Hoping for a Rainbow in 2016
  • I am so sorry for your son Noah. I completely empathize with your fear that people will forget your child. Our son was stillborn at 39 weeks last year on Christmas Day. Having just passed the one year mark, I can tell you that I've been so surprised by the compassion and thoughtfulness of friends and family who took a moment to wish our son a happy 1st birthday, including ladies from this group!

    This is definitely a wonderfully supportive community and we will help you remember and honor Noah.
  • ***TICKER WARNING***

     

     

     

     

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy Noah. Sending lots of T&Ps your guys way.

    Brooke Elizabeth born Feb 17, 2013 grew wings May 9, 2013 @ 11 weeks & 4 days old from SIDS

     

     

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  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Noah. My loss was very similar to yours. Everything was going smoothly except for SCH bleeding at 8 weeks and 14 weeks but baby had a strong heartbeat and my cervix was closed. Then my blood tests came back abnormal. I opted to the Verifi Test and that came back normal and after another A/S scan at 20 weeks, all they said was I needed extra monitoring to make sure my baby was growing properly. Two weeks later I'm in the hospital being diagnosed with severe pre-e with a placental abruption. My doctor said waiting was not an option.  

    I'm sorry you are part of this group but take comfort that you're not alone. Extra (((hugs))) for when you are planning Noah's memorial - it was the second hardest day of my life. 
    TTC since August 2013 BFP #1 1/15/14...MMC 2/24/14...D&C 3/3/14 BFP #2 5/11/14 ... severe pre-e placental abruption our angel born sleeping at 22 weeks Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I am so sorry for your loss. Noah is a precious child and will be remembered forever. God bless you as you move through healing. Hugs!
  • ***siggy warning

    I am so, so sorry for the loss of your sweet Noah. ((big hugs)))

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  • I am so sorry for the loss of your son Noah Gabriel. Such a great name! I'm sorry for the experience you had, but glad you were able to cherish some time with your son after his delivery. This is a great board with amazing women who have really helped me and I hope we can help you. Lean on us when you need.
  • **ticker warning**

    I am so sorry for the loss of your son.  I lost my twins (under different circumstances) around the same gestational age - 22 and 4. I know you will find love and support here - these ladies are amazing.  Please let us know if you need anything.  My thoughts and prayers are with you. 
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    I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet son Noah. Please be kind to yourself in the coming months. Our daughter was stillborn at 22 weeks 2 days. Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference for us but I know how maddening it is, and what a seemingly sick joke it is by the universe to be so close to viability but not close enough. Big hugs to you mama, and remember it's OK to not be ok.
    Lilypie - (fm2j)

    Lilypie - (YesX)

     My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks.  Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!

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  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Noah. Big hugs to you. I hope you can find some comfort here.
  • I am so sorry for your loss of Noah. No one wants to join this group and I'm sorry you're here. I think we all fear our children being forgotten, and for me, I feel that the more I talk about my son and include him in my life and our home and our family, the more other people talk about him and feel able to do the same. Mothering an angel baby is very different than mothering a living child. ((Hugs))
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    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Noah. I'm so glad you got to spend so much time with him after he passed, that is one of my biggest regrets. Thank you for sharing your story and I pray you find support and strength here!
  • Big hugs to you and your family. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Noah.
    Married my rock - April 29, 2011
    BFP - June 4, 2011 EDD February 3, 2012
    Super T born @ 37 weeks - January 13, 2012
    Super T diagnosed with stage IV high risk Neuroblastoma nmyc-amp - January 2, 2013
    Super T cancer free - June 19, 2013
    Super T relapsed - January 2, 2014
    Super T earned his angel wings - January 3, 2014
     
    TTC for #2 beginning November 2014
    BFP #2 - Chemical Pregnancy - Confirmed May 29, 2015
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    Femera Cycle #2 - BFN
    Femera Cycle #3 - BFP 11/10/15 - EDD 07/14/16
     
     
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  • I'm so sorry for both of your losses. I'm glad that you found this board. These ladies have helped me at some dark times.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • ** siggy warning ** I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart dropped reading your story because my experience was very similar. My kidneys and liver were failing because I rapidly developed Acute Fatty Liver right at the end of my first pregnancy. I also had a quick induction with no epidural. It's so scary and heartbreaking at the same time. Welcome to the board... It's hard to read these stories, but I found it so helpful to connect with others who know how I feel. Thinking of you and your sweet boy.

    first son stillborn 7/20/13 at 39 weeks due to Acute Fatty Liver of Pregnancy
    It's a girl! Baby Anna was born August 3, 2014!

     
  • Thank you ladies for all of your kind words. It means a lot to me to be in a community where people understand and don't judge you for being sad and angry over your loss and don't just say "Its all part of God's plan..." and sweep your feelings under the rug.
    Noah Gabriel due:4/21/15 born sleeping 12/22/14

    Hoping for a Rainbow in 2016
  • I am so sorry for the loss of your son Noah Gabriel. What a beautiful name! I hope you continue to find comfort during this difficult journey ((hugs))
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