S/O: College at 17 and 18

rubber_chicken · January 2015

Spinning off from the redshirting debate below...

Some posters noted that they didn't want their kids to go to college until 18. I'm wondering what people think of a gap year?

My husband and I both went away to college at 18, and both agree we do NOT want our daughter going to college right after high school. We will encourage her to work and travel and explore and go at 20. We've seen almost everyone we know in their 30s struggle with college debt and with unhappiness in their careers (including ourselves) to the point that we feel college is wasted on the young. We didn't know what we really wanted to do at 18, because we didn't really know what the options were. We have multiple friends now going back for second bachelors so they can get into nursing and pharmacy etc. I have a brother who has a bachelors degree and then decided he wanted to be an electrician -- didn't need college loans for that!

We were both taught that college is for finding yourself, but it turned out to be a really damned expensive way to do that for us (still paying off loans). We'd rather she waited, then went to school when she knows to what purpose. Our hope is if she waits, she'll go when she's older, wiser, less inclined to party and more inclined to value the opportunities and knowledge available to her.

Anyone agree? Disagree?

jasminelorraine20 · January 2015

I can't speak from College perspective, but I can speak from a little experience after joining the Air Force right out of HS and attending college for free. The plan was for me to attend college fresh out of HS at 18, but looking back I realize how horrible of a decision that would've been. There was a 25 year old that joined a year after I did and he said his main reason was to pay off student loans and that he wished he would've joined or took a break before attending college. My sister also joined the Air Force, completed her 4 years, and then got out and went to college and she too appreciates that she waited and is now experiencing college as a more mature woman. I see where you are coming from and I can see how it would benefit waiting a few years.

Mustardseed2007 · January 2015

This is interesting. I can see it for a lot of people but I have a hard time with the idea. Maybe if I thought about it more.

I knew what I wanted to be in HS. And I knew that I might change my mind so I picked a major I could live off of if I didn't go to grad school. And I took mostly general credit stuff my first year in case I changed my mind again.

I graduated college in 4 years. Worked to earn money for 1 year. And then went to law school. It was all very according to plan. The only thing that's a little different is the area of law I'm in, I really wouldn't have guessed that.

Since most people aren't like that, though, I can see this as being a good plan. I know when my H graduated college after 6 years with a degree in English, he had know idea what he wanted to do.

itsmevkb · January 2015

I was 17 when I started college and other than my friends always being older I don't think it was really an issue.

Although I'm not opposed to taking a year or two off, I'm not quite sure that there is THAT big of a difference between 18 and 20 and knowing what you want to pursue as a career. Most of the people I know who decided to switch careers did so in their 30s and 40s so I'm not sure just a year or two delay in going to college would have helped that any. Sometimes you don't realize you're in the wrong career until you're in it and it's not like a gap year changes that as you won't have the qualifications to go work in the field you're considering entering.

Right now I'm more interested in encouraging my kids to go into whatever field interests them vs pushing college college college on them. If they want to be plumbers then have at it and it won't bother me a bit that they don't pursue a traditional, four-year degree. That, and telling them to delay marriage until they have really experienced life on their own and have really matured into an adult.

KayteeGee · January 2015

I like the concept of a gap year if it is targeted. I like it a lot. It wasn't something I had even heard about until recently but I would totally encourage my kids to do this, especially if it's something like an extended cross cultural experience.
I also love the idea of just pushing the "find what you're interested in" though I can't say I'll follow through with it. For one of my brothers that turned out to be "being a bartender" which he is, albeit, quite good at, though he is now in his mid/late 30s and currently unemployed and I am in constant worry that I will have to support him in old age. I wish he had gone to college. Though as I type it I don't think it would have made a difference. Ok. Clearly I have some thinking to do. Lucky I have 12 years to think.

KayteeGee · January 2015

Tangentially related ...
How did you "know what you wanted to be" ?
I stumbled into my career and got SUPER lucky. TBH there are a bunch of real careers I didn't even really know about ... how will you expose your kids to "the world of work" outside your circle?

DiveFrog · January 2015

My belief it is totally dependent on the kid. Personally, I was very ready for college. I turned 18 a month before I started. I was a kid who knew where I was headed and what I needed to do to get there. Sure I hadn't made my mind up exactly....I was undecided between engineering and biology, but it really only took my freshman year to get that decided. I have always been mature for my age, responsible, and an introvert. The party scene was never a draw for me. My parents had high expectations regarding me and my brother taking care of ourselves prior to us being 18. Therefore, I didn't have some kind of huge "I'm free!!, I get to call the shots" kind of reaction to being at college.

My brother was definitely NOT ready for college after HS. School is not where he excelled, he didn't see the benefit, he is a total extrovert and thoroughly enjoyed partying and living it up in his late teens/early 20's. He joined the military at 18 and didn't start to attend college until he was 24. It was the right decision for him.

My job as a parent is to prepare and guide my child. Dh and I will do our best to make sure she is prepared to attend college when she graduates HS, while at the same time guiding her to make the best decisions for herself based on the person she is at that time. Be that a "gap year", or travel, or job/apprenticeship/internship, or attending college.

DiveFrog · January 2015

KayteeGee said:
Tangentially related ...
How did you "know what you wanted to be" ?
I stumbled into my career and got SUPER lucky. TBH there are a bunch of real careers I didn't even really know about ... how will you expose your kids to "the world of work" outside your circle?

I had observant parents, and parents that exposed me to a TON of different activities to expose where my natural talent and interest lay. My Mom enrolling me in a robotics class when I was 8, and noticing I liked to build things...my Dad teaching me to use tools and taking me on factory tours. Neither one of them worked in a STEM field or excelled in STEM study when they were students, but they recognized and nutured my skills and interest. They talked about different careers frequently with me growing up. By the time I hit HS I had it narrowed down to basically 3-4 careers I was considering...and by the time I entered college that was down to 2.

dglvrk2 · January 2015

I agree with many PPs that the best post high school option totally depends on the student/child in question.

My girls are still very young - 1 and 3. The plan right now is to encourage them to do what we (parents) and they feel is right for them -trade school, university, foreign exchange, etc. - when they reach this stage of their lives.

I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do at 18, when I graduated high school and started college. All careers I considered - teacher, veterinarian, and social worker - required college and graduate degrees, so I knew i should start college sooner rather than later. I also needed some quasi -independence and to get away from my hometown. College offered these opportunities. I probably would have done better academically had I put off college for a year or two, but, socially, it was the right move. My only real regret was not investigating and fully understanding the costs involved in attending a four year college.

I was given a few post high school options from my parents: out of state college, local college or foreign exchange. I hope to help my daughters explore even more meaningful options and thoroughly educate them about costs and benefits -financial, social etc- of each.

kmh2201 · January 2015

KayteeGee said:

Tangentially related ...
How did you "know what you wanted to be" ?
I stumbled into my career and got SUPER lucky. TBH there are a bunch of real careers I didn't even really know about ... how will you expose your kids to "the world of work" outside your circle?

We're going to encourage our kids to job shadow. I would hope by the time they're in middle school or early high school, we'll have a good idea of what their talents/areas of strength are, as well as some potential areas of interest. If we can't job shadow all jobs, I would think we could find websites that would provide a realistic job preview for them to consider.

snicksnack · January 2015

If my kids don't know what they want to major in I am going to push for either community college or military. The military is a great way to see the world, learn etc... And community college is an inexpensive way To get gen eds out of the way. If my kids want to work and do a gap year they will have to pay rent. May sound harsh but we have their college covered and if they are clueless I want them to learn about the real world. They would not know this but as long as we are good financially I would bank the rent and give it to them when they buy
Their first house.

potbellypig · January 2015

Personally....nope not into the gap year thing. I had to take a few random courses to discover what I wanted to pursue as a career, and I doubt a gap year would have helped with that since I needed to take those some of those classes to see that I didn't want a degree in actuarial studies (for example). I will encourage my kids do pursue whatever field they want to regardless of college/university/trade etc.

nosoup4u · January 2015

I wish I had worked and gone to community college for gen eds the first year after college. I wasn't quite ready for all of it, and tho I did adjust, I think I would have screwed around less if I was a little bit older when I started. It took me five years anyway, bc I really enjoyed the social aspects of school a bit too much! I think as long as my kids have a set plan (and it's not a year of lounging around), I would be okay w them having a gap year.

teeveemom · January 2015

Personally, I think a gap year is a horrible idea. I went to college at 17 and being that I was always the youngest in my grade, maturity really didn't make a difference by that point. I think gap years make it that much harder to get into a reputable school. You'd have to explain it away and I think it'd make you sound immature or irresponsible to admissions. Four years is plenty of time to figure out what you want to major in - there's no excuse.

litzo27 · January 2015

I would only allow a gap year if they got into a good school and were able to get a deferment to start a year later. But I think unless the kid is totally clueless or just not ready for college in general a gap year is not going to bring much other than just fun experiences (and the latter can be a credible goal in itself). What's the likelihood they will find their "passion" that can actually be translated into a career while backpacking through Europe or working in a coffee shop? Zilch IMO.

BabyHope2013 · January 2015

I would not encourage my son to do a gap year. I probably say this mainly because I work at a university and so closely with college students. From an admissions standpoint, like a PP said---you may need to explain exactly what you did with your time. And while college is very different than what high school is--I would be concerned that taking a year off would give him time to unlearn the good habits of things like time management and study skills that would create a tougher transition into college. Most of his classmates, especially that first year or two will often be fresh out of high school so I would worry how well he would connect with them---this could mean not being able to form a study group or even getting depressed not having friendships while away from home.

Lastly, if you do a gap year, you will often put yourself out of place for competitive merit scholarships at a university. Much of the funding is available for traditional high school graduates---and by taking a gap year, he could lose out on these opportunities. One way to try and get around this would be to apply as a senior to college and then ask for a deferment for a year. We do this at my school---but only when they are taking a cultural trip/study abroad like experience or have medical reasons why they cannot begin for the term they applied for.

I am all about DS finding his passion when he grows up--but I think that there are many ways to do that while staying in college/trade school. I totally don't plan on being an overbearing parent--I want him to find his own way, but I have just watched other students for years make mistakes that held them back. On average, most students can't even complete a bachelors degree in four years unless they go year round. I just want him to set himself up for success and to be able to start his career, family or even a post-graduate degree in a timely fashion.

itsmevkb · January 2015

KayteeGee said:

Tangentially related ...
How did you "know what you wanted to be" ?
I stumbled into my career and got SUPER lucky. TBH there are a bunch of real careers I didn't even really know about ... how will you expose your kids to "the world of work" outside your circle?

From a very early age I wanted to be a teacher. I never changed in that desire UNTIL my last semester of college when I was a full-time student teacher. It just wasn't quite what I thought it would be and so after I graduated I didn't pursue a teaching career and instead worked at a shoe store and thought gee, what should I do now. I thought about pursuing a career as a college professor or an attorney but couldn't afford grad or law school so I settled on going back to school to become a paralegal which eventually led to the job I have now which is a great mix of law and also teaching and training which satisfies my long held desire to teach.

As my husband and I both have greater interests in things like history, news, literature, etc. and not so much science and math I've been trying to sign our oldest two up for camps focusing more on STEM activities so that they can see the fun side of those subjects. My oldest says he wants to be a geologist so he's clearly not following in our footsteps.

I'm not sure how to go about exposing them to trades like welding but figure that is something that hopefully they will get exposed to just through helping with projects around the house - not welding but things like plumbing, electricity, construction.

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