Dr made me so upset

rkishton · January 2015

Hello.. Let me start out with this is my 3 rd pregnancy and yes I am overweight. I am not severely so and I knew going into this pregnancy I wasn't where I wanted to be with my weight. I've been eating healthy options and trying to break bad habits.. But when I went for my FIRST appt with the new midwife... She gave me a calorie count and told me if I lose weight she won't be upset. I guess not how I wanted the experience with her to begin. Has anyone else had this happen? I just feel disgusting now:(

LilPez · January 2015

I have no experience or advice, but I'm sorry your first appointment didn't go as planned. Try not to let it bother you, I know, easier said then done. Your growing a little human, just take care of yourself and you'll be fine!

Princessn678 · January 2015

I was very surprised my dr didn't mention it to me at all. But I am trying to be more careful with my choices

Princessn678 · January 2015

Sorry it didn't go the way you had hoped

CaliforniaDream87 · January 2015

I'm sorry that what the Dr. said bothered you however it is your OBGYN's job to look out for your health while pregnant with this baby. Try to take what she said and apply it as best as you can.

pmcd886 · January 2015

If you are unhappy with the way your appointment went and how she approached this, I would suggest finding a new MW. There is no reason for you to feel like this your entire pregnancy. If the way she approached this made you uncomfortable, which it seems is the case, it is ok to see someone else. I think chances are there will be other things that she approaches in ways that you are not comfortable with. I think finding a doctor/MW that you are comfortable with is extremely important. Would you be less likely to bring up a weight related concern because of the way you feel now? If the answer is yes, definitely check out another option. GL.

Edit: It is your caregivers job to worry about your health, but different people have different approaches.

jessyluscious77 · January 2015

At my last appointment my doctor referred to me (to my face) as a "bigger girl" at least 18 times. All I kept thinking was why does he keep saying that?! Obviously, I'm aware that I'm plus sized! I wasn't even phased the first time he said it, after probably the third time, I started getting pissed! I mean seriously, was it really necessary to repeat that over and over? Wtf!

2dumbdogs · January 2015

AliaM20 said:
Hasn't happened to me, but if you're not happy with the care your provider is giving, maybe you should find a new midwife?

This. So many people are mistreated by their doctors. You don't have to be! Find one you will be comfortable with and who will be respectful of you.

ChristyM87 · January 2015

KirianaTi said:
Now that I'm thinking about it, is there really a "good way" for a doctor to tell you to watch your weight? I struggled with mine for years and finally got it normal before I got pregnant, but before that I remember constantly being told my weight was bad, etc.

There has to be. But I have no insight into an answer. My husband hates going to the doctor because he is told he should loose weight every time he goes

jessandandy09 · January 2015

Find a new doctor/midwife. You are paying for a service and you do not need to be treated that way. From what I have been told, you should never try to lose weight during pregnancy, only maintain or minimize gain.

For the record, I had a Dr. (when not overweight) sit and lecture me over and over about what I could eat and not eat during pregnancy. I was 6 weeks pregnant and she point blank asked what I ate for breakfast before my appointment and I (mother of an 8 yr old and 6 yr old) told her I had a piece of cold pepperoni pizza. She told me, word for word "NO, you no eat pizza anymore. You go buy Kashi go-lean and eat for breakfast every day." "You must be healthy during pregnancy and pizza is fattening." I was pretty pissed. She then treated me like crap when I had my miscarriage. She is not my Dr. anymore and I love to tell everyone what a bitch she was.

Go to someone else.

Starynightsky24 · January 2015

. I'm sorry you had a bad experience. Keep in mind though, that weight CAN be a cause for concern during pregnancy. Which is why it is so closely monitored. It is her job to say that. Otherwise further issues can be blamed on her. Not to say she couldn't have said it nicer though

.

divinemsbee · January 2015

I think it's all about whether your weight is affecting your health. I love my doctor, in part because of the way she deals with my weight. I'm overweight now, but I dealt with disordered eating for years. A lot of things are triggering to me. She'd like me to lose some weight, it would be healthier for my body to carry less fat. But, my cholesterol is fantastic, my blood pressure is spot on, and my A1c is normal, and my thyroid is fine. Health-wise, I am both overweight and healthy. So she told me that ideally she wouldn't like me to gain more than 10-15 lbs (which is what I've read is normal), but she speaks to me in a very respectful way.

hsabyan · January 2015

KirianaTi said:
Now that I'm thinking about it, is there really a "good way" for a doctor to tell you to watch your weight? I struggled with mine for years and finally got it normal before I got pregnant, but before that I remember constantly being told my weight was bad, etc.

I am overweight. My doctor recommended that I work on only gaining 10-15 pounds through my pregnancy and gave me resources on the types of foods I should eat. She never used the word obese, overweight, fat, or plus sized. There wasn't a negative undertone to the information. She showed me a chart where my BMI fell and gave me the recommendation. There is a tactful way to present information. It mostly involves not assuming the person has no idea they're overweight.
OP- please give it a thought as to whether you were being overly sensitive and if you decide that your MW was being insensitive- find someone else. If you feel negatively judged your provider, you're not going to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and the dignity-stealing moments that are to come. Those are awkward enough...

aelias6617 · January 2015

divinemsbee said:

I think it's all about whether your weight is affecting your health. I love my doctor, in part because of the way she deals with my weight. I'm overweight now, but I dealt with disordered eating for years. A lot of things are triggering to me. She'd like me to lose some weight, it would be healthier for my body to carry less fat. But, my cholesterol is fantastic, my blood pressure is spot on, and my A1c is normal, and my thyroid is fine. Health-wise, I am both overweight and healthy. So she told me that ideally she wouldn't like me to gain more than 10-15 lbs (which is what I've read is normal), but she speaks to me in a very respectful way.

This. If your provider is unable to differentiate between weight and other health problems, that's a warning sign. More than likely, you know what you should be doing: 1) making good food choices, 2) getting enough activity. Work on doing those better, and worry less about the number on the scale.

In the last few weeks of my last pregnancy, I put on about 10lbs pretty quickly. I was horrified, and asked my midwife if it could be water weight. She was very matter of fact about it: "Well, have you been eating enough to gain 10lbs in two weeks? No? Then it's probably water weight." And it totally was.

Finally, you shouldn't give anyone the power to make you feel "disgusting" about your body. You're growing a child! It's a wonderful, beautiful thing! Work on making good choices, and be kind to yourself.

nlstrang · January 2015

Your doctor's responsibility is treating you and helping you to deliver a healthy baby. Although you may not appreciate the way she spoke with you, it is important to remember that pregnancy is not a free-for-all to eat whatever we want. Even if you started off with a normal BMI, your doctor would not want you to eat everything in sight. Many women who are overweight are told not to gain any weight at all and although that may sound cruel to a pregnant woman, it is for the health of both you and your baby.

emmacake08 · January 2015

Agree with PP. My practice is a group of midwives with an OB and if you have weight issues (usually more to do with rapid gaining scaled to your starting weight) then they schedule an appointment with an in house dietician. I'm overweight and I remember reading an article where the author said no one has to tell me I'm overweight, I live it each day. I always think about that and how some people don't understand perspectives and tact. She shouldn't have presented it to you that way. Maybe if she would have discussed lifestyle and goals for your health while pregnant instead. Obviously none of us want gestational diabetes or eclampsia, so health is very important. Maybe it was one bad appointment but if your next one leaves you feeling bad again, then I would switch practices. Sorry that appt sucked ::hugs::

skippinkate · January 2015

I'm also overweight (230 lbs at 5'2"). I absolutely dreaded going to my primary care to confirm pregnancy @4 weeks. she had talked to me about my weight the last several reg check ups and I hadn't had the will power to do much about it. When she confirmed that I was pregnant, she briefly discussed GD and told me it would be great if I could lose some weight. I couldn't have been more stressed, not because of her presentation, but just because being the fat girl feels pretty perpetually hopeless already, and losing weight is such an overwhelming task. Especially since the goal for me over the next few years is like 100 lbs. I don't think you are over sensitive for feeling bad. I don't think your doctor is wrong. It's just the nature of the issue in my experience. I hope your next appointment goes better.

princesslockness · January 2015

I agree with PP, just want to point out BMI isn't the end all be all of being overweight. I graduated high school at 180lbs. I was 5'6, but had only a 12% body fat. Yet my BMI put me at extremely obese for that time.
BMI is a great tool if you have the correct body type.
Edit words are hard.

LilMonster2 · January 2015

In all honesty, she was just doing her job. She is supposed to look out for you and baby. And really, there should be no time like the present to start thinking about it, rather than months down the line. I understand it can feel uncomfortable to talk about, however. I really think you should look at it as being happy with the care you are receiving - she brought it up instead of not talking about an uncomfortable topic.

puccagirl77 · January 2015

Well, my doctor did recommend that I not gain 50 lbs this time!

I love her anyway, but she no longer delivers. She suggested another doctor and all the reviews said that they tell patients that they are fat. No thanks! I found someone else!!!

cosplaymom · January 2015

i was ready to side with you based on the title of this post but after reading what happened I think it sounds like you are just upset because you didn't want to hear that you have to do something you don't want to do.

But I think it is okay to have that reaction and feel that way.
Counting calories sucks. Being reminded that you could stand to lose a few pounds sucks. I don't want to hear that either.

Bottom line? Suck it up. You can handle it.

I think it is awesome that you have a medical caregiver who is willing to give you the hard truth. Don't settle for wishy-washy docs who spoon feed you only what you want to hear. Follow up on it and get some nutritional help. Learn what you can do to keep your baby healthy but improve your own health too. It will all be worth it in the end.

AuroraUK · January 2015

KirianaTi said:
Now that I'm thinking about it, is there really a "good way" for a doctor to tell you to watch your weight? I struggled with mine for years and finally got it normal before I got pregnant, but before that I remember constantly being told my weight was bad, etc.

True, I've put on weight recently but my midwife said I need to put on more because I'm under the average BMI for my height etc. That annoyed me tbh as I feel massive already & I don't want to eat loads. So there's probably no good way of mentioning weight issues to anyone.
Although.. If the MW or Dr repeats the same thing over and over again, say it back to them slowly & clearly so they get that you heard them the first time.

kcebeling · January 2015

2dumbdogs said:

Hasn't happened to me, but if you're not happy with the care your provider is giving, maybe you should find a new midwife?
This. So many people are mistreated by their doctors. You don't have to be! Find one you will be comfortable with and who will be respectful of you.

RANT--proceed with caution--Let's not confuse poor quality care and patient mistreatment with a midwife giving a pregnant patient legit health information. It is likely that she has a much more assertive personality than you and told you like it is...that being very overweight isn't healthy--and now that you're BOTH responsible for you and the health of your baby, she wants you to take it seriously. Personal responsibility is hard and so is self-control...so imagine how hard it is for your midwife to see you after having countless other overweight patients who have likely had complications that she had to manage because they couldn't properly manage themselves. Furthermore, she may have tried to weed you out with her delivery so she doesn't have to deal with a patient who doesn't take her professional advice and opinion seriously. Andplusalso, I used to be fat...but after my overweight dad died of a massive hearer attack while I administered CPR to him, I decided that I needed to get a hold of myself. Reality is hard sometimes. Sorry you didn't get the rainbow and glitter pass from your healthcare provider. You're lucky you found someone who takes science and data seriously. Tough it out and stick with her. She will be good for you.

dkizz82 · January 2015

I'm overweight and was surprised my doctor didn't get on to me. He just said to start making healthier choices. Tried to scare me with diabetes and high blood pressure. Now that I'm nearing my 2nd trimester It's getting easier to healthy foods. Hopefully I'll just gain slowly.

jeremiah3019 · January 2015

I can relate...my doctor told me to "take a chill pill" when I asked about the baby after the U/S at 7 weeks.... I had 3 missed miscarriages before for goodness sake!! I'm sticking with her until the second trimester because she is an high-risk and truly knows her stuff...but boy that made me feel belittled. Now I feel I need to fake that I am at peace with everything when I am really not. Doctors can be so unsensitive.

shmarpler · February 2015

I think I would look for another provider. I think I would have a hard time asking questions of someone who made me feel so puny. I fully expected to be scolded when I admitted to eating Ramen noodles as often as I did (for a few weeks it was the only thing I could stomach). Instead, she told me that my body needed crabs and sodium, and suggested a healthier alternative. I was so relieved!

bashfulbird · February 2015

I'm sorry you were treated this way. I am also over weight, according to my charts at home, I was obese on the very first appt. I was not however told to lose weight. I was told a reasonable goal to gain was 15lbs through the whole pregnancy. I have been tracking using a goal range I found online for my height, weight and the fact that I am pregnant. It is 2100-2300 and it is hard for me to consume that much in a day because I have been telling myself to eat 1500-1800 for the last year.

astreetx3 · February 2015

Im overweight too, when i went to my first appointment with my midwife and she brought up that she'd really like for me to gain no more than 20 lbs, Its for the babys sake. I asked her if it was safe if i lost weight and she said "you could lose 100 lbs and id be happy" i just laughed lol, i think im just secure in myself and in how i look that it really didnt bother me. I still continue to see her, we actually have a good relationship. I think youre just overreacting to it honestly, shes thinking about yours and the baby's health and your weight DOES play as a factor in that..

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