Am I wrong for this

scharle3 · January 2015

I really want to help decorate my shower, bc I want a sports thing and I'm on Pinterest like everyday looking at these things. But would it be rude or not

etiquette like to help my friend decorate the shower. My mom and sister in law are actually hosting it, but I want to help decorate and make things for it. Help please and any advice.

coaster102516 · January 2015

You can offer to help decorate but they may decline help and you will have to respect that. I would seriously bet that they will not let you help decorate for your own shower. If they ask for ideas/suggestions, it would then be appropriate for you to mention the sports theme you love and offer to show them a few pictures.

Remember, they are hosting this shower for you and that means they have control over it. You have this idea built up in your head but you may have to come to terms that this isn't how it will go.

scharle3 · January 2015

I personally don't think they will decline, because No. 1 It's my mom and No 2 if it were up to my sis in law, she has no idea about decorating at all, she didn't even have deco at her son's bday party, I bought the decor for him, because I wanted him to feel special and feel like a birthday party. For my bridal shower I had to do the decor bc people would have just showed up to give gifts play game with no decor. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but she doesn't have money like that to buy decor, plus my mom is going to pay for everything, bc my sis in law has 3 kids and she wouldn't let her spend money on for the shower like that. It is an honor that my family are hosting the shower, but if they are unfamiliar with hosting and such for showers, I think they wouldn't mind me helping decorate.

Plus if its at my HOUSE, why not be involved....

VOR · January 2015

I agree with MandJS. You can offer and if they accept, great. But if htey don't, let it go.

Plus, I'm going to say - for your focus on decor... of pretty much ANY party I've ever been to, I couldn't tell you what decorations they had (or didn't have). Maybe if there was nothing, I might notice. But.... maybe I wouldn't.

My point- don't make this a bigger deal than it really is. What people remember is good food and good company. ALL the rest of it really falls to the wayside. Decorations, themes, invitations- this isn't the stuff people remember.

scharle3 · January 2015

Thanks for the response. I will do what I feel and discuss with my MOM who is the hostess.

scharle3 · January 2015

I just want to know poeple opnions, that doesn't neccearily mean I'm going to go with what OTHER poeple say....thats the whole point is to see what other people say and go from there.... @ManJS. But like I said thanks for the opinions.

@Idani.... I"m not that rude of a person and not a brat, but I do like what I like.

scharle3 · January 2015

I have a question. What's the different between throwing your shower than helping out with the planning and decor?

Whitfry · January 2015

scharle3 said:
I have a question. What's the different between throwing your shower than helping out with the planning and decor?

The amount of stuff you pay for yourself?

VOR · January 2015

scharle3 said:

I have a question. What's the different between throwing your shower than helping out with the planning and decor?

Well, it's a fine line. That's why many people say you shouldn't help at all outside of supplying a guest list and dates that work for you.

But the ultimate difference is whether you've had someone else say "hey- i want to throw your a shower" or you said "Eh- I'll just throw myself a shower". As long as someone else is ultimately spear heading the planning and what not, I don't have a big issue w/ a MTB helping. Everyone's circumstances are different and I can respect that.

scharle3 · January 2015

@Whitfry...I won't be paying for anything....just helping with planning and decor (no money involved for me).

Thanks @VOR....I would not at all be spear heading the event, just supply the dates, helping with guest list, location (bc mom and sis in law live in differnt cities), and decor. She'll pay for it, but I'm picking out the decor or my friend who wants to do the decor will pay for decor.

Amstreagle · January 2015

You seem like a real peach.....

delujm0 · January 2015

I would just stay out of it...the guest of honor isn't really supposed to have anything to do with the planning of the party, and that includes decor.

I don't understand why the decor is so important? This isn't a wedding we're talking about. It's just a baby shower. They're supposed to be casual, low key hangouts with your closest friends and family. Not blowouts with decor budgets. The most decor I've really seen at a baby shower is an "it's a girl/boy" banner and a baby themed cake. This just isn't something to get worked up about. Let it go unless the host specifically asks you for input.

dufferoo · January 2015

Well, I didn't read all the replies here but I'm sure everybody told you it's gauche to step into the planning of your shower, BUT I do agree with you that it is really fun to plan parties, including decorating for them, and I'm sure there are a zillion great ideas on Pinterest, so here's what you can do... Next time one of your friends tells you she's pregnant, be the first one to offer her a shower, and then go to town!! Seriously, I have had a blast hosting showers for my best friends, and I'm soooo glad that they let me do my own thing, trying my hardest to please them in a creative way, instead of them trying to help steer it their own way. So seriously, just step back, and let your mom knock your socks off with her own great ideas!

RibbitGrl930 · January 2015

scharle3 said:

I personally don't think they will decline, because No. 1 It's my mom and No 2 if it were up to my sis in law, she has no idea about decorating at all, she didn't even have deco at her son's bday party, I bought the decor for him, because I wanted him to feel special and feel like a birthday party. For my bridal shower I had to do the decor bc people would have just showed up to give gifts play game with no decor. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but she doesn't have money like that to buy decor, plus my mom is going to pay for everything, bc my sis in law has 3 kids and she wouldn't let her spend money on for the shower like that. It is an honor that my family are hosting the shower, but if they are unfamiliar with hosting and such for showers, I think they wouldn't mind me helping decorate.

Plus if its at my HOUSE, why not be involved....

I'm not understanding your obsession with decor. Is this what you do- judge the quality of other people's parties on the quality of their decor? Like that your nephew somehow felt less special because there weren't decorations at his party, because cake and presents weren't getting the point across? As for her financial situation, that is not your business nor is it relevant to this situation. In fact, if I were in a difficult financial situation but was still willing to throw a nice shower for my friend or family member, and she insisted on providing certain aspects because she assumez I can't afford it, I'd feel pretty crappy. It sounds like you are implying that she can't afford to give you the shower you want. It is her gift to give. Let her give it.

girlymama79 · January 2015

MandJS said:

scharle3 said:

Thanks for the response. I will do what I feel and discuss with my MOM who is the hostess.

So... that's fine, but then, why did you ask us for opinions?

-----quote fail------

Seriously. Chill out and let someone throw you a shower.

ombradellarosa · January 2015

I find that if someone starts a question with "Am I wrong for this?" they usually already know the answer.

kjandericka · January 2015

I suggest letting them figure it out. The only way to let them know your taste without coming off as controlling (& many people would still consider this conniving) would be to maybe, very casually, show them your Pinterest board (without trying to suggest that they use any ideas for your party). If they use anything, great, if not, that's okay too. Baby showers are gifts, in and of themselves. I would maybe look at it like any other gift. Do whatever is comfortable for you. If you're comfortable being very specific about what you want for your bday/other gift holiday, go ahead and say something. I wouldn't be comfortable doing that, but that's my personality. Everyone is different & every family dynamic is different. None of us can speak to your specific family situation. Just go all out for your baby's birthday party when it's your turn to plan! You could even use your sports theme plan. Like PP said, most people don't remember shower decor anyways. It's a bigger deal to you than your guests, sadly, that's the way parties go.

teeveemom · January 2015

I created a Pinterest board for what I wanted for my shower and told my mom to look for ideas there once I have a baby. She doesn't have to go with it since she's paying and it's her party to plan... But she's your mom- just say "mom I want a sports theme" and let her do her thing. I don't know what kind of relationship everyone else has with their moms but I certainly don't worry about being "gauche" around her- she's your mom! I wouldn't be a brat by insisting on things but I feel like most people can say to their own mothers, "hey this is cool! I like these decorations..." And leave it at that.

rachelcalderon525 · January 2015

You can always show your hosts the things that you like on pinterest and relay the information of what you would like to see. But if they are throwing the shower for you, let them still do their thing.

Am I wrong for this

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