DH says no to gender reveal party... Should I trick him into it??

lelesmom · January 2015

Praying all goes well and we finally get a confirmed HB at 12 weeks tomorrow, DH is absolutely no to a gender reveal, he says as soon as is able to find out he wants to know! Sooo if I wanted to do and US without telling him and have them put the ultrasound in an envelope and randomly go to a family get together to reveal the gender.... Good idea or bad??? Should I accept his wishes or go for mine? With our DD we found out ASAP!

KLB2T · January 2015

Well...I can't speak for you or your DH, but I know mine would be mad and probably feel betrayed that I went behind his back and found out without him...

I'm going to say bad idea.

sandrabrooke · January 2015

The words tricking and husband don't really go together for me. Sorry.

Heavenwhip · January 2015

I say bad idea. You yourself said "DH is absolutely no to a gender reveal" he might be pretty mad if you go behind his back.

CaliforniaDream87 · January 2015

What's the point? Why can't you two go together and attempt the envelope idea? At least he wouldn't feel left out. Is it because you'd rather announce to at your "random family get together" instead of finding out with your H? Seems a bit AW'ish to me.

Miz_Liz · January 2015

I agree...bad idea. Why not see if he would agree to a party the same day you go to find out? Have everyone over for dinner - that way he isn't waiting days to find out.

ChrisB · January 2015

sandrabrooke said:

The words tricking and husband don't really go together for me. Sorry.

This. I would be pissed if this stunt was pulled on me!

WashingtonQueen · January 2015

sandrabrooke said:
The words tricking and husband don't really go together for me. Sorry.

This.

lap018 · January 2015

You could just find out together at the u/s appt and then make the reveal more of a reveal for your family instead of for the two of you, he might agree to that. Marriage, all about compromise lol!

meggipi5 · January 2015

lap018 said:
You could just find out together at the u/s appt and then make the reveal more of a reveal for your family instead of for the two of you, he might agree to that. Marriage, all about compromise lol!

This.

Is he saying no to a gender reveal because he doesn't like them or because he wants to know right away? Maybe he could open the envelope and know at the appointment and you could wait for the reveal party if it's the latter. It's not a good idea to trick him into something.

JumpAroundBucky · January 2015

If I found out secretly after my husband specifically said he wanted to be there, he'd be really upset. I think sharing that moment with him is a lot more important than a party.

lelesmom · January 2015

Okay good points!!! I was just more concentrated on trying to surprise him but I guess I would be quite pissed if the situation was reverse

SassetteSmurfling · January 2015

I wouldn't trick my husband. If it really means a lot to you to do a gender reveal just try to explain that to him. Maybe offer a compromise that if he "gives" you this, he'll get to pick/do something else you might not otherwise be on board with.

GL

kamarks08 · January 2015

This is a horrible idea.

Lois172000 · January 2015

Maybe for family. Even yourself but if DH wants to know right away tricking is BAD.
As suggested you need to find out if he hates the WHOLE idea or just him having to wait. Compromise is good.

sarawalks · January 2015

Last time my H and I found out but didn't tell anyone. Threw a gender reveal party and released balloons revealing sex of baby. That way everyone was happy, we found out and I got my party.

mrsb30 · January 2015

aeryfaery said:
No.

Also gender reveal parties are lame.

(Yay! Your child has a penis/vagina. Here's another gift. Feed me.)

I never knew gender reveal parties to be gift parties? I have only been to a couple, but both parties nobody brought gifts. We just ate cake and celebrated with friends. They were both small with really close friends.

kcebeling · January 2015

I second PPs on no tricking...unless you tricked him into getting you pregnant and then it's totes okay.

ajetter · January 2015

mrsb30 said:

aeryfaery said:
No.

Also gender reveal parties are lame.

(Yay! Your child has a penis/vagina. Here's another gift. Feed me.)

I never knew gender reveal parties to be gift parties? I have only been to a couple, but both parties nobody brought gifts. We just ate cake and celebrated with friends. They were both small with really close friends.

Our gender reveal was no gifts and we had a blast. As did our families who were anxious to find out as well.

I don't think they're lame but if my husband specifically said he didn't want one, we would not do it.

CarolinaGirl2014 · January 2015

I think you've gotten great advice. I see why you'd want to surprise him, but I agree he would likely see it as sneaky. I wouldn't do it. I like the ideas in which he gets to know at the U/S and you find out at a reveal party.

Yellow1998 · January 2015

DH and I found out with our first at the u/s and then had a close family get together to surprise them with the gender reveal. Both mother in- laws cut open a blue cake. It was still exciting and it felt special.

kamarks08 · January 2015

mrsb30 said:

No. Also gender reveal parties are lame. (Yay! Your child has a penis/vagina. Here's another gift. Feed me.)
I never knew gender reveal parties to be gift parties? I have only been to a couple, but both parties nobody brought gifts. We just ate cake and celebrated with friends. They were both small with really close friends.

If I were to ever have one, which I maintain the status of staying team green for any and all children, I would specify NO GIFTS PLEASE. It's why I hate engagement parties, too. (Sorry, I'm a total fun sucker) Just seems so gift grabby.

laurasuzanne2006 · January 2015

I can't stand gender reveal parties...

paigejenean · January 2015

I see that whole plan blowing up in your face...bad idea.

preppywife · January 2015

laurasuzanne2006 said:

I can't stand gender reveal parties...

A favorite New Yorker article: "These parties seem to marry the oversharing of Facebook and Instagram with the contrived ceremonies that modern people in search of meaning impose on normal life events: food journaling, birthday parties for grownups, workout diaries, birth-experience planning."

https://www.newyorker.com/news/daily-comment/narcissism-in-pink-and-blue

Unknown · January 2015

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AceBaby191 · January 2015

I'm on the 'no gender reveal party' team as well as being "team green", so it's a non-issue for me. I've been to one that was just family, and it was cute, but I think a big party is over the top and obnoxious.

The real issue with the OP's post was tricking her husband into participating in something he specifically has said he was against. That's a terribly disrespectful thing to try and pull over on him, and is completely out of line. I would be pissed off beyond belief if my partner pulled a stunt like this, and I really can't imagine how it could be plausibly a good idea.

frig05 · January 2015

I don't really like the idea of a party to announce the sex of the baby, but am not necessarily against other people who want to have one. I am however against tricking my husband. If I really wanted to do one of these parties, I would sit down and talk to my husband about why I feel that it is important. If he still didn't want to do it, I would try to find some kind of compromise.

CaliforniaDream87 · January 2015

Rockbk said:

Wow there are really some miserable Mary's in this world

Oh please.

Just because I wouldn't throw a "party" specifically to announce whether my kid has a penis or a vagina doesn't make me miserable. I'd rather focus attention elsewhere. To each their own.

melanier26 · January 2015

Yellow1998 said:
DH and I found out with our first at the u/s and then had a close family get together to surprise them with the gender reveal. Both mother in- laws cut open a blue cake. It was still exciting and it felt special.

This is what hubby and I plan to do. It may be a good compromise for the OP

LittleFox2015 · January 2015

We plan to give our mothers a gender reveal gift at our shower.... this way it is all one thing and not a huge spectical.

JellicalParker · January 2015

I definitely say no! This sounds like a stupid argument waiting to happen. Don't cause undue stress. It will only make matters worse. I say find out together or even try being team green this time! I'm still on the fence about being team green, but mh has made it clear he doesn't want to know. Which would mean I would need to keep it a secret... We both think that would be hard for me to do. I have considered having them write it down, put it in an envelope and that being my labor motivation!

bashfulbird · January 2015

That's a big thing to sneak behind his back. Just for the sake of a party--not a good idea.
@LittleFox2015 I like this idea of giving the Grandmothers a gift at the shower, that makes it all in one. And not at all gift-grabby. We still haven't decided if we want to know--prlly team green here.

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