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February 2015 Moms
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What does F15 think? *COULD TRIGGER*

HayleyBug55HayleyBug55 member
in February 2015 Moms
My bestfriend throughout elementary, middle, and some of high school just lost her 5 month old due to SIDS. We haven't talked in years and the funeral was yesterday. I decided it was best for me not to go . I was afraid of the stress it would cause me and I'm already on bed rest. It breaks my heart I didn't go. I want to name a star after her little girl. I've gotten mixed opinions on it. Some say we haven't talked in so long that it seems over the top. Some have said it's perfect. Some have said if they lost their child ans had a star named after them then they'd just get angry or sad everytime they saw the night sky. I'm getting one named after my fiance' s daughter that passed away at 3 months in October also. I think it's a good idea to get my old bestfriend one too, but what do you ladies think?
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Re: What does F15 think? *COULD TRIGGER*

  • usmcwife89usmcwife89 member
    My gosh, that's so terribly sad for both! I've never experienced a loss of a child, however I think that's a nice idea. It doesn't matter that you hadn't talked in a long time. You are showing her support and sympathy. Sometimes I don't get to talk to my best friend from high school for months (11+) on end because life gets the best of us. I feel like your heart is in the right place.
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  • HayleyBug55HayleyBug55 member
    Even though my fiance's daughter had my heart and I considered her my own I have never experienced losing a child I carried within me and gave birth to. I can only comprehend the pain to a certain point.
    It breaks my heart. Noone said life is fair but losing a child is the worst thing I can ever imagine happen. It makes you cherish what you've been blessed with and realize that tomorrow is never promised. :(
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  • mommaa1615mommaa1615 member
    I think its beautiful and you should do it. Sorry for her loss & yours <3 My parents lost their first daughter to SIDS when she was a few weeks old...i really cant imagine :(
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  • tropicbreezetropicbreeze member
    I think it's a very thoughtful gesture and anything at this time is probably appreciated.
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  • scgmamascgmama member
    When someone is going through a very traumatic time nothing can really be considered over the top. She needs the love and support and I think this is a wonderful gesture.

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  • HayleyBug55HayleyBug55 member
    Thank you ladies. Hearing this from women who have children, or are about to have a child soon, finalizes my decision.
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  • maltwin1maltwin1 member
    An acquaintance of mine lost a child to SIDS several years ago and she really appreciated the public support of others. She was very vocal in sharing her struggles and loved to remember those moments with her child. If it were me, however, I think I'd have a difficult time having that reminder with me every night. I'm a very private person when it comes to grief.

    Everyone grieves differently and I think you know your friend better than anyone. If you think a tribute like that would be something she'd like id go for it. There is no better time than now to show her your support.
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  • ayboaybo member
    Do what's in your heart. God put the thought in you for a reason.
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  • dreemkin84dreemkin84 member
    Can you ask your friend first? I kind of think that would be a tough reminder every night. Maybe in the future you could do it if right now it's too hurtful. Or if she's okay with it, then it's a lovely idea.
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  • mishka29mishka29 member
    I agree that it might be worth asking first because everyone deals with things differently. But I think any gesture of support would be appreciated.
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  • dees14dees14 member
    I think that's really sweet.
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  • tammynixxtammynixx member
    I think it's a sweet idea.
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  • tlglass91tlglass91 member
    I think it's a great idea. Initially it may be difficult to look up at the stars but once they begin to heal it will be a gentle, beautiful reminder.
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  • Beth.1212Beth.1212 member
    I think it's very nice of you to want to support your friend. Personally, I wouldn't go the star route for two reasons. One, those registries are not the most reputable businesses - they don't actually control what celestial objects are called. Ex. if a scientist were to study / write about a star, they don't use the name on the registry. My other reason is that I'm not sure if your friend would find comfort in that particular gift - though obviously, your thoughts are more important here! You know your friend and can better judge how she'd feel. 

    Often people specify a preferred charity for a donation in the name of the deceased. Was there an obituary in the paper that might name that? Or could you call the funeral home and inquire if there was a charity named for that purpose? That's the route I'd go. 

    Also, a sincere letter of condolence is always appropriate. 
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  • HayleyBug55HayleyBug55 member
    Beth.1212 said:

    I think it's very nice of you to want to support your friend. Personally, I wouldn't go the star route for two reasons. One, those registries are not the most reputable businesses - they don't actually control what celestial objects are called. Ex. if a scientist were to study / write about a star, they don't use the name on the registry. My other reason is that I'm not sure if your friend would find comfort in that particular gift - though obviously, your thoughts are more important here! You know your friend and can better judge how she'd feel. 


    Often people specify a preferred charity for a donation in the name of the deceased. Was there an obituary in the paper that might name that? Or could you call the funeral home and inquire if there was a charity named for that purpose? That's the route I'd go. 

    Also, a sincere letter of condolence is always appropriate. 
    I sent several things of flowers but didn't look into the charity. I'll have to go back and look at the obituary. I was also thinking, if I didn't name a star after her, to get a bracelet and locket with her daughter's name on it made.
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  • cookinggirl15cookinggirl15 member
    I would go the star route. They arnt reputable, but it's knowing somebody cared enough to do it. Secondly she is going to be in pain for a long time, and a star in the sky isn't going to remind her of something that's not already on her mind.
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  • kartishkartish member
    One thing you can look into is tree planting in someone's honor. I liked into it for a friend of mine when she lost her baby. There are options for trees in certain forests, where you wouldn't know what tree, or there is an option for redwood tree plantings where you would have a specific tree the family could visit if they ever wanted too. I thought it was a sweet idea.
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