so sad

jobiann · January 2015

The TTGP and TTCAL boards are really gone and I'm so sad because they gave me such strength and comfort during the times I needed it.

The really sad part is the noobs who have no idea what is going on with the banning and mass exodus who really need support and help are being turned away and some flamed. So now I'm frustrated with both sides.

Sorry, not trying to bring it all up...I'm trying to muster the courage to reach out to these ladies and let them know there are some people left on here who want to help.

Am I wack-a-doodle crazy?

portentosa · January 2015

You're not crazy. Some mods that were not banned have stated that they are staying to support others who haven't left and to be here for new members that really need help. The place is torn up though. It all really is sad.

OhBaby+2013 · January 2015

Not crazy at all. I think it is really awful how some of the people who claim to love (or previously loved, as the case may be) TB are reacting. I get being upset with XO but there's no need to act so poorly towards others.

The amount of offensive posts I've seen by "regulars" this past week is disturbing and quite frankly I will be happy when they go away so maybe the newbies or lurkers can actually get the support they are looking for.

I'm planning on waiting for the dust to settle a bit before I reach out in my new bmb as I'm not interested in being flamed for staying. Hopefully it won't be too long before things calm down, though I know most boards will be forever changed. Fingers crossed J13 can survive here, I need you ladies!

ConstanceGoodspeed · January 2015

I find it scary how seriously people take it. It's an internet message board. If you can't control your hostility and anger because you or a friend were banned from one website, how do you react when actual bad things happen in real life?

It amuses me how people think that because they personally stop posting here, XO and TB will crash and die. Hundreds of women get pregnant every day and will find their way here. We are easily replaceable and not important; XO is more than message boards.

(Obviously, this does not apply to everyone or even most women who were banned or moved to PB.)

landosmommy · January 2015

I'm right there with you. I was on TTGP when TTC DD and it holds a spot in my heart, as crazy as that may sound. But I made a LOT of friendships on that board and I'm still friends with them today. I never got very active in TTCAL, but those are the newbie ladies I feel bad for.

landosmommy · January 2015

OMG, I just went over to TTGP....did they delete ALL of the threads now??

portentosa · January 2015

For me it's about broken trust.

TB just a couple months ago rolled out a very clear policy of if you get 3 warnings within a 6 month period you would be banned. Warnings would be IMd to you and you can see them in the new moderation tab of your profile. Instabans were reserved for very serious offenses like sharing personal info, catfishing, and trolling.

Then they asked the mods for input on some new TOUs. The mods gave them constructive criticism of what they eventually posted and they were ignored. The new rules were posted after a bunch of mods and regs were banned....seriously, for no reason! Someone please tell me what the hell NariaDreaming did.

After the initial wave of anger over the unwarranted banning that have STILL not been explained @BumpAdmin‌ posted that stickied announcement blaming the banning on things that happened AFTER. And calling the supportive women and awesome mods 'bad apples' that didn't join this site for the right reasons. What the actual fuck?

Then @BumpAdmin‌ started a thread to have an 'open discussion' about everything. She started it in BumpHQ... a newly formed forum in Specialty where they are moving as many threads as they can so the boards still look pretty and happy. Incidentally they moved an angel baby memorial post that had 'silence' in it's name because they pay just that much attention.

Back to discussion. @BumpAdmin‌ did a very good job of talking about 'moving forward' and how she'd 'like to tell us what happened' but ultimately didn't answer anything. At one point she said it is not possible to delete entire accounts and content. When showed screen shots proving that wrong she said that they would as soon as they had an available resource. So no one available to delete accounts as requested but plenty of threads being moved around to save face? The whole thing was coming across like they wanted the 'bad apples' gone but wanted to continue to profit from their advice in the boards.

Then @BumpCaitlin‌ came along. Still not answering any questions about the banning but she gave us a clear and concise game plan for deleting the accounts and content of users requesting it...including those that are banned. Finally! They are listening! But now people are finding that their content is being deleted...but their account is not. So now it looks like they are doing what they HAVE to do by deleting content, but trying to keep their membership numbers looking good for the shareholders. If they suddenly loose hundreds (thousands....there are almost 4000 on PB now) of users that's not going to look good at all.

That's where we are now as far as I understand.

And FTR. ... these women are NOT irreplaceable. Yes, women get pregnant all the time and TB can and will continue on because of that fact. But now TB is going to be no different than any other baby site out there. So many other sites have women believing that they ovulate on the same day every month or that they can pop clomid like some magic baby making candy.

The part that makes me the most sad is the loss of two communities I have never even been a part of but that I've gotten to know through really great friends of mine. The loss and IF communities were so so great here. This was their safe haven and TB clearly just doesn't give a fuck. They are not the 'target audience'. I'm really glad that 3800 women moved over to PB together to continue to give support and love to each other.

For myself, I am on PB but I am still here. I'm heartbroken over this whole thing and don't know whether I want to stay or not. I feel like I can't trust them to abide by their own rules and with all the attempts to duck content and account deletion I fear that in the near future they will make all content their property so that if someone does need/want account deletion they won't get it.

I love you ladies and am so glad that whatever I end up deciding for myself I am still connected with you through IG.

portentosa · January 2015

I'm sorry your new board is treating you like that @slh33‌. Early BMBs are turbulent enough in the beginning. Adding in this mess is awful. Life goes on and people still need support. I hope you find some over on PB, if not with your new group right away you've got us on J13.

I too have a handful of people from other boards that I really dislike. The behavior towards many newbs makes sense though when you've got a stickied thread about the community and people still come on with questions asked a million times that they could easily answer for themselves with common sense. Often they are given great information along with the snark... on TTGP I can think of Joy as a person that always gave great advice with great patience. But many times the offended new user would turn around and call the regs nasty names, tell them they'll be/are neglectfull bad parents, and wish infertility on them.

I read a great theory while lurking other boards that much of the current turmoil between 'old' and 'new' users is the app. Many started using this site back before apps existed and see this place as a community of women that have been through a lot together. New users welcome, but approach us like you would any other community irl. The app users don't realize the boards attached to the apps are more than a baby center type free for all of questions.

If we go that route the boards will fill up with pregnant women that believe they can feel the baby kick at 6 weeks, that the anatomy scan's purpose is to find the sex, and that full term is 37 weeks instead of 39. Have you fixed that error on your app yet @BumpAdmin‌?

The confusion around the time line of events and the reasons for the outrage are why I typed this while thing up. I wanted a clear explanation of the events that happened (as best as I can relay them having never been a bump mod) out here so maybe people would understand this is about more than the 'new guidelines'.

Shoot, I forgot to mention that trust was already tenuous with BumpMay because she catfished (an instabannable offense) as BumpJackie for months before coming out as her own person. How can we trust the owners and operators of this site when they are above their own rules?

portentosa · January 2015

Agreed @slh33. Some of the snark goes too far or gets too mean without a valid reason. I myself have gotten really mean when a poster is clearly a troll or a complete asshole purposefully hurting other posters, but a typo is at most a small joke. I've had silly typos pointed out to me with a joke, it happens. I liked posters like GhostMonkey/WhoCanItBeNow who would speak up in many instances like that. She was seen as mean and scary, but she stood up for the right reasons and I respect her greatly. She was banned months ago.

There are still lots of smart cookies over here and I'm sure there will be new ones. We did lose a lot of knowledge and first hand experience and it will take a long time to rebuild what was here. But do we even want to? If the admins don't become more transparent and consistent do we want to invest our time here only to possibly have history repeat itself?

I am on my laptop for the first time in a couple days and I just noticed your siggy @slh33. You're an S15 mom! I am an S14 mom who was flamed by Parenting for the welcome post posted on S15. Their attack is why I hate the #areyounew? thing. I was just lurking S15 after all this went on and am so sad to see it being torn apart over this.

OhBaby+2013 · January 2015

I understand that there are people who feel slighted by what has happened but there is absolutely no excuse ever for being a malicious asshole...no matter how stupid someone deems the question to be. There are people who exist in this world who maybe arent as well educated as others but they shouldn't be made to feel like idiots. A simple "maybe you should check with your doctor" or "when this was discussed last week there were some great responses, so if you search for it you will get some great stuff" would be awesome responses to seemingly "stupid" or "annoying" questions. Do I think there were users who got banned prematurely....yes, but i don't know the whole story. As the saying goes every story has three sides and I'm sure that is true here as well. I can only ensure that my own actions are respectful and I will always stand up for someone who is being treated poorly, because no matter what everyone deserves to be respected as a fellow human being. I will not be joining the site people have defected to because when I checked out my new bmb the first post was please go tell everyone we are here except (and I'm paraphrasing) the idiot newbies. I have no desire to participate in a place that is so full of pretentious people. I'm not all rainbows and unicorns but I think this board is proof that we can have a board that is helpful all while being able to have our differences and share our perspective in a mature and respectful manner.

jobiann · January 2015

Well over time it will all work itself out. Honestly all I care about is that this board is intact either here or there, doesn't really matter to me.

Hopefully those who feel angry and upset can find comfort in their new home and move on and hopefully these boards will continue on with other regulars and new ones. I just hate how the AL boards feel like a ghost town when so many women could use their support and knowledge. I've actually been popping over there more then usual just incase I can offer support to just one person.

Unknown · January 2015

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