Mamas with toddlers!

cnoelle92 · January 2015

So my son (2) has this thing where he will dump out his food, all over the floor and then ask for more. I will try and try to get him to pick up his mess, but he will just tell me no and walk away. My daughter (5) never did this. She always just cleaned up after herself, even at an early age. I know he is old enough to learn to clean up after he makes a mess and I know he understands me, but I am just overwhelmed especially being pregnant. So any of you mommies have any advice on how to get a two yearold boy to clean up after himself, or tips for an appropriate discipline?

girlymama79 · January 2015

It's going to be really hard the first few times but you have to make him do it. He says no because you let him get away with it. Stay there with him and make him to it. Even if it takes an hour. Once he learns you are going to make him do it he will get right on it.

Eta: stay strong mama you can do it!

CMSullivan326 · January 2015

I agree with @girlymama79‌

Its going to frustrating and take a lot of patience but you have to follow through. He's probably going to throw a temper tantrum so just be prepared for it. It's hard but he has to know you mean business. Right now, when this happens, he's the boss, not you & he knows it. That has to change.

My son is 4.5 and he still "tries" me. Its what they do to see what they can get away with. Right now, he's getting away with it.

Hang in there and good luck!

cnoelle92 · January 2015

I hate the terrible 2's stage! Blah lol.

CMSullivan326 · January 2015

Girrrllll the terrible 2's just get you prepared for the Teenage 3's and Ferocious 4's! lol

cnoelle92 · January 2015

I hate the terrible 2's stage! Blah lol.

CMSullivan326 said:
I agreeel with @girlymama79‌

Its going to frustrating and take a lot of patience but you have to follow through. He's probably going to throw a temper tantrum so just be prepared for it. It's hard but he has to know you mean business. Right now, when this happens, he's the boss, not you & he knows it. That has to change.

My son is 4.5 and he still "tries" me. Its what they do to see what they can get away with. Right now, he's getting away with it.

Hang in there and good luck!

Thank you!

cnoelle92 · January 2015

CMSullivan326 said:
Girrrllll the terrible 2's just get you prepared for the Teenage 3's and Ferocious 4's! lol

See I got REALLY lucky with my DD. She never went through a terrible 2s, or teenage 3s, or any of that. She has always just been really polite and well behaved. My son though, he LOVES to push buttons.

scprincessrn · January 2015

I agree with the others. You have to stay and make him do it. Start little at first. Tell him, "pick up 2 pieces of food and you can have more." Next time increase the amount he is picking up until he is cleaning up the entire mess. And don't give him more food until he cleans up the mess. When he gets hungry enough, he will pick up stuff.

CMSullivan326 · January 2015

My son is a mix of both. He can be super well behaved, polite, listen really well & basically be perfect...then there's times when I'm like, "WHO REPLACED MY SON WITH THIS DEMON CHILD?!?"

Joy's of parenthood lol

cnoelle92 · January 2015

scprincessrn said:
I agree with the others. You have to stay and make him do it. Start little at first. Tell him, "pick up 2 pieces of food and you can have more." Next time increase the amount he is picking up until he is cleaning up the entire mess. And don't give him more food until he cleans up the mess. When he gets hungry enough, he will pick up stuff.

Thank you!

cnoelle92 · January 2015

CMSullivan326 said:
My son is a mix of both. He can be super well behaved, polite, listen really well & basically be perfect...then there's times when I'm like, "WHO REPLACED MY SON WITH THIS DEMON CHILD?!?"

Joy's of parenthood lol

That is EXACTLY how I feel about my son. He can be cute and cuddly, then all of a sudden BAM! He's running around throwing toys all over the house, pinching his sister, hitting her, coloring on walls, and I'm just like what are you doing crazy boy! Where is my cuddle bug who is sweet and gentle?

CMSullivan326 · January 2015

cnoelle92 said:

CMSullivan326 said:
My son is a mix of both. He can be super well behaved, polite, listen really well & basically be perfect...then there's times when I'm like, "WHO REPLACED MY SON WITH THIS DEMON CHILD?!?"

Joy's of parenthood lol

That is EXACTLY how I feel about my son. He can be cute and cuddly, then all of a sudden BAM! He's running around throwing toys all over the house, pinching his sister, hitting her, coloring on walls, and I'm just like what are you doing crazy boy! Where is my cuddle bug who is sweet and gentle?

My child was cloned. & you ended up with it.
LOL!

cnoelle92 · January 2015

CMSullivan326 said:

cnoelle92 said:

CMSullivan326 said:
My son is a mix of both. He can be super well behaved, polite, listen really well & basically be perfect...then there's times when I'm like, "WHO REPLACED MY SON WITH THIS DEMON CHILD?!?"

Joy's of parenthood lol

That is EXACTLY how I feel about my son. He can be cute and cuddly, then all of a sudden BAM! He's running around throwing toys all over the house, pinching his sister, hitting her, coloring on walls, and I'm just like what are you doing crazy boy! Where is my cuddle bug who is sweet and gentle?
My child was cloned. & you ended up with it.
LOL!

Lmao! I swear he is the biggest sweetheart/love bug/pain in the butt/ bully lol.

khaze · January 2015

girlymama79 said:

It's going to be really hard the first few times but you have to make him do it. He says no because you let him get away with it. Stay there with him and make him to it. Even if it takes an hour. Once he learns you are going to make him do it he will get right on it. Eta: stay strong mama you can do it!

This. We never had an issue with food, but when my son is done with a certain toy or activity, we make him put it away before he can move on to the next activity. Example, he has to put away his play doh before he can get out markers and crayons. Sometimes he challenges us, but we will sit there with him until it gets done and will not allow him to do another activity. Of course, we always help him clean up so that helps him out too. But, agreed you kind of just have to do it and it'll get easier.

kimmarie1105 · January 2015

My son is 20 months. We clean up his toys every night. He doesn't do it all by himself. It's mostly me, but he gets it and will put a few things away. Of course getting distracted by toys along the way but still. He also throws food which up until recently I just ignored. Now, as soon as he starts that shit I take his plate away. Nope. That's not polite behavior.

sordidvolition · January 2015

scprincessrn said:
I agree with the others. You have to stay and make him do it. Start little at first. Tell him, "pick up 2 pieces of food and you can have more." Next time increase the amount he is picking up until he is cleaning up the entire mess. And don't give him more food until he cleans up the mess. When he gets hungry enough, he will pick up stuff.

Odd man out/mean mommy but I don't give more food if it's thrown on the floor. Tough cookie, kid. If you throw you're obviously done.

ajgerber · January 2015

I know you said he is 2 but is he on the young side of 2 or closer to 3? I ask because 2 was such a huge developmental year. A young 2 may not understand why it's wrong and simply saying to clean up the mess may not be completely understood. You may end up having to help clean up with you doing about 75% and him only 25%. An older 2 year old may need a punishment along with having to help clean up since they could understand that what they are doing is wrong whether it be for attention or whatever. At my DS daycare, they actually have mini brooms and dust pans and they actually have to clean up their mess. You may want to invest in one if it continues.

(My disclaimer is that the above is simply based on my DS who is now 4. When he hit 3, we had to resort to punishment like sending to bath/bed early or taking away toys because he knew he was being wrong. It was just a phase.)

mommacandi · January 2015

I agree with all PP's. He's getting away with it right now. I am a big fan of giving two choices and letting DD pick which one she prefers, that way it seems like she has a say in things (she'll be 3 in 3 weeks). So in this scenario, her choices are "help mommy clean up the mess" or "go sit in time out." Cleaning wins over timeout every time. Good luck...those toddlers have wills of steel!

sassypants2010 · January 2015

My two year old son does that too! We will get through this together.

mamahawk12 · January 2015

We play hardball in our house. You throw your food on the floor, it's bedtime/naptime. No warnings, no "oh do you want something else?" It's zero tolerance for meal time shenanigans. We generally don't give choices at meals either. This is what I prepared, this is what your option is. Now, I'm not going to fix him a giant plate full of things I know he hates and then put him to bed for crying over it. But it's a slippery slope to being that mom that ends up fixing 4 different meals at dinnertime because everyone wants something different. No way, not gonna happen in my house. I'm sure some people think that's harsh, but we've been doing this from the get-go and we now have a 4.5 year old who nicely sits at the table and eats 99% of what is presented to him... so in my opinion, it works.

jrush89 · January 2015

We used to have issues with ds and dinner, and this will probably be unpopular, I'd pretend to cry. I would tell him I worked so hard to make that meal and he hurt my feelings, I would then sob into my hands until he apologized, ate it and told me he loves me. Then I'd get super happy and we could continue a nice meal. Now, if it's something he doesn't like he says, I don't like this, you're gonna cry mommy, but eats enough to make me happy and then says can't have anymore. I realize it's not the ideal way to deal with it, but I'm hoping he realizes that anyone who gives him something to eat wherever he is has worked hard on it and even if it's awful just make them happy for a bit

Ravenclaw314 · January 2015

My son's therapist used the hand-over-hand method to get him to clean up his messes. It worked for us, it might for you. But definitely don't give in to these types of shennanigans he's throwing at you! Put your foot down.

wegrowsheep · January 2015

Agree with PP's. Stay strong, and be prepared for some screaming. Just stay calm (on the outside). DS is almost 4 and we still do battle regularly, but not as often, and over different things (like wearing camo to church).

honeybunches101 · January 2015

Ravenclaw314 said:
My son's therapist used the hand-over-hand method to get him to clean up his messes. It worked for us, it might for you. But definitely don't give in to these types of shennanigans he's throwing at you! Put your foot down.

My son's occupational therapist said the same thing! It doesn't happen as much with food as with toys. He has to help me, though in reality I do most of it. If he is throwing a tantrum I let him cool down for a minute and then I will physically force him to pick up a few Legos and put them in the box, or whatever. Usually when he realizes I am going to make him, he starts helping. At preschool they sing a clean up song and he happily helps clean up, I don't know why it's such a struggle at home!

mamameghan · January 2015

I've tried to make cleaning more of a happy thing for my daughter, instead of during a tantrum, and she still thinks it's a game. But if she dumps her food, I don't give her a bowl. I agree with the pp who said to give him a few pieces at once. Then after the meal is done, give him the broom and make clean up a fun game. Good luck!

sammyca · January 2015

I have another thought for you. When either or both of my kids (DS4 and DD2) are pushing my buttons at meal times, I have found that changing things up a bit can help. Lately we have been having a lot of breakfast and lunch picnics in the garden (it's Summer here in Australia) but perhaps you could picnic on lounge room or kitchen floor if it's cold where you are? I find when we go back to dining table they are usually better behaved. I'm not sure if this is because I'm in a better headspace to be patient or if they just need the break. If that fails, can you go out for a meal? My 2yo in particular is always an angel in public. Good luck.

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