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Nanny/Sitter Question

tinkerbell019tinkerbell019 member
in August 2014 Moms
I'm thinking this may just be a FTM irk, but wanted to see if I'm off my rocker or if this is just a norm. We have a nanny for LO (currently 3 days/wk), she lives in the neighborhood and frequently takes LO to her house when she needs/wants to (I'm fine with that). However, as she was leaving yesterday, she asked me to leave a carseat base because she needs to take LO with her to have work on her car done. Ummm..What? I asked her how long it would take and told her that DH would go into work late...she said she doesn't know how long it will take & the appt is later in the morning. I asked DH to stay home with LO until she returns since I'm just not comfortable with it. He seemed annoyed, but for sake of saving an argument, he will likely just do it. This bothers me on a couple levels...first, I even made arrangements last weekend for my parents to watch our LO while we had car maintenance done as I didn't want him hanging out at the dealer for hours. Also, I'm a big believer in doing personal stuff on personal time (guess it's instilled from working for the Gov). But to me it feels like I'm paying you to do your personal chores.

So how do you ladies feel about this type of situation? Do you think it's ok for LO's care taker take them out so they can multi-task their personal chores? Again, maybe I'm just being up tight, but at the moment, I'm really not thrilled about this.
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Re: Nanny/Sitter Question

  • dvmmommadvmmomma member
    That wouldn't jive with me at all. I don't think you're being uptight and I think she should be happy that you let her take LO to her house where she probably does housework, chores, etc. I don't know the situation obviously but from what you're describing I would definitely tell her that if she needs to do errands like that again to let you know ahead of time and you'll make arrangements for other care of LO. 
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  • becominggoldbecominggold member
    I would not be okay with that. Especially since she didn't really ask you, she just told you.
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  • tinkerbell019tinkerbell019 member
    addysmama222 said:
    I think it would be different with a sitter, but my mom keep DD while I'm at work and takes her everywhere with her. She has custody of my nephew who has Down syndrome and he has a few doctor's appointments a week, so she takes her along. I don't think anything about it. But, like I said she's her grandmother, not her nanny and I'm not paying her lol. She could've at least asked instead of just assuming it was okay. Btw, I LOL'd to the doing personal things on your own time being instilled by the government. I've been on Facebook and meal planning for 85% of my day. I guess it just depends on the agency lol. ;)
    I also believe I would feel different if it was family. I think I'm mostly not cool with it being a working relationship. FWIW, I don't consider bantering online a distraction from my work day - I'm still there and get my job done, but I wouldn't make a car, doc, etc. appt and expect to be on the clock
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  • RedBean84RedBean84 member
    I would not be ok with it.  She can take care of that type of stuff outside of her working hours.
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  • NLewis1NLewis1 member
    I would tell her that things like that need to be scheduled on her off days, since she only has your LO 3 days a week that shouldn't be difficult to manage.

    I also agree she should be happy that you let her tote your LO with her to her house for whatever reason.
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  • MandMLeonaMandMLeona member

    Sounds like you need a talk.  Where else is she potentially taking LO?  Why does this trip need a base in her mind?

    Something is odd here.

    If I assume it's straight forward and this is the only time she's planned to take him anywhere else, it's still not ok.  Transporting children requires authorization.  Doing your errands on work time (even when salary) requires a conversation with your employer...not an assumption.  Nope, nope, nope.

    Hopefully a quick conversation will clear it all up.

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  • dogperson11dogperson11 member
    NLewis1 said:

    I would tell her that things like that need to be scheduled on her off days, since she only has your LO 3 days a week that shouldn't be difficult to manage.

    I also agree she should be happy that you let her tote your LO with her to her house for whatever reason.

    This. If I only worked 3 days a week and asked for time off for appointments if be majorly side eyed.

    Also, I'm a huge car seat nut, and I wouldn't trust a sitter to install a seat / base correctly.
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  • *Merry**Merry* member
    I guess my situation is a little different... My in laws neighbour and our family friend watches our kids. When she was just watching DD she did not ask much of us and we just gave her what we could. She is very flexible with us as DH's schedule is never the same (airline pilot) which would be very difficult to find. She used to watch DD at her house and take her with her during the day to drop off/pick up her own daughter from school. She watched to get out of childcare but knew it was difficult for us to find someone flexible enough to meet our needs so she offered to watch the kids again when I went back to work. We negotiated higher pay for her but she also comes to our house now as that makes my mornings much easier and it is easier in her to watch both kids at our house where all their stuff is. She drives DD to preschool twice per week and runs the odd errand with them. We are ok with it as we feel very fortunate to have her and appreciate her helping us out as much as she does.
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  • tinkerbell019tinkerbell019 member
    Thank you all for the advice, will certainly be having a convo. Like @*Merry* I do appreciate having her close by and she is flexible for us which is great. I just really didn't like that this was an assumption, it really rubbed me the wrong way, especially since it was something she could have scheduled for a day off or a Saturday. @dogperson11 - I'm also a major carseat nut and this is one of my major concerns. If she is interested in taking LO in the future - on an agreed upon basis, I may have DH install the base for her.
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  • JadaBlueJadaBlue member
    We have a nanny and she only takes LO to our apartment pool/garden/playground. We definitely wouldn't allow her to run her personal errands with her, particularly hanging out at a car dealership. I think clear and consistent expectations are key. Think about what you're comfortable with and explain those guidelines to your nanny explicitly so you're both on the same page. My 2 cents. :)
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  • amj1053amj1053 member
    Yeah I wouldn't be ok with it but I also wouldn't be ok with her taking LO to her house (just bc I don't trust everyone to drive with DD). She probably assumed since she takes LO to her house that you would be ok with this.

    This is assuming that she drives to her house not walks. I missed it if you specified so I'm not sure.
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  • shevaCCshevaCC member
    zoegirlTX said:

    i also think it's a bit different if she was working 40 hours a week & didn't have any personal time to run errands, but she should have plenty of time to do that.  Or if some last minute repair came up that needed to be addressed immediately.  but not routine maintenance...  

    This is exactly where I'm at. I don't really have a problem in theory with our nanny bringing DS to the car dealership. But in your case I would think she should schedule errands on her day off.
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  • tinkerbell019tinkerbell019 member
    @amj1053 - She does walk to her house, so she has never driven LO anywhere =)

    Talked to DH again about it, he's on the same page, think he just needed a min. to get what I was saying (sometimes he thinks I'm just being "difficult"). So he's going to spend the morning with LO & we're going to make sure it's known that these kind of appts should be on time off.
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  • leanneriversleannerivers member
    You are right on. For me personal errands are totally not cool, unless they are picking up something at the store for you and get something for themselves as well. we discussed all of these things with our nanny before she started and wrote up a contract. (We went through an agency so we got some good advice from the get go).
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  • seamonkey0814seamonkey0814 member
    A really good friend of mine was a nanny for many years and she would take the kids with her to do her grocery shopping etc. I always thought it was weird for the same reasons OP mentioned, she was being paid to run her own errands. The family was fine with it though. Point is, this sitter might have come from a situation where this sort of stuff was ok and didn't realize that you weren't ok with it. I agree with you though. Her chores should be done on her own time.
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