Update: Young & Pregnant & A Little Scared

mirandaroser · January 2015

My last post about this was forever ago. But... I am seventeen years old and pregnant. Tensions have been extremely high with my parents since my boyfriend and I told them about the pregnancy a week after we found out together. I immediately decided that I was keeping this baby, and my boyfriend was/is still 100% on board. My parents' biggest concern/issue has been college. I was accepted into a couple different universities, but they all require on-campus living and I can't do that, nor will paying for it be entirely practical, no matter how badly my parents want it to be. I do plan on going, perhaps not this fall and perhaps not attending a university right away, but it is still a priority. They still dislike my boyfriend, they still don't want me talking to him, and they still threaten calling the cops on him, since he's 19. This makes it harder, because having his support is a huge deal to me and I'm not allowed near him. School is difficult to focus on, but luckily I have support there also. I'm just trying to be healthy and be happy for the baby. It's definitely exciting and eye-opening to feel those first little movements! 18w5d.

maddibayer · January 2015

I was sixteen when I had my son. It's not easy but you can do it. Since your seventeen in most states at least here in Missouri there isn't anything the cops can or will do if it was consensual which it obviously sounds like it was. My dad kicked me out but I got my GED and just kept going. It's hard but you can get through this! I hope for the best for you!

missjenniebean · January 2015

I'm sorry! I do not have any personal experience but know that it can be done! I wish the best for you! Stay strong and don't give up!

JTA2426 · January 2015

No personal experience but congrats on the little one! Despite all that's going on right now, I think that you will find it is possible to build a supportive community here. Best of luck to you.

Mama-Bear · January 2015

I would definitely find out the laws in your state for statutory rape and see if you were too young/he was too old at the time, if not then your parents really don't have any pull to keep you from talking to them (and do they really think that calling the cops on the father of your child is the best idea). Good luck.

kimmarie1105 · January 2015

I remember you! I'm so glad that you are keeping your head up and are enjoying your pregnancy. I'm sorry your parents are making it so difficult for you. Stay strong with your boyfriend and keep on keeping in girlfriend!

mirandaroser · January 2015

Mama-Bear said:
I would definitely find out the laws in your state for statutory rape and see if you were too young/he was too old at the time, if not then your parents really don't have any pull to keep you from talking to them (and do they really think that calling the cops on the father of your child is the best idea). Good luck.

I live in California, and my dad did his own research to find out how much he could threaten him. Age is a problem, but since it was consensual they probably wouldn't follow a case with it. But they can still arrest him for statutory rape, and put it on his record, which is still less than desirable.

blu-eyedwife · January 2015

What kind of Universities require on campus living? I would talk to someone at the schools about that. I've never heard of that and even schools that "require" it usually make exceptions based on student circumstances.

Also, I know it's hard, but if you're living with your parents, and they don't want your boyfriend coming over, then I would respect their wishes for right now. I feel like there's more to it than the fact he's just 19. If he's a good guy (and I'm hoping he is) then he'll be respectful of them and stick around until he's able to earn their trust and still be there for you.

Mama-Bear · January 2015

mirandaroser said:

I would definitely find out the laws in your state for statutory rape and see if you were too young/he was too old at the time, if not then your parents really don't have any pull to keep you from talking to them (and do they really think that calling the cops on the father of your child is the best idea). Good luck.
I live in California, and my dad did his own research to find out how much he could threaten him. Age is a problem, but since it was consensual they probably wouldn't follow a case with it. But they can still arrest him for statutory rape, and put it on his record, which is still less than desirable.

Maybe talk to your parents and find out what they think is going to happen in the long run. Also, do your own research, I'm not saying your dad is lying, but IMO it's best for you to see it with you own eyes. If he was arrested for SR, then he could be on the "sex offenders registry" for the rest of his life which could really screw things up in the long term (imagine not being able to buy a house because it's too close to a school because he had sex years ago with his consenting girl friend). Are they wanting him to not be involved with the baby/pregnancy, if so I don't see that as being realistic. Also find out for HOW long they can threaten to call the cops, is it something that they can't pursue once you're 18, or what are the limits on that?

nicolec3 · January 2015

I was seventeen when I had my first child. It is hard but you can do it!

Check with the universities and ask about family housing on campus as well as childcare.

mirandaroser · January 2015

I have seen it. They can't pursue it once I'm eighteen. But yeah I totally agree, I don't know why they would want to jeapordize the future of the man that will be caring for their daughter and grand baby, so my boyfriend and I are kinda waiting for it to calm down before we take any other steps forward.

Mama-Bear said:

mirandaroser said:

Mama-Bear said:
I would definitely find out the laws in your state for statutory rape and see if you were too young/he was too old at the time, if not then your parents really don't have any pull to keep you from talking to them (and do they really think that calling the cops on the father of your child is the best idea). Good luck.
I live in California, and my dad did his own research to find out how much he could threaten him. Age is a problem, but since it was consensual they probably wouldn't follow a case with it. But they can still arrest him for statutory rape, and put it on his record, which is still less than desirable.

allicat300 · January 2015

I am really proud of you! If you are not living at home you can emancipate yourself a year before you become an adult. That may make it easier for financial aid housing issues with parents calling cops ect. But its a hassle and may not be worth it. For now until things settle.... As awesome as your man may be go ahead and show that charater by agreeing to stay clear of your parents as their desire. I had my son at 18, his dad was not supportive so its easy and hard to relate. Also the college i wanted to go to had family housing so there are plenty that will cater to your needs (NAU was the college i wanted to go to) so chin up, keep us updated and enjoy the craziness

Katerina&Baby · January 2015

From a quick look at CA's penal code (you can google it), since your boyfriend is less than 3 years older than you, the statute of limitations is 1 year (so from when you turn 18, assuming you two will continue sleeping together until then). So take heart, you won't have this hanging over your relationship forever.

Look into taking classes part time - your chosen school may even have online classes. Also, as a PP mentioned, you can likely get an exemption from the on campus boarding requirement - it definitely warrants looking into.

Best of luck!

mirandaroser · January 2015

blu-eyedwife said:
What kind of Universities require on campus living? I would talk to someone at the schools about that. I've never heard of that and even schools that "require" it usually make exceptions based on student circumstances.

Also, I know it's hard, but if you're living with your parents, and they don't want your boyfriend coming over, then I would respect their wishes for right now. I feel like there's more to it than the fact he's just 19. If he's a good guy (and I'm hoping he is) then he'll be respectful of them and stick around until he's able to earn their trust and still be there for you.

Private universities, mainly. The one I wanted to go to, Azusa Pacific U requires two years of on-campus living. The other, St John's University, requires one year. Also, he has been respectful of their wishes and has used his time to finish school and work. The only argument my parents make against him are his age, they liked him very much so (he was the only guy I'd brought around that my dad actually enjoyed hanging out with) before they found out. I've been making sure to stay aware of his actions anyway, it's always good to be cautious of course.

blu-eyedwife · January 2015

mirandaroser said:

What kind of Universities require on campus living? I would talk to someone at the schools about that. I've never heard of that and even schools that "require" it usually make exceptions based on student circumstances.

Also, I know it's hard, but if you're living with your parents, and they don't want your boyfriend coming over, then I would respect their wishes for right now. I feel like there's more to it than the fact he's just 19. If he's a good guy (and I'm hoping he is) then he'll be respectful of them and stick around until he's able to earn their trust and still be there for you.

Private universities, mainly. The one I wanted to go to, Azusa Pacific U requires two years of on-campus living. The other, St John's University, requires one year. Also, he has been respectful of their wishes and has used his time to finish school and work. The only argument my parents make against him are his age, they liked him very much so (he was the only guy I'd brought around that my dad actually enjoyed hanging out with) before they found out. I've been making sure to stay aware of his actions anyway, it's always good to be cautious of course.

I don't know about St. John's, but I do know about Azusa Pacific. Talk to them. They do have exceptions to living on campus. Especially because some of the students there marry very young.

kris10anselmi · January 2015

Please know that there are traditional 4 year colleges that offer online bachelor's programs. Most with financial assistance for parents. I happen to work at one and this is the future trend. Please let your parents know your education is still possible.

desn · January 2015

I had my first child at 17. It was not easy,but i did it. I finished high school with a diploma and a 6 month old baby. I also for married at 17 and am still married today, almost 13 years later. My husband left for the Navy when I was 5 months along. He got to come home for 2 weeks after I had the baby. I continued to love with my mother and it was hard, but it is possible. My mother was very angry when I told her, but she got over it. I took night classes and online classes to my degree and I am a Certified Medical Assistant. You will probably get nasty looks and rude comments, don't pay any attention to them. So hang in there you can do it!

bruunk · January 2015

I applaud you for being so calm - my brother was 19 when he and his gf got pregnant. The families were not happy about it - but once baby was here, even the biggest naysayers melted. My SIL finished school and my brother found a job he's good and an loves. It's been a hard ten years but they're doing great! I think part of that is due to them being a untied front from day one. Good luck - and keep researching and keeping the peace if you can (hard, I know!)

bruunk · January 2015

Oh! And I'm in California too, the city and junior colleges have 'gate' programs with the state system. You go for your GE requirements, prove you're a good student, and you are accepted by the UC or State school. It's how I did it (but I'm thinking you may have been a better student than me). It's worth a look though - save money while still getting an education!

caitlincunn · January 2015

I had my daughter a month before I turned 16.. With my now fiancé and baby #2's dad, due June 13! I assume your are almost done with high school.
It was hard but I finished with my class and am graduating college this may

we didn't know we were pregnant right away with our first so our parents didn't have so much say. My dad took it the worst but after a few days calmed down and then he insisted that my boyfriend should stay over once I got close to my due date. Weird but our families forgot all about us being 16 once she was born and now that she is going to have a little sister they are so happy and excited for us. I hope your family turns around and you can figure college out when you feel ready. Don't wait long but if you want to get a degree you will.

jmkelly18 · January 2015

I was 19 when I got pregnant with my DD. My husband and I were dating at the time and my parents were very upset. Once my DD was here everyone fell in love with her and our relationships turned for the better! We are all back in eachothers good graces

when they found out I was pregnant they went from liking my DH to hating him and blaming him. Now they all get along just fine! Just know once that sweet LO gets here your parents will fall in love! It's amazing the power a little baby has!!
I was in college at the time at a university. I ended up transferring to a community college to finish off my core classes and did a lot online! Which was awesome! Online is very helpful, you do it on your time and have no commute. My DH did his entire degree online while working a full time job and completed it in 4 years! School is harder with a LO but it's defiantly doable if you set your mind to it! Talk with the college too they are human too and understand special situations. They may have alternatives to living on campus in a dorm.
I wish you the best of luck and am glad you are doing everything you can for your LO!

marshmallowmadness · January 2015

I got pregnant at 16 with my now DH who was also 16 at the time. Ohio doesn't have emancipation laws, but my parents did kick me out (and later threatened to call the police if I didn't come home) and made my life hell. I pursued emancipation and when we found out it wasn't possible, we decided to get married. In a lot of states, if you are 17 (which I was partially through the pregnancy) and pregnant, you can get married without a parent's consent as long as you have a proof of pregnancy. Marriage= automatic emancipation.

We also attended college together during the "correct" time frame. We had our daughter Nov of senior year of HS and then continued on to attend Ohio State. We lived in the family townhouse housing and alternated going to classes so we didn't need a babysitter (and saved a lot of $$$). Also, because we were married with a dependent(s) we were awarded grants and scholarships from the government that we didn't need to pay back (approx 5,500 a year each), so that, in addition to our normal loans, was enough to sustain us. Good luck to you, and just know that your are VERY lucky to have a supportive boyfriend! I'm not encouraging you to go and get married or do something you weren't planning, but just letting you know there are alternative routes to get to your goals! Best of luck!

sideboth · January 2015

Congratulations on the baby. An education is one of the best gifts you can give your child. Your parents will come around. I think they are scared for you right now and it's probably coming out in all the wrong ways.

mirandaroser · January 2015

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, it brings me much hope! I will take all of your advice and looking into alternative housing and also online classes for college. Semester finals are this week at my HS and I'll be getting by this semester without any bad grades despite all the stress at home. So I got that going for me!

hmarconett · January 2015

I agree with Mama-bear about looking up the laws about "rape" for you when he's nineteen. You definitely don't want his on the sex offenders list, like she said. With your baby on the way, if he is able to be a part of the baby's life, it would forever change that if he was on the sex offenders list. The people on that list can't do things such as go shopping in the toy department.... Can't go halloween trick or treating (can't even hand out candy or leave the house", can't ever go to a kids park or to parent teacher conferences at school. It's much more than just not being able to live within a certain radium of daycare/school facilities. It is a forever life changer, especially with a child. Not to mention that The Only work he would ever get into would be physical manual labor for the very rest of his life. All for just being intimate with his 17 year old, willing girlfriend. I mean, we're not talking about a child molester here. The consequences suck, and the most certainly are not fair to either of you, but if you're tempted to talk to or see his, remember these harsh punishments and what could happen.

That all sounds very discouraging, but I just wanted to make you fully aware to what all happens when someone is "sex-offender". It would be a horrible life for the father of your precious baby. And entirely unfair. On the better side of the spectrum, when do you turn 18? Hopefully it's before your little one is born so that daddy can be a part of that entire experience!

Don't worry too much about being a young mom, people are much more supportive these days, and as SOON as your dad sees his grand-baby, or maybe even feelings him/her kick the first time, he will be completely and utterly sucked in. Trust me. Hopefully your mom will be too, but there's just something about grand-babies that make our dads go nuts, ladies.

I'm confident you'll do great in school and attend/do well/and complete your time at a university. You have the passion and drive for it, and every one of your posts has had that same drive. Congratulations and embrace and love this experience! Don't worry about judgements if you're getting them, all your hardships will be forgotten when you see your baby for the first time. There's something about the innocence and utter love that makes everything seem better.

Good luck, and I'm sorry again if the beginning of this post seems too harsh! I just really want for your boyfriend to be able to take part in your babies life, and not to have to submit to ridiculous rules and regulations for the rest of your child's life. It's not worth it. Hold out until you're 18, and then love and adore every second you guys cherish with your baby!

Best of luck and congrats again!

Esmerelda2012 · January 2015

My parents had me at 17 and 18. I know it was a struggle and very difficult for them. I am 30 and pregnant with my first child and I am completely terrified. We all have stressors in our lives and I can't imagine what it feels like to be in your shoes. However, one thing I always tell myself and friends in troubled times is "have faith in yourself". You need to do what is best for you and your baby. It is going to be tough but it will be just a part of the story and everything will work out as it should. You will have a wonderful family! I will be praying for all of you!

Katerina&Baby · January 2015

hmarconett said:
I agree with Mama-bear about looking up the laws about "rape" for you when he's nineteen. You definitely don't want his on the sex offenders list, like she said. With your baby on the way, if he is able to be a part of the baby's life, it would forever change that if he was on the sex offenders list. The people on that list can't do things such as go shopping in the toy department.... Can't go halloween trick or treating (can't even hand out candy or leave the house", can't ever go to a kids park or to parent teacher conferences at school. It's much more than just not being able to live within a certain radium of daycare/school facilities. It is a forever life changer, especially with a child. Not to mention that The Only work he would ever get into would be physical manual labor for the very rest of his life. All for just being intimate with his 17 year old, willing girlfriend. I mean, we're not talking about a child molester here. The consequences suck, and the most certainly are not fair to either of you, but if you're tempted to talk to or see his, remember these harsh punishments and what could happen.

That all sounds very discouraging, but I just wanted to make you fully aware to what all happens when someone is "sex-offender". It would be a horrible life for the father of your precious baby. And entirely unfair. On the better side of the spectrum, when do you turn 18? Hopefully it's before your little one is born so that daddy can be a part of that entire experience!

Don't worry too much about being a young mom, people are much more supportive these days, and as SOON as your dad sees his grand-baby, or maybe even feelings him/her kick the first time, he will be completely and utterly sucked in. Trust me. Hopefully your mom will be too, but there's just something about grand-babies that make our dads go nuts, ladies.

I'm confident you'll do great in school and attend/do well/and complete your time at a university. You have the passion and drive for it, and every one of your posts has had that same drive. Congratulations and embrace and love this experience! Don't worry about judgements if you're getting them, all your hardships will be forgotten when you see your baby for the first time. There's something about the innocence and utter love that makes everything seem better.

Good luck, and I'm sorry again if the beginning of this post seems too harsh! I just really want for your boyfriend to be able to take part in your babies life, and not to have to submit to ridiculous rules and regulations for the rest of your child's life. It's not worth it. Hold out until you're 18, and then love and adore every second you guys cherish with your baby!

Best of luck and congrats again!

There is a lot of misinformation here but I'm going to ignore it because a quick look at CA's penal code shows that a conviction under CA's statutory rape laws does not require the offender to register as a sex offender in CA (note: if you moved out of state, you'd have to look at their particular registration rules).

hmarconett · January 2015

Katerina&Baby said:

I agree with Mama-bear about looking up the laws about "rape" for you when he's nineteen. You definitely don't want his on the sex offenders list, like she said. With your baby on the way, if he is able to be a part of the baby's life, it would forever change that if he was on the sex offenders list. The people on that list can't do things such as go shopping in the toy department.... Can't go halloween trick or treating (can't even hand out candy or leave the house", can't ever go to a kids park or to parent teacher conferences at school. It's much more than just not being able to live within a certain radium of daycare/school facilities. It is a forever life changer, especially with a child. Not to mention that The Only work he would ever get into would be physical manual labor for the very rest of his life. All for just being intimate with his 17 year old, willing girlfriend. I mean, we're not talking about a child molester here. The consequences suck, and the most certainly are not fair to either of you, but if you're tempted to talk to or see his, remember these harsh punishments and what could happen.

That all sounds very discouraging, but I just wanted to make you fully aware to what all happens when someone is "sex-offender". It would be a horrible life for the father of your precious baby. And entirely unfair. On the better side of the spectrum, when do you turn 18? Hopefully it's before your little one is born so that daddy can be a part of that entire experience!

Don't worry too much about being a young mom, people are much more supportive these days, and as SOON as your dad sees his grand-baby, or maybe even feelings him/her kick the first time, he will be completely and utterly sucked in. Trust me. Hopefully your mom will be too, but there's just something about grand-babies that make our dads go nuts, ladies.

I'm confident you'll do great in school and attend/do well/and complete your time at a university. You have the passion and drive for it, and every one of your posts has had that same drive. Congratulations and embrace and love this experience! Don't worry about judgements if you're getting them, all your hardships will be forgotten when you see your baby for the first time. There's something about the innocence and utter love that makes everything seem better.

Good luck, and I'm sorry again if the beginning of this post seems too harsh! I just really want for your boyfriend to be able to take part in your babies life, and not to have to submit to ridiculous rules and regulations for the rest of your child's life. It's not worth it. Hold out until you're 18, and then love and adore every second you guys cherish with your baby!

Best of luck and congrats again!
There is a lot of misinformation here but I'm going to ignore it because a quick look at CA's penal code shows that a conviction under CA's statutory rape laws does not require the offender to register as a sex offender in CA (note: if you moved out of state, you'd have to look at their particular registration rules).

Not sure about CA's specific policy. I live in MO and I'm familiar with the new laws they've made about it due to my brother being in about a similar situation as her boyfriend. He was 19 dating a 16 year old. She didn't end up getting pregnant, but her parents found out and he was fully prosecuted. He served three years in jail. just got out in April of '14. He's on probation for 7 years and the rules and regulations that I listed above are all things that he will have to abide by for the rest of his life since he is a "registered sex offender". There's a lot more behind the curtains than just the simple little rules like not living close to a school. Trust me. Not positive about CA, again, but that's been my experience with the program through my brother.

Knottie55308180 · January 2015

hello! I just turned 21 in November and am from cleveland! currently I am a junior at Cleveland state and it's not required to live on campus here! My suggestions would either be find a college where you don't have to live on campus, OR try an online college! I did online through Penn state University for 2 years before transferring here yo CSU last fall. It's an Ivy League school and around 3 grand a semester which is pretty cheap! and you can complete all 4 years online! if you want to know more let me know! good luck!

Sugarbean17 · January 2015

I'm really sorry that you are going through this. You should look into you state laws. I had the same situation happen when I was pregnant with my DD. It turns out where im from, if you become pregnant you are automatically emancipated.
That being said, at the time I wanted my boyfriend around and my parents gave in. Now 8 years later I wish more than anything that I would have dumped his butt and never had contact with him again. It would have been better for everyone especially my DD. However each situation is different and I wish you the best. If you feel like he is a good guy and will be good to you and your LO then look into your rights and see if you are emancipated or if you can apply for emancipation. You will be a parent soon and in charge of your world along with someone else's so it only makes sense that you start making your own choices about who you are around.

ombradellarosa · January 2015

I remember you too! I'm glad you are doing pretty well and I hope that your situation only gets better. Considering what you've said about your parents liking your boyfriend fine before, I'd say that it was probably just that this nineteen year old man got their teenage daughter pregnant that makes them not want him around. Doesn't mean anything is wrong with him, but I know my parents would have been the same and to be honest, that would probably be enough for me as well. That said, I think it's wonderful that he's supportive of you and the baby and you should be able to spend time together. You have a lot to talk about! So I get where your parents are coming from, but is it possible that you could get together outside of the house?