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Intro and question

mkayblanchmkayblanch member
in Blended Families
Hi, I am currently 30 weeks pregnant with my first child. My SO has full custody of his two older daughters; 11 and 12, the baby is a girl as well. We are having to wait to actually get married for a couple of legistical reasons including health insurance and another financial concern. The first part of my struggle is I was the only girl with 4 brothers and grew up like one of them and I am having a hard time thinking of ways to relate to the girls. The baby was a bit of a surprise and we havent had a lot of time to prep the older girls and ease them into their world being flipped upside down since we will be moving into a new house this summer as well. I want to get the girls involved and help them see the changes as positive and adventure like. I certainly dont want them to think that they are being pushed to the side or forgotten about due to the new baby. Anybody have any brilliant, or obvious, ideas on how i can make sure the girls know with out a doubt that they are loved and everybit as important as the new baby? I cant stand the thought of these precious girls feeling left out in anyway. Id kind of like to try having a girls night in before the baby comes, maybe kick SO out to go drinking with my bros or something, but have no ideas on what to do with the girls.
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Re: Intro and question

  • FinallyHappy84FinallyHappy84 member
    Welcome! How long have you been in their lives and living with them? I wouldn't be so concerned with the fact that because they are girls they are necessarily wanting to go to do "feminine" things like get their hair or nails done. What are their interests?
    You could do a girls night or one weekend you take one and SO takes the other and spend some individual time with each and then switch so each girl gets one on one time with their dad or simply just out as a family.
    As far as involving them with the baby, you can have them help set up the nursery if they want, like pick out colors or bedding, or teach them things about newborn care that you're learning as well.
    Honestly I would just sit down with them and talk to them about how they are feeling about everything.
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  • mkayblanchmkayblanch member
    We've only been a family for a few months. The plan was to ease the girls into it slowly and we were working out the plans when we found out I was pregnant, which was a shock because doctors told me about 7 years ago that it would never happen. One of the issues we have is that I dont live with them yet, their house is too small to squeeze anybody else in. We are getting a place together when his lease is up shortly after the baby is born in late March. Im not as worried about the younger one because she is much less of a girly girl and we have some similar interests like crafts and reading, and some good old "nerdy" things like history and star trek. The older girl recently asked daddy if he thought I would do "girl things" with her like showing her make up and nails and doing hair. She hasnt said anything to me about wanting it and I'm not sure if I should wait for her to come to me or if I should bring it up with her. The older one is craving maternal attention and her mom keeps letting her down and pushing her to the side, makes promises and plans then no-shows and leaves it for dad to wipe the tears and mend the heart. I compleatly understand why she doesnt want to trust me and is afraid to let me close enough to break her heart. (Her mom is a lot like my dad was when I was her age)
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  • FinallyHappy84FinallyHappy84 member
    I'm sorry that BM is doing that to her daughter. I would offer to show her how to do hair, make up, and nails even though she hasn't brought it up to you directly. She probably fears let down but she did bring it up to SO. If there's something you don't know how to do, like a certain braid she's interested in, YouTube tutorials are awesome. I use them for myself all the the time. This will open up the door for her to realize she can rely on you as well as communication.
    Congratulations as well on your upcoming LO! I had a similar situation with doctors telling me I wouldn't be able to get pregnant but now I have my DD. Timing was also not as planned but it's been such a wonderful experience and I wouldn't change any of it. :)
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  • mkayblanchmkayblanch member
    Thank you so much! I will try to bring it up and see how she reacts. She is at that horrible age where all she sees is the negitives in herself and puts the frustration that she doesn't know herself onto others. I have avoided making any verbal promises and focused more on actions and doing things for her. I'm pretty sure if I talk to her and say we will do something at a later time, rather than doing it right then, I will get the wonderful eye roll and snarky scoff that 12 year old girls seem to have down pat. I am hoping that once this new sister comes she can kinda help us bond together, I've never really met a girl that age that wasnt at least curious about a little baby;) I will also have my body and energy back and be able to do some of the more active and outdoors stuff we have in common with her. So that whole ramble was just saying; thank you for your ideas and support, I haven't had anybody to really talk any of this over with.
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