Husband doesn't get me these days

DLCrawford · January 2015

So... I know that pregnancy involves a lot of emotions and the hormones are raging... But I just thought my husband would be more supportive and understanding. But he's not, at all... Any time I have a mood swing or get irrationally mad, he flips on me... I told him that I feel like he's not as excited about the baby as I am, and he got really upset.... So, bottom line.... We've been fighting, a lot... I'm worried that the stress is hurting the baby and I don't really know how to cope w him... Has anyone else been through this? Any advice?

FirstTimeDaddy81 · January 2015

The biggest piece of advice that I can give you is to communicate with your husband as much as possible. Also, make sure that you're doing it when you're both calm. It doesn't help to discuss issues when your tempers are both flaring.

A lot of women have a tendency to drop hints of things they want their husbands to do, and us guys are too stupid to pick up on those hints. You need to clearly state how you're feeling and what you need him to do to help you out, or he isn't going to do it.

Best of luck. Hope it helps.

Amstreagle · January 2015

Hormones aren't really an excuse to be irrational or have mood swings towards him. I think you owe him an apology and really work on your emotions. Men handle pregnancy differently. Women become mothers when they become pregnant. Men become fathers when they meet their child.

natalie115 · January 2015

Hormones are actually a great excuse to be irritable and irrational...that being said when I have a freak out moment I typically follow up with "I'm sorry, having a pregnancy moment". However he needs to try and be understanding that you can always stop yourself from being irritable. Sitting down with him and explaining where you're coming from and asking for understanding from him would be a great idea. If issues persist seeing a counselor is an option as well.

Amstreagle · January 2015

natalie115 said:

Hormones are actually a great excuse to be irritable and irrational...that being said when I have a freak out moment I typically follow up with "I'm sorry, having a pregnancy moment". However he needs to try and be understanding that you can always stop yourself from being irritable. Sitting down with him and explaining where you're coming from and asking for understanding from him would be a great idea. If issues persist seeing a counselor is an option as well.

I disagree. No matter how hormonal you are it's not ok to blow up on another human being. Irritable and irrational I understand but directing that towards your partner not cool.

Unknown · January 2015

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MissRissx3 · January 2015

Hormones will make you think crazy thoughts. And yes, there are times where you could blame it on the hormones. My husband actually has mood swings, so we can't say that's hormones lol. More like stress.

GSUDavis · January 2015

FirstTimeDaddy81 said:

The biggest piece of advice that I can give you is to communicate with your husband as much as possible. Also, make sure that you're doing it when you're both calm. It doesn't help to discuss issues when your tempers are both flaring.
A lot of women have a tendency to drop hints of things they want their husbands to do, and us guys are too stupid to pick up on those hints. You need to clearly state how you're feeling and what you need him to do to help you out, or he isn't going to do it.
Best of luck. Hope it helps.

I love that there is a vocal dad-to-be hanging out with us. You are helping to provide great insite from the other side of the pregnancy/relationship. Thank you!

ipumpkin · January 2015

GSUDavis said:

FirstTimeDaddy81 said:

The biggest piece of advice that I can give you is to communicate with your husband as much as possible. Also, make sure that you're doing it when you're both calm. It doesn't help to discuss issues when your tempers are both flaring.
A lot of women have a tendency to drop hints of things they want their husbands to do, and us guys are too stupid to pick up on those hints. You need to clearly state how you're feeling and what you need him to do to help you out, or he isn't going to do it.
Best of luck. Hope it helps.

I love that there is a vocal dad-to-be hanging out with us. You are helping to provide great insite from the other side of the pregnancy/relationship. Thank you!

I thought this the other day and I completely agree! It's nice to have the male perspective!

natalie115 · January 2015

@Amstreagle‌ and @ladycersei‌ You have no way to know how other people's hormones affect them. Just because yours don't affect you too bad doesn't mean somebody else's aren't worse. Why do you think people have PPD and regular depression because of hormones. So saying that you should be able to "handle" or "control" your hormones is basically telling those people that they should just suck it up and deal with their hormones.

ipumpkin · January 2015

natalie115 said:

@Amstreagle‌ and @ladycersei‌ You have no way to know how other people's hormones affect them. Just because yours don't affect you too bad doesn't mean somebody else's aren't worse. Why do you think people have PPD and regular depression because of hormones. So saying that you should be able to "handle" or "control" your hormones is basically telling those people that they should just suck it up and deal with their hormones.

No, it's telling people to grow up and act like an adult.

Amstreagle · January 2015

natalie115 said:

@Amstreagle‌ and @ladycersei‌ You have no way to know how other people's hormones affect them. Just because yours don't affect you too bad doesn't mean somebody else's aren't worse. Why do you think people have PPD and regular depression because of hormones. So saying that you should be able to "handle" or "control" your hormones is basically telling those people that they should just suck it up and deal with their hormones.

I personally suffer from major depression as well as anxiety disorder and have never lashed out at another person for how I'm feeling. That's my issue and no one else's and if you were to know anything about depression it's something that suffers, like myself, internalize and keep to ourselves.
Stop throwing mental disorders out there like you know two shits about what you are talking about.

Ebunnee87 · January 2015

The best advice I every received about marriage is that you have to own what you say even with hormones. Love can't cover everything that you do and say. And sometimes guys are a lot more sensitive than we are. These are the precious moments when we need to get closer to our spouses before the baby especially for us FTMs. Love a little harder, argue a little less. And make sure you pick the appropriate times to bring up an issue, every time you feel he needs to get it doesn't mean it's the right time. Timing has a lot to do with how they receive that info. I hope I helped. It seemed like my marriage went left as soon as we found out I was pregnant and now I want to use this time to make it go right for the baby and for our relationship with each other.

natalie115 · January 2015

@Amstreagle‌ I find it interesting that your response to me saying that you can't possibly know what someone else is going through is to tell me that I don't know what people with depression go through. Hmm....

Unknown · January 2015

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pbnugget · January 2015

I was actually put on birth control because of PMDD when I was younger, so I can see how hormones make people act crazy. That said, since I'm used to feeling crazy and because I love my partner deeply I always apologize if I've said something dumb- for example, he yelled something to me upstairs, I ignored him, and then when he yelled it again I said: I heard you, I'm just not going to do that! I have no idea why I said it at all. So I took my bratty butt back downstairs and apologized. They may not be cooking the baby, but they're going through a lot themselves too. Plus did you know they're effected by the hormones you're putting off?? True story. I realize I offered no advice, just my own experience. Sorry.

Good luck!

GSUDavis · January 2015

Ebunnee87 - I think that is wonderful advice! =D

thelittlestbee · January 2015

DLCrawford said:

So... I know that pregnancy involves a lot of emotions and the hormones are raging... But I just thought my husband would be more supportive and understanding. But he's not, at all... Any time I have a mood swing or get irrationally mad, he flips on me... I told him that I feel like he's not as excited about the baby as I am, and he got really upset.... So, bottom line.... We've been fighting, a lot... I'm worried that the stress is hurting the baby and I don't really know how to cope w him... Has anyone else been through this? Any advice?

Pregnancy does involve a lot of emotions and hormones and all that jazz. But based on your post, even you admit that you are being irrational. I can't speak for everyone, but I think this is a common problem that many pregnant women have to deal with. The thing is really how you choose to handle these emotions. I think I flipped out on my husband maybe once or twice, and the guilt destroyed me. He didn't deserve it and I knew I was just acting like a crazy bitch for no reason. I apologized, acknowledged that I was being a psycho, and promised to try harder to control my emotions. We haven't had any issues since then and this pregnancy has ended up bringing us so much closer together.

IMO, you need to lighten up on your DH. Men don't experience pregnancy the same way we do. They can't read our minds. They don't always know the right things to do/say. But that's something that you need to address with your DH in a calm and reasonable manner. The key to any successful relationship is communication. Think before you speak and walk away if you feel like you're going to flip your lid. Don't ever say something that you're going to regret later.

FirstTimeDaddy81 · January 2015

Since there's some debate going on over whether or not mood swings are appropriate, I wanted to chime in with a man's POV.

As a man, I realize that there are lots of times when my wife may be feeling irritable and be a little more snappy to me than usual. Typically, after she snaps, once she has calmed down, she will apologize and tell me that I'm doing a great job of being supportive and she's not mad at me she's just feeling moody right now. I can deal with that.

Again, it comes back to communication. I realize that she appreciates what I'm doing to help out and her outburst isn't because she's mad at me, so I can deal with it. As long as you talk to your husband when you aren't feeling emotional and explain to him what you're going through, he'll be able to be much more supportive throughout the pregnancy process.

GSUDavis · January 2015

FirstTimeDaddy81 - Please don't go away after your LO is born. Stick around with us! =D

allrightmeow · January 2015

DLCrawford said:

So... I know that pregnancy involves a lot of emotions and the hormones are raging... But I just thought my husband would be more supportive and understanding. But he's not, at all... Any time I have a mood swing or get irrationally mad, he flips on me... I told him that I feel like he's not as excited about the baby as I am, and he got really upset.... So, bottom line.... We've been fighting, a lot... I'm worried that the stress is hurting the baby and I don't really know how to cope w him... Has anyone else been through this? Any advice?

You just expect him to be completely understanding to you just flying off the handle "irrationally" and when he doesn't you question how YOU are gonna cope with HIM? Oh brother.

My advice is to get a little self awareness and own your horrible behavior instead of trying to pass it off totally as "hormones". Use your words.

FirstTimeDaddy81 · January 2015

GSUDavis If I'm still around after the LO is born in July, I'll probably be participating in newborn community groups rather than 2nd trimester.

That being said, if y'all ladies ever feel like you need a man's perspective, feel free to PM me to ask me a question privately or ask me to chime in on a thread.

allrightmeow · January 2015

FirstTimeDaddy81 said:

GSUDavis If I'm still around after the LO is born in July, I'll probably be participating in newborn community groups rather than 2nd trimester.
That being said, if y'all ladies ever feel like you need a man's perspective, feel free to PM me to ask me a question privately or ask me to chime in on a thread.

Awesome! Thanks @FirstTimeDaddy81

GSUDavis · January 2015

Haha sounds good! After early July, I'll hopefully be in the newborn threads too!

oneblessedmess · January 2015

FirstTimeDaddy81 said:
GSUDavis If I'm still around after the LO is born in July, I'll probably be participating in newborn community groups rather than 2nd trimester.
That being said, if y'all ladies ever feel like you need a man's perspective, feel free to PM me to ask me a question privately or ask me to chime in on a thread.

I'm a July momma! Due the 21st! Cheers!

usapilar · January 2015

First off, I am sorry you have to go through that BUT I can empathize with ur situation. My best advice is to become a bit more self-aware so you can recognize those emotions/feelings and develop a plan before it takes over you. Man in general deal with that kind of stuff a lot differently. My husband tends to isolate himself or shut the whole world out when he is frustrated or worried which is hard for me because I am the opposite and I push him to ,talk and deal with ME!!! After a decade, I have developed many coping skills to deal with my own s*&^ before it blows up out of proportion and causes me and hubbie to argue and fight. I have learned that perhaps sharing on the internet searching for answers may not be the best tool if you take things very personally, people can be cruel, but for me sometimes it helps to go online and read about whatever issue I may be going thru at the time. If you feel overwhelmed by all those crazy hormones take some time to be by yourself, take a walk, take a bath, go online and focus on baby! Research registry, nursery, shower ideas. Make a play list for those hard times---if you r sad watch a funny movie---treat yourself to your favorite snack---LEAVE UR MAN ALONE---if he pisses you off be the better person and remove yourself from the situation instead of making it worse by taking steps to focus your emotional energy on something else----if both of you get into it,sleep on it then revisit the issue and try to talk about it apologize and recognize that he may be feeling overwhelmed as well. GOOD LUCK

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