Baby shower dilemma

andreeamog · January 2015

hi! I am new to 'the bump' . This is my first post. I am 28 weeks pregnant with my first baby (boy). I am an immigrant, I moved to the states 4,5 years ago. I first lived in Az for about 3 years. I made friends there. We decided to move to Wa, where my husband's family lives 1,5 years ago. Haven't made too many friends here except for the acquaintances from the small church we attend. I was invited to several baby showers and bridal showers, here and in Az. I always attended dearly . My sister in law wants now to throw a baby shower for me. She attends the same church as me. So, our friends are pretty much the same. I appreciate her effort and God knows I need baby items since we are not doing very well financially right now but all the baby showers I attended until now, had pretty much the same guests and I could notice a pattern. People (our acquitances ) come to baby shower mostly for free food, a good laugh and not so much to help the mom to be out. Every mom that was registered, got items that were not in the registry and not all that useful. Such as clothes for 1 year old ( I don't mean these are not useful but they are not needed right the way). I am always careful to purchase things for baby shower that mamas have registered for or I give gift cards if they are requested. For me, to have this shower is an extra expense, as I have to pay for decorations , beverages, etc for 65 people. Is it worth it for me to have this baby shower just for receiving a couple of onesies?? Or how can my sister in law ask nicely and politely, our guests to buy the things I registered for?

Pix3lle · January 2015

You don't necessarily have to invite that many people, if you have a few you are closer too i'd just get your sister in law to invite them and have a nice small shower.

Plus others may be struggling for money, or might not know you that well, so you can't expect people to go all out for a gift, especially people you don't know closely. ( though i never had much $$ for my close friends shower gifts either) onsies and bibs are always good!

EDIT: I didn't see the not commenting thing until just after i commented so i apologise for that.

redneckmomma25 · January 2015

Um. What?

Don't throw your own baby shower and don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

annapants26 · January 2015

You don't throw a shower for yourself. Your sister in law has offered to throw you a shower; you won't be paying for any expenses.

andreeamog · January 2015

I was asked to pay for the expenses even if she is the one that takes care of inviting everyone and she chose the date. Of course I am not throwing it myself. People know me very well because my husband is the youth pastor and he leads their children . I am not looking for gifts. I would be better off without having it. But since I am asked to throw $1000 for the expenses I am just wandering if it's worth it . With $1000 I could buy a whole nursery . You get the idea. My question was never regarding how many gifts I should be getting. It was about if it's worth spending the money on this baby shower . Maybe some of you were lucky (I say it in the positive way ) to have someone take care of everything but it's not my case. And people do buy gifts when they attend. The money is not a problem, they just don't buy things off the registry or things a mom needs right the way. They buy clothes for when the baby is bigger. Which of course is nice but you don't need them right the way. Thank you for your answers .

Sargeantpepper · January 2015

If I had to spend $1000 to have someone else throw my shower, I would not have a shower.

boxermamahm · January 2015

I think it's terribly ungracious to tell guests what kind of gifts to give. That said, if you have to pay for the shower yourself, and it sounds like you don't really want it, then there is nothing wrong with turning down the offer.

dragonsluck13 · January 2015

Personally if I was asked to pay for my own shower I would politely decline. You could always throw your own "meet the baby" type party after the baby comes so you and your friends can gather. That way you can have control of the expenses and gifts won't be an issue.

andreeamog · January 2015

I decided to decline the offer . With $1000 I can buy a whole nursery.

@boxermamahm I don't think it's ungracious to register for gifts . I attended several baby showers and I appreciated that I had an idea of what the mom needs- that's the point of a registry, right? I would never consider telling my friends ' I want X thing from you'. That's impolite. Not being registered. The question in the first post was how to suggest to the guests to buy things off registry since they are already spending money on gifts that are not on the registry. I would never register for car seat, stroller, etc. but instead of ending up with 100 onesies I'd rather get a couple of onesies , a couple of receiving blankets, a couple of bibs, wipes, diapers , etc. Anyways, thank you for your time to answer.

boxermamahm · January 2015

To clarify, I think registries are totally fine (and awesome)! But to insist people buy from them is quite rude. Announcing the registry on the invitation is sufficient, or if someone asks what you need, mentioning that everything you need is on the registry is okay, though. Some people take it further and say things like "please only buy gifts from the registry" or "no clothes please!" Or the like and I find THAT to be rather ungracious.

court476 · January 2015

When my sister was pregnant I threw her a baby shower for $85 people. And it wasn't even close to that much money!!!! With the food and decorations it was more like $150. Everyone had a great time and she did end up getting most things on her registry. In fact she had so many presents that all she did for 4 hours was open presents! Course that was just one situation, but most baby showers i attended are like that.

doxiemom415 · January 2015

WHAT a dilemma.
cat animated GIF

be888 · January 2015

It is no one else's responsibility, but your own to buy baby items. It is extremely rude to tell guests how to spend their money.

angelike81 · January 2015

I understand what you are saying and in your position I would decline the baby shower if I had to pay that much out of pocket to have it. I'm sure if the baby shower came at no or very little expense to you then you would not worry about what type of gifts you got

ElizabethSwann · January 2015

Not paying for your own shower, when you are saying you wont like the gifts is a no brainer to me.

Also, sending out the invites, and the date is not hosting a shower. You were throwing the shower for yourself.

I think you made the right choice.

redneckmomma25 · January 2015

I have never been to a church that didn't host a shower for a mom. Especially a youth pastors wife. Most don't care if it's first or second child.

I call BS.

jesslfar · January 2015

All the host can do is inform people when they rsvp that you are registered at this store. She can't really say please only buy what is on the list. Most showers I have attended have been full of clothes and blankets and very rarely helpful items the mom really needs even when she had a registry. It is not standard for the host to ask you to pay for a shower yourself, that is what is included when they offer to take it on and is why not everyone offers. I would politely decline unless someone else offers who intends to pay for the shower. A shower can be given for a lot less or does not need to be given.

andreeamog · January 2015

Since I never threw a shower for someone or had one before, I don't know the costums . I don't know who should do what. I was asked to pay for the expenses and that's it. It's not the church who asked for the money, it was my SIL. She came up with the idea. I told her the same, to me it seams like I am throwing it myself and I find it weird. Maybe she has little experience with this is as well. Anyways, this is a closed topic for me since I already told her it's no need to go ahead with the shower. I don't know about the shower organized by the church for anyone, even pastor's wife. In our church, one of the family's members organizes the shower for the mom to be, not the church. Never heard the church ( which means the leading board) to come up with the idea. Anyways, thx for your answers. No need for further discussions regarding this since I've reached a decision .

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