NWMR: name regret

bumpuser10331514 · January 2015

Anyone regret the name(s) they picked for their LO(s)? I am hit hard with it for our DD. I called her Scarlet for the first 3 mos of my pregnancy, but DH hated it. He didn't know that's what I called her b/c we had agreed to name her after his mom, but then he decided he didn't want to and that's when I told him I'd been calling her Scarlet. He hated it so much that I felt like I had to let it go.

We gave her a pretty name, but it's common. I was staunchly in the "elegant" camp (Scarlet, Violet, Vervara (Vivi), Lilia, Gabriella, Valerie, Juliette) and DH was staunchly in the traditional camp (Rebecca, Sara, Elizabeth, Jennifer). I ended up picking the name the second I saw her face feeling that she didn't look like any of my "fancy" names (but what newborn does?), but now that I've gotten to know her - I really feel like she is so, so much a Scarlet or Vervara or Violet. I feel like it would be a little nutso to change it, but - maybe not?

74dragonfly · January 2015

I think it is a little late to change. What is her name? Is your dh happy with it?

litzo27 · January 2015

I don't think there is a right answer for this. What does your DH think? Are any of the names you are considering ok with him? If you feel strongly then you can definitely change it. Will you family and friends think you're a little nuts. Sure. But in the long term they'll forget about the change. On the other hand I'm a strong believer in gut feeling - if you picked a name when you looked at her at her birth, perhaps it was meant to be. Changing it now but then changing it back a year from now would be even more nutso (bordering on official nutso I would say

).

Also - you are not asking for opinions on the three names you gave so I won't give them but I think you could definitely rationalize and find reasons why each of these names is not "ideal" (recognizing that there is no such thing as an ideal name).

2chatter · January 2015

My only regret is my children's names just happen to coincide with characters on TV shows. Not even same era shows, but people still go OH LIKE ON SHOW?!

My oldest was named before the show even existed, and my youngest has a name that also appeared on the same show. So they think I am some sort of TV junkie, when in fact, I didn't even know about the connection until someone pointed it out (and then I started watching the show...)

It isn't too late to change it for a nickname...but what does DH think about changing it for a name name? I can Scarlet being a nm if she is dramatic, for example?

chloebeth930 · January 2015

I love my daughter's first name (her middle name is after my late sister).

However, there are sometimes that I feel like her name doesn't fit her personality at the moment. She is such a rough little spitfire sometimes I think that a more "stronger sounding" <--- I don't really have a better way to describe it, name would suit her better (like a Harper or Avery or something).

However, I wouldn't change her name. Use a nickname. I know many people who go by one name, but their "legal name" isn't anything close.

bumpuser10331514 · January 2015

We named her Alexandrea Vae ( <---that's her with the sunshine on her head, the clouds on her feet, and the mortification on her face). I know, I know about changing the spelling, but that's one of the only things I really like about the name.

I picked it b/c I figured there were so many nicknames that we could find one that fit her without trouble. And, should she choose to, she can reinvent herself several times over with some new variation of her name. But she's a bold little one.

DH has said to go ahead and file a name change, but I know he's bluffing. Kind of hoping he keeps up his bluff, just so I can decide what really makes sense to do.

@2chatter: so you named your kids Buffy and Angel?

jasminelorraine20 · January 2015

It took us almost my entire pregnancy to agree on a name that we both loved, and to this day I still get comments on how "beautiful" my son's name is. It's Elijah Michael. FWIW, I think your LO's name is beautiful, and I do think it's a little weird/late to change it, but ultimately it's something for you and DH to decide on. If you do decide to change, sooner than later would be best.

Sept07b2b · January 2015

I truly thought I was the only person in the world who thought about this so far after the baby's birth, but I still have regrets about my DD's name. I absolutely LOVE my DS' name, but I am just not sold on DD's.

When I was pregnant with DS, my DH and I had agreed that if it were a girl, we would name her Allison. I absolutely LOVE Allison (Ali for short). DS obviously wasn't a girl, so we picked a boys name. Fast Forward to when I was pregnant with DD. We found out it was a girl, and I immediately was like, oh good. We're all set on Allison. DH had a change of heart and we narrowed it down to two names. We were both strongly leaning towards one of them, but when DD was born, it just didn't fit at all, so she was unnamed for the first day and a half in the hospital. We finally decided to go with the other name, and I think I was just so tired after giving birth, I just conceded. In retrospect, I really wish I had fought for Allison. She totally looks like an Allison to me, and I just don't love her name.

DD is now almost 3, so there is no way we are going to change her name at this point, and it drives DH crazy that I still think about it, but I can't help it!! Just know you are not alone!!

PS. I love the name Alexandrea.

WBMom · January 2015

This is a difficult decision. Like others mentioned you could use a nickname. But this is a very personal choice. FWIW I think her name is beautiful and sounds very elegant to me.

2chatter · January 2015

Ha! Addison and Cooper....and she wasn't on Private Practice until later! The other is Piper - and that's the Charmed reference I always get.

I always think Drea is a bold name - could that work?

Helenahhandbasket · January 2015

If she were 6 months or less old, I would say to consider it.

I think at almost 1 year old you have missed the boat, but sorry you are going thru this!

KayteeGee · January 2015

You're not alone.
I'm not sold on DDs name either. I don't dislike it, I just am still kind of undecided among the three names we always liked. But I'll tell you we did talk about changing it the first week because people kept mispronouncing it.
Strangely we call her a nickname that's totally unrelated to her name or any of the names we were considering; it just evolved and kind of stuck. Just the other day I mused out loud that maybe we should have named her one of our other top choices and my DS over heard and loudly told me "That is NOT [nickname's] name! Her name is Baby [name]" - funny.
Anyway, if you really don't like it I say change it. It's early enough, but I do think it's kind of a one-shot deal.
FWIW I think Alexandrea is elegant - definitely not one I'd call "traditional"

[Deleted User] · January 2015

I also think you shouldn't change it.

Go with a nickname.

Mustardseed2007 · January 2015

I have also had name regret. We named my daughter after my mom, who has a very old, very unique welsh family name. It's spelled phonetically, but I think people freak out when they see it

I had a loss, followed by my pregnancy with DD which was very rocky, so neither me or DH got really involved in discussing names (felt like it could be bad luck, I guess), other than DH vetoed names I liked.

Combine that with my mom got very very ill while I was pregnant and almost died -- we basically defaulted into naming her what after my mom and chose a nice (turns out common) middle name.

I really didn't count on how much it would bother me that people are so thrown by her name and never say it right, and I have settled into a nick name that I didn't think I would use. Overall, I'm not going to be changing her name but I often think what it would be like if I had named her X or Y. It's a good name for her, though. It's a special snowflake name and she's a special snow flake.

ETA: I sometimes jokingly tell people my mom got sick in order to trick me into naming my kid after her b/c she got better right after DD was born.

sweetsunnyc · January 2015

Mustardseed2007 said:

I have also had name regret. We named my daughter after my mom, who has a very old, very unique welsh family name. It's spelled phonetically, but I think people freak out when they see it
I had a loss, followed by my pregnancy with DD which was very rocky, so neither me or DH got really involved in discussing names (felt like it could be bad luck, I guess), other than DH vetoed names I liked.
Combine that with my mom got very very ill while I was pregnant and almost died -- we basically defaulted into naming her what after my mom and chose a nice (turns out common) middle name.
I really didn't count on how much it would bother me that people are so thrown by her name and never say it right, and I have settled into a nick name that I didn't think I would use. Overall, I'm not going to be changing her name but I often think what it would be like if I had named her X or Y. It's a good name for her, though. It's a special snowflake name and she's a special snow flake.
ETA: I sometimes jokingly tell people my mom got sick in order to trick me into naming my kid after her b/c she got better right after DD was born.

I am in a similar boat. I love DD 1's name and decided on it when I was pregnant with her not knowing that it would be so difficult for other people/kids to pronounce. I am very much on the unique, classic camp and she was named after a great aunt. Her name is Adelia (pronounced like Amelia with a d) and people have the hardest time with it. It very much suits her and I get compliments on it all of the time, but I often have to help people pronounce it. I am glad that I didn't go with anything trendy, but I wish that I would have thought of something easier as she will probably deal with the pronunciation thing the rest of her life

That said, she goes by her middle name with family and friends that is much easier to pronounce. I agree with PP's- try something as a nickname rather than changing her name.

MommyAtty · January 2015

I have an odd name. DH has a very common name. I always said when I had a baby, I would get out the top 10 list from the year before and choose one of those names. DH didn't want anything too common. With DD, we went with the name that was #11 the year before. With DS, the name we picked was #9. So no regrets here. DH is occasionally annoyed that so many other people have DD's name. But seriously, I would have gotten divorced before naming either of my kids something difficult to spell, pronounce, or understand. I've lived that life and it SUCKS.

skibunny59 · January 2015

I wouldn't change her name at this point. I like the name Alexandrea and honestly if SHE doesn't care for it down the road she can always go by a nickname like Alex, Ally, etc. Besides, you could have named her Scarlett and she could have hated it.

My DD is Paige and I like it and think it suits her just fine but people always try to spell it Page which irritates me. Choosing names was hard for us because I am a teacher so I always associated names with students I've had. I also wanted a name that wasn't super popular but not so strange either. And I wanted something that I didn't hate the nickname of. For example, I love the names Elizabeth and Victoria but can't stand the nicknames (Lizzie, Liz, Vickie).

Strunella · January 2015

I think that's a beautiful name! I have a friend whose parents changed her name sometime after her first birthday. On her birthday, she'll post on FB a pic of her first birthday cake with her original name. Honestly, I think it's really bizarre that her parents did that, and she feels like she had another identity! Not good all around.

While I like my boys' middle names, I'm sorry I didn't give either one of them my dad's middle name. I just didn't love Frederick, but it really would have meant a lot to my dad. I really gave it serious thought with DS2, but DH wasn't a big fan. I know he would have given in if I had insisted, but I didn't. I'm just kind of bummed about it.

jlaOK · January 2015

I have regrets about DS's name. It is Caden and while I always loved it and still do, I hate that it rhymes with so many popular names. I tell people his name and they always mishear me and think I'm saying a different name. I wanted to name him Caleb, but DH didn't like it. I wish I would have pushed harder for it. I have learned to accept the annoyance and know that if it bothers him growing up he can just go by Cade (which is my nickname for him).

I wouldn't change her name. There are so many beautiful nicknames that she can go by.

ss265 · January 2015

We named DS1 Skyler and I vaguely considered changing it after he was born because everyone thinks that he's a girl! Drives me batty and people frequently mis-spell it too (to the feminine spelling with an "a"). However, we loved the name before he was born and now I've made my peace with it. Hoping that he won't get teased about it when he gets older.

Funnily enough, DS2 also has a gender neutral name but his name is the same as a famous male actor so I'm hoping that he doesn't get mistaken for a girl too. So far it hasn't happened yet!

Agree with PP that her name is pretty and given that she's almost a year old, it might be too late to change it. You can always start calling her a different name and then she can decide if she wants to change it when she gets older.

bumpuser10331514 · January 2015

Thanks for confirming that it is a little crazy to change her name this late. I think it would probably cause DS some sort of meltdown that would last the rest of his life, and he'd end up being a 40-yr-old man living in our basement.

I was thinking about trying the nickname route, but it feels forced to me. And I'm afraid the explanation I give her down the road would somehow twist into how her evil father wouldn't let me name her what I wanted to. So I think I'll just whisper it into her ear when she's sleeping and when we're snuggling, and it'll either catch on or fade away. Alexandrea isn't so bad.

Thanks for the help and comfort!

*sparky* · January 2015

I regret how we spelled DS's name - Collin with 2 Ls. It was something we debated - I liked the traditional one L spelling; DH liked 2. At the time of his birth Colin Powell was still very active in politics and was on the news all of the time and we didn't want DS to be called Colon because ewwww.

So in the MOTN at the hospital we finally filled the paperwork out with 2 Ls. I really wish we had gone with one. People usually spell it with one when they write it and then DS gets mad that we spelled his name wrong. But my friend who had a Colin at about the same time we did said a lot of people pronounced his son's name Colon so I guess we were right about that.

And somehow it ended up being a really popular name and every time he plays sports there is either another Colin on his team or a Colin on the other team so people are yelling commands to various Colins on the field all the time.

I am perfectly happy with DDs name and it seems to suit her well.

DiveFrog · January 2015

DH & I had a horrible time making a decision on a girl's name. Eventually, I presented him with a list of around 8 names that I would accept. Of course, his favorite from that list was my least favorite of the 8, I was able to move him up to my second least favorite. We made the decision in the L&D triage room. I held the right to change my mind after seeing DD. Then had a horrible 48hrs induction/CS etc. and honestly didn't care about her name at that point.

I would say the first 6 months I second guessed our name decision all the time, but the more time that passes, the more she becomes that name/grows into it, the more positive feedback I get on the name, the more I have come to be happy about our choice.

I agree with all the previous posters that you really need to find a nickname for your DD that you like to use. Alexandrea is a beautiful name, but also a very adult name so I can see how it would be a little awkward to use with a baby/toddler.

DiveFrog · January 2015

K3am said:

Honestly, I think with time, chances are she'll grow into her name. My DD is exactly 1 year older than yours - it wasn't until the last few months that we realized that her name is 100% her, even if we have some name regret. As her personality starts to flourish and her vocal skills increase, she's probably going to give herself a nickname. (We thought we would end up calling her Aisie or Ash, but she insists she is Asha).

I don't think I've ever looked at an adult and thought.. "You know, she just doesn't feel like a Isabel"

Actually, I have this reaction quite frequently to people's names. I am sure it is because my perception of the name is being influenced by OTHER people with that name that I have met/know, but it still happens.

I have two cousins who I thought each got the "wrong" name. They each "look" like they should have the others name. One is sandy blonde and blue eyed, the other dark brown hair with brown eyes.

We specifically had one name that DH & I both actually really liked for a girl, but thought it would be totally strange to see a dark haired, dark eyed girl with that name (and we knew our child would have dark hair and dark eyes)

MommyAtty · January 2015

I'm so paranoid about this issue that when picking DD's name, we chose not only a name that was fairly common the year before, we also chose a slightly androgynous name because girls with non-prissy names statistically get into Ivy League colleges at higher rates, but the name lends itself to multiple nicknames we will allow DD to pick from, and she has a much more girly-sounding middle name in case she ended up being a super-girly-girl. If she decides she wants to be called "Fifi Morningstar," that is what we will call her. Same with our son. His first and middle names combined have something like 10 different nicknames to choose from.

I think part of the reason I hate my name so much is that my parents forbade me from using a nickname and they didn't give me a middle name. (My mom hates her first name and goes by her middle name, so she was CLEARLY foreclosing that option from me.) They also told me if I changed it when I turned 18, they wouldn't pay for college. Once all your college crap has one name on it, changing your first name becomes an utter pain in the ass. So a general piece of advice for everyone: When they are old enough, even before they start elementary school, give your child some say in what they are called. Whether it's fair or not, kids are judged by what their parents name them.

jlaOK · January 2015

MommyAtty said:

I'm so paranoid about this issue that when picking DD's name, we chose not only a name that was fairly common the year before, we also chose a slightly androgynous name because girls with non-prissy names statistically get into Ivy League colleges at higher rates, but the name lends itself to multiple nicknames we will allow DD to pick from, and she has a much more girly-sounding middle name in case she ended up being a super-girly-girl. If she decides she wants to be called "Fifi Morningstar," that is what we will call her. Same with our son. His first and middle names combined have something like 10 different nicknames to choose from.

I think part of the reason I hate my name so much is that my parents forbade me from using a nickname and they didn't give me a middle name. (My mom hates her first name and goes by her middle name, so she was CLEARLY foreclosing that option from me.) They also told me if I changed it when I turned 18, they wouldn't pay for college. Once all your college crap has one name on it, changing your first name becomes an utter pain in the ass. So a general piece of advice for everyone: When they are old enough, even before they start elementary school, give your child some say in what they are called. Whether it's fair or not, kids are judged by what their parents name them.

I agree with this. My parents named me Jessica just to call me Jessie. I hated Jessie growing up and it didn't help that it was a crazy popular name in the 80s. I've gone back and forth between the two and at some point I stopped caring so now I'm equally called Jessica and Jessie depending on the people. It sometimes gets confusing but I pretty much answer to any form of the name.

And don't even get me started on Jessie's Girl.....

shakinros · January 2015

I know two adults who legally changed their first names in high school. I think it's too late for your DD for YOU to change her name but she may decide to change it later herself. If she doesn't, then hey, you picked the right name!

DiveFrog · January 2015

MommyAtty said:

I'm so paranoid about this issue that when picking DD's name, we chose not only a name that was fairly common the year before, we also chose a slightly androgynous name because girls with non-prissy names statistically get into Ivy League colleges at higher rates, but the name lends itself to multiple nicknames we will allow DD to pick from, and she has a much more girly-sounding middle name in case she ended up being a super-girly-girl. If she decides she wants to be called "Fifi Morningstar," that is what we will call her. Same with our son. His first and middle names combined have something like 10 different nicknames to choose from.

I think part of the reason I hate my name so much is that my parents forbade me from using a nickname and they didn't give me a middle name. (My mom hates her first name and goes by her middle name, so she was CLEARLY foreclosing that option from me.) They also told me if I changed it when I turned 18, they wouldn't pay for college. Once all your college crap has one name on it, changing your first name becomes an utter pain in the ass. So a general piece of advice for everyone: When they are old enough, even before they start elementary school, give your child some say in what they are called. Whether it's fair or not, kids are judged by what their parents name them.

Controlling much?!

rubber_chicken · January 2015

We didn't name our daughter until the third day after her birth. We had a whole spreadsheet with our favorites - it came down to my fav vs husband's fav. We knew the middle name, and it went better with my fav. Although I also think DH was feeling a bit sorry for me after such a difficult delivery.

It's funny to hear women say they have name regrets and should've pushed their husband harder to agree with them...wouldn't their husbands be the one with regrets then??

MommyAtty · January 2015

@DiveFrog‌ - Understatement of the century. My mother is certifiable.

KayteeGee · January 2015

rubber_chicken said:

We didn't name our daughter until the third day after her birth. We had a whole spreadsheet with our favorites - it came down to my fav vs husband's fav. We knew the middle name, and it went better with my fav. Although I also think DH was feeling a bit sorry for me after such a difficult delivery.

It's funny to hear women say they have name regrets and should've pushed their husband harder to agree with them...wouldn't their husbands be the one with regrets then??

Us too! I thought we were the only ones with a spreadsheet... oh, and it was detailed (thanks, DH!). We decided on DS as they were kicking us out of the hospital and with DD on day 2.

adkhiker · January 2015

I have name regret about DD's middle name, though I still love her first name. We were another couple who had a super hard time deciding on a girls name. I wish we had gone with my mother's name but I never thought of it until DH suggested it after we were home from the hospital. Would have been nice if he had spoken up sooner. I thought a lot about changing it in the first few months but never went through with it. I couldn't really imagine telling everyone that we were changing it. It felt like too much for me. I agree with the crowd, keep the name, it is beautiful but play around with nicknames. My nicknames for my kiddos have nothing to do with their name - Spud and Little Miss. You will find one that fits and feels right for the two of you.

jovencita1224 · January 2015

I'm one of those weirdos that legally changed mu daughter's name shortly before her 1st birthday. DH had refused all of the names I liked and we had a big fight the night before she was born. With DD1, we had the name picked out for months and we were so happy, but with #2, we went to the hospital barely on speaking terms. So, our big naming decision was for me to read a list of names and we went with the one that he said 'well, I don't hate it' to. It was a name that had never been on any list for either of us, and we kept forgetting her name. Honestly-kept forgetting. And neither of us would call her that name-it was always 'the baby' or 'screamer.' My older daughter couldn't say the name we had legally given her sister, and she randomly started calling her a nickname-that stuck. Everyone started calling her that name, and although there was a THIRD similar name I was hoping to change it to, DH agreed to change it from the original name to the nickname and would allow me to pick a middle name I liked better. So I did. I got a new birth certificate issued and it has been pretty normal and as a 2 year old she is totally the name we changed it to. 100%. It suits her and people say it is such a cute name. I don't regret changing it at all-and although people thought it was odd at first, most people have told me 'wow-she is SO name#2! I can't believe she was ever name#1 because it just doesn't suit her at all!

I'm currently expecting #3, and my oldest daughter came up with this baby's name also. Surprisingly, DH and I both liked the name and agreed on it early on. So, for any and all additional children, our oldest is in charge or names, I suppose.

jovencita1224 · January 2015

In my state (Virginia). @K3am‌, if it is within the first year, it is simply re-issued. It does say at the top that it was amended, but there is no mention of the first certificate other than that, except the 'date record filed' is still the original date. If you make changes after the 1st year, it is done through the courts, but is still simple as long as both parents agree. They actually took my previous birth certificate, so there is no way I could do anything with it even if I did have it.

Each state has different policies, and I called our department of vital records to have them walk me through the process. They told me that it happens way more than people would think, and since we live within driving distance of our state capital, I drove to do it in person to make sure it really went through. We had to file to change the name on the social security card, but that was just as easy as it was when I changed my maiden name.

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