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August 2014 Moms
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Is it ok to bitch about the in-laws?

jessicamunnjessicamunn member
in August 2014 Moms
Because raising children isn't enough..
Here's the deal. KM is our first babe. He turned 5 months on the 5th and although very charming he's also got a serious temper. It took quite a while for him to settle in, and although I love him more than anything he's been a pretty terrible baby. BUT every day is a new adventure and everyday things improve. I'm blessed to be a SAHM but it's definitely has its challenges.

Anyways.. My mother is law makes me bananas! The hubby's parents are both remarried so it makes for a lot of grandparents, ( excluding my parents ) and a lot of opinions. Generally speaking everybody has kept their difference of opinions to themselves and let us do our parenting thing. For whatever reason she missed the memo, which is not only obnoxious but a little disrespectful I think. I won't go into details about what exactly she disagrees with, but to give you an idea she's voiced her opinions about everything from the hospital I chose to deliver to thumb sucking, to even giving him medications. Seriously..The side comments are what get me the most. The "oh you're crazy to try and change your child's habits," or "Oh I'm a little disappointed to see you went through with the epidural." What's even worse is she becomes even more abrasive when the hubs isn't around. Another challenge we've had is the lying and manipulation. KM has twin cousins who are 4 months older and we asked that KM not be around them while he was really little because his immune system isn't quite that strong yet, so she's lies to us just to get us to come see her..

I'm sorry it's so long. I'm just a little worked up tonight..
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Re: Is it ok to bitch about the in-laws?

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  • yodasmomyodasmom member
    Hugs--navigating IL situations isn't easy, especially once LOs come along. My FIL was a great guy until DS was born and now it seems like he judges every single decision we've made as parents. He asked if DS was circumcised and harassed me for my answer (why it should matter either way to anyone but DS and future partners of his, I don't know), he assumes DS is hungry every single time he cries (but when he actually is hungry and we feed him, FIL says we should have fed him before we left home), the list goes on. He means well, he just sounds like an ass doing so.

    Is hubby willing to tell his mom to back off? We haven't had to go that far with FIL yet (but I think stepMIL may have talked to him because he's been a little more civil the last few weeks), but at least I can vent to DH and I know he has my back. Good luck!
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  • vk2204vk2204 member
    jenniferurs said:
    It's not only okay, it's encouraged. 

    We should have a dedicated thread for this!

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  • mfsunshine222mfsunshine222 member

    OMG bitch away; it's what we are here for!  My MIL is TERRIBLE, but doesn't speak English so I didn't have to deal with what you are going through...that's what MY mom is for.  LOL  She has a comment for EVERYTHING!  Since it is my mom I'm more comfortable telling her to back off (politely) but in the last 5 months I've kind of learned to listen to her too.  It does sound like your MIL's comments are abrasive; if she is just stating opinions on things that cannot be changed (ie. you getting an epidural) then my tolerance for her comments would be limited and I would have to say something (or have my DH say something).  However, if she has opinions on current issues going on with your little one I would maybe step back and give her opinions some consideration when you have a moment to yourself.  It sounds like she is around you and LO a considerable amount so maybe some of her ideas could work???

    I'm certainly not trying to take away from how frustrating other opinions can be especially when you are dealing with a "difficult" baby, but personally I've learned that while annoying and usually delivered improperly (IMO) there is usually some value to the opinions my mother has.

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  • vk2204vk2204 member
    adventureisoutthere said:
    My MIL passive aggressively judges me for stopping breast feeding. Makes back handed comments about it. Any time something is wrong his belly must hurt because of that 'stuff' he's eating. She's also the bigger hypochondriac I've ever met. She's just over 50 and you'd swear she's going to die any day now.
    Mine was kind of the opposite! She told me I needed to start formula so someone else could feed him. That was when DS was like 3-4 weeks old.

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  • jlynn62511jlynn62511 member
    I feel ya, bitch away. I try not to complain too much to DH because he knows how bad MIL can be. Thankfully, I will just have DH deal with her so I don't explode!


    LO hasn't had the paci for 2 months now and MIL still won't drop it. I hate hearing her comments about it. She watches LO once a week and complains that she has to let her fuss a little before falling asleep. If she had a paci that wouldn't have to happen.

    Really, if she had the damn thing, you would be running in and out of the room shoving it back in her mouth.

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  • leanneriversleannerivers member
    This is what I would do and have done w/my MIL. You AND your husband need make some boundaries and then both talk with her about them. It is not okay for her to be so intrusive and make comments like that. If she goes over the boundaries and starts getting crazy again then you say, hey, we discussed this and unfortunately you have to leave now since you're not respecting us. She will get it and if she wants to spend time with your LO she's gonna have to abide by your rules. Tough love but it's only going to get worse if you let her walk all over you. Good luck! She does not sound like fun! IDK who these MILs think they are!
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  • seamonkey0814seamonkey0814 member
    Weird thing is I get most annoyed with my Dad who I get along with best in my whole family. He has a really hard time accepting that I stick to a schedule for feeding and sleeping DS. He swears that when we were babies they just let us be and we slept and ate when we wanted. He'll complain when I take DS away from him because he's being fussy and needs to eat or sleep and constantly says that "babies don't read books" (meaning that they don't know that they're "supposed" to nap after 2 hours etc.) Both my parents make fun of me for reading books on baby stuff and encouraging DS to work towards his next milestones. They joke that I'm never happy and I'm always fussing over his development. I know it's just good natured teasing but they make me feel like I'm really uptight when I feel, and DS's family always compliments me, on being really laid back and taking things as they come. I probably shouldn't post this here because it's nothing compared to what some of you are dealing with but it still bugs me that my own parents make fun of me for trying to be a good Mom :(
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  • jessicamunnjessicamunn member
    No no, say what makes you feel better :) Truthfully I just posted without knowing if anybody would take the time to read it. For me sometimes just saying it out loud ( or trying) helps. I don't think you're wrong to be sensitive about the people closest to you. My mom is my best friend but sometimes she has little comments about KM and I get a little annoyed. I guess that's our job as mamas.. :)
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