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When 1 child always feels left out

Doubletrouble12Doubletrouble12 member
edited January 2015 in School-Aged Children
We have twins that are 8. One is a little more immature than the other.  Anytime they have friends over the one that
is more immature throws a fit because she feels left out or has trouble playing along with the other kids.  My DH and I are 
confused as to how we should handle it?  Say she can't play because she's throwing a fit or go easier on her since
she isn't as mature as her sister?  

Tia!
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Re: When 1 child always feels left out

  • ppantsppants member
    My twin DS and DD are almost 9. DD is the complainy, "he never gets in trouble" one. It's not true of course. I try to get her to communicate her feelings and sometimes she wants to wait until a later time to talk about things. Then she has super nice "I'm ok with DS being at home and watching a movie with my birthday party sleepover girls". I do feel like she may be hormonal at times so I can commiserate I guess? :)
    Wendy Twins 1/27/06. DS and DD
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  • groovygrlgroovygrl member
    mine are b/g and only 5 so it is different but I kind of feel like at 8 even w/ maturity differences they should be able to cope/handle being told they can't play if they throw a fit...unless of course there is intentional leaving out going on or some sort of preferential treatment? (there are def pros & cons to having same sex and opp sex twins I think...!). have you observed why she is getting or feeling left out or asked her why she thinks that is happening to help her problem solve about how to deal with it moving forward?  Our DS is def less mature than DD (go figure) but he can extract himself from playing situations when he doesn't like how it is going and will play on his own separately or something. if he comes up & tattles or whines to us about how it is going we tell him he needs to either play on his own or we try to get at the root which is often that he wants to make the rules about the game and the others don't like his rules or they want to make the rules, etc.
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  • marchbabymarchbaby member
    I don't have twins but my son is friends with twins.  I have seen at playdates sometimes one of the twins feel left out, and they sometimes will act out then.  If they are all playing together its fine,but sometimes the twins want to play with friends alone or dont' want to do the same activity and they split up, which leaves one out.
    Could you invite two friends over, one for each kid?  They could certainly all play together but if they don't want to they will hopefully (and maybe with guidance) separate into groups of two? 

    I have also offered with their friends mother to take one of their kids at a time at my house so she can have one on one time with her other kid, since with twins thats something that rarely happens.  Next time I will take the other twin.  I think the kids like it b/c they each get one on one time with a friend, and their mother.

    Even with my kids who are not twins, I sometimes try to set up play dates at different times.  Like if my oldest gets invited to a friends house i'll invite one of my younger sons friends over.   I think its important that they each get time to play with their friends without the sibling.  They get along great and always play with each others friends nicely, but I always like to see the one on one interaction with their friends as well. 


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