Feeling anxious

kaf7 · January 2015

Hi ladies I've been goo.gling tonight about IVF meds and cycles etc and am freaking myself out. I am back to being scared of injects and the GH they want me on and unsure if I want to be pregnant again or have more kids. Help!! I don't feel like I can talk to DH about it. Whenever I bring up any concerns he just shuts me down by saying "well then we shouldn't waste our money" rather than hearing my fears or talking through it with me. Ugh.

kmc84 · January 2015

I'm sorry you are having doubts. If you don't feel ready to start again, it might be best to wait until you can really sort things out. YH is not being helpful at all! How does he feel? With his response to you, it sounds like he may have doubts about trying again too. It seems like he needs to sort his own feelings out as well. I hope you can get him to open up!

((HUGS))

JBDamonM · January 2015

I pretty much agree with everything @ducky719 said. TTC again was also a very emotionally difficult decision for myself. I really really struggled with it. I think it's somewhat normal when you know firsthand all that the process entails, mentally and physically. I wish I had advice. For me, once the cycle actually started all of my fears went away bc I was so excited with the possibility of being pregnant again. It was like I just needed to rip the band aid off. But I know this wouldn't hold true for everyone. Good luck and know we are always here to talk you through things. And sorry about your husband. Men really stink at communicating.

luvboston · January 2015

Remember what is was like to hold your LO for the first time? That's why your doing this remind yourself everyday.

If all else fails
Get up, Dress Up, show up and never give up! It's not going to be easy its going to be worth it!

Men suck. They just will never get it.

TJ1979 · January 2015

I'm so sorry you are feeling frustration, anxiety, and doubt right now kaffy. IF is such a bitch. I don't think I can offer anything that hasn't already been said. Just know that we are always here for you, so please come talk to us any time. Your feelings are completely normal.

Sending you calming vibes. And lots of creepy internet hugs.

Mrs.AmyDylan · January 2015

Hugs, Kaf. Cycling sucks. I hear you about having reservations about the actual nitty gritty of cycling again...the money, injections, time off of work/life, add a LO to the mix makes it even less exciting.

For me, I have several personal reservations (and why I've waited until J was two instead of getting going right away as recommended by my RE). The first is weaning. J is very attached to nursing. I feel like I'm sacrificing something my existing child and I enjoy for a maybe baby. Next is that I finally feel like is have a hold on this mom thing...J is mostly STTN and that took 16mo. I'm not ready to do that again. J and I have a fun weekly routine. Cycling is going to put a glitch in some of our fun. I won't lie, twins freak me out. But with our embryo quality we are going to probably need to put back two. I play competitive tennis. My season is essentially over when I start stims. There is also a money factor (though we do have some insurance).

But at the end of the day, I'm 36. We have hit a now or never decision point. We are going to give it a go. While a sibling for J isn't a be all end all (she would be fine as an only child), DH and I aren't ready to close the door on adding to the family. So we once again circle back to now or never.

mdiblasi10 · January 2015

I felt the same way before starting our IVF cycle. It's hard and IF just plain sucks. I am sorry and I hope YH can be better about being there to listen, but sometimes men just don't get it. Big hugs and best wishes.

kaf7 · January 2015

Thanks for all of the responses guys. I wish I got to hang out here on SAIF more. Some of what you said really resonated with me and helped clarify how I am feeling. I tried to bring up some of my fears again with DH today but I got another "we don't have to do this" response. I would probably feel less frustrated with that if I had some more IRL gal pals to bounce things off of. I am so grateful for this board. @mrs.amydylan I had exactly those thoughts when weaning at 4 months for the last cycle. It is so hard. And @bellalou32‌ I have the same reservations about not having the same time and attention for DS IF we had another baby. I already feel like I don't spend enough time with him. DH and I are going on our honeymoon next week so perhaps we can have a good conversation while we are away. Or alternatively, perhaps the trip will be a good distraction and when I get back we will be right into cycling. Thanks again SAIF.

kmc84 · January 2015

Good luck! I hope you and YH have a wonderful honeymoon!

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