Soooo, tonight my work had an office party. I've been back to work very part time since we lost Lane and Lydia in November & have been doing fine. The evening was going great for me and my husband.
But, during our gift exchange, the women next to me got a baby oriented picture frame with little hand and feet prints. It was for her grandson born at 26 weeks. (He is now 3 months old). I tried to shake it off, but couldn't. Within seconds, it was my turn & all eyes were on me to open my gift. I tried to hold back the tears, but they came anyway.
In that moment, I just missed my babies so much. I felt myself wishing that frame was for them and that they were still here. I knew it was an inappropriate time/place for a breakdown, but it happened. I paused and quickly pulled myself together. I apologized and just went about the evening. No one said anything.
On the way home, I asked my husband if it was that noticeable & if it looked as uncomfortable as it felt. He said "ummm, yeah". Apparently I was naively hoping no one noticed.
I think the worst part was when he told me that he didn't feel like anyone understand why I was suddenly in tears, himself included. I don't know what's worse. Crying over the frame that reminded me that I wont be able to take any new pictures of my babies, or ppl being confused/ppl thinking it was over opening my gift?