It's my office party and I'll cry (even if I dont) want to :((lc mentioned) — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss

It's my office party and I'll cry (even if I dont) want to :((lc mentioned)

mrswheelomrswheelo member
100 Love Its 10 Comments Photogenic Name Dropper
edited January 2015 in Late Term and Child Loss
Soooo, tonight my work had an office party. I've been back to work very part time since we lost Lane and Lydia in November & have been doing fine. The evening was going great for me and my husband.
But, during our gift exchange, the women next to me got a baby oriented picture frame with little hand and feet prints. It was for her grandson born at 26 weeks. (He is now 3 months old). I tried to shake it off, but couldn't. Within seconds, it was my turn & all eyes were on me to open my gift. I tried to hold back the tears, but they came anyway.
In that moment, I just missed my babies so much. I felt myself wishing that frame was for them and that they were still here. I knew it was an inappropriate time/place for a breakdown, but it happened. I paused and quickly pulled myself together. I apologized and just went about the evening. No one said anything.
On the way home, I asked my husband if it was that noticeable & if it looked as uncomfortable as it felt. He said "ummm, yeah". Apparently I was naively hoping no one noticed.
I think the worst part was when he told me that he didn't feel like anyone understand why I was suddenly in tears, himself included. I don't know what's worse. Crying over the frame that reminded me that I wont be able to take any new pictures of my babies, or ppl being confused/ppl thinking it was over opening my gift?


Re: It's my office party and I'll cry (even if I dont) want to :((lc mentioned)

  • Hugs. The unexpected baby things are so hard.
    Abigail Grace 9/7/10
    Nathaniel Willis born sleeping 2/6/14
    Felicity Hope 4/6/15

  • I'm usually fine. Especially since I'm so happy for her grandson being ok. But it hit me out of nowhere. That hasn't happened in weeks.
  • *siggy 

    So sorry hun. That type of thing has happened to me too. Out of nowhere, total break down. It gets less and less with time, but so hard (and embarassing) when it happens. 

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  • ((Hugs)). I still have similar reactions to baby items or baby conversations, not all the time, but it happens, and it's been almost 17 months since our loss of Colton. And even if people didn't "get it" oh well. Don't worry about them.
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    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
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    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
  • Sorry you were so caught off guard at your office party. I have come to realize people just don't know how to react to losses. My office did not say a word to me when I came back to work. I know they care but it's so uncomfortable for them that they choose silence.
    TTC since August 2013 BFP #1 1/15/14...MMC 2/24/14...D&C 3/3/14 BFP #2 5/11/14 ... severe pre-e placental abruption our angel born sleeping at 22 weeks Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I'm so sorry, I would have cried, too. Those out of the blue moments are the hardest to handle.

    But you don't need to worry about others' reactions. I know it can feel embarrassing, but you're doing the best you can do and that is enough.
    [Deleted User]
  • @happyin14 That woman deserved to be yelled at. And punched.
    [Deleted User]
  • I'm sorry you had that experience - so many hugs to you. Don't feel bad. We've all had those moments.
  • Thanks everyone. I was so surprised by my reaction. And then a little embarrassed. I appreciate the support! I feel less awkward now :)
  • I'm so sorry you went through that.  Being caught off guard by things is so hard, and I would've broken down most likely too.  I agree with the others that you shouldn't worry about what others thought but I also think that despite your husband's assessment I would bet that some people around you did get it.  People who haven't experienced the loss of a child have still likely suffered the loss of a loved one and get that there are hidden triggers all around us.  ((hugs))
    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
    October 2011 - DS (7)  <3 
    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
    August 2015 - DD (3)  <3 
    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

    Mel&John2013mrswheelo[Deleted User]
  • @mrswheelo‌ Big hugs you you. Like @dadalou‌ said, those unexpected triggers are the worse. I'm glad you feel a little less awkward. You should in no way feel bad for having feelings.

    @Happyin14‌ I totally agree with @Mel&;John 2013's thoughts. The lady definitely deserved a punch or five...

    mrswheelo
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