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HELP! DH away for work, 20 month old son totally confused.. urgent advice needed!

bubearbubear member
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Dear all, I'm new to this board (have posted on the May 2015 board before as I'm expecting my second one) and I'm sorry for not first introducing myself, but I have a pressing question concerning my 20 month old baby son. My DH is way for work two weeks. Unfortunately, he is every year with Christmas and New Years. Last year our son was 10 months old, and didn't really understand or notice the long absence of his dad. This year is a completely different story. Our son is totally confused and upset. The thing is, our cat is also away for two weeks, as I can't change the kitty litter due to the pregnancy. So basically, in the eyes of my son, our family was suddenly cut in half. During the day he's pretty ok, although he constantly asks me to look for daddy and to look for the cat... It really breaks my heart! Nights are a nightmare, literally. Where he used to be a very good sleeper, always went to bed happy and slept through the night, he's now anxious to go to bed, wakes up after a few hours and turns into an inconsolable little bundle of misery... 
Now I was thinking, there are quite a few military moms here. So, could one or two of you give me advice on how to deal with my confused baby? How do I explain that daddy is coming back, that I am not going away, that we can't go look for daddy? Does showing pictures of daddy help? Can we make a countdown calendar? How do I get him to sleep through the night? 
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Re: HELP! DH away for work, 20 month old son totally confused.. urgent advice needed!

  • valeriegpvaleriegp member
    I Don't have any direct experience with this but have you tried something like FaceTime?
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  • JENandJEHJENandJEH member
    DH deployed once when DS1 was 2.  We never said he went to work, just that he was on a work trip and would be back.  I didn't want him to associate going to work with going away for a long time because I knew that when DH got back and had to go into work the very next day that DS1 would freak out thinking Daddy was leaving for a long time again.

    Honestly, as harshly as it sounds, I found it was easier just to go about our day and try to ignore the absence as much as possible.  If DS1 asked, we talked about how Daddy was on a long work trip and how mommy missed him too but that he would come home to us after he finished helping people.  Obviously a year is a bit longer so DS1 had more time to adjust and go with the flow.  I would just try to keep him engaged and occupied to take his mind off of it.  If he asks, talk about it briefly and then get back to doing something else.  If you have the option to Skype or Facetime and you think that would be helpful, give it a try.  My son used to get very upset when we would Skype and then hang up so we usually just had him talk to DH on the phone.  
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  • bubearbubear member
    Thank you for the suggestions and support! Today was already a little bit better than the past few days. He actually went to bed quite contented. Fingers crossed that he will make it through the night without waking up in terror!
    @LalaMama81‌ Yes it would be rather hard on the kids in the future! It actually has been hard on me the past three years and I told DH that this year would be absolutely the last year that I'm tolerating it... It just sucks so much not having your partner home on Christmas and New Years!!
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  • cyprissacyprissa member
    My DH was gone for a whole year when DS1 was 1-2. It sucked but we Skyped all the time and I made sure to keep his routine the same. I also tried to do fun things with him so we would have lots of positive memories and things to talk about. Also, I was pregnant and changed the kitty litter for a year.
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  • Tara0604Tara0604 member
    I brought my son (16 months at the time) with me to visit family in Germany for 3 weeks, my husband couldn't come because of work. There was barely an internet connection available (only at the supermarket cafe) so we would call Daddy and he could hear Daddy's voice and interact a little bit. When we had internet, we would do a quick facetime/skype moment. Not sure if this will help now, but maybe in the future... I bought a book that my husband could record his voice reading it. We brought it with us to Germany and it has become one of my son's favorite books. He calls it "Dada". Hallmark sells them for about $30, but sometimes they go on sale for $20. I also had my husband take some pictures and send them to us via text and we would send some back.

    I hope this helps and good luck with everything.
    -=- Tara -=-

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  • beckyjotuckerbeckyjotucker member
    My husband changes our cat litter when I am pregnant. I understand why you wouldn't want to as it is not recommended to do so even if the risk is fairly low :) 
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