To have a 3rd child after 38?

diazzle · January 2015

Hi there,

Not sure if this is the place to post but maybe there are parents of 2 or more already on this board. I have 2 boys. I had them at 32 & 34. Now I'm 37 and the thought of trying for a girl is still on my mind. It was always my plan to have three children but after our second son we put that on pause. He was in the hospital quite a bit during his first year so I was afraid to have another one. He is about to be three this month and all I can think of is having another baby.

Knowing how crazy and hectic our family already is, (we both work full time) I wonder to myself am I really ready to spend another sleepless year, another year of potty training, etc. For those who do have three or more children, was the third child "easier"? Did you feel more relaxed about having the third? Did you feel like you savored every moment with them knowing they were your last? Did being older bother you or cause you any problems? I don't feel old, but society certainly likes to tell me I am.

I can't get this thought out of my head! I've tried to rationalize it but it is just to much to quantify. I would love to hear your thoughts and maybe it will help me come to peace with a family of 4 or 5.

Thanks!

hbombano · January 2015

I am 38 having number 6 yea yes yes hardest transaction for me was number 2... Id say if its on your heart just go and see what happens. Iv never heard anyone in there old age say they wish they never had there last child

liz2603 · January 2015

Hey 38 isnt old !! I guess a check up with your doctor and the way you feel are what really count. Just do it , if you really want a baby girl and your doc gives you the go ahead, what reason is there to wait till your one year older?

All the best

marijaa333 · January 2015

If you want the third, but are wondering about logistics, I would think about what the hardest parts were about #1 and #2 and see if you can make some arrangements ahead of time to ease those burdens (e.g. more help from friends and family or a babysitter, even when you are home? more leave from work if you can swing it? different living/commuting/working arrangements? etc.). At least in theory, #3 should be easier given that you've done this before - twice! And of course 38 isn't old! Good luck.

BabyBliss76 · January 2015

My 3rd baby was so easy, that I am now expecting #4! I was 36 when I had #3, I am now 38 with baby #4. So far my only problem I have is varicose veins. Lol! They just happened, and I know that they are common. Ladies much younger than me get them. My niece had them when she was pregnant at 24! I am in good health and my Dr. makes no big deal at all really about my age. I have had natural, drug free deliveries. That went really well. I thought #3 was the last so yes, I savored every second with her. Lots of cuddles! I was afraid to have #3 because I had a hard time after #2. She had some issues also. So it took me about 3 1/2 years to take the leap and go for #3. My hubby really wanted #3 and I did also but was afraid. At some point I did not want to have any regrets about not trying for #3. I prayed and took the leap. Oh my I am so grateful everyday I did!! She really has been the easiest baby. I would say if you are thinking about it go for it!! Pretty much right after I had #3 I was thinking about #4. I thought I was crazy. Lol! So did my hubby, but after awhile he was wanting #4 also

Yes we are busy...some days it is crazy. It is also wonderful! I love that our family is growing and so excited to be a family of 6!

niknak1208 · January 2015

I have a 2 yr old little girl and a 6 yr old boy. My husband and I both work full time. We thought we were done.. agreed we would be done.. got rid of all our baby stuff.. and here I am almost 20 weeks pregnant with our third. I try not to worry excessively because we weren't trying at all and I typically need fertility meds to even get pregnant so I feel like God was at play here. I feel like this baby is meant to be with us and I've always wanted another. I had agreed to stop at 2 because we lost a baby at 20 weeks in 2011 before my daughter was born and I think because of that I always have this void I'm trying to fill but the truth is that having another baby won't replace my little girl. I'll always feel like that piece of me is missing. So I kind of chalked up my need for another baby to that and let it go. But now that it's actually happening.. I am thrilled.

of course, we both are nervous about expenses and time and being spread to thin but somehow things just always work out. You find a way because you have to. I try to remember that we're stronger than we think we are. We're capable of far more than we give ourselves credit for. We love our family.. we are good parents and we will find a way to take care of our family.

I think that if it's in your heart to have another baby.. have another baby. That's a choice that you will never regret.

Good luck to you!!

itsmevkb · January 2015

Looking back, I think our third and fourth were the easiest transitions. They just slipped right into our routine without much drama. Sure, that newborn stage is a little rough when they are up every three hours or so but I try and look at that in terms of 3-6 months vs their entire lifetime. It really is a short amount of time!

I can say that I think a lot of people focus on the whole newborn, toddler stages without considering how more kids will work once they are in school and have homework they need help with, after school activities, sports, etc. which they need rides to and once you add a third you can't just divide and conquer like you can with just two. Just something to consider, although clearly that was not enough of a reason for us to not go for broke and have a third, fourth and now fifth.

As for age, I didn't really feel my age affecting my pregnancies until I was 40 and now 43. Now, how much of that really is my age vs being a full-time working mom with a bunch of other kids at home is hard to say. I'm sure it's a combination of both. Parenting-wise, I don't really feel as though my age has changed anything.

mattandlora · January 2015

I really enjoyed reading everyone's responses thus far. I'm 28 weeks with #2. I'm 35 now and had DS at 33. DH and I spaced them so we could have a 3rd if we wanted. After this one, we'll have one of each, both under 2. We have all the same hesitations mentioned above about the possibility of a #3 - both work full time, older age, etc. I also had a lot of problems with HG and sometimes question if I could ever handle another pregnancy again. But to say this one is final? Not sure I'm ready for that yet either.

3JTMom · January 2015

I agree with the PP's #3 was a breeze. #2 was probably the hardest, having only one data point to go on. #3 just fit into the schedule nicely. Hope it works out!!! -Cookin'Quiltin

Thoward1968 · January 2015

I am 46 and pregnant with my second. My first is almost 23! I have 6 horses, 7 dogs, 4 cats, and chickens and commute 3 hours a day total for work. I did not think I could do this but I am going to. If having a third is something you really want, do it!

diazzle · January 2015

Thank you ladies for your insight and inspiration. I think I would regret not trying at least for the third and see what happens. My biggest concern is that I own my own business and time off is limited. If we tried for it I would be 38 when they would be born. I guess if it happens things will just fall into place as things tend to do. I do think that a third baby would round out the whole family.

Thanks again ladies and good luck with your pregnancies!

mum2lanabelliz · January 2015

I had my 4th at 37. She was supposed to be our last. Fast forward five years and surprise surprise we are, against all odds, expecting our 5th (and definitely our last). I'll be 43 in a week and a half.

The hardest adjustment was going from 1 to 2. 3 and 4 was no sweat. So I am hoping that going to #5 will be an easy transition. Especially since my older 2 are mostly self sufficient.

Abloom610 · January 2015

This post was exactly what I needed to read. Thank you all for sharing. We are considering TTC #3 and I would be 38 going 39 when we are hoping to try. All I see is how hard it is to get pregnant, but my first 2 were very easy at ages 32 & 35. Good luck to all!

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