I belong here now... Will you take me? (Story of loss told/Intro)

CarSaidYes · January 2015

Hello Ladies, I believe I belong here now. At 18w6d I delivered our beautiful son Ryan. We are still waiting on final reports but we strongly suspect that an infection caused me to go in to labor early. I had no signs or symptoms until my contractions started. I'm still waiting on the OK to go back to my RE so we can try again. As you guys know words can't describe my heart ache and pain. The guilt is unreal and out of control right now. So I'm still dealing with this. We aren't going to officially try from a few months but I can't stand to be away from thebump and my IF friends. I'll be staying away from PAIF because it's just too painful although I wish all them the best of luck. For now I guess my biggest concern is how do I deal with the guilt and how do I deal with the anxiety of it all happening again if and when we do conceive again? Thanks and I look forward to getting to know all of you.

Elliecat17 · January 2015

Welcome and I'm so sorry about the loss of your Ryan. I have no advice about the guilt, except to give you a hug and tell you it wasn't your fault. But I think we all feel that guilt. once again I'm sorry you are here. Take time to heal, it's a wonderful place. ((hugs))

beckynsean11 · January 2015

I'm so sorry for the loss of Ryan. The guilt & feelings of failure are so hard to work through. I hope that you can get an answer soon, not knowing what happened just makes things harder. Dealing with the anxiety & all of trying again & being pregnant again were huge concerns of mine as well after the loss of our daughter. I highly recommend finding a counselor or therapist that can work with you on grief, loss, & IF. I really found that to be so helpful in getting through the last few months with my sanity somewhat in tact. Sending you so much love & strength. Please PM me if you ever need to talk.

CC1017 · January 2015

I'm so sorry about the loss of your son Ryan. I also had a second tri loss. I think it's normal to feel guilty. It's not your fault, but you still feel you should have protected your baby and kept him safe. If you haven't sought help of a counselor, I would highly recommend it. My counselor is great and has helped me sort through all these complicated conflicting emotions. One of my big fears is the fear of another loss. My counselor said it is important to focus on the present moment. Take it one moment at a time.

Nikolie93 · January 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss but welcome to the board. I agree with the PP's that mentioned counseling, it can be so helpful.

*hugs*

kreardon11 · January 2015

I am so sorry for your loss. I highly recommend therapy. It's incredibly helpful.

rubysi · January 2015

Welcome. I am sorry for your loss.

meredithcarole · January 2015

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet boy, Ryan. I know it is hard to not place blame on yourself, but there is nothing that you could have done. It is not your fault. I hope that you are able to find some solace in shared experiences here, but I will be another voice to say counseling was very crucial to helping me sort out my feelings.

Welcome.

nikiswimr · January 2015

Welcome, I'm so sorry for your loss of your sweet baby Ryan. What happened was not your fault. Take the time you need to grieve and heal. As everyone has said counseling can be helpful.

Leahks77 · January 2015

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son, Ryan. Be gentle with yourself. I hope you can find support here. ((Hugs))

rae80407 · January 2015

I'm sorry for the loss of your baby Ryan.

Littleowl913 · January 2015

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Ryan. What happened is not your fault. I hope you'll let yourself believe that.

mrswheelo · January 2015

I'm so sorry for the loss of Ryan. What I have learned is that you must accept and believe that what happened is NOT your fault. I could say that I knew it wasn't my fault. I could hear doctors tell me it wasn't my fault. But it took time before I could truly believe it. Nothing you did caused this. And the biggest thing to let go of is, you are not being punished with this loss.
Im still somewhat new here, but I don't feel that the guilt or sadness every really go away or fade. It is something you must accept as the new normal and learn to live with those feelings. As for when to ttc again, the best advise I have heard (apart from clearance from your doctor) is when the desire for a baby outweighs your fear of another pregnancy.
I wish you well in all aspects of your healing. You will find amazing support and understanding here.

ashlee113085 · January 2015

Welcome to the board. I am so sorry for your loss of Ryan. Be kind to yourself. I know that no matter how many times people say what happened was not your fault, it is difficult to hear, but it is true. I also suffered from a lot of anxiety after my loss, and I know that many other women also experience that. Like PPs have said, counseling helps. ((Hugs))

LittleDucky · January 2015

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Please be easy on yourself and know that it is so normal to feel a wide range of feelings, even conflicting feelings at times. So many ((hugs)) to you. I hope this board can be a source of support.

catvaughn5002 · January 2015

I'm so sorry for the loss of ryan. Welcome to the board. ((Hugs))

rslh10 · January 2015

Welcome. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Ryan. ((Hugs)) Take care of yourself.

Rachaeleigh · January 2015

So sorry for your loss. Welcome

Ann612 · January 2015

I am so sorry your time with Ryan was cut so short. I hate that you are blaming yourself. These things are so horribly out of our control. It's one of the most frustrating things to me. We do everything right and this still happens.

As for the anxiety that this will happen again - I think this is totally understandable. I struggle with the same thing. I think we all do to some extent. All we can do is the best we can.

renegadewhit · January 2015

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Ryan. Welcome to this board.

stephy1221 · January 2015

I am so sorry for the loss of precious Ryan. I hope you find some comfort here.

vmatt850 · January 2015

so many (((hugs))) and positive vibes coming your way. be gentle on yourself and let yourself heal.

MrsOscarFelix · January 2015

I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Ryan. Welcome to the board.

MrsPhD83 · January 2015

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Welcome to the board.

dandb925 · January 2015

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. Please do not feel guilty. This was not your fault. Sending you ((hugs)) and hoping you can find comfort here.

CarSaidYes · January 2015

Thank you for all the condolences and welcomes. I hope we can all move off this board together.

schuebja · January 2015

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Ryan. Welcome

MellyMel15 · January 2015

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you and your husband must be going through right now, but am sending you lots of hugs. I hope you will find comfort and support here. Welcome to the board.

Want a personalized experience?

I belong here now... Will you take me? (Story of loss told/Intro)

Me: 26 (IC/PCOS-2000mg of Metformin daily)

DH: 27 (SA results were great minus the slightly low morphology)

Started dating DH in 2002 at 14 years old

Married on 03.01.2014

Officially TTC since April 2014

January 2013- Surprise BFP, m/c at 6 weeks, D&C 2 Weeks later

April 2014- First RE appointment

July 2014- IUI#1-Canx due to scar tissue and polyps. TI with the help of Ovidrel. BFN

Re: I belong here now... Will you take me? (Story of loss told/Intro)