Daddy Daycare

Cyingling1 · January 2015

Anyone else have daddy watching LO while you work? I go back to work on Thursday and my husband is watching our son. I feel better about it than putting him in daycare at 6 weeks but I'm nervous.

He is really good with the baby but sleeps through him crying at night. I normally get up with our son around 7 or 8 (or earlier) and my husband sleeps until 11 or 12 (he works evenings). When I go back to work I will need to leave by 6:30.

Also when our son gets fussy and nothing is working I nurse him. Sometimes it's the only thing that calms him. My husband obviously doesn't have that option. We have been practicing with the bottle but he won't take it when he's really upset.

Any advice?

Mustardseed2007 · January 2015

My advice is to help make sure your h is awake and out of bed before you leave, and from there don't worry about it as much as possible and only make suggestions if your h asks. There will be a transition period, obviously, as he and your lo figure each other out, but allowing him the space to use trial and error is probably your best bet until he says otherwise.

IME, my h is glad to hand things over if I step in during hard situations, but if I don't then he eventually gets there even if what he ends up doing isn't what I would do.

Eta: if you are using pumped milk-I actually never heated my pumped milk (or formula for that matter) and just fed it to her cold. It saved time and saved stress in bottle prep. Plus I figured you may not always be near a bottle warmer or whatever. Your lo may not go for that but you might want to give it a shot.

ss+el · January 2015

I worked a lot of evenings and weekends, so DS was home with DH more than he went to daycare, and eventually DH ended up as a Mr. Mom for the better part of DS' first two years. He did great. I think the main thing is to make sure your DH will get up with the baby in the morning and then learn to "naps when the baby naps". Baby will eventually figure out that the food from the bottle is the only option during the day and adjust. When I pumped, I would leave the milk on the counter instead of putting it in the fridge, so DH never had to make or warm a bottle, which I think definitely helped with feedings.

pb&fluff · January 2015

My husband was very nervous caring for DS by himself until DS was well over a year. He wasn't comfortable being the sole caregiver. Not because he didn't want to, but because he wasn't confident in himself. I could leave him for an hour or so, but a whole day, probably not.

I agree with what PPs have suggested, making sure your H is awake, etc. How long have you been working on a bottle? Does he take it reliably when he is calm? I think you're going to have to leave the house for a while to let your H take care of things, like a practice run. Unfortunately, your H is just going to have to do the best he can while you're gone. You're not going to be able to rescue him while you're at work.

Also, how is it going to work if he works evenings? Is he going to bed late because he's able to sleep late? How late does he work usually? If he's not going to bed until 12 or 1, and has to get up at 6:30 to leave, that's going to be a tough transition.

VOR · January 2015

For many men, you've got to put the iron to the fire. I saw this SOOOO clearly w/ a friend of mine. It wasn't until she was basically out of the picture and he HAD to deal w/ all the issues that he finally became confident. Let him figure it out. He may do things differently, but that's o.k.

However, one issue of concern- he works nights and usually sleeps until 11 or 12? How long is his being "daycare" going to last? Because if he doesn't get the amount of sleep he needs- that's going to play a role in all of this.

alli2672 · January 2015

My H was a SAHD for about 2 years, but didnt start until our youngest was about 13 months old. His biggest problem was that he had trouble making friends.

I just wanted to share this video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmWp-rI6vSw

Cyingling1 · January 2015

Thanks everyone for your input. The latest my husband works is 10:30, so he should be able to get enough sleep. Now he comes home and stays up awhile. I think part of this whole adjustment is going to be him making himself go to bed soon after he gets home.

VOR · January 2015

Oh, yeah. If he's done at 10:30 - that's fine. My DH often has to work overnight. Different story. while he may think he needs "downtiem", at the same time, getting a decent amount of sleep before taking care of the baby needs to happen!

nolagal79 · January 2015

My H is. SAHD and does some side work in the evenings. I went back to work when DD was 12 weeks and up to that point, H didn't really take care of her during difficult times, he would always hand her off to me if it was can difficult, or when he wanted to do something else. Multi-tasking was impossible for him. It wasn't until I went back to work and he was forced to be alone with her that he figured out his way of doing things. As she got older, he got increasingly confident with her. I can remember coming home from work in the early days and his remark was "she's still alive, and I think I am too" poor thing would be exhausted from sheer nerves.

A few tips:
1. Let go and let him do things his way. He will inevitably do things differently with your LO than you do. As long as the baby isn't in danger, then different is perfectly okay. Don't correct him and tell him how you would do it, unless he specifically asks.
2. Praise him. Even if it's something as simple as saying the outfit he put the baby in is cute. Just find something positive and tell him about it. I didn't do this enough in the beginning and should've to help build his confidence.

They will find their groove together (leaning experience for baby too!)!

Good luck mama!

kristennd · January 2015

DH has been home with DS all along. (DS is almost 4.) I went back half-time at 3 weeks and full-time at 9. DH was already only working evenings and weekends so we didn't have to adjust to that.

He did have to cut back to only working until 10:30. Originally he had a few nights until 2am and that just didn't work with a newborn. No one ever got more than three straight hours of sleep. And we'd budgeted for reduced hours just in case.

Actually caring for DS had no problems. We did have to adjust our expectations of what could be done above and beyond that, ie. housework. But because I was the only one home with DS on weekends (DH works two jobs those days) I could relate to just how challenging it was.

Like another poster said, he had a rough time finding other parents to talk to. It's a small rural area and he's pretty shy to begin with. And the local MOPS group flat out bars men because it made members uncomfortable breastfeeding. The adult-only interaction he got at work in the evenings was even more important/useful than the money.

Katelobster · January 2015

I think you got some great advice, the only thing I'll add is that age 6 weeks is often a huge growth spurt and the peak of newborn fussiness. Weeks 6 and 7 with my newborn were a nightmare, but it got much better after that. It might be a rough start for all of you, but it will get better. Good luck!

minirella · January 2015

VOR said:

For many men, you've got to put the iron to the fire. I saw this SOOOO clearly w/ a friend of mine. It wasn't until she was basically out of the picture and he HAD to deal w/ all the issues that he finally became confident. Let him figure it out. He may do things differently, but that's o.k.
However, one issue of concern- he works nights and usually sleeps until 11 or 12? How long is his being "daycare" going to last? Because if he doesn't get the amount of sleep he needs- that's going to play a role in all of this.

Agree. My husband was thrown into the fire with our first. Makes it easier with the twins (he was alone with 2 infants and a 4 year old for 13.5 hours yesterday while I filled in at the hospital).

I would suggest putting the baby in the same room with your hubby when you leave - whether it be in a bassinet, rock n play, or pack n play.

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