Stepparent Check-In 1/10 WARNING: Children Mentioned

LindseyM2012 · January 2015

Hello ladies! I think we had a great check in last week and clearly everyone has a lot to say about their experiences. This is difficult for all of us, but I really think we can all be a good support for each other.

How is everyone doing this week?

QOTW: I know step parenting is difficult, but like many of you said last week, there are a lot of good things about being stepmom! What is your favorite thing to do with your step child/ren?

AnnaClaire256 · January 2015

This week has been a bit of a rough one with the boys because of their awful mother. My oldest step son is a senior in high school and she decided to fill out his FAFSA with him and she used her tax information. Well, the custody of the boys is technically split but we pay for EVERYTHING they do (lunch money, cell phones, medical expenses, insurance) and we claim them on our taxes. It should be our information used to fill out his application. When DH told her that, her response was, "no, I'm the mother. I'm the one that matters. The mother is always the custodial parent."

Bitch...just no.

When we have the boys literally every day of the week at our house, how do you think you have custody? Even after we sent her screen shots of the custody papers showing THEY ARE BOTH CONSIDERED THE CUSTODIAL PARENT and the financial aid website showing that it should be OUR information on the form, she still won't budge. I don't want to fight it too much because I know that her and her husband make substantially less that DH and me so it will work out better for DSS but her rationale for it pisses me off! She thinks since she gave birth to them she trumps us. Always. This has been a pattern with her and it drives me seriously insane. There is no arguing with this woman. Okay, rant over...sorry.

QOTW: When DH has to work and one of the boys has plans, the other boy always knows that means "date night" with me. I let them pick what we do and where we go to dinner. The one on one time with them is priceless. I always learn so much about what's going on with them. Always good for LOTS of laughs!

LindseyM2012 · January 2015

@AnnaClaire256 - UGH!!! I can completely understand why you're so annoyed by that FAFSA stuff. Like you said, it will likely work out better for DSS but it is just not ok that YOU and DH are the ones who have to "rise above" for the sake of the kids all the time (or at least it sounds like you always have to). I would think birth mom would be inclined to rise above too because she should want what's best for the kids. On a more positive note, I LOOOVVVVEEE that you get to have date nights with each of the boys. It sounds like you all have such a great relationship. I hope to be able to get date nights with my step son when he's older

I've been in a bad space for a couple weeks just because of general IF stuff, but there have been a couple moments of pure sweetness that came from my stepson. He got both my husband and I sick when he was visiting right after Christmas, but he got really sick after he went home (104 fever!!). He was so tired that he started crying when he was on the phone with my husband and said, "I got Daddy sick. I got Lindsey sick. I'm getting everybody sick." He felt so bad and I hate that he thinks its his fault, but that was so sweet that he's so thoughtful of others at 6 years old. I just wanted to drive to his home and hug him until he felt better. Poor baby boy.

QOTW: My favorite thing to do with G is the nighttime routine. About an hour before bed (when he's at our place - I doubt he has any sort of routine when he's at home) we all change into PJs, grab some juice and watch a movie together. We'll all sit on one couch with G in the middle and many times he'll scoot into the crook of my arm and cuddle with me. Pure bliss for me!

MommyMonroe05 · January 2015

This weekend the ex decided she wanted to have DSS. She picked him up late Friday night, said she couldn't handle him on Saturday, and came to drop him off that night. We were out to dinner and didn't have our phones on, and she had come to the house and made DSS come to the front door and try to get in. Since we weren't home, she told DSS that we didn't want him and that we were home but not answering. I swear I would just like one encounter with her with no punishments no matter what happens....Drives me insane!

QOTW: My favorite time is during dinner. He likes to help make it, and no matter what it is, he always says I'm the best cook. Just makes me smile knowing he has a routine and gets good meals when he's here, compared to all the fast food he gets when he's with her.

tumbleweed123 · January 2015

AnnaClaire256 I'm so sorry you are dealing with that nonsense! WTF? How come some people think that they can completely change the actual facts of actual reality and just write/say/do whatever they like? I'm so sorry. We deal with stuff like that all the time...it seems like we are constantly defending normalcy at our home when it comes to keeping BM honest.

LindseyM2012 so sorry that you've had a hard time dealing with IF stuff lately. Glad your DSS is so adorable - he sounds like a really sweet kid

MommyMonroe05 that is insane. Doesn't BM know that she's hurting the child more than she's hurting you? We always work so hard not to put the kid in the middle, but is seems like it is really common for parents to just forget about the kid an act like a B. So sorry...that is a crappy situation.

QOTW: I love it when DSD and I get to just kick around the neighborhood while my H is doing other stuff. She's really verbal and some of the stuff that she says is just hilarious.

Karenb676 · January 2015

We had my stepdaughter this weekend and it was a great visit. She is a Preteen so we get the monster child every now and then. Ohhhhhhh the hormones, the minor tantrums, and the eye rolling! Dh always Jokes with me when she gets moody like that and says to me, "are you sure you want to have one of those? Are you sure?" I tell him the terrible preteens will pass, plus she is a free babysitter...lol....
Qotw..... We all purchased onesie pajamas in the fall and everytime we have my sd we get in our jammies, eat a yummy desert and watch a movie.... Family movie night!
@AnnaClaire256‌ I am so sorry for the drama the ex is causing. What added stress you don't need going through all of this, but I love how you have date nights with the boys. How special and something they will always remember.

TTCBabyJ · January 2015

Well DSS returned from his 3 week vacation, he stayed with his mom for 3 whole weeks. This is like a record. We knew we would have to breakdown 21 days of brainwashing. But DH's ex and her mother did something ultra low. A couple of months ago my DSS's grandmother (DH's ex's mother) said she was going to Western Union him $40 for his birthday. She never called with the details about when to pick up the money. So DH and I just figured it was another broken promise to DSS. Well his grandmother and mother told him the grandmother sent the money and we must have kept it. WHAT!!!!!

Now this is wrong on sooooo many levels. But my stepson already has an issue with stealing. I just thought we were all on the same page about trying to break this horrible behavior. But his own grandmother lies to him and makes him think that we stole money from him. Who does this kind of stuff?! Really?! DH was so upset he called her on speaker and asked her about it and she hung up. I just feel so sorry for my DSS being put in a position where he has to choose who do I believe my father or my grandmother. We have decided he will not being going out there for Spring break.

QOTW: DSS loves the Walking Dead. So while I find zombies repulsive, I still make sure I sit down and watch it with him every week. We also really like to play video games together as well. It's like reliving my childhood.

Eta: clarity

tiffmich08 · January 2015

Hey everyone! First time posting on this board. I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds it amazing yet so hard to be a step mom! We have my DSD and DSS 1 week on 1 week off. They are 4 and 5 about to be 5 and 6! They are at such a great age and entertain us, daily! There are some days though, that I find it so hard (inside) to be a step mom, because I want so badly to have a child of my own! I feel so guilty having these feelings and find myself holding back tears when they say "I miss mommy" or question why their "mommy and daddy aren't together anymore." Like, am I not enough?!?! I find myself fighting the tears constantly! It hasn't always been this way, as I've been in their lives since they were 1 and 2, but now that we are facing IF issues, it becomes harder and harder with every damn BFN, every DAMN month!

I've never really known anyone in "my same boat" so to speak. So, it's nice to be able to talk to ladies who know EXACTLY how I feel! I love my 2 step kids dearly and wouldn't trade it for the world, but there are just some days fighting back the tears is harder than others. Needless to say, today is one of those days! Not sure what is up with my emotions today, maybe it's because our next IUI is approaching, but I almost freaking started crying at the gym.....listening to Journey....Don't Stop Believin! Who the hell starts crying to DON'T STOP BELIEVIN!!

Ok....rant over! Whew! Thanks for listening! You guys rock!

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