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June 2015 Moms
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Desperate.

jessicastnbrgrjessicastnbrgr member
in June 2015 Moms
I left my husband, we were living together in Hawaii and I moved back to my home county Belgium. I warned him many times, we saw a Counsolor etc. reason I left. Everyday he got mad at me because I wasn't feeling very well. He said I was exaggerating with the fatigue and nausea and he thought I faked throwing up. He started watching porn all the time. Even when I was throwing up he would be mastirbating in the living room. He said I would look super ugly when pregnant and he couldn't show up on the beach w me anymore. He also went back and forward about whether he wanted to keep the baby or not. His reasons for not keeping were just ridiculous. He had plenty of money and his parents are pretty rich and have always supported him financially. We had our own Appartement, a car, he had a decent job etc. when I decided maybe abortion would be best option ( even I didn't want it I would've done it to save the relationship ) he was totally surprised and said he wanted to become dad so so badly and didn't want me to abort. He changed his mind again shortly after so yes I left because he forced me to get abortion a couple times saying I would be a terrible mom ( because I didn't clean the house for 1 day cuz I felt too sick, I usually cleaned every single day) Now I'm here he said he was gonna come here, rent out the Appartement in Hawaii and wanted us to be back together and be there for the baby. But shortly after those words he changed his mind and took off his ring, calls me single mom and is clearly enjoying his single life with a lot of hot chicks ( says friend of mine who has him on Facebook ) He says baby won't have a father cuz I took this chance away and asked me to put the kid up for adoption which hurt me so so bad. I've always updated him w pictures and all the info from doctors visits. He never replied to those messages. I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT HE WANTS. I've tried everything and I think filing for divorce is gonna be my next step. My hormones and his game are the worst combination for this pregnancy and this marriage or did I overreact? :( I have best support here in Belgium from my family and friends and busy creating the best future for me and the baby. I feel like I can't involve my husband in my life anymore because it's too unsure if he's gonna show up or not. I'm super sad and wished there was something I could do or someone else could help me chane his mind :( I'm not just losing my husband but also the father of my child :(
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Re: Desperate.

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  • gilder40gilder40 member
    I'm sorry for your situation. But he sounds very unstable and toxic. I personally would stay away for your own safety, and the safety of your little one. You need to be where you are happy, loved, and supported. Not cast aside and torn down. That is not healthy.
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  • housewifebecomesherhousewifebecomesher member
    It does not sound like you are overreacting. I would start working on finding a divorce attorney. He sounds pretty awful.
    Lilypie - (bDmZ)Lilypie - (SUYh)
    image imageimage

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  • porcelaneousporcelaneous member
    You are doing the right thing by moving away from him and being close to support. Pregnant or not, no one deserves that kind of confusion and treatment. You and your baby deserve love, support and a stress-free pregnancy and life without his immaturity and abuse. Keep up the good work for you and baby. It may seem confusing now but stay around your family and true support and care. Good for you for leaving!
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  • KimberlyandThor2014KimberlyandThor2014 member
    gilder40 said:

    I'm sorry for your situation. But he sounds very unstable and toxic. I personally would stay away for your own safety, and the safety of your little one. You need to be where you are happy, loved, and supported. Not cast aside and torn down. That is not healthy.

    This. And while your mind seems to be caught up on what he wants, it's important for you to shift it to knowing what YOU want and need, as well as what will be best for your child. I know it's hard to accept, but from what you have described it seems there is no hope for this man doing anything good for you or his child. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but what you have written will also be your present and future if you allow him to stay in your life. ❤️
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  • gilder40gilder40 member
    KimberlyandThor2014 said:

    gilder40 said:

    I'm sorry for your situation. But he sounds very unstable and toxic. I personally would stay away for your own safety, and the safety of your little one. You need to be where you are happy, loved, and supported. Not cast aside and torn down. That is not healthy.

    This. And while your mind seems to be caught up on what he wants, it's important for you to shift it to knowing what YOU want and need, as well as what will be best for your child. I know it's hard to accept, but from what you have described it seems there is no hope for this man doing anything good for you or his child. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but what you have written will also be your present and future if you allow him to stay in your life. ❤️
    Very well said. Your happiness and the happiness of that little one are the most important things right now! You can't control or change his behavior with anything you do. You can only control the circumstances you allow yourself to be in and your reactions to them.

    Just being devil's advocate, and I could be way off base here, so forgive me if I am overstepping my bounds....but what if y'all got back together after the kiddo is here, and he decides he doesn't want to be a dad anymore? What sort of things is he capable of? Unfortunately, people who are abusive do crazy crap. :(
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  • kemdupuiskemdupuis member
    I am so sorry that you are going through all of this, and that he has been so incredibly insensitive and mean to you. It is completely uncalled for. Whatever you decide to do, keep the best interests of you and your LO in mind. Where (and with whom) will you and baby be most happy, most cared for, and safest? My heart breaks for you and I wish you the best of luck- it sounds like you have a long road ahead. Sending positive thoughts into the universe for you.
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  • tiffbot1985tiffbot1985 member
    I'm so sorry you are going through all that. It scares me a lot to think that it reminds me of what I imagined my marriage being like had I stayed with my ex bf.
    You are not overreacting, you need to do what's best and healthiest for you and your child. And to me, that sounds like staying away from him.
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  • sjw91988sjw91988 member
    I'm sorry you are going through but he is a douche canoe. If he this wish washy now you and your baby are better off without him. Make your choice and stick with it.
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  • GASuzukiGASuzuki member
    Wow... I would never contact him again, if that's possible. You and your baby deserve so much better. I'm sorry he's an asshole.

    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • seannemairiseannemairi member
    Seriously, he sounds like a manipulative psychopath who clearly needs medical intervention. Cut your losses. Being a single mom would be infinitely easier than putting up with his manic highs and lows. Obviously it's scary but what you're doing is for the best. Finish it and divorce him. Document everything.
    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1ba0a0.aspx" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
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  • thay33thay33 member
    I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Ulitmately you and your babys happiness is most important. & it seems to be better off without him
    image
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  • taboullio84taboullio84 member
    Wow I'm so sorry. He sounds like an ass. You did what was right in my opinion
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  • DucktapetherapyDucktapetherapy member

    I am so sorry! I truly admire the fact that you are doing what is best for you and your baby! It's truly a blessing that you have support where you are! HUGS!!

    ~Ducktapetherapy77

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  • jessicastnbrgrjessicastnbrgr member
    Thank you so much everyone for the great support!
    I've sent my husband a long email explaining I want to move on with my life and also the baby's life. I told him I loved him very much but after what happened I can't love him anymore. That I wanted to try and find a way for him to be there for the little one but his lack of interest made it clear to me what my decision will be like. The only thing he responded on the email is that he was the happiest man on the planet while w me but that I took everything away from him and he's never experienced this pain before. Normally I would feel for him but not anymore.
    This week I'm seeing my lawyer and I will start filing for divorce. I have to admit I'm not going to get rid of him that easily, what about custody rights. Does anyone have experience with this?

    Good news I passed my drivers license test today!!! I promised my baby mama would pass her test from the first time and I did!!! :)
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