NBR: Toddlers...what jerks.

CitizenKane · January 2015

So my three year old is in a destruction phase. The moment he gets agitated, stuff starts getting broken, or thrown, or kicked, or hit. We were at dinner the other night and when I tried to get him to take one last bite, he shredded the taco and tried throwing it across the table. Seriously kid, cool it!

If we all make it out of this phase alive, it will be some sort of miracle.

So moms, how do you discipline your little angel when you are in public like this? Do you still do a time out or do you have another trick up your sleeve I could try?

jknallen · January 2015

We count to three. At three we would leave and go home and they would have time out then. They have never gotten to three so why they listen I have no clue. Maybe they are just afraid of what will happen at three. It still works now and my oldest will be 8 in a couple months. Boys test your patience in a huge way. Stick with it and you'll be ok. They do get better as they get older. They just have a lot of energy!

CitizenKane · January 2015

So the counting thing works, eh? I will give it a try.

Thanks!

dreemkin84 · January 2015

Haven't had to discipline my 2yo in public yet but I hear ya about them being destructive. My DD pushed our ipad off the balcony the other day. Shattered the glass...

chicagojackie · January 2015

We try to avoid situations where she is going to melt down, too close to nap or too close to bedtime. We let her color at the table at restaurants and look at books and we leave quickly if she's not behaving. I also give her a three count with a little hand slap if I get to three. I have only had to slap her one time.

We stick to her schedule pretty reliably and she is well behaved most of the time. So I guess you'd say we limit how much she can take or do in a day (which sucks a little sometimes) but we have a well-rested polite toddler in public because of it most of the time.

We worked really hard with her Montessori teachers to create an environment at home where we don't have to say no very often so when we do say no she listens. We also reward good behavior constantly so she seeks to behave properly. Sure we have epic meltdowns but usually we know they are coming!

Angeldcf · January 2015

Count to 3 as the warning, strong grip on the back of the neck (like a mama cat carrying kittens), if still acting up, he's taken outside/bathroom for a "come to Jesus meeting."

For restaurants, we try to set him up well by having cars/crayons and asking for our check when the food comes. We know he can last about 45min.

mishka29 · January 2015

We started the counting but then I read somewhere that it's not the best bc then they learn they don't have to listen until you are finished counting. Now my DD is not 2 yet so she is pushing buttons and testing limits so maybe counting would be better when she's older.

Just this week we started time outs - in the ikea tent. Before we would send her there for tantrums. When she starts we say, do you need a minute alone in the tent? Sometimes it stops other times she gets carried to the tent. Once the crying stops we ask her if she wants to come out and she says yes.

For time outs it's please stop, warning with the consequence, then follow through. At this point I google a lot and are just trying to find our method and find what works for us.

And I just realized you asked about being in public....baby brain?!

maryxc1 · January 2015

If we try distractions and warnings and he still doesn't listen, one of us takes him outside for a time out.

kerrigrooves · January 2015

we take DD (a little over two) outside when she's misbehaving at restaurants; if it continues after the warning we leave. We are big believers in follow through but believe me she's been having some major 2 yr old meltdowns lately esp when we're leaving somewhere she's having fun.

kerrigrooves · January 2015

chicagojackie Id like to hear more about this, "We worked really hard with her Montessori teachers to create an environment at home where we don't have to say no very often so when we do say no she listens."

Sounds intriguing...

CitizenKane · January 2015

Thanks ladies! These are all wonderful suggestions and I am going to give them a try.

CoachAP · January 2015

We ignore him. If he throws food or the phone we take it away from him. Taking him out of a restaurant, for example, for a "timeout" is a treat to him. Yes we are out in public, but we, at this age, aren't taking him anywhere really swanky or anything and the tantrum is usually over within a min or two. If he's really upset we'll pick him up and let him sit with us, but do not leave.

In your taco example above, we would just take everything away from him so that he has nothing to throw (ours is a thrower when mad).

ETA: words

pdxrulz · January 2015

We follow love and logic. Best parenting guide ever. Lots of books are available and I have taken a few classes with love and logic instructors. It's amazing. And it's a system, with steps to follow for "if this" and "when that". You should check it out, I just can't say enough great things about it.

jmcgra06 · January 2015

We are team time out, wherever you are . We did time out at Home Depot without shoes and pants last weekend. I felt moderately judged, but someone did say "Way to go, Mama!" which was nice

Ours typically gets embarrassed and complies, or a stranger gets too close and she decides she'd rather apologize to Mama than make eye contact with someone she doesn't know, so it's usually not too long.

ETA: We also start out by saying "I need to talk to you privately," and 90% of the time, getting to her level a few feet away from the action is enough.

anxiousmommy85 · January 2015

Every child is different, so it really is just a matter of finding what works for you and this child. It may even vary between what works for you and lo and lo and your partner. That being said, we prep DD #2 (our challenge champ and drama queen) with expectations prior to heading into any situations that we typically experience these fights. Generally, we use "should you..."and vary behaviors we want to see with those we want to see disappear. From there, it's a "this is your warning. This is your consequence if you don't stop now" reminder when the behaviors so up. Then follow through. This works best for us when the convos are delivered at dd's eye level and before either myself or dh gets hot over the button pushing. For actual temper tantrums, we use removing items (such as the taco) and isolation for time out. In the restaurant sitch myself or dh would have taken her to the car, strapped her in the seat, then closed the door and stood outside weather permitting. If it's too hot or too cold to allow that, we sit in the passenger seat with the heat/air running and completely ignore the child in the back.

wendy46001 · January 2015

Yes, toddler's are assholes. We do time outs too

She gets one warning to stop, if she continues we either go stand outside or in the bathroom to have our timeout (bathroom is mostly when its raining or she obviously want to leave some place, so throwing a fit)

She's three now so we've drilled it into her the mommy/daddy don't play. So after a rough patch at about 2.5 shes normally very good. Now mostly in her warning we just say if it happens again she'll go stand in the corner, which normally stops her.

mali3 · January 2015

Ohhh your lucky to have made it to 3 years old before this stuff happens! My 2 year old DD launches her fork and food across the table when she gets pissed! My 7 year old never did this crap! Counting doesnt work for us, she laughs at us...so she gets removed from the table (or whatever situation) and goes into her bedroom for timeout. Its the only thing that fixes her behavior.

ColleenS629 · January 2015

We warn, then leave. I had to sit in the car with one of our 3 year olds for half an hour while DH, our other 3 year old, and FIL finished dinner because he would not stop acting up. Usually, if one is acting up, it's both of them so we all leave. This time, it was just one of them so I went and sat in the car with him.

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