Educating the BF on TTC

Teenie16 · January 2015

After having my IUI the other day I came home and my BF wanted to know what happened, every detail. So as I filled him in about everything from the speculum to the 4 bent catheters to the clamp and the final, larger successful catheter, he had questions. He so wants to be involved and informed. But I have to say my favorite part of the conversation was:

"Did he use a microscope to look in there?"

No

"REALLY?! If we have sex tonight you're not even going to feel it!"

After I stopped laughing I explained why that's not true. He's such a 15 year old boy at times.

"So when do we find out if it worked?"

I explained that we had to wait 2 weeks.

"What?! Why so long?!" (almost outraged)

It's not magic, silly.

This whole interaction was sweet and well intentioned. But made me think; even though we are going through this physically the men in our lives are going through this too, but in a different way. I also figure I can't believe that I'm not the only one that has conversations like this. Most of my BF learning curve has been very comical. I know others have had some heartbreaking instances of their SO not getting it. And my heart breaks for them.

Anybody else have stories of educating their partners?

Nikolie93 · January 2015

I'm glad your interaction was sweet

MH doesn't know much. He supportive but he's not too interested in all the in's and out's lol

I have a feeling at the RE appointment his head is going to explode!

vh2014 · January 2015

We have conversations, I answer only what he asks. He's grossed out pretty easily, but then he'll completely surprise me. Then I'm reminded, oh yeah he grew up in a house with 2 women.

Nikolie93 · January 2015

Lol @ sperm aid!

Teenie16 · January 2015

@Nikolie93‌ Yeah .... that might be a lot for him to take in. Mine wasn't interested till our RE appointment. He was very in to it but it wasn't till it cost money to try that he wanted to know the details.

@agpjt413‌ I love that he read the book! Haha! Sperm aid!

@vh2014‌ Oh yeah he gets grossed out too. But if he's going to ask I'm going to answer but I do have to preface my answers sometime with... Are you sure you want to know? Especially when he asked about CM.

Nikolie93 · January 2015

@vh2014 MH loves all the nasty things... Weirdo lol

waterbaby318 · January 2015

Yeah, DH read some of TCOYF too. But for the most part he's not that interested in knowing all the details either. Last night I asked him if he really wanted to TTC because he doesn't seem that interested and I said that making a human being is kind of a big deal and if he wasn't totally into it, I needed to know. He said he was and asked what he could do to make me feel more supported. I said, well for starters, when it's my ovulation window, we have to do it. No waiting until tomorrow, or I'm not in the mood or whatever. How many times have I not been in the mood and did it anyway? Get in the mood dammit!!!

Edited for typo

Nikolie93 · January 2015

Sometimes it's hard for guys to perform when under pressure and TTC is stressful

It's a bit easier for us, sometimes we just have to lay there but the guy has to perform and has to orgasm.

I wouldn't want to be a guy in that situation

waterbaby318 · January 2015

I know. I give him some warning that I will be ovulating in a couple of days and then casually mention it when it's time. Sex on demand is a little scary. :P

Nikolie93 · January 2015

I usually do this... It catches him off guard

Edit :words are so hard today

TTCBabyJ · January 2015

After DH watched the Great Sperm Race he replied my guys don't have a chance. So cute and now he has new found understanding for why IUIs are necessary.

Ally1177 · January 2015

Nikolie93 said:

Sometimes it's hard for guys to perform when under pressure and TTC is stressful It's a bit easier for us, sometimes we just have to lay there but the guy has to perform and has to orgasm. I wouldn't want to be a guy in that situation

This is my current problem!! I try to not get frustrated but sometimes I can't help it!! Then when I get frustrated he says that I'm making it worse!! Ugh!

dukegirlsc · January 2015

I understand how timed intercourse can be an issue. It's basically why we jumped to IUI, to skip that stress. I did find that DH did better with watching videos and learning firsthand then reading about TTC. He comes to every appointment that he can, even the monitoring ones. I think it helps keep it something "we" are doing together as opposed to something "I" am striving for alone.

happyktmom · January 2015

That's great that we have such supportive men! It's funny, my DH didn't want to know anything when TTC my daughter in 2010. He didn't want to know when I was ovulating, he didn't want to know that we were in a window or when I had my period for that matter. Now that we are TTC#2 and we're older and we want this to happen NOW, he's totally on board with knowing when he's ON. Don't get me wrong ... he's had issues with stage fright, but we've been using Gingko Biloba for the last two months and it's like he's 20 again!

lcwed · January 2015

Happyktmom, I'm glad the Gingko Biloba is working.

@Nikolie35 DD loves your cat gif. She keeps touching the screen trying to make it move. Also, the last gif is what I started doing with DH if I'm in my FW.

DH knows a bit. A few times he's made comments about me needing his sperm. That lets me know when I am getting the TTC crazies. Funny thing, I got out the BBT this week and am back to temping. Friday morning the 5:15 alarm went off and I am groggily looking in drawers, in the pile of by clothes by the bed, in drawers because I can't ind my BBT. DH groggily asks if I'm looking for my thing. He said he put it on top of the bathroom cabinet because DD was trying to put it in her mouth. "You use that in your mouth right?" Me, "Of course!" Oh DH, if you only knew where other women put those.

waterbaby318 · January 2015

I've been giving DH some supps but will add Gingko to the mix.

Teenie16 · January 2015

@Happyktmom I'm intrigued by the ginko connection. What does it help with? Desire, performance, ability to finish...?

Austrogermokee · January 2015

DH is convinced that if he just gets laid a lot, a baby will magically appear. He mostly indulges me when it comes to the IF stuff. It's kind of sweet but also frustrating.

Nikolie93 · January 2015

@Ally777‌ I know it can be frustrating, just take a step back and try to put yourself in the guys shoes every now and then. Sometimes that helps put it into perspective.

@lcwed‌ glsd DD liked it! And I lol'ed about where the BBT goes.

CML11 · January 2015

My DH refers to yeast infections as the "bread infection"

wannabmama23 · January 2015

Mine was curious and asked a bit about it and likes to know when it's "party time" but since I don't want to stress him out, I usually mention it a few days ahead and try not to ever say "we gotta do it now"...but his attention span is short...and so usually around the FW I'm still prodding him or trying to emphasize that this is the time without creating performacd anxiety, it's a fine line!

And then anytime I'm sick or tired, he's sure I'm KU...usually I don't have the heart to tell him if I'm WTO or some other part of the cycle.

I think it's funny that I'm constantly now aware of all these details about my cycle...and he's essentially still a 12-year old boy.

happyktmom · January 2015

@teenie16 - all of the above. He's always had problems with the ability to finish and only recently when put on blood pressure medications, did he have problems with the erections. I researched his problems up and down and finally found several people commenting on Gingko Biloba working for them so we tried it and amazingly it worked! We have a little trick, that we have not ok'ed with any doc's btw, he takes one in the morning and one in the afternoon and he's raring to go by evening. He's finished every time!

waterbaby318 · January 2015

@happyktmom Started giving DH gingko yesterday.

happyktmom · January 2015

@waterbaby318 - Keep me posted! I want to see if it works as well for others.
On a side note, because I am a nurse

, I do want to mention it can thin blood - so my DH skips his baby aspirin on the days he takes the Gingko.

Teenie16 · January 2015

@happyktmom Thanks for the info. I think my BF is going to get some tomorrow. I'm excited to see if it works for us! I read him your response to my question and he was all gung ho to get some! Things have been a little slow since he started his blood pressure meds. I'll tell him about the baby aspirin too. Thanks!

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