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November 2014 Moms
mamaluzi
member
Vent: Clueless hubbies/SOs
mamaluzi
member
After going to bed very late because hubby was "too tired" to give LO the supplementary bottle she's supposed to get after I nurse at bedtime and just "had to go lay down," and then getting up this morning in the wee hours to soothe a crying baby when her daddy had just given her the bottle (that's supposed to let me have a bit more sleep, mind you) but chatted with her and played with her during her feeding and also neglected to make sure she was sleepy/sleeping before putting her back to bed (so I've been up ever since), I googled "husband clueless with baby" and found this article that pretty much sums up my life right now:
https://www.cnn.com/2011/11/29/living/why-we-get-mad-at-our-husbands-p/
Any other ladies married to wonderful yet clueless men??? How do you deal?? Every time I try to talk to him about it he gets all sensitive and upset, but I feel like I have two babies, and of course my dog who's easier than either of them!!! I just feel like I'm constantly either doing things myself or delegating tasks that I end up having to do myself anyways because he doesn't finish it or tries and gives up etc
https://www.cnn.com/2011/11/29/living/why-we-get-mad-at-our-husbands-p/
Any other ladies married to wonderful yet clueless men??? How do you deal?? Every time I try to talk to him about it he gets all sensitive and upset, but I feel like I have two babies, and of course my dog who's easier than either of them!!! I just feel like I'm constantly either doing things myself or delegating tasks that I end up having to do myself anyways because he doesn't finish it or tries and gives up etc
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October Challenge: How I feel about the 3rd trimester:
Throwback: Hubby and I on our first date (Nov 2007), and then again on our wedding day (Nov 2012)
October Challenge: How I feel about the 3rd trimester:
Throwback: Hubby and I on our first date (Nov 2007), and then again on our wedding day (Nov 2012)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent: Clueless hubbies/SOs
Totally agree with some of this. Although I do feel really lucky cause my husband does most of the cleaning around our house (he is OCD because I don't clean the way he likes) although I do laundry and a few things here or there. But as far has him and our LO he drives me up the wall sometimes. There was one time that he made me really mad. He let me go out for a second but it was just to get us food for dinner. When I got back LO woke up and wanted to eat so I feed her trying to take a bite of food when I could. He ate and then after he finished eating he just sat there watching tv looking at his phone, not once did he offer to take her and finish feeding her (we formula feed). Also he makes me mad when he will hold her and once his arm gets tired (which seems like 5 minutes) he wants me to take her and he doesn't hand her to me I have to come and grab her. I'm pretty sure I have let all feeling leave my arm countless times because LO is in a mood and just wants to be held.
I love DH and I feel he does a lot so I can focus my attention on LO but it does feel like he gets more time to himself plus it sucks if I ever do have time to go out with a friend if she gets to fussy its a text saying "when are you coming home? She won't stop crying"
8-|My dh does a lot too - he cooks and grocery shops and will do other household stuff if I ask like laundry, taking care of the dog, etc. He even changes diapers (except poop ones of course :-P). But he is NOT tidy and does NOT notice if the house is messy and he constantly leaves household tasks unfinished (example: getting rid of Christmas tree. Tree is gone, but ornaments are still on table instead of in storage and needles are EVERYWHERE and the giant trashbag used to clean up the pile of them from under the tree is still in the living room. Guess who has to vacuum and finish all this...?) On top of all this, we also have friends staying with us in an apartment upstairs...we share a kitchen...friend and hubby love to cook but keep kitchen absolutely filthy and always leave shit out and never wipe down anything. So that's fun for me too.
As for the baby, I feel like he sees her as an object right now. He doesn't know how to do snything to soothe her crying except feed or change her, though sometime he walks her around a little bit never for long enough. His idea of rocking her to sleep is to sit her stark upright and hold her with his hand until her head falls over asleep - says she cries if he cuddles her - what????
There's so many more things I could list but I don't want to seem ungrateful or like I'm just complaining so I'll stop lol it just really gets my goat because he just doesn't get it but has no idea!!!
October Challenge: How I feel about the 3rd trimester:
Throwback: Hubby and I on our first date (Nov 2007), and then again on our wedding day (Nov 2012)
Then the dogs get out and he's rigged the gate with a chain pulled extra tight. The dogs come to get back inside but I can't get it unhooked so I call and he's a complete jerk to me. Mind you it feels like 0 outside and the wind is blowing a steady 20 mph. I'm over today, and I need a fucking nap.
Oh and my mom just texted and wants to come over right now to see the baby. It's 7:16am?!
Ok I'm done venting. Sorry ladies.
However: "ugh honey I don't have time to let the dog out I'll be late..." This is the one thing I NEED him to do in the mornings because dog needs to be walked to poop and I have a tiny baby that can't really come outside with me in the -5 degree weather. Course he saved this for last. Ugh
October Challenge: How I feel about the 3rd trimester:
Throwback: Hubby and I on our first date (Nov 2007), and then again on our wedding day (Nov 2012)
Sadly too true. DH has managed massive cattle and bison ranches, and some rather large horse training outfits as well, which include doing everything from working 24 hours on, 8 hours off during calving season (which can span two or three months in the dead of winter) to doing survailence of potential poachers for a high profile bison ranch he once worked for. The man can listen to a car, or tractor or pretty much anything with an engine and tell you what's wrong with it just by the sound. He can improvise and weld machinery back together when many people would say it's too broke to fix. I've seen it happen first hand many time. But he needs me to remind himto change the baby. WTF?
Pips will be wailing and he's trying to sooth her and he looks at her and says "I don't know what you want". I ask when the last time she was fed/changed. And he doesn't know. Well think, DH, if it's been more than an hour for either, chances are, you're gonna need to check the diaper at least (Pips is notoriously intolerant of a wet diaper).
It's like he finds the concept of needing to feed, change, sooth, repeat totally mind boggling.
Credit where it's due though, he's getting better. He vacuums without my prompting now, and last night when I got done putting the baby to sleep, I found him in the kitchen putting dinner leftovers away. I was so shocked I hugged him and he wondered what was wrong.
Still, he's done things way more complex than running a house hold, yet he'll walk right past a full waste bin without even thinking it might need to be emptied. I love that they act like it's sooooo difficult to do all that we all do, but then act like running a household isn't that hard and they can't understand why we don't get everything done (the way they would) all the time, every time.
October Challenge: How I feel about the 3rd trimester:
Throwback: Hubby and I on our first date (Nov 2007), and then again on our wedding day (Nov 2012)
Edit: Words are hard
It really seems if my husband changes or feeds little one and she still cries it's the whole "I don't know what is wrong"
One thing that sucks is during the week I get up with LO for her feeding that usually happens around 1-3. If she waks up around 5-6 DH has to take care of her because I have to get ready and leave for work. But during the weekends he won't even attempt to get up with her even if I try to lay there for a little bit and let her cry so he will hopefully get the hint because damnit I just want to sleep in ONCE. Nope he doesn't move, then it makes me laugh when later in the day I say something about when she woke up and he says he doesn't hear her (this coming from the guy who is the lightest sleeper on earth)
My mom did make a good point boys didn't grow up playing with dolls and prenending to be mommy. But boy am I ready for LO to get bigger and a little more self sufficient so DH won't be so helpless with her.
Why would FI think it is a good idea to pick up the sleeping baby. I get that she looks extra cute but just give her a kiss on the forehead and LET HER BE!!!
Can you do me a favor? Have a glass of whiskey with one ice cube in it when I get home from work.
Ha! I mean he's just joking (trying to tell me work sucks today) but HA! Before baby I might actually do something like that as a semi surprise but no more - this morning I spent 10 min without a shirt on because LO was fussing and I didn't have a chance to finish getting dressed before she woke up. But sure I can have a drink waiting for you. Give me a break!
October Challenge: How I feel about the 3rd trimester:
Throwback: Hubby and I on our first date (Nov 2007), and then again on our wedding day (Nov 2012)
October Challenge: How I feel about the 3rd trimester:
Throwback: Hubby and I on our first date (Nov 2007), and then again on our wedding day (Nov 2012)
My beef with him is that he doesn't really take much initiative with cleaning the house and he doesn't "notice" when things need cleaning. Then I have to ask and I get labeled a "nag", which pisses me off.
And he doesn't wash the lids to the bottles.
Other than that, ditto to the trash and laundry. He will also leave used bottles overnight without rinsing and dishes in the sink even though he used to complain to me before lo about me not rinsing and placing into dishwasher, well I've finally corrected this habit and guess who picked it up... yea, I guess it's karma on that front but come on!!
I have been getting extra stubborn in my sleeping state overnight though and will mostly subconsciously kick him when lo first cries so that he changes the diaper and I get an extra two minutes sleep. I know, that one is sad. Either way I have to get up because we've agreed to save pumped milk for outings and vitamins since I'm returning to work soon but that extra two minutes seems like an hour sometimes. Haha.
Sorry for the rant but I've needed to get this all out! I feel like my girl friends judge me but they don't have kids at home and don't understand why I care so much.
October Challenge: How I feel about the 3rd trimester:
Throwback: Hubby and I on our first date (Nov 2007), and then again on our wedding day (Nov 2012)
BFP#4 3/17/14 - rainbow Baby BOY arrived 11/10/14 !!
DX: Uterine Septum - Resection 9/5/13 || MTHFR Hetero A1298C || My Chart
DH can be added to camps a)making messes and not picking up b)not noticing things to be done c)something to do when he walks in the door.
Even when I'm home and dh has LO & wants to eat or use the bathroom, sometimes I'm a bitch and won't take LO from him. Figure it out honey O:-)
I do think LO will have momma seperation distress/anxiety when I go back to work though
BFP#4 3/17/14 - rainbow Baby BOY arrived 11/10/14 !!
DX: Uterine Septum - Resection 9/5/13 || MTHFR Hetero A1298C || My Chart
Edited for words. Seriously I can't words anymore. Mommy brain.