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June 2015 Moms
jen66896689
member
Vaccination worries....advice?
jen66896689
member
Here is the situation. We are 18 weeks with the help of a really awesome surrogate who has become a family friend. We have two children (adopted at birth, 9 and 5 years old) and she has 3 children aged 14-4. The kids all play together and we get together every few weeks. We are expecting boy girl twins in June with her. Because there are 2 and she delivered her last two singletons at 37 weeks, our doc told us these babies will most likely come around 34-35 weeks and we may end up in the nicu with preemies.
We found out just a few weeks ago that their family is not vaccinated. Our surro told us at dinner that she thinks her son (the oldest) got autism at age 18 months after a bundled vaccine. He's 14 now. So after that, her and her husband did not vaccinate the other two girls, age 8 and 4. I don't know how well vaccinated our surrogate is.
I don't know much about vaccinations and babies, but I'm a big believer in vaccines in general and I know there are literally no cases of autism that have been linked to vaccines. My husband and I just got really quiet while she said this. We generally don't worry about unlikely things happening, but now I'm getting more and more worried about it.
When her girls hang out with us, they ask if we will let them visit the babies and hold the babies. I've already promised these kids several times (before I knew about the vaccinations) that of course they can visit and hold the babies.
What should I do? I would never forgive myself if either of the babies got sick or got a disease from the unvaccinated surrogate's family. But telling her she has to vaccinate her kids and do something she absolutely does not believe in sounds terrible! As does not letting her kids see the babies when they're born.
It's a pickle! Any advise is appreciated. Thank you!
We found out just a few weeks ago that their family is not vaccinated. Our surro told us at dinner that she thinks her son (the oldest) got autism at age 18 months after a bundled vaccine. He's 14 now. So after that, her and her husband did not vaccinate the other two girls, age 8 and 4. I don't know how well vaccinated our surrogate is.
I don't know much about vaccinations and babies, but I'm a big believer in vaccines in general and I know there are literally no cases of autism that have been linked to vaccines. My husband and I just got really quiet while she said this. We generally don't worry about unlikely things happening, but now I'm getting more and more worried about it.
When her girls hang out with us, they ask if we will let them visit the babies and hold the babies. I've already promised these kids several times (before I knew about the vaccinations) that of course they can visit and hold the babies.
What should I do? I would never forgive myself if either of the babies got sick or got a disease from the unvaccinated surrogate's family. But telling her she has to vaccinate her kids and do something she absolutely does not believe in sounds terrible! As does not letting her kids see the babies when they're born.
It's a pickle! Any advise is appreciated. Thank you!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vaccination worries....advice?
I have a nephew who isn't vaccinated and he is not allowed around any family babies until they are vaccinated.
Asking her to vaccinate her children will be pointless. If she thinks it caused autism in her child there is nothing you can say or do to convince her otherwise.
I'm not sure what kind of relationship you plan to have with her going forward but when it comes to the health of your child, and your comfort level, you have to do what you feel is right. Period.
Is your surrogate planning to get the Tdap vaccine? That is supposed to help confir some immunity to the baby. I assume she doesn't think she herself will 'get' autism from the vaccine.
I don't know what the surrogate herself has been vaccinated for. I don't think she thinks she can get autism but I understand why you asked that. And that measles outbreak was very close to us! That's what got me worried. Whooping cough has been around this area too. Yikes!
I thought about calling the OB so he might talk to her about it sometime before they're born. I definitely won't bring it up any sooner than I have to. It's so awkward! I might even take a total cop out and say hubby is a paranoid first time dad so they gotta get the vaccines if they want to visit the babies when they're little.
With my first two kids, I was so afraid the birth mothers would change their minds and not place the babies with me, I never said a word to them when they smoked a pack a day and took morphine pills and made terrible life choices and such. I just couldn't. Both my kids came out perfectly healthy so that has been reassuring. Surrogacy is very different and I might even have some legal power in the situation to make her get vaccinated (I would have to ask the agency) but it's still not the sort of thing I feel comfortable doing.
So do OB's give vaccine advice or would it be the pediatrician after they're born?
June 2015 January Signature Challenge: Pinterest Fails
Oh this drives me crazy. The ignorance of people! Are her kids in school? Aren't they required to be vaccinated? Does she realize the health risk she could be not only endangering her kids, but any kids hers come in contact with.?
I would absolutely have the OB talk to her and have the agency handle it and as far as her kids seeing the babies afterwards I would tell them after the babies are fully vaccinated sure...but by then they won't be babies anymore. They are your first priority, if she is going to be ignorant and endanger her family that is her choice, but you don't have to put up with it. I know she's a friend, but if her kids got your babies sick could you get over that?
I don't think you will catch something that they don't have.... Have them get tested for everything if they want to visit.
Proud Mama to cleft cutie
as part of some of the prenatal screens they do look at your titre levels for rubella, mumps and measles so in terms of the surrogate - if she is being forthcoming with the medical information being provided to her by her OB or healthcare giver, if there was concern regarding these viruses - you would likely have been notified by now.
Once the children are born - essentially your contract with the surrogate will be null (unless part of said contract also includes nursing duties). How you manage your children is how you manage your children. That also being said - you have a right to inform your friend/surrogate that due to the increased risk of viral and infectious disease in nicu infancy - you are withholding any visitation with those that have not had vaccinations.
Your contract and agency maybe able to talk to her about HER medical and vaccination history but they cannot force the same on her children as it is only her that has not signed the contract - not her family unit as a whole.
Much like @mamahawk12, I have already told some people that their children cannot visit my children while unvaccinated and I don't have a second thought about it and these are people I have known for years. Were they upset? Sure. It is a bit of a sting to be on opposite sides of the spectrum like that but ultimately - if they are really your friend, they will accept it and move on or MOVE ON.
My friend just had a baby and out of courtesy I will be leaving DS ( DS is almost 2 now) at home and just DH and I are going to visit them. You can never be too careful w an infant. Especially if they end up being premies.