Bi-Weekly Wine and Cheese Party

buggirl72 · January 2015

It's that time again! I think? I'm really not sure if it's been two weeks since the last one but it feels like it has so . . .

buggirl72 · January 2015

My update:

I went in for my follow-up ultrasound to see what was going on with my uterine fibroids and my ovarian cysts. All were slightly bigger but not to the point to be concerning in themselves. The u/s tech at my OB is awesome, explains everything and actually listens and responds to questions. She was having trouble finding a third fibroid she had noticed last u/s (October?) but checked blood flow (all of them have blood flow to them) and found where it was hiding.

I've had enough u/s done in the past 12 years that I have a good idea what certain things are supposed to look like. My untrained response to what I was seeing was that my uterine lining is pretty jacked up. I could see where the lining was but there definitely was not a nice pretty stripe. I'm midway through my "cycle" so it should have been pretty clear. Mine kept looking bubbly if that makes any sense and you could see the "old" blood moving in the cavity. We had a discussion about polyps and how hard they were to see by u/s and she did not feel confident that she was seeing any. She switched to my ovary and the cysts there (all simple) and then, when I asked about my lining again, she went back and checked that again. The different angle made her feel a little more confident that she was seeing at least one polyp in there and said she would let the OB make the final call.

My OB's plan of action is a hysterscopy with a D&C. Everything is tentatively scheduled for the 20th - they just need to call and confirm that the operating room is available to them at the time they want. He still feels that all of my bleeding is abnormal and he thinks by removing the polyps he will stop this bleeding.

2015 is starting out fun!

rubysi · January 2015

Oh @buggirl72 I am so sorry. I hope that the surgery helps.

2015 has also started rough for me. I had the what next conversation with the RE today that ended in tears. I knew what the suggestion would be. I have done 5 cycles of femara, 2 with ovidrel, 1 iui. She knows I ovulate, the dh sperm is fantastic but my age most likely I do not produce quality eggs or possibly my tubes don't function correctly and there is no way to test for this. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle this conversation so I brought dh with me. He held my hand and asked my questions for me and he is willing to try this route, if it is what I want to do.

For now I have been advised to try to lose 10% of my body weight over the next 2 months and dh too (I think she through that in to have him held me), a high dose of vitamin D since I have the deficiency, metformin and femara. I guess I need to decide if ivf is worth the financial and mental risk at failure. If there was a guarantee there would be no question that it is worth it to me but the guarantee died when I turned 39.

So I think tonight I am going to enjoy some meade maybe have the last ice cream for 2 months and pull out my juicer for tomorrow. This chunky girl has got about 22 lbs to lose.

It has been sad on the main board and this board to lose a couple of wonderful ladies not because they graduated but because this journey is so difficult. I will miss them.

Here are some olives for the party.

rubysi · January 2015

@EurydiceNymph‌ ((Hugs)) Good luck.

meredithcarole · January 2015

@buggirl72‌ I am sorry that 2015 is starting a bit rough. I think the procedure sounds like a good way forward though. I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

@rubysi I am so sorry your appointment was rough. DH just got a Fitbit (actually, it's a Jawbone, but same general idea) for his "get back in shape" journey and I have been very surprised at how comprehensive and useful it really is. You can scan bar codes to get nutritional information which is super helpful. Maybe something like that would be helpful? Otherwise I have used MyFitnessPal in the past and found that to be a good tool. I hope that the Meade and ice cream helped a bit tonight.

@EurydiceNymph‌ try not to let the 2WW drive you nuts. You could not have had any better timing so you have done all you can. FX that this is your month.

AFM: nothing much going on here. Just trying not to plump up while on leave.... Blah. I did walk 1.5 miles today though so that was good.

Rachaeleigh · January 2015

@buggirl72‌ . As always, thanks for the check in. I really hope that the surgery is helpful with the bleeding

@rubysi‌ I'm glad that your husband was there for support. I know that making the decision for ivf is difficult. Do you mind me asking, what did you mean by the "guarantee" was gone when you turned 39?

@EurydiceNymph‌ many hugs to you. Any type of anxiety is just the worst. Did you decide to talk to your counselor about it?

@meredithcarole‌ hi :-)

AFM: I also have been thinking about the ladies that are taking a step back from the board. I can't believe that I have been here 3 years. Seriously, wtf

Tomorrow is our consult with the new RE. I'm pretty excited. Of course, I don't expect them to have any new answers but it'll be nice to meet new people

rubysi · January 2015

@Rachaeleigh the guarantee is referencing a financial program. I do not have the money to pay cash for the ivf. There are loan programs that have a financial guarantee that if you do not have a take home after so many attempts there is a partial or full refund. But sadly when you reach the magic number of 38 and sometimes 37 there is no longer that guarantee... I hope your RE consult goes well. Good luck.

@meredithcarole Long walks should help. How are you feeling?

Smootiepie · January 2015

@buggirl72 ((Hugs)) sweetie, I really hope the surgery will clear everything up and help w/ moving forward.

@rubysi Making the IVF decision was definitely one of the hardest DH and I ever had to make (we are 100% OOP). Always here to talk to if you need it!

@EurydiceNymph Sorry you're having a rough first cycle back TTCing. The mind fuck will get ya every time...

@meredithcarole Every mile counts, love!!

@Rachaeleigh GL w/ the RE. Same goes for you re: IVF - here if you need someone to talk to.

@sarcaztic10 Why are our cycles always wonky at the worst times?! GL w/ the new RE, and try not to stress too much about decisions yet.

AFM - holy shitballs, our IVF cycle just got all kinds of real. I had my baseline Friday, and my AFC came back at 25. Started stims on Sunday, which is what I was dreading the most since I have an insane fear of needles. DH has ended up injecting me both nights so far, and I'm thinking I'll just stick w/ that!! I'll have appts Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday w/ ER 13th-15th depending on how I'm responding to stims.

rubysi · January 2015

@sarcaztic10‌ At least you job set up a little saving account for you. Grrr...I am sorry IF is so expensive and frustrating.

@Smootiepie Good luck with this cycle. Are you planning fresh transfer?

Smootiepie · January 2015

@rubysi Yes, that's the plan. I am at an increased risk for OHSS w/ 25 follies, but my RE started my on lower doses of the stims to try and reduce that as much as possible. Which means ER will probably be the 15th, which I'm perfectly fine with.

BookishMomma · January 2015

***BFP warning (below personalized messages)***

@buggirl72 I'm so impressed that you were able to decipher so much of what was going on during your u/s. I hope the hysteroscopy goes smoothly for you. I had an operative hysteroscopy back in August, so feel free to PM me if you have any questions from the patient perspective.

@rubysi How did you know I love olives? Nom nom nom. I'm sorry you had to have that crappy discussion with your RE, but I'm glad your DH was there for you and that you both can motivate each other with the weight loss. I think it is sooo much easier to make lifestyle changes if you both are on board. ((Hugs))

@Rachaeleigh GL with your new RE consult. Let us know how it goes.

@meredithcarole Yay for getting some walking in! I need to be better about this, too, but it's hard when it's so COLD. Just means I need to get to the gym instead.

@EurydiceNymph Oh, the head games. I totally hear you. The only thing I liked about being on the bench was the mental break it gave me from TTC. My mental health has never been so tested as it has been this last year or so. Please know you're not alone and I know you can handle this. You are so very strong.

@kateisoptimistic I'm glad you're waiting so that you're in the best possible place mentally and emotionally before starting IVF. GL with everything you've got going on in the next couple of months.

@smootiepie I'm so excited for you starting your IVF cycle. I've got everything crossed for you!

@sarcaztic10 The lack of guarantees (and control) is such a hard part of all of this. I hope you and your H are able to come up with a strategy that you're comfortable with when you see your RE. Also, I'm giving your chart a big TP. And this:

***BFP below***

I hope it's OK to post this here. I know not everyone lurks on PGAL and I didn't want it to come out of the blue later.

Yesterday I got a BFP. I wasn't temping and my CBFM decided to go all wackadoodle on me, so I don't know how many DPO I am, but I'm guessing I'm right around 4 weeks. I am feeling really ambivalent, I think mostly to protect my heart, since I know with 4 losses and AMA my odds are not stellar. I won't be going in for betas this time. DH agrees with that choice. Betas just make me crazy and I know enough to realize that I have no control over things at this stage except to just try to truck along one day at a time. I have an appointment with a new OB on Friday and I'm hoping to get referred for an MFM consult (I switched insurance, so my former MFM referral is no longer valid). Other than that, I'm just trying not to think about it too much. I'm keeping the RPL specialist appointment with Dr. Mary Stephenson in Chicago on the calendar (end of Feb.) in case I need it. I hope I don't, but realistically I know I might.

rubysi · January 2015

@Kateisoptimistic‌ If we decide to go ivf. It will probably happen in March for us too.

@furrypaws I do have a few recipes. My two favorite aare a sunshine green and a blueberry, orange, pear.

Sunshine green

2 apples

2 oranges

4 kale leaves

1/2 lemon

1 inch ginger

I core the apples, peel the citrus, stalk and leaves of kale and leave the skin on the ginger

Blueberry orange pear

2 oranges

2 pears

1 cup blueberries

I usually have one for breakfast one for lunch and a veggie filled dinner. I also make ssure to snack throughout the day. I have done the month juice fast and it is a great way to loose weight fast but it isn't a permanent solution. If I am not successful this month I will probably resort to the 30 day juice challenge I did lose 23 lbs last time.

Keep smiling

@BookishMomma I am so happy for you and hope this is your rainbow.

meredithcarole · January 2015

@Rachaeleigh‌ Good luck! I have everything crossed for you that the new RE will have a new perspective.

@sarcaztic10‌ Sorry your body went rogue this month.

@Smootiepie‌ Good luck! I'm glad H is better with needles than you

@Kateisoptimistic‌ I'm glad you have a little time to absorb the idea of IVF before jumping in. Best of luck to you with it.

@furrypaws‌ I'm sorry the last cycle disappointed you. I hope that your focus on things that make you smile distracts you a bit.

@BookishMomma‌ I really hate that all of us now carry contingencies with us. I sincerely hope you don't need it. I'm going to continue to send you positive, growing and thriving vibes. Stay over at PGAL.

rubysi · January 2015

@furrypaws I have a Breville JE98XL Juice Fountain Plus 850-Watt Juice Extractor

rubysi · January 2015

Kateisoptimistic said:

@rubysi - what is the 30 day juice challenge? is it just juice? or are other foods included?

Thanks!!

Yep just juice. Have you seen Fat Sick and Nearly Dead. It used to be on Netflix. I got the idea to try this a couple years ago. Once you get past the first week you really do feel great. The first week is exhausting. After the first month I started eating anything that I could juice.

skategirl128 · January 2015

@buggirl72‌ I hope surgery goes well and it gets your ute in order! Big hugs!!

@rubysi so many hugs for you!

@EurydiceNymph‌ big hugs to you too! Congrats on burning that bench!! The pressure coming off the bench has to be so hard too! More big hugs!

@Rachaeleigh‌ I hope you get answers!

@meredithcarole yay for a good walk!

@sarcaztic10‌ Good luck at the RE! I hope you come up with a plan you are comfortable with! Big hugs!

@Smootiepie‌ fx for you!!

@Kateisoptimistic‌ big hugs to you! Best of luck!

@BookishMomma‌ congrats! I'm so hoping this is your rainbow! Much love!!

@PetraStonegirl‌ m glad you guys are getting better. My fx for mr Petra on his job search. I hope you get everything sorted out soon! Big hugs!!

AFM: I'm still waiting

I know it's only been a few days but I'm seriously so anxious. I'm finally moving around a little better and worked through my morning preschool class. It was nice to be back to work but I'm still so sore. Getting better everyday though. I'm hoping the next week and a half goes fast though- the not knowing is seriously so hard. I'm scared and I don't want to voice it too much at home because I don't want to add to SOs worries. Just ready for answers- whatever they might be.

meredithcarole · January 2015

skategirl128 said:

AFM: I'm still waiting I know it's only been a few days but I'm seriously so anxious. I'm finally moving around a little better and worked through my morning preschool class. It was nice to be back to work but I'm still so sore. Getting better everyday though. I'm hoping the next week and a half goes fast though- the not knowing is seriously so hard. I'm scared and I don't want to voice it too much at home because I don't want to add to SOs worries. Just ready for answers- whatever they might be.

I can only imagine how hard the waiting is. I will be keeping you in my thoughts. I am glad you are beginning to feel better.

rubysi · January 2015

@PetraStonegirl‌ I am sorry you're sick. Thank you for the offer. I might take you up on it. I am mostly frustrated I waited so long, but honestly I didn't want to grow up until this point. I hope Mr Petra finds work soon. Hugs.

@skategirl128 I hope time goes quickly for you. Waiting for answers is always frustrating.

megrae12 · January 2015

Hello my lovelies!

@buggirl72 I hope everything goes well and this will get your ute back on track, ((Hugs)) my friend.

@rubysi I am sorry your WTF appointment was rough. I hope the weight loss will at least lead to you feeling better. ((Hugs)) sweetie.

@EurydiceNymph ((Hugs)) love. I am glad you burned the bench and I know you must feeling all kinds of anxiety. I wish I had some pearls of wisdom, but I don't. Just know you are in my T&Ps and if you need to vent, PM me.

@meredithcarole Way to go on the walk, lady!! I got a Jawbone for Christmas as well. I am loving it, and it's a great way to stay motivated.

@Rachaeleigh ((Hugs)) it sucks when you get to thinking about how long you have been here. I am thinking about you and your appointment today. I hope it goes well and you get a good plan.

@sacaztic10 I have been chart stalking you and I was side eyeing your chart. I am sorry for the craziness of this cycle. I hope everything goes well for your new RE appointment. I hope you figure out a new plan of action and it's one you and YH are happy with. ((Hugs)) my dear friend.

@Smootiepie Don't feel bad about YH giving you shots. MH has to do it with just my trigger shot. ((Hugs)) hunny. I hope things go smoothly.

@Katieisoptimistic ((Hugs)) sweetie. I hate you are stressing out about everything, but I get it. I swear everything with the RE is making snap decisions. Only, they are decisions that could impact the rest of your life. It's crash course in big decision making.

@furrypaws ((Hugs)) sweet friend. I am sorry you are feeling so stressed. I understand about the shitty shit IRL. It's hard. Maybe trying to take some time for yourself every day? It has helped me a lot. Even just five minutes. I am here if you need to vent, hun.

@Bookishmomma ((Hugs)) I hope this is it for you. I also hope you get a good plan for this pregnancy.

@PetraStonegirl I hope Mr. Petra is able to find work soon, I know that has to be so stressful. I hope everything stays on track for spring. ((Hugs))

@skategirl128 I have been thinking about you lady. I know the waiting must be killer. So many ((Hugs)) and I am keeping my FX for some good news.

AFM: We are taking more time off treatment. I had to get a part time job to cover my salary loss, so I am working full time and part time. The New Year is starting off busy. The new job should help us save some money to get rolling on IUI. We are going to have to save a butt ton of money for this as I have to travel to my RE for the IUI. Sometimes remote office crap sucks monkey balls. Other than that, things are as smooth as can be expected with everything else in my life. I am fairly certain there is going to be another shake up at my full time job (as in the federal people who control my grant are cleaning house) and that has me worried. For right now, I am just keeping my head and trying to stay out of trouble.

rubysi · January 2015

@megrae12 hugs I am sorry you have to work 2 jobs. FX you survive the government shake up.

MrsG80inTN · January 2015

@buggirl72 – Sounds like a really good u/s tech and while I’m sorry you are having to go through it, I’m hopeful the plan brings you answers. I’ll be anxious to see how things go on the 20^th!

@rubysi – I’m sorry 2015 isn’t off to the best start… I understand where you’re coming from. My DH and I are both attempting to lose some more weight (I put on 20# starting with MC #3) so that we can consider IVF and be in good health if we go that route. UGH!

@EurydiceNymph – YAY for bench burning. WAHOO. I’m sorry you are feeling more pressure this go around. I hope you can enjoy it fully.

@meredithcarole – way to go on getting that walk in.

@rachaeleigh – Good luck with the new consult. Hope it goes well.

@sarcaztic10 – FF messed with me this month too… it gave me dotted CHs on CD18 and then changed them to CD20 and then fricking AF came on 28… bugger of all buggers. I’m anxious for your new appt. I’m glad you’re getting some money back to fund IUI. At the fertility clinic you are going to it’s $500 if insurance covers nothing. Not sure if that helps, but I hope it does.

@smootiepie – sending you so many good vibes with this cycle!!!!!!

@katieisoptimistic – I’m waiting till March for IVF too… unless the new RE suggests differently. We can hang out together J

@furrypaws – I’m sad your year isn’t off to a good start. Sending you lots of hugs.

@bookishmomma – Love ya lady. Sending you lots of hugs that this is it for you.

@petrastonegirl – I’m sorry you were sick. That really bites. I am hoping that things workout just the way they need to with everything lady. You deserve a break right now!

@skategril128 – Thinking of you and hoping you get answers soon!

@megrae12 – you my friend are a hard worker. I’m hoping 2015 brings good things.

AFM --- Well, I got AF this am... yippee fricking doodah. (please note sarcasm) 35 didn't start out too well as DH and I fought over something REALLY stupid (megrae and sarcaztic) can attest to that and he forgot to even wish me a happy birthday. So, with AF showing I'm even more mad... We have been off meds for two cycles since the last loss and since I'm switching RE's even though it's at the same practice they won't prescribe me any ovulatory drugs until I'm seen by the new RE (1/16) which means that I'll be out this cycle too... I'm contemplating asking my OB to prescribe Femara and then basically starting some monitoring when I'm at the RE... not sure if we will do that, but it's clear my body really doesn't want to ovulate well unless it's on meds. Why must our bodies screw with us.

In the meantime, health wise I'm trying to get back on track, but keep getting derailed. I have been going to Hot Yoga which has been a nice distraction.

On another front, I took a new job at work. I won't start till Feb 1 so the next few weeks will be busy as I wrap up current job and hopefully train a replacement and then start the new gig. EEK!

buggirl72 · January 2015

@rubysi - so many ((((hugs)))). Diets are not fun but I saw a couple good suggestions about activity trackers and myfitnesspal. H and I both have Up bands. I like the app and I like that I can also track my sleep, not just my steps. We also both use myfitnesspal to track food. The Up app has a food tracker but myfitnesspal is better and they sync together.

If your H is going to be on-board with any diet you do, then it will make it easier. Last August, my H had bloodwork and his cholesterol levels were horrific. As a couple we decided to drop a lot of fat from our diet. The big thing was limiting our red meat intake - we sub ground chicken or turkey (chicken is better) in a lot of recipes that used ground beef. We also generally have fish at least twice a week. It made a huge difference. He is down over 30 pounds and I lost over 20 (both over 10% of our body weight). It's a life style change. The hardest part for me was switching to oatmeal with half a banana for breakfast - breakfast was the meal where I got a lot of bad calories. I would like to say we did more exercise but Mr. Bug is not the best about going for walks (can I make a new years resolution for him?).

As far as IVF - if you choose to go that route try to look at what you are paying for as a chance. No guarantees but a chance. It makes it a little easier to write that check.

@EurydiceNymph - big (((hugs))) and I'm sorry this cycle is being such a mind-fluck.

@meredithcarole - great job on the walk! I keep telling myself that I will go for a walk tomorrow . . .

@Rachaeleigh - it is nice to meet new people! How did your appointment go?

meredithcarole · January 2015

@buggirl72‌ the dog is very motivating when it comes to walks

She definitely keeps me on track.

Rachaeleigh · January 2015

Hey ladies...just wanted to update about my appt. We liked the new facility, not the Dr so much. She's only 1 of 3 Dr there, so no biggie. We did really like one of the nurses/IVF coordinator. There wasn't any new information/answers. The actual time with the Dr was short and she was blunt in saying that IVF was the only thing to discuss given our treatment history.
Today is cd1, birth control pills start Saturday, tentative egg retrieval end of Feb.

rubysi · January 2015

buggirl72 said:

@rubysi - so many ((((hugs)))). Diets are not fun but I saw a couple good suggestions about activity trackers and myfitnesspal. H and I both have Up bands. I like the app and I like that I can also track my sleep, not just my steps. We also both use myfitnesspal to track food. The Up app has a food tracker but myfitnesspal is better and they sync together.

If your H is going to be on-board with any diet you do, then it will make it easier. Last August, my H had bloodwork and his cholesterol levels were horrific. As a couple we decided to drop a lot of fat from our diet. The big thing was limiting our red meat intake - we sub ground chicken or turkey (chicken is better) in a lot of recipes that used ground beef. We also generally have fish at least twice a week. It made a huge difference. He is down over 30 pounds and I lost over 20 (both over 10% of our body weight). It's a life style change. The hardest part for me was switching to oatmeal with half a banana for breakfast - breakfast was the meal where I got a lot of bad calories. I would like to say we did more exercise but Mr. Bug is not the best about going for walks (can I make a new years resolution for him?).

As far as IVF - if you choose to go that route try to look at what you are paying for as a chance. No guarantees but a chance. It makes it a little easier to write that check.

@EurydiceNymph - big (((hugs))) and I'm sorry this cycle is being such a mind-fluck.

@meredithcarole - great job on the walk! I keep telling myself that I will go for a walk tomorrow . . .

@Rachaeleigh - it is nice to meet new people! How did your appointment go?

Thanks for that great info. I hate food tracking but I will most likely have to start in a week or two when I plateau. For know I have ditched the sugar and processed foods, I am a lactose intolerant vegetarian so I have that going for me... I love cheese... mustn't have the cheese...lovely cheese. I am down 2.6lbs so far 19 to go or depending how you look at it 69 more but I like small goals.

meredithcarole · January 2015

@Rachaeleigh‌ I'm sorry the doctor wasn't quite what you had hoped for, but it is good that you like the facility and one of the nurses. I hope the other 2 doctors have better bedside manner.

MrsG80inTN · January 2015

@rubysi - I second @buggirl72's suggestion of activity trackers and MyFitnessPal. I use a fitbit which I ADORE. (might be a little too obsessed) and use it in conjunction with MFP. It works well for me.

megrae12 · January 2015

@rubysi I got an UP 24 band for Christmas. I LOVE it. It sincs wonderfully with MFP and helps track sleep. Congrats on the weight loss so far. That is awesome lady!!

BookishMomma · January 2015

@rubysi @megrae12 @msg80inTN Now if only those watches could take your BBT for you, too, they would be PERFECT.

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