anyone have gender preference?

Rachel7181981 · January 2015

Wondering if anyone used an agency with gender preference and if you thought your wait was really long or had a hard time being chosen?

bumpuser794640 · January 2015

Our agency stated up front that specifying a gender would make your wait time go up dramatically. It's usually not recommended and will limit the number of expectant mothers who will be shown your profile.

oliv0026 · January 2015

I dont have personal experience but a friend of mine was waiting to adopt a baby girl since she just adopted a boy. She waited almost a year and no calls so she decided to open to boys in September. In october she got The call and matched with a boy due in March. In November she got a call for a girl due in January and December another call for a baby girl who was 3 days old. she was working with 6 agencies at once and apparently forgot to tell two of the agnecies she was already matched. she felt bad for saying no to the girls, but she also really.likes the EM she is matched with and wants to honor her word and keep her promise with the initial match. she just hopes that EM wont change her mind as it happened yo a previous match she had...

Wish Upon A Star · January 2015

My agency did not allow any gender preferences.

Dr.Loretta · January 2015

Our agency wouldn't allow gender preferences.

bookworm92 · January 2015

The first agency I worked with allowed sex preferences. Every time I saw a couple with preferences listed, I skipped them. It may sound harsh but I wanted someone who would love my child no matter what. If they had preferences on sex, would they accept any issues that came up with my child? What if they had disabilities? Or birth defects? What if my child didn't fit the image of the child they wanted? That could be just me though.

Rachel7181981 · January 2015

I had no idea that people would consider this unethical. To me, I thought it was just what you thought would work best for your family. I thought having a child of the opposite sex as my bio kid could help limit comparisons between the two. My husband always said how he and his brother had sibling rivalry and they were jealous of each other. I had one older brother and I never had those feelings.

oliv0026 · January 2015

I dont find it unethical either... it is true that when a person conceives there is no way you can tell what the child will be in all ways, but when you are adopting, yes, you have that option and whatever you decide for your family should be respected.

bumpuser794640 · January 2015

Spooko said:

I don't really find it unethical so much as distasteful.

This. I feel the same way about the new trend of gender selection during IVF. If people consider doctors who are offering this unethical, I imagine there are people who find it unethical in adoption. I agree you should do what works best for your family, but I think you will make comparisons between your children no matter their sexes. That doesn't mean you're doing it maliciously or that it will cause problems, it is just what's natural. And I don't think same sex siblings will automatically have sibling rivalry. I had two sisters and never felt like we were being compared unfairly to one another growing up.

Rachel7181981 · January 2015

I appreciate all of these responses. I did find it wrong for me for IVF. I did not have that same feeling at all when it came to adoption.. Im not sure why. Perhaps because the same children would be born regardless of my preference? For the most part, I like to go what I feel is morally right for us by a gut feeling, but am open to the another view. Maybe I need to think on this more.

bookworm92 · January 2015

I don't find it unethical. It was just a red flag for me during the selection process. It may be for others as well. I imagine that it would make the process go longer, and you may miss out on a match that could be really good for your family. Also you can never guarantee that a girl will like "girly" things or a boy would like "boyish" things. Every child is so different. In the end biological sex really means so little.

Thanks for the explanations of why a preference may be there. I never thought about the comparison to a biological child point of view.

MagickalNarwhal · January 2015

Our agency said it would mean a MUCH longer wait. Many expectant moms come to them without knowing sex and want to make the choice before birth, possibly before finding out the sex, so you'd automatically not be shown to these folks. It was way more common than I though too, something like over 25% of placements fell into this category. It also included women making an adoption plan at the hospital who didn't know sex.

The reason I find it a bit distasteful is that I do wonder what would happen if the kid turned out to be transgender. I have a ton of trans friends and they all really struggles with the gender expectations they were raised with. My kids are young still (1.5 and 3) but they are basically polar opposites from gender norms - my son is a delicate sensitive flower who would live in tutus and sparkles, my daughter is a completely wild bruiser who is on the go ALL THE TIME.

Rachel7181981 · January 2015

Also wanted to clarify, I am not looking for a "girly"girl. I wasn't one myself. I have parented a son (who loves sparkles and diamonds and isn't always into "boy" stuff) I do however want the experience of raising a female as well, whatever her interests, loves etc end up being.

anyone have gender preference?

Re: anyone have gender preference?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards