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February 2015 Moms
mels823
member
Staying for the party?
mels823
member
So while reading the UO's on the parenting board this morning someone was mentioning leaving kids alone at a birthday party and how terrible that is. I always thought that was normal once you reached a certain age. My parents are great parents, and so are the parents of my friends, but I honestly do not remember them all sticking around for birthday parties.
Do parents really stick around for all kids birthday parties now?? How old does a kid have to be until you can just drop them off? I can totally understand up until a certain age.... but someone on the parenting board said not until middle school... really?!?!?! 5th grade kids need their parents with them at a party?? Good lord, I had no idea. I was hosting sleepovers in 3rd grade. We would play dream phone and eat popcorn and watch movies. No one's parents felt the need to sleep over with their kids. As for daytime parties, once I was in elementary school I have no memories of all the kids' parents hanging out for the duration of parties. My friends who are moms now say it's totally different and parents all stay for the entire thing. I'm pretty antisocial, kind of dreading taking my daughter to all of these parties!! 1st, 2nd grade.... do parents still all stick around for these parties?
What are thoughts on this?
*I wrote this between getting stuff done at work, so I hope it even makes sense!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Staying for the party?
My SIL had a party for her 8 YO and none of the parents stayed around...
***July Siggy Challenge***
Favorite Summer Time Treat: "Anything Poolside!"
@ChickenonSunday I just started lurking there! I figured since I will soon be a parent to something other than a dog or cat, I could probably be social there
I'm definitely going to ask my parents tonight about how old I was when they stopped staying at parties. The fact that I can't remember them staying at any parties makes me think it was when I was very young! I hope the other parents didn't think they were bad parents! I guess things were probably just very different when we were growing up.
Quick (relevant) story; I was at an open bounce at an indoor inflatable playplace with my kiddos a few months ago and there was a birthday party going on in the opposite room and one of the partygoers (he was 4 Id say?) wandered over to our side and caught his hand in the door. He screamed bloody murder and a random mom from the open play alerted the staff who brought him back to the party. A few minutes later out in the lobby (while I was waiting forever for the bathroom to open up) I saw the boy again w another lady and I overheard her (the hostess of the party) frantically calling the boy's mom bc he would not calm down. She couldn't reach the mom despite multiple phonecalls and everytime she brought the boy back into the party room he'd start hysterically crying again. It looked like a horrible situation all around, as the birthday girl's mom was missing the party she was throwing bc she was taking care of this parent-less child, and the poor kid was clearly miserable. I couldn't help but shake my head. No way would I ever drop off a kid that young and then not to have your phone on?? Wow. Of course there could have been some explanation I just wasn't privy to - but it seemed awful from the outside looking in.
Ultimately, it depends on whether or not I trust the location and people he will be with (the parents/supervisors AND the kids). I trust my son on his end (following our ground rules, manners, playing safe, etc). When we drop off, we usually stay close by and of course the parents/supervisors know where we are and our contact info.
ETA- also my son knew our full names, our home address, and our phone numbers at that point
-my/my child's comfort level. I plan to take a lot of my parenting cues from the level of heebyjeebies I feel in the moment.
-age of children
-location (secure in a home my child has been to before? Public space where 1 of a million kids could go missing without notice?)
-activities (team @ChickenOnSunday... If there is water involved, I will be there..rock climbing/ice rink/etc.. How competent/comfy is my kid with this?
-adult/child ratio...
Many schools have policies that if invites go out at school everyone in class must be invited. To me that becomes "field trip" territory and I will count on unofficially chaperoning my own child.
Ugh who knows just know it's better to be the mom who stayed when they didn't need to than the mom who ditched out when they should have stayed...
DD is only 3 so right now we stay. I think around K or 5ish we'd be ok dropping her at a lot of these parties (adding its been the same group of kids for the last three year so unless we relocate i'll be good with this group).
Also I normally end up helping the hostess and tend to ask if they need any help before the event. Oh and pool parties around here (even at private homes) always hire a lifeguard.
**Siggy Challenge What You're Looking Forward to Most after Baby Arrives**
And my kids' school has the same policy. You can't send invites out through the classroom unless everyone is invited. We do have a 'playdate/party' yellow pages containing all contact info of all the kiddos in each grade, though. For the bouncy playplace party Im throwing for my two oldest in March i plan on contacting the parents of the invitees through an e-vite or mail using those lists since my kiddos have an absolute ton of cousins/family friends/neighborhood children who will make up the majority of the guests, but I told them they could each invite few friends of their choosing from extracurriculars and school if they like ...
That being said, based on the setup of DDs Montessori school, I literally know none of the parents. She gets invited to a party like every other week, and we have never gone. She's 5, and will start kindergarten next year. I'm sure I will let her go as I get to know parents of students in her class.
With parties we have hosted, parents started dropping off in 1st grade. The only parents that stay are close friends, and those who have children with severe allergies. They are all welcome to stay, and always ask permission to leave. Plus I have the parent's contact information if they leave. Parents of allergy kids I think are more comfortable to stay for obvious reasons
My DD is now in first grade and my DS is in kindergarten and this is the first year Im letting them invite classmates and it only going to be a couple of their closest friends (friends that we have playdates w outside of school anyway). I really hope it doesn't cause an issue. I've already started hinting to the kids that we don't talk about our birthday parties while at school.
I'm interested to hear other perspectives ...
I know that my daughter's first sleepovers will be with kids from our neighborhood so I expect them to be starting around kindergarten.
I agree with all this. My 6 year old daughter is very outgoing and would do fine at a sleepover, but my 5 year old son? Not so much. We also live in a court w a ton of other kids so I anticipate their first sleepovers being this summer w neighborhood kids.
@seamonster sleepovers started early for me! Probably second grade (maybe 1st with just neighborhood kids, there was a huge group of us!) is when I started have sleepover parties. My mom was a teacher at our elementary school so I think a lot of parents probably felt comfortable letting their kids stay over as many of them knew her so well (from a small town). I didn't do as well going to sleepovers at other kids houses though, I'd always get homesick and my parents would have to pick me up late at night!
I'll probably be nervous to let Charlotte go to sleepovers unless I know the parents pretty well. Maybe 2nd or 3rd grade? We don't really have neighborhood kids around so it will likely be with kids she meets from school that I won't be as familiar with.