Another floating SOS (b/c ripping on your SO cannot be confined to one day)

bumpuser10331514 · January 2015

The H no longer speaks to me except to complain. I can tell exactly what his complaints will be depending on what time of day it is. At 6:30am, a text means he didn't get enough sleep. At 8am. I didn't put DS's clothes out. At 12pm, something is wrong with his lunch. At 7pm, he doesn't want to do anything b/c he was in court all day. At 8pm, he hates his advances being rejected. At 9pm, my parents' presence in our home is intolerable. At 3am, we have the "worst baby ever" and if we lived a 1000 years ago, she would have been thrown in the river, and she's just a "bad baby."

Weekends, of course, are even more fun.

My advice to him after his morning no-sleep text today was: I'm real effing sorry about that. Quit complaining to me all day every day. This is your life. Suck it up or buy a convertible and move to Vegas with a hooker.

It's the soundest advice I have ever given - even if it was to my H.

minirella · January 2015

Are you out of town? Or are y'all not talking so he texts you?

If your husband likes Vegas as much as I do, he might just take you up on the offer and then make you pay for his gambling habit

I know the constant complaining would annoy the heck out of me.

bumpuser10331514 · January 2015

It's texting when one of us is at work b/t 4:30am and 6pm. After that, all complaints are submitted in person - although I wish they were just texts. It would be like converting a really bad movie sound track that is half blues/half death-rap into subtitles.

2chatter · January 2015

@beaubecca I make the same threat!

DH is a total baby in the mornings. He's cranky and rude and it makes me insane. I do mornings and after school even when he is in town, and decided that is changing. So I set out DH's clothes and DH is responsible for dressing him. This has added to the crankiness, but enabled me to work for 30 minutes after the girls walk to school at 7:30, so I will take it. Except this morning he literally complained in my face every two minutes then insulted a deck I was reviewing - super snarky. Just over it.

Karma was present - he was pulled over for an expired tag (on his car, and his responsibility). Let go with a warning, but he wanted to know where the insurance cards are. They WERE on the counter so I could put them in the cars, but SOMEONE moved them....so I don't know where they are now. Karma part two. At least there is an upside.

2chatter · January 2015

@Clarypax - I cannot believe this isn't one of the leading causes of divorce. It really makes me insane and I know many couples with the same issue. Any organization system that has worked for mail you have to keep but not respond to right away?

MommyAtty · January 2015

DS spits up a lot. DH is a total priss-pot. Our first never spit up. This baby spits up enough to make up for his sister's lack of spit up. I get that it's annoying, but DH bitches about it every single time he spits up. So over the break, I just said, "Have you noticed that we ALL deal with DS's spitting up? Your mom, your dad, me. And you are the only one who never stops bitching about it? We are 8 months in. He can't help spitting up. But you can grow the f up and stop the whining." It actually worked. He still comments on the spit up but doesn't act like it's going to melt him or like the baby is being defiant by spitting up.

2chatter · January 2015

I exploded an expandofile with the same theory. I think I just suck at addressing items on paper.

- DH shoved literally all the mail in it (including junk mail)

- DH broke the closure thing and it made me nuts that it was not closeable

- DH would move the file and then forget where he put it - which snowballed - things ended up all over the place but SOME things were in the file...and we could never find anything.

- I would forget to do anything with it until I needed something, then would be like, OH what is this $7 strep test bill from five months ago?

bumpuser10331514 · January 2015

LibraryChica said:

@beaubecca, we have a January anniversary. We don't even try.

@somebabiesmom, is this out of character for him? My H was like this after our first was born. It was out of character for him and was an adjustment thing and I think he may have been depressed. Of course, I was exhausted and anxious and threatened to leave him and replace him with an au pair -- it wasn't a stellar time for either of us. Thankfully he snapped out of it eventually, but in hindsight I should have pushed him to seek professional help. Anyway, hugs. I know the constant negativity can get to you. I hope your H steps up and gets help if he needs it.

DH has a birthday right after Christmas and I try, but...

Yes and no. He's always been a complainer. Pre-baby there would be phases where he would regularly get into funks on Sundays during Sopranos reruns, so I started forbidding Sopranos reruns. But now it's all the time. I got a brief reprieve after I switched my work schedule so he wasn't alone in the evening, but then he sank back into the bog.

We're in a really bad place right now and I'm giving him a zero-tolerance stance. I have been refusing to speak to him about anything we've already talked about (not really a strategy for dealing with him, so much as a necessary coping response) except for in front of a therapist. So after 2 years, he is now agreeing to a therapist, but I'm not nursing any expectations until we're actually sitting in front of one.

Anyhoo - not the intention of this thread to actually treat this stuff as serious (be it serious or not) - just to blow off steam under the cloak of anonymity. (twirls mustache, hides face, and snaps whirling cape of incredulity)

sugarbear0524 · January 2015

K3am--WOW. That's all I can say. That made me giggle!

My DH is wonderful but is having sleep issues so he prowls around all night like a nocturnal cat. He woke me up no less than 4 times last night. I can hardly stay awake at work today.

MommyAtty · January 2015

^is AWESOME. and can I say "This image has been resized to fit in the page. Click to enlarge" somehow makes it even more awesome?

DiveFrog · January 2015

beaubecca said:

I tell my DH I'm going to walk around one day with a tape recorder so he can hear himself whine and complain all day. I think one day I might actually do it.

ETA my soundoff is that my DH has a birthday this weekend. Fuck January birthdays. He doesn't want much, but what he does want or need is freaking expensive and we are poor after all the holiday spending.

DH has a November Birthday, so does his sister, and 2 of our nephews. Then 3 more family bdays in December. It is horrible. We are broke BEFORE the holidays and yet DH still wants to make a big deal of Christmas so we are seriously scraping the bottom of the barrel this month. To add insult to injury BIL's birthday is this month. We don't ever recover from the "Holidays" until the end of February.

DiveFrog · January 2015

2chatter said:

@Clarypax - I cannot believe this isn't one of the leading causes of divorce. It really makes me insane and I know many couples with the same issue. Any organization system that has worked for mail you have to keep but not respond to right away?

DH is basically forbidden from touching mail. After many issues with this type of behavior we had a blow-up a few years ago and the result was he is completely hands off. Seriously, he knows it is grounds for divorce. He doesn't touch paperwork or mail at ALL unless I specifically put it in his hand to deal with.

jlaOK · January 2015

@LibraryChica - We also have a January anniversary. Usually we'll at least go out to dinner, this year we are doing absolutely nothing. I'm totally fine with it.

@2chatter @Clarypax - DH compulsively put things away that I need. We have a 3 tiered file rack that is separated into: shred, file, pay. I pay all the bills so anything that I want saved goes in there. He knows not to touch that file. He is responsible for filing and shredding. It's working better for us....except for the items that don't fit in the file.

2chatter · January 2015

@jlaok I like the rack idea. Our mud room is antique cream wood and chicken wire....so I might try to find something like this and hang it just inside the door so I don't see it all the time. (our mud room is actually a large walk in closet in our great room)

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/62/4d/0e/624d0eadafd03f8420036ec56f6f2640.jpg

groovygrl · January 2015

We have four of those wall mounted slots on a small wall near the door to our garage (similar to this https://m.ballarddesigns.com/products/240334?path=~wood-wall-pocket~ ) One is for mh mail one for mine one for magazines or catalogs that I actually want to keep and one for random kids stuff mostly bc dd wanted to have one and I put the drawings from school that I want to save in there. It has really helped w mail and clutter ( I am guilty of clutter), We each go through out own mail bin each week whenever we get to it and I periodically clean out the other two.ETA junk mail/catalogs I don't want/etc goes immediately into recycling/garbage every night when I sort the mail.

2chatter · January 2015

The kids are well organized here, so thought I would share that solution @beaubecca.

I turned a large walk in closet into a mud room, but you could do this with any entry area, playroom or in their rooms or anywhere that works.

Each child has a large (a couple feet long) wood shelf with two door knobs and two hooks for hanging things - coats, sports bags, library bags, purses, string bags, etc. Library books and weekly homework go on their shelf, along with any random tchotchkes that they simply must keep. Above each shelf is a framed chicken wire holder - also pretty big and I use mini clothespins to attach all of their "stuff" like GS patches, permission slips, play rehearsal schedules, potty training stickers - anything that pertains to them that was formerly in an overflowing basket/on our kitchen counters.

There is also a small (Ikea) desk in there and a chair - they store most of the crayons and markers and paper on the desk.

Now we all know where everything is that relates to kids. There's a bench in there too to store gloves, hats, scarves, etc.

DiveFrog · January 2015

beaubecca said:

@2chatter‌ (and others) we have a mud room but the entry is in the back of the home through the pen where our dogs go out. The mud room enters into the kitchen. It was designed that way and drives me crazy because the garage and driveway are the complete opposite side of the house. The driveway does wind and extend to the back of the home but there is not cover or garage there. Would you be in the habit of walking all the way to the back yard to go inside and walk through dog ick to use the mud room? Or drive to the back and park the car there but not have it garaged? Or trek through the house to the mud room? We cant find a good solution so we aren't using it but it makes me sad because I have always wanted a mud room and it was a big selling point of the house for me. I have a boot tray and a large entryway storage system set up in our main entry foyer now but it is always cluttered and I don't want to ruin the rug or floors.

This is our problem as well. When we were looking at the house I mentally ticked off 'mudroom' from my must have list, but didn't realize how it would actually function. It is essentially a pass through. Yes we have hooks for coats and an area we can keep hats and gloves. However, there is no place to stop, sit, or set anything down except the potentially wet/dirty floor. And too small to change that. It is so small it is difficult to have more than one person in the room at a time.

Therefore, we always just pass through. Bags, and mail get dumped on the kitchen island. And then we have to go back and hang our coats up. It drives me crazy. We have a long term solution, but that won't get completed until we can do a major renovation. I am still trying to figure out a short term solution.

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