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November 2014 Moms
Stephaniegiboney
member
Is it too late?
Stephaniegiboney
member
Breastfeeding has been very up and down for me. Baby was early and in the NICU, lost quite a bit of weight, I pumped around the clock and managed to avoid supplementing. In fact I was able to feed my LO exclusively with breast milk for 2 months (she is now 3 months).
Around 2 months the trouble hit. I had been struggling with a very upset baby. Symptoms such as mucousy poop, stomach issues and apparent pain, projectile spit up, little sleep (at night AND during the day), etc etc. No matter how much I breastfed she screamed and acted as though she was still hungry. The only way my husband and I could get her to calm down was to give her a bottle in the evenings...anywhere from 3-5 oz. so I quickly went through my fridge and freezer stash. While still pumping. I called the hospital lactation consultants on 3 occasions, never got a call back. I Also brought concerns to the pediatrician on multiple occasions, asking about reflux, milk protein allergies, potential tongue tie, etc. And was told these scenarios were all "bullcrap" and the issues were merely my babies "temperament". The holidays came and parents and in laws were less than helpful, and all pushed formula as an option as she appeared to be "hungry" to everyone. I got too frustrated with the advice, and with 5 hour breastfeeding sessions that ended with the baby and I both in tears, and a bottle being given regardless. My mental health was not great and I've slowly been giving more and more formula over the past few weeks. The problem is, this hasn't been good for me mentally either. I keep beating myself up for failing and I think maybe I just didn't try hard enough.
I am now probably 30-40% breastmilk and the rest formula feeding. I want to get back to exclusive breastfeeding or at least exclusive pumping. But I don't know how possible this is. It seems impossible to get more than 3 pumping sessions in a day, and she continues to struggle with staying latched, so I typically only breastfeed in the mornings when she is the most hungry and focused.
This is long and rambling I know. I have of course read the breastfeeding thread, but I am afraid that short of sitting on the couch doing nothing but breastfeeding I will still have to supplement.
Has anyone been here? Is formula that bad. How is it possible to resolve the guilt and failure feelings?
Around 2 months the trouble hit. I had been struggling with a very upset baby. Symptoms such as mucousy poop, stomach issues and apparent pain, projectile spit up, little sleep (at night AND during the day), etc etc. No matter how much I breastfed she screamed and acted as though she was still hungry. The only way my husband and I could get her to calm down was to give her a bottle in the evenings...anywhere from 3-5 oz. so I quickly went through my fridge and freezer stash. While still pumping. I called the hospital lactation consultants on 3 occasions, never got a call back. I Also brought concerns to the pediatrician on multiple occasions, asking about reflux, milk protein allergies, potential tongue tie, etc. And was told these scenarios were all "bullcrap" and the issues were merely my babies "temperament". The holidays came and parents and in laws were less than helpful, and all pushed formula as an option as she appeared to be "hungry" to everyone. I got too frustrated with the advice, and with 5 hour breastfeeding sessions that ended with the baby and I both in tears, and a bottle being given regardless. My mental health was not great and I've slowly been giving more and more formula over the past few weeks. The problem is, this hasn't been good for me mentally either. I keep beating myself up for failing and I think maybe I just didn't try hard enough.
I am now probably 30-40% breastmilk and the rest formula feeding. I want to get back to exclusive breastfeeding or at least exclusive pumping. But I don't know how possible this is. It seems impossible to get more than 3 pumping sessions in a day, and she continues to struggle with staying latched, so I typically only breastfeed in the mornings when she is the most hungry and focused.
This is long and rambling I know. I have of course read the breastfeeding thread, but I am afraid that short of sitting on the couch doing nothing but breastfeeding I will still have to supplement.
Has anyone been here? Is formula that bad. How is it possible to resolve the guilt and failure feelings?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is it too late?
Secondly, it's not impossible to get back to where you were, lots of moms quit and go back to breast, although it is work. To do this my best advice would be to go and see an LC, that will help the most I feel. Make an appt. if you can't do that at the hospital you delivered at ask your pedi for a recommendation. The LC is the one who noticed DS had a tongue tie after months of pain when feeding, and with weighted feeding assured me everything was going well. Also see a different pedi if this one is blowing off your concerns.
Sorry about the troubles, it is so hard. But you are doing great trying! Good luck!
I also want to say, don't beat yourself up if you have to supplement or even switch fully to formula. I TOTALLY get the guilt... But the most important thing is that our babies are well fed and loved and they can get that with either formula or BF
And the milk protein sensitivity is not "bullcrap." When DD was struggling the pedi told me to cut out dairy and soy. I thought they were crazy. I now have the happy, sleeping, healthy baby to prove they are not.
**Follow your heart, but take your brain with you**
As for the guilt & disappointment, I remind myself that my goal was to have a baby. Anything else is just an extra perk.
BFP#4 3/17/14 - rainbow Baby BOY arrived 11/10/14 !!
DX: Uterine Septum - Resection 9/5/13 || MTHFR Hetero A1298C || My Chart
I hear you about the baby being indifferent to breast, almost preferring bottles now.
I was told I could eliminate items from my diet if I wanted, but that if I came back claiming giving up milk/eggs/soy had made a difference in baby that he wouldn't believe it.
So frustrating constantly being told that others are given different info by their docs.
First off don't feel bad and you did not fail. >HUGS< to all you ladies having a hard time. Breastfeeding is not for everyone. There is nothing wrong with formula. My LO has been formula feed since day one and she is happy, beautiful and growing great. Honestly I think the pressure to BF is just awful towards most women. Sure breast milk is great and the best choice but if you have trouble and/or can't do it then with the crazy hormones you beat yourself up because we are made to believe you are not doing the best thing for your baby because they are not getting breast milk. As long as your baby is eating and growing there should be nothing you should feel guilty about. If you really think about breast milk or formula your baby has no clue about the difference and really probably doesn't care. All they know is they are eating. Keep your chin up ladies and just know NONE of you are failures.
So I went to my LC, who showed me how well she's gaining weight, and then how many times I let down during a feed, and how to know when LO has stopped effectively eating (and started comfort sucking). When I unlatched her in the LC's office, she started freaking. The LC said it is solely because I woke her up and took her away from comfort sucking. Sure enough, some alternative ways to soothe (bouncing, talking to her, etc) calmed her down eventually (took a while). I'll probably introduce a pacifier soon.
My point is that people will always want to be the one to be able to calm LO down (it's a source of pride I think), and when they can't, they blame the food source because it's easier than trying to figure out how to soothe using other methods.
I would bet that (if you want to) you can get your supply back up with determination and less stress/frustration from others. I would keep trying the hospital lactation consultants, or find another one in your area if possible to reassure you and maybe show you different latching methods, etc.
However, you should know that formula is not even close to "bad". I was a strictly formula-fed baby and I turned out okay (and healthy!)
Sorry for the novel, but you are a GREAT mom and when she's older, your LO will have no idea whether she had formula or took to the booby (nor will she care).
In the end it doesn't matter what your doc thinks since a dietary change won't *hurt* you or LO. Try cutting dairy and soy for a month and see what happens. The key thing is that you have to commit for at least 3 weeks because it takes a long time for the dairy proteins to clear from you body and LOs body.
Getting your supply back is a completely reasonable goal. Check out online resources on relactation. My fav BFing resource is Kelly Mom (https://kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/relactation/).
**Follow your heart, but take your brain with you**
Thanks @HappyToBeHereand @Dumbgirl04
The rational me knows that formula is more than fine and that my baby will grow up healthy and happy. It feels like people in my social circle liken it to poison, and my family/ILs consider it the answer to our problems. I'm stuck trying to figure out what is right!
@Love4Science Definitely switching pedis, have a consult with a new person next Thursday, thank goodness. I know that a lot of my concerns were first time mom anxiety related, but he was less than helpful and actually made me cry at the last appointment.
I am going to work on at least continuing to give as much breastmilk as I can. I am not sure if I want to go back to full breastfeeding at this point. I think it is more like I am mourning the breastfeeding relationship I wish I would have had with LO. I don't think it'll ever be that easy 10-15 minute feed every 3-4 hours that many people attain. Even now that she is older and more efficient we struggle. I don't want to go back to being home and couch bound, trying for hours on end to get this little one fed. Maybe we need to start a combination feeding board on the bump! Or maybe their already is one...
I felt so much guilt not being able to breastfeed and my MIL kept asking if he was latching yet - always no. And then would follow up asking if he was getting formula. "Yes". Then- "how much? Mothers milk is best." Good god lady, I feel bad already I don't need the additional pressure. To top it off, my friends and family also kept asking. I know they meant well, but it made me feel horrible. Pumping is a hassle, my nipples hate me and I'm so sick of it already. I spend a ton of time everyday pumping and feeding. I'm constantly on a clock. I certainly won't be doing this as long as I originally assumed I'd be breastfeeding. Formula is not the devil. Thank god for it.
You may feel bad about using it, but you there is nothing wrong with feeding your baby- however you do it, you are giving your baby what it needs to grow and thrive.
Good luck!