Hello ladies, I need your advice, I am at my wits end! My husband (42 years old) and I (32 years old) have been trying to conceive for three now, since he had a vasectomy reversal. He has a son from a previous marriage that lives with us half the week; he shares equal custody with his ex wife but we get the little guy (8) more because she works a lot. Side note: My husband never wanted another child, hence the vasectomy, and neither did I. But when I saw him with his son and how wonderful he was as a father (almost maternal) something changed in me and after a couple of years all I wanted was to add to our family and he agreed! Because of my unexplained infertility and his low sperm count as a result of the reversal we had to resort to fertility treatments. We did 7 rounds of IUI which resulted in one BFP that ended in miscarriage at 7 weeks. We then moved on to IVF and were lucky to get pregnant right away with boy/girl twins! Needless to say we were over the moon but still cautious because of the last loss. We waited to consummate 12 weeks and then went out and bought a new car and stroller and well went hog wild over twinsie gear. Then the unthinkable happened, I went into labor at 23 weeks and 2 days and lost the babies. My daughter's water broke and she died inside me but I was able to hold my son and was able to experience a love I ca't even fully explain, it was what I imagine love at first sight is like. He passed away in my arms after 30 minutes. They said the loss was due to an incompetent cervix. Both my husband and I were heartbroken. However after feeling that intoxicating love for my son I knew I had to try again, that I could not live my life not having that love be part of my world. I love my step-son but since my little boy I know the difference between the love for a step-son and the love for my own child. Maybe that is harsh but there was such a wave of love for someone I barely knew, well I was just blown away. Needless to say we tried again 2 months later and I was again lucky enough to get a bfp. But when I went in for my 6 week ultrasound the baby's heart hate was nay 82bpm, the nurse told us to wait it out and see if it went up. A week later we went back in and the little one's heart rate was up within normal range. Also my pregnancy symptoms were getting really intense (For each of the pregnancies I got severe morning sickness that started at 5 weeks). I was so happy and my husband and I breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't meant to be tho, at three months I lost the baby, I found out at an ultrasound appointment and had a D&C the following week. That was almost a month ago. Since then I have been an emotional wreck. I vacillate from wanted a child so badly to extreme fear of having a child, what if it happens again. And because I have OCD and anxiety what if I have tried and fought for this so long that I end up having a child and having no connection to that child or worse I want to harm the child! I am scared but I am worried that if I don't have a child I will regret it for the rest of my life. My husband is scared for me too, he thinks another loss will break me. He is happy with his little guy, but every time I see them play or cuddle (which is a lot and maybe it makes me selfish) I want to feel that to have that connection and to be a mom. I just don't know what to do and would appreciate any advice or insight anyone could give me. Should I give in to fear and just face the fact that maybe I am not meant to be a mom or should I try again and see what happens. I have two or three frozen embryos left and the time to renew the freezing for another year or discard the embryos and let go is coming up at the end of february. HELP!
Thank you PetraStonegirl, I have been seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist for about 6 months now. They have been a great help in keeping me functioning! I am sorry if I messed up any of the rules!
I am so sorry for your losses. Since your late term loss was due to IC has your RE talked with you about implanting only one embryo at a time and have you spoke with a MFM (high risk pregnancy doctor) about setting a game plan for any future pregnancies?
After I loss my son at 20 weeks due to PTL, talking with an MFM in order to get a game plan in place for a future pregnancy was a huge comfort to both my husband and I.
Welcome. I'm so sorry for your losses. I imagine all the feelings you have regarding your step son are compounded by the grief from your losses. That can't be easy. ((((((Hugs)))))))
Me: 38 DX: Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant DH: 34 MFI due to Testicular Cancer
Married March 2012 IVF w/ICSI #1 10 little polar bears FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!! Beta 1= 276 Beta 2= 662 4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel 5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel 5/3/14 ~ D&C FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014 October 13, 2014 ~ BFN Fur Children: Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y
January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL Animals Interacting with Snow
Thank you O2girl! It is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place sometimes! I see you have had a hard time too, you have my sympathies. It really is horrible!
Hi buggirl72 I am likewise so sorry for your loss, it seems so unimaginable that we have to go through this and that there are so many women out there that have experienced it! It is so painful. We talked with our RE about implanting only one and he agreed it was too dangerous to implant two. We got pregnant with one but ended up loosing it. We had a review wight he RE and he said that it might of been due to genetic or congenital issues in the embryo. Which we found frustrating because we were told that it was an excellent embryo when it was put in. I spoke with my nurse about moving forward and she said to give it some time and it will work, she didn't have any doubts. But I found it less than reassuring!
Petra have you ever had a embryo unfrozen then frozen again? For my last FET I specifically asked for FSET and when I was on the table they told me that they were implanting two...I corrected them and told them that I only wanted one. They said they would refreeze the other one. Is that safe? Would it be detrimental to the quality of the embryo to have it refrozen and then used in the future? I was a little miffed!
I agree with @medic7979 ... only you and your husband can answer that question. It brings tears to my eyes to read about your pain and struggles. I wish you nothing but the best for 2015!
Met DH 1992. High School Sweethearts. Dated off/on 20+ years.
Married 6/23/13. TTC since 12/2013.
BFP 1/14/14. EDD 9/14. D&C 2/19/14.
BFP 6/25/14. Natural miscarriage.
BFP 8/21/14. Cytotec 9/30/14 but did not work enough. D&C 10/8/14.
Petra have you ever had a embryo unfrozen then frozen again? For my last FET I specifically asked for FSET and when I was on the table they told me that they were implanting two...I corrected them and told them that I only wanted one. They said they would refreeze the other one. Is that safe? Would it be detrimental to the quality of the embryo to have it refrozen and then used in the future? I was a little miffed!
I just thawed my remaining 6 frozen embies for PGD. Then we re-froze 3 of the remaining "good" embies. My RE told us the embryos decline with each thaw and vitrification, but it isn't by much. We will see if it makes a huge difference when we thaw for our next FET in April or May.
Me: 38 DX: Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant DH: 34 MFI due to Testicular Cancer
Married March 2012 IVF w/ICSI #1 10 little polar bears FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!! Beta 1= 276 Beta 2= 662 4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel 5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel 5/3/14 ~ D&C FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014 October 13, 2014 ~ BFN Fur Children: Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y
January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL Animals Interacting with Snow
I'm very sorry for your loss and I'm glad that you are seeing a therapist. No one but you and your husband can answer your question. All I can tell you is what I have experienced. After my last loss (twin boys at 12w5d) I was done. I said nope, no more, we are done. After some time went by though, I started rethinking my decision and in the end, my desire to have a baby outweighed my fear of another loss. That's when I knew I was ready to try again.
Maybe that time will come for you, and maybe it won't. Only you will know. I will say that if you are at all unsure and have the ability to do so, pay for another year of freezing...just in case.
((((HUGS)))) and welcome.
TTC #3 since 8/2012 DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS 6/2010 BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013 BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014 My charthereAll ALers welcome!
I'm sorry for your loss. Take the time you need to figure out your next step.
TTC since August 2013
BFP #1 1/15/14...MMC 2/24/14...D&C 3/3/14
BFP #2 5/11/14 ... severe pre-e placental abruption our angel born sleeping at 22 weeks
I lost my twin girls at 21 weeks to incompetent cervix a little over 2 years ago. If you want to chat about what plan my MFM has for me moving forward feel free to PM me.
IVF #1, Stimmed for 12 days, ER 8/22/14, 9 retrieved, 7M, 7F!! Freeze all due to fluid in uterus.
FET end of October 2014 cancelled due to fluid in uterus due to possible c-scar defect
Surgery scheduled 12/12/14 to fix possible isthmocele
3/26/15 transferred one 8 cell grade 4 embryo and one 6 cell grade 3 embryo = slow rising betas for 2+ weeks = ectopic MTX shot 4/29/15
Repeat c-scar surgery June 2015
2nd and last IVF cycle August 2015, stimmed for 12 days, 2 egg retrieved, both mature and both fertilized. Transferred both 8-cell embryos on Day 3, beta 9/5/15 = BFFN
I'm so sorry for your losses and everything you've been through. As others have mentioned, there's really no 'right' time, just a right time for you and YH to TTC again. Petra put it incredibly well when she said that you'll know you're ready when the want for a child outweighs the fear. That's something that I've actually been thinking about every time I think about whether I'm ready or not. Sending you big ((hugs))
Married 07/2006, TTC since 2010 08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN , 10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN 04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d 05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN 03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C 4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
5/31: Femara 7.5mg --> cancelled cycle, no follies 7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS. 9/20/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d 10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN 2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d 3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15 6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen 2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN 3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
Sorry for your losses and that you're struggling. Therapy is a huge help. I agree with PPs only you and YH can make the choice to try again. I've had the se struggle with every loss, but my desire for my own child out weighs my fear of another loss.
I'm not in quite the same situation as you, but can relate when it comes to your SS. Its tough. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it.
((Hugs))
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I'm so sorry for your losses. Only you and your husband can decide if you are done. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist you can discuss these things with too. My therapist has been a life saver! (Hugs)
I am so sorry for your losses. I too lost b/g twins. We went into labor at 21 weeks. Ours where naturally conceived, so I don't have any advice about IVF, but my RE also says singletons are much safer to carry. Hoping you find comfort and answers here. ((Hugs))
Re: Should we try again after multiple losses (LC warning)
After I loss my son at 20 weeks due to PTL, talking with an MFM in order to get a game plan in place for a future pregnancy was a huge comfort to both my husband and I.
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
DX: Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant
DH: 34
MFI due to Testicular Cancer
Married March 2012
IVF w/ICSI #1
10 little polar bears
FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN
FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
Beta 1= 276
Beta 2= 662
4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
5/3/14 ~ D&C
FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
Fur Children: Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y
January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
Animals Interacting with Snow
DX: Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant
DH: 34
MFI due to Testicular Cancer
Married March 2012
IVF w/ICSI #1
10 little polar bears
FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN
FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
Beta 1= 276
Beta 2= 662
4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
5/3/14 ~ D&C
FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
Fur Children: Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y
January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
Animals Interacting with Snow
Maybe that time will come for you, and maybe it won't. Only you will know. I will say that if you are at all unsure and have the ability to do so, pay for another year of freezing...just in case.
((((HUGS)))) and welcome.
DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS 6/2010
BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014
My chart here All ALers welcome!
My Ovulation Chart
IUI#3 brought us our dragon baby Z
TTCAL January 2015 Siggy Challenge: Animal Snow Interactions
I lost my twin girls at 21 weeks to incompetent cervix a little over 2 years ago. If you want to chat about what plan my MFM has for me moving forward feel free to PM me.
TTC #3 since June 2013
BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14
IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
Sending you big ((hugs))
08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN ,
10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN
04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d
05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN
03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C
4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS.
9/20/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d
10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN
2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d
3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15
6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen
2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
I agree with PPs only you and YH can make the choice to try again. I've had the se struggle with every loss, but my desire for my own child out weighs my fear of another loss.
I'm not in quite the same situation as you, but can relate when it comes to your SS. Its tough. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it.
((Hugs))
Dx: Me: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss; DH: Low Morphology (2%)
BFP#1: MC 3/1/11 at 6w1d - EDD 10/21/11
BFP#3: MC 2/8/14 at 4w5d - EDD 10/13/14
BFP#6: CP 11/6/14 at 4w2d - EDD 7/14/15
IVF #1 with ICSI & PGS: May/June 2015, ER 6/3/15, 17R/17M/15F
IVF #2 with ICSI & PGS: July 2015, ER 7/16/15, 16R/11M/9F
PGS results = 6 normal embryos (4 boys, 2 girls)
FET 9/23/15 = BFFN