Christmas present gone wrong... :(

cmcintos · January 2015

So...... every time I've taken my husband to BabiesRus or any other baby-related store, my husband always gravitates towards "testing the rocking chairs". We sat in side by side rocking chairs one day for like 30 mins just playing "eye spy"...... because they were so comfy.

So for Christmas this year, I was trying to think of a big ticket item that he could buy for me, that was still baby related. Money is tight, so why not kill two birds with one stone? So I thought that's it....the rocking chair!! I'm the one that will spend the most time in it.... during those late night feeds, early morning feeds, rocking the baby to sleep, ect!!!

So he got me a chair for Christmas, but it never came in time. He said it was being shipped, which made perfect sense, since our crib wasn't in stock either at the store, and we had to wait a while to pick it up. Well, the chair came today. And it isn't AT ALL what we'd tested. In fact, it didn't come from a baby store at all. He googled reviews online and found something that rocked and swivelled, with a foot stool and everything, but it's LOW BACK. It literally ends below my shoulder blades, so I'd have to sit completely upright in it. So I've been sitting in it for a while, trying to see if I can make it work, and it just wasn't at all what I'd asked for/tested/expected. THEN I found out that it's non-returnable because it was ordered from the US, and shipping already costed a fortune AND it was wayyy more expensive then the chairs we'd seen in the baby stores. He thought he'd splurge on a nice chair/christmas gift for me. So not only is it not the right type of chair, but it was too expensive, and therefore we can't just put the chair in another room of the house and buy another one for the nursery.

I know, this is totally first world problems, and that having a comfy chair is a luxury, not a necessity. But considering we're already on a tight budget for this baby, I'm really upset that he blew money we could have spent on something useful, like a good stroller or breast pump, on a non-functional designer chair.

Ugh...... apparently leaving him to do anything on his own ends with more trouble then good.

I appreciate his efforts, and he was SOOO EXCITED about this amazing chair that he'd bought. So it breaks my heart to have to tell him.

LBeez13 · January 2015

Aww that sucks. I hate spending a whole bunch of money on something that I wont utilize much. Maybe you can sell it for about the same price if you post on craigslist or one of the facebook swap and sell pages in your area. It is worth a shot if you have the guts to tell your hubby. I learned that my husband eventually finds out if I don't love his expensive gift so I end up telling him right away if I know he spent a lot of money on something. I remember the first couple years of dating I wouldn't do that and he always knew later that I wasn't in love with the gift.

cmcintos · January 2015

I doubt I could get back what he paid for it....... probably not even half.

Because apparently the duty/shipping was quite hefty too......

I really don't understand why some husbands think expensive = better. Why not just buy the thing that I LIKED? As opposed to trying to out-do yourself and get something even more expensive......that now I don't even like? ugh.

Disneygeek77 · January 2015

Something similar happened to me last year. It is a hard position to be in because you know they just wanted you to have something nice and while you are grateful for the gift and the thought, it kinda sucks when it isn't at all what you want and now you can't get the one thing you do desire.

wishiwaspreggo · January 2015

cmcintos said:

I doubt I could get back what he paid for it....... probably not even half. Because apparently the duty/shipping was quite hefty too......

I really don't understand why some husbands think expensive = better. Why not just buy the thing that I LIKED? As opposed to trying to out-do yourself and get something even more expensive......that now I don't even like? ugh.

Don't feel bad - you have every right to be disappointed! In fact, I'm disappointed on your behalf. Having a comfortable rocking chair is really important considering how much time you'll spend in it. My recommendation would be to see if you can modify it somehow with extra pillows or get a back support cushion? Or maybe you could get a cheap rocker at a consignment shop and tell your H that you think the chair he bought would look better/serve a different purpose elsewhere? Ugh, I'm sorry I'm super picky about furniture being comfortable above all else so I definitely feel for you.

And I highlighted the bolded because that is *exactly* how my dad is. All I wanted for my birthday was a sleek looking stereo with wooden speakers (back in the 90's when these were the style) and you could watch the CD spin through the glass. Apparently my mom and dad got into a fight over it because my dad wanted to get me a tricked out stereo with subwoofers, bass/treble control, multiple sound levels, etc. but my mom knew I'd never use it. She finally talked him into the stereo I wanted.

But my dad thinks that what HE likes, EVERYone should like. Your husband probably thought he was doing you a favor! Hopefully you can approach him about this and he won't take it too hard.

cmcintos · January 2015

Ya, I just feel super guilty for not being appreciative, while at the same time I'm super bummed that the long nights of late night breastfeeding won't be in the chair that I'd imagined.

cmcintos · January 2015

Here is the chair. So I mean, it's a super nice chair. The foot stool is great. The colour is what I'd asked for, and matches the crib nicely. It's a super soft material, which is great. But it's just too low and offers no head/neck support unless I slouch over like crazy, but then it hurts my back. Any thoughts on how to make this usable for breastfeeding? Prop pillows against the wall? But then I can't rock or they'd fall.....

mandi195 · January 2015

It's a gorgeous chair; it just sucks that it's not functional for what you need it for.

Skrittens · January 2015

I am so sorry and I completely understand your struggle.

I have a very similar chair in my house already that we were going to use. I was able to get comfy on it by sliding down in the chair so my head rested almost on the back, and my legs were straight on the ottoman. That being said, we did decide to get another chair because we saw one on clearance.

To echo @cwbandthenewbie‌ - can you maybe keep an eye out for a clearance chair? We found a floor model at BBB and paid 20% of the original sticker price (a little over $100, down from about $600). It was in good shape and we just steam cleaned it. I convinced my H we needed it because of the head issue - and that the smaller chair would be uncomfortable for him as well.

I have the same issue with gifts from my H - and he gets very hurt every time I suggest he is "too generous". Luckily we are so broke this year he couldn't go too overboard...

wishiwaspreggo · January 2015

Oh, no My face dropped when I saw your photo because I had two chairs like that from Ikea (they were stationary but the build was the same).

I HATED those stupid chairs. We only got them because they looked cute. No where to put your arms, the seat is much to small (but I have a donk so maybe that's just me), and I remember how rigid they were on the back. At least it came with an ottoman though, so maybe that helps?

Yeah, I'd move the ottoman close to the chair and try to see if you could sit in it like a chaise lounge. I'd definitely use a Boppy pillow for support. If you push it close against the wall you can stack some firm pillows on the back so you can lean against them.

FWIW, the style is very cute. You'll be able to keep it forever since it's not obviously "nursery" furniture, you know?

Boycrazymommy · January 2015

That is a beautiful chair! What a dilemma... it is clear he was trying to get you a special gift. However, we also own a gorgeous but super unfunctional chair in an almost identical style, so I know where you are coming from. There is no way I could have nursed comfortably in our chair. I think you have to come clean with him as gently and lovingly as possible. Once baby arrives and he tries to rock in the chair himself, he will get it. Keep that gorgeous chair in a different part of your home and find an inexpensive but comfortable alternative for daily use in the nursery.

colleen4019 · January 2015

What about a headrest attachment? I know they make them for computer/ work chairs. You might be able to find something that would support your head that doesn't look out of place?

Unknown · January 2015

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Bostonchelle · January 2015

ToasterCat said:
If it's any consolation, I breastfed almost exclusively on the couch, in my bed, wherever, even though I had a nice recliner in the nursery. If it was daytime, I wanted to be where the TV/Everyone else was and if it was at night, chances were high that the baby was already next to my bed and by the time he wasn't, he was sleeping through the night. I almost never leaned back to nurse either.

Same. I hardly ever used the chair until my daughter was a bit older and we would sit for stories. I nursed either in the living room or my bedroom. In terms of rocking mine liked bouncing better so I had a big exercise ball to sit on to bounce.

It was such a nice thought on your husbands part but I totally know how you feel about the money being put to better use.

cmcintos · January 2015

Exactly. I don't NEED a chair to nurse. I can make due with beds, couches, ect ect.

I'm just sick to my stomach thinking about all the money that could have gone to something else more useful.

My thought was to ask for something that would be somewhat luxury for Christmas, that way I could get something for me that was still baby related......in my mind, a rocking chair was like $150-300 tops. So something my husband would probably spend on me for Christmas anyways........

Instead, he spent almost $1000 on something that isn't even useful, and now that money is gone and can't be put towards a good stroller, breast pump, swing, bouncer, ect ect.

Akrystofiak · January 2015

So I have a couch that has a similar back height, that I occasionally use an ottoman with. Since this is my first, I haven't had to BF on the couch but I've had a lot of time trying to get comfortable on it. I find that if I put the ottoman close enough I can rest my head on the back of the couch put a memory foam pillow under the small of my back and essentially lay across the couch and ottoman. It's not a "sleep through the night" position, but it's fine for watching TV or reading for an hour or so. So maybe try some back support pillows and see if you can make more of a rocking chaise out of it?

If you're totally against keeping it, you may do better finding something more suited to your purposes on a swapping website.

Unknown · January 2015

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Amoreenamarlin · January 2015

That really stinks! If it's any consolation, my husband bought me a beach cruiser bike for Christmas..literally, wtf. I had never expressed interest in a bike and like you, I wanted something baby related to kill two birds with one stone (ie a diaper bag or prenatal massage perhaps?). He wheeled it out and I was in shock. I'm also only 5'0 and its a HUGE bike. I was just like "so..I'm surely not going to hop on this while pregnant..or in winter..or anytime soon after I push out a baby"...so, there's that. I hope you can figure out a good alternative with the chair!

stine28 · January 2015

That really stinks. I've been trying to come up with what I would do in your situation. I definitely understand feeling bad about your poor DH and how hard he tried to give you a real treat.

I wonder if the easiest would be to buy the cheapest crappy glider you can find on kijiji and only use it till you and the kid have a little routine in place and you feel like a human again, then sub in the new chair an store the glider or just sell it again? Or maybe you have a friend who would lend you one for 2 months if she was between kids?

cmcintos · January 2015

Got this chair from my dad. Maybe I can use it with the ottoman, if I can paint it white and get a nice cushion for it. It was the chair they used to rock me when I was a baby!!!

So hopefully between the two chairs, I can make it work....

Amoreenamarlin · January 2015

cmcintos said:
Got this chair from my dad. Maybe I can use it with the ottoman, if I can paint it white and get a nice cushion for it. It was the chair they used to rock me when I was a baby!!!

So hopefully between the two chairs, I can make it work....

I like the idea of re-doing this chair! I think it will look really good in white, maybe even with a cute printed cushion

cmcintos · January 2015

Still doesn't make up for the fact that we blew boat loads of money on a stupid chair......but ya, this was the chair I was going to originally use had I not got something new. So a cute cushion, and some white pant should fix this one up nicely. Then the new chair can go in our master, or downstairs in the family room.....

Kdeanda · January 2015

cmcintos said:

Here is the chair. So I mean, it's a super nice chair. The foot stool is great. The colour is what I'd asked for, and matches the crib nicely. It's a super soft material, which is great. But it's just too low and offers no head/neck support unless I slouch over like crazy, but then it hurts my back. Any thoughts on how to make this usable for breastfeeding? Prop pillows against the wall? But then I can't rock or they'd fall.....

Maybe try one of those airplane pillows that go around your neck?

That sucks though.. sorry. For what it's worth. I didn't end up buying a rocking chair and never missed it or felt like I needed one. I know everyone is different, but maybe you wont use it as much as you think? Not sure... just trying to make you feel better about the situtation....

lifeisnot2fear · January 2015

If my husband blew $1000 on a chair when money was tight, I would definitely have a talk with him about it. My concern would be less with the chair not being the chair I prefer and more why the heck would he spend that much when we have so many greater needs on the list of things to buy. I'm sure he really believed he was doing a great thing, but I just can't imagine spending so much on something non-refundable when there's no guarantee that you would love it. I'd want to make sure he knew not to blow money like that again!

cmcintos · January 2015

EXACTLY!!!!

When I found out he spent that much, I was like "WTF why would you do that? The item I asked for was like $200 at the store up the street!!!!!"

He's the one that does all the budgeting, and is the one telling me that our money is tight. We just bought a new home, and have a mortgage, and he's the one that worked out all our finances for that and knows exactly how much we have. We can't afford furniture.... we can't afford lights. So when he does go and buy big ticket items, I get mad at him for guilt tripping me for spending money, when he just goes and spends it himself on the most ridiculous things!!!! I'll be on mat leave soon, so I'm super stressed about money because I know I'll be pulling in a lot less then usual, and I know how many baby-related items we still need to buy (all of them!), and how much they all cost. So it's hardly about the chair......... it's a much bigger issue then that.

I guess I figure he's "in control" when he does things like that, and maybe I stress about money more then I need to. If he's the budget guy and he thinks we can afford this stuff, then maybe I should not worry so much. But I'm trying to be responsible..... and do what's best for the family. So yes, buying a non-returnable item at that price is just insanity in my opinion. And if he can be so irresponsible then thats not cool!!!!

MrsJCool · January 2015

@cmcintos - I feel your pain! It's not about the chair itself, but the extreme cost.... (and not able to return for refund.... ugh)

FWIW, I have the same wooden rocker you have pictured, it is painted white and I found a cute teal seat cushion at Pier One (on clearance, to boot!!) and my mom is making a wool blanket for the back.... it's cute and functional!

Anyway, def. have a chat with hubs about the money/budget. Those are the kinds of things that fester if left unsaid and lead to the relationship deteriorating. Not always the easiest conversations to have, but super important, IMHO. My hubby and I try to talk about our budgeting and do things together, but sometimes he makes little comments about shopping/money that really hurt my feelings... I generally don't even GO shopping, unless there is a specific item I need. It's a constant battle and I always end up feeling guilty when I purchase something, even if I truly need the item. Good luck!

jpavenski · January 2015

Maybe you could get half of your money back if you sold it? And get something you like, I remember looking at ones that were 700 & we ended up getting one for 200, worked just as good & held up fine. I didn't really feed him much in it, used it a lot when he was older to sing & read stories before bed.

peeppeeppeep · January 2015

So frustrating! It is a really nice looking chair - if it is a known designer name that might help with the resale value, too.

jnowosielski · January 2015

cmcintos said:
Got this chair from my dad. Maybe I can use it with the ottoman, if I can paint it white and get a nice cushion for it. It was the chair they used to rock me when I was a baby!!!

So hopefully between the two chairs, I can make it work....

I don't have much to say besides cute puppy!

Bostonchelle · January 2015

I know you said it's non returnable. Did you try calling? Probably a long shot but who knows you may find someone sympathetic to the situation- aka someone who would also kill their husband for making such a purchase. Perhaps there is some wiggle room in their policy if even for an exchange.

cmcintos · January 2015

So I found the link to the store: https://www.babyletto.com/seating

It's the Madison Swivel Glider and the Kyoto Ottoman.

So now that I see that it was in fact from a baby store, I understand a little bit more about where he was coming from. I'd assumed he just went to some random modern furniture store and bought something that he liked, with no regard for it being for a baby..... but since it was a baby store then he probably assumed that was it's purpose and didn't even think twice. And the chairs from that store that did have backs were more like $500-800... so I can see why he didn't go with one of those.

I guess when you order something online, you don't actually sit in it first, so it looks comfortable and soft from the picture..... he just didn't even think about being able to rest your head. He just looked at pictures of the ones we'd sat in at the other stores and thought that they looked very "baby nursery" and wouldn't be useful for other rooms in the future. He's ok investing money for the long haul on items that can be used for years to come, but not ok "wasting" money on something you'll only ever use for the baby and then it just sits there. And the nice ones in the store we went to with the ottoman were more like $400-600..... so looking at the prices online that he paid, it was the shipping and duty that made it add up so much. And is the reason we can't really return. I'm sure the store would return, but it's always an issue when ordering internationally because it's going to cost hundreds just to ship back, and then it's really not worth it in the long run.

So I tried various ways of sitting in the chair last night, and I guess it's not so bad. If I can bring the ottoman close and sort of slouch forward, and use a blanket for my head, I could certainly have a nap. And the material is super soft and the arm rests aren't bad either...... so I think we'll just try and make it work.... and I can always nurse from the couch/bed too if I want to lie back a bit more. We have a guest bed with a tv in the next room over, so if I'm watching something in there anyways then it should be ok...... and my dad is going to work on the older rocking chair for me too....so that we have options....

So less upset today. Guess the initial shock of it all hit me yesterday....... but it's not the end of the world.

cmcintos · January 2015

https://www.babyletto.com/kyoto-glider

This one would have been nice, but ya, $700 without the Ottoman....... not affordable.

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