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Toddlers: 24 Months+
PsyDr04
member
Yet another potty training thread
PsyDr04
member
I'm just now checking out this board. I was very active on the bump when pregnant with my first child and I've just had baby #2 in August. My question, however, is about DS #1. He turned 3 this past Saturday and I really feel like we need to get going with the potty training. He is interested in everything about the potty - wanting to watch others use the potty, wanting to flush the potty by himself, reading books about the potty, etc. The problem is that he refuses to actually use the potty. I have a Bjorn potty chair as well as a Thomas the Train potty (I thought that would motivate him), as well as an insert seat for the toilet. He seems perfectly content to go in his diaper, but will tell me when he has pooped in his diaper and needs to be changed. He has said to us on several occasions that he is scared of the potty (obviously not the noise from flushing). At daycare, they take the kids to the bathroom several times a day but my son refuses to go. I'm concerned that he had a bad experience with the potty there. They do not have potty chairs or inserts for the little kids at all. Instead, they are expected to go on the big potty. I don't have an issue with that except for the fact that my son is very small for his age and the toilet without an insert is really too big for him. So I'm wondering if maybe he sat on the toilet one day and fell in a little bit and that is why he is scared.
My husband has been of the mindset that we don't need to force him because that could backfire and make the process harder. I agree with him but at the same time feel that if we don't consistently make some efforts, we will still be dealing with this a year from now or longer. We do regularly ask him if he wants to use the potty and he always says no. We've tried offering stickers, candy, etc but nothing has worked.
I know that every child is different and they all do things in their own time but I feel like I'm really failing with this. It's frustrating to me to see children younger than he is who are already trained. He can't move up to the next class at school until he is trained and I don't want him to watch all his friends leave him behind because of that. He really doesn't seem too be motivated to use the potty even when he sees his friends do it. He is a very intelligent little boy and understands the concept quite well, he just won't do it. He's got big boy underwear that he could wear. Do I put him in those and refuse to go back to diapers and deal with the mess until he agrees to use the potty? Do I set out the underwear and the potty chair and wait for it to be his choice? Do I back off completely and not even mention it anymore to him?
I'm really at a loss and could use some advice. I feel like he's going to be the first person ever to go to college in diapers. ;-)
TIA.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Yet another potty training thread
This could go either way - I actually know a child this happened to, but not at daycare. He fell in at home and has refused to go on the potty to poop ever since (he stands to pee). Now, to make you feel better in terms of training, this child was "potty trained" at 2 years. Intensive 3 day, then naked at home, then forced to wear underwear, no diapers. He was 3 in October and still wears pullups because he won't poop in the potty.
Conversely, they often have "potty buddies" at my son's school (because there are 2 toilets in the bathroom and when one kid goes, another wants to also). One of the guys in my son's class is a little guy who fell in the toilet. And he and my son think it's hilarious. Apparently (according to teachers) the two of them love to go in together and they can hear them yelling to each other "don't fall in" and then giggling like crazy.
I agree with this, especially if he did have a bad experience. I think 3 is a little early for exposure therapy
You need to stop with the comparison (and I know you know this). It's hard because as mothers we do this with everything - walking, speech, potty training, but development is so individual, as is maturity. And what you see with these "trained" children isn't always the whole truth. I have a friend who bragged about the three-day method and how potty trained her kid is. For the past year, every time we are with them her kid has an accident. That's not potty trained. There are kids who appear trained, but have learned to "hold" their bladder or stools and end up with impacted bowels or utis. You are not failing. I can't remember a single child in my elementary school who was in diapers. Everyone gets there eventually.
I think this may be more of a motivator then you think right now. Let him watch his friends leave. He knows what he needs to do to join them, and if he wants to, he will. He might not put 2 and 2 together right now, but as they move to the next room, and he starts noticing that, he may become more interested. For the longest time, even though my son used the toilet exclusively at home, he refused to use it at preschool. Then all of a sudden, he started using it and never looked back. No real rhyme or reason why. I remember my pediatrician telling me in terms of walking that my son had the capability to do it, but not the confidence. And some kids are more cautious than others, and therefore slower to start walking, but when they do, they do it nearly perfectly - no falling and pretty much able to run. They wait until they're more sure they can do it. I think that probably holds true with potty training also. He may have the capability, but is scared of having an accident, or not confident in his own abilities. And the confidence will come with time.