Happy New Year to all the PAIFers. I'm sorry I haven't been around for the past few months. One of my NY's resolution is to get on the PAIF board to say goodbye to you all.
M turned 2 in November and I'm still a SAHM. He is (mostly) a joy to be with, and I'm grateful for every single day I get to spend with him. DH and I have decided not to try for #2 for a variety of reasons. I came to accept this painful decision over the past 6 months or so. We had one frozen embryo from IVF#1 (which was successful with M). We tried to transfer the embryo last Spring but it did not survive the thaw. I was angry and sad for several months, and gradually worked on my feelings. I am 41 and I don't want to go through another fresh cycle (even though it'll be covered by insurance). I cannot handle the demands on me physically and emotionally, nor can I handle the (potential) disappointments. Back in October I gave away M's baby clothes to a friend of mine, who gave birth to a boy a month later. It was the start of my "healing process" per se, to let go of the hopes and dreams of having another child. Most days I'm fine with the decision, but at times I still feel guilty for not trying hard enough to give M a sibling. Not only he'll be a single child, he also will have no first cousins (my own brother and my husband's sister both do not want children).
One reason I stop coming here is because I don't feel I belong anymore. Please believe me that I am happy for every single one of you who are pg again and have a #2 or #3. My core group of mom friends are either pregnant or have recently given birth. I feel left out at playdates when they talk about morning sickness, and I feel left behind. I'm still happy for them but there are days I just want to be away from pregnant people.
I have LOVED every minute that I spent on SAIF in the past 2 years (plus the 9 months I was on PAIF before that). I have received so much advice and support from all of you. And even just being able to come here to vent about anything without being judged. I am sad to leave here but I feel it is time to say goodbye and good luck to you all. Last but not least, THANK YOU for being there when I needed you. I will miss every single one of you.
Not sure if it works but I'm trying to attach a pic of M here (taken on his birthday in november)
TTC since 10/2008 RE consult 6/2010 Dx:Unexplaied IF
Failed multiple cycles of Clomid+TI and Clomid+IUI
You will be missed PB! Your reasons for leaving are solid reasons and I hope that it helps you to continue to heal. I wish you nothing but the best! Enjoy M! He is adorable ❤
TTC# 1 since 5/10 Me:34 Type 1 Diabetes, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Hypothyroid DH:35 Perfect DX: Unexplained IF Many IUI's with various meds all BFFN IVF #1 11/11 canceled due to OHSS IVF #2 Feb/March 2012 ET of 2 on day 3 4/7 BFP! 5/1 u/s blighted ovum IVF #3 July 2012 ET of 3 on day 3 7/24 BFP! Healthy baby girl born at 36w4d on 3/9/13
TTC #2
IVF #4 May/June 2014 ER 6/4 18R 8M 8F ET 6/9 1 blast, 2 frosties
Beta 6/18 BFFN
FET of 2 blasts 7/24...BFP!
Healthy baby girl born at 36w3d on 3/17/15
TTC#3 IVF #5 June 2018- PGS planned, no surviving embryos IVF #6 August 2018- ET of 2 on day 3 - Chemical pregnancy IVF #7 August 2019-....?
Hey girl. I'm glad to see you one last time. I fully understand your reasons for leaving, but I am very sad to say goodbye. I'm sorry that you are in this position right now. IF is so unfair. Trust that M will be loved and have a wonderful life, even if he is an only child with no first cousins. He will have lots of friends and he has you. He will not miss out.
Big hugs to you dearie, and I will be (and have been) thinking about you often. Have a wonderful life.
And you know, you're always welcome back for any reason.
TTC with PCOS since November 2009
IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP! beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75 beta #2 11/28 = 2055 Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012! Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
Hugs, PB. I was wondering where you had gone off, just thought you had gotten busy with the holidays and M's birthday.
Many hugs and high fives to you as you continue your mama journey. M is a lucky dude, sibling or not! It is hard feeling left behind for various reason, here or IRL.
Thank you for taking a moment to say goodbye. I think that is very classy. It makes me sad when we "lose" our fellow SAIF pals without a whisper.
I very much appreciated your advice both on PAIF and here on SAIF. Because M is a few weeks older than J, you always had great bits of advice!
Much love and blessings to you.
(PM me if you want to be FB friends, but I also respect your privacy since this is the internets and all!)
TTC Since 3/2010 Me-36, Unexplained Infertility, DH-35, all clear Clomid 50mg 12/2011 = BFN Clomid 100mg 1/2012 = BFN, with Cyst IVF #1 Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f/HCG Trigger ER 4/19/12 = 11 retrieved, 6 fertilized, ET 4/22/12 = 2 transfered (day 3), remaining 3 weren't good enough to freeze Beta 5/3 = BFP, 87 Beta #2 5/7 560.9 Beta #3 5/9 1376.5 First u/s One Baby, 125bpm! Second u/s, 176bmp! Kicked over to the OB by the RE at 8w. Team Green!!
Baby girl J arrived two weeks early! Born into water, med-free. Hooray for Team Pink!
TTC #2 - back to the RE, treatment started 12/2014.
Just dropping a note to say I think of you from time to time, PB! I pop in every now and then to see what's going on with those I'm familiar with and I did notice not seeing you around lately!
I can reassure you that speaking from someone who is an only child who has amazing parents, has always been surrounded by a supportive family, and as someone who has always had lots of friends, M won't need a sibling to know how much he is loved and cared about! I know saying that won't make it easier for you to deal with right now, but please know he won't grow up feeling like he is missing anything because he has YOU and all the others who love him in his life.
I'm sorry it's been such a rough time for you. I understand the need to step back and I wish you all the best.
TTC #1 since 3/2011
DX: anovulatory and severe MFI
DH is a testicular cancer survivor
IVF#1 w/ICSI lupron, gonal f, ovidrel
ER 6/15/12 6R 6M 6F! ET 6/20/12
Beta #1: 154 Beta #2: 509 Beta #3: 7326
Baby Boy born 3/1/2013
TTC#2: 6/2014 all testing came back normal
IVF#2 (#1 for LO#2) 9/2014 - 17R 10M 10F 4 blasts frozen on day 6.
@pb_bride, this makes me so incredibly sad, both on a selfish level because I always enjoyed you but also because I hate that your heart is hurting so much. I however also completely understand. Huge hugs. You will be missed.
"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, I"m still looking up." TTC #1 since August 2011 MFI Diagnosis - April 2012 IVF #1 - July 2012 - Stims start 7/2, ER 7/12, 20 retrieved, 16 mature, 13 fertilized! ET - 7/17 - 1 blast transferred. Beta - 7/26 273, Beta 2 7/30 - 1143. Beta 3 8/6 - 11,597 12/25 - Santa tells us "IT'S A GIRL!" EDD - April 4th
Our Little Easter Bunny has arrived!
Molly Mildred born 03/31/13
TTC A Sibling....... FET #1 11/14/14, Transferred one beautiful blast
Remaining four frosties arrested due to "embryologist error"
Plllllleasssee stick little icicle.....Beta 11/23...BFN
Starting ALL over with a fresh IVF cycle
Stims start 11/28/14, ER December 10th, 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, only 4 fertilized
1 Blast Transferred on December 15th..... Beta Christmas Eve... Please Santa, bring me a baby!
Beta #1 345.....Beta #2....750/ First U/S 1/13/15/HB 131....EDD 9/2/2015
Thank you for coming and checking in. I know many of us had been missing you. While I have twins, I understand feeling left out with friends having babies/ getting pregnant. My SAHM group is changing rapidly and it's so hard to feel left behind. We want more children, but won't be visiting the RE again. So, it's unlikely we will have more. Having beat IF once, but not being able to control one's family size is just IF's parting gift to us, it seems. It all just sucks so much.
I'm so sorry to see you go, but totally understand. Sending nothing but good thoughts to you and your family.
TTC in 2009, Dx: Unexplained IF
Three TI cycles (BFP...miscarriage), five IUI attempts and 2.5 IVF cycles later...BFP!!
12dp5dt: 765; 15dp5dt: 1979; 17dp5dt: 3379...TWINS!!!!!
Our perfect baby boys were born at 36w1d!!
I'm so sorry PB. It can be difficult to be on this board when you are not TTC. I also just gave away all my baby clothes today and I know it's rough. Wishing you all the best.
Your little boy is adorable. I'm sorry your leaving this board but understand why. You've really thought about it and it's what's best for you and your family. I appreciate all the advice and support along the way and I will miss you. Take care of yourself.
Me 38 MH 41 - TTC since June 2010 - dx with Severe MFI. Straight to IVF with ICSI. IVF #1 - ER 06/13/12 - 9 Eggs Retrieved - 4 ICSI'd - only 2 fert. 06/15/12 - 2DT - 3 cell & 6 cell with fragmentation. Beta 06/29/12 - IVF #1 = BFN. 07/20/12 - WTF Appt -Told by our RE to quit IVF. Second Opinion from RE is good. IVF#2 - November 2012. Estradiol Pills Started 11/6. Stims start 11/16. ER 11/26 - 7 eggs retrieved - all mature. 4 fertilized with ICSI. ET 11/29 Transferred 3 embryos. Beta is 12/10. 1st Beta 81 2nd Beta 160 and 3rd beta 360!!! First U/S 12/21/12 - We saw one beautiful gest. sac. 2nd U/S is 01/04/2013 - H/B 183 02/05/13 - NT Scan - everything looks good and IT'S A BOY! Aiden was born 08/20/2013.
IVF #2 is in progress. ER was 05/12/14 - 11 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilized with ICSI. ET was 05/15/14 - we transferred 3 embryos as we did on the cycle my son was conceived. We were able to freeze 3 embryos. Beta is scheduled for 05/26/14. 1st beta - 111. 2nd beta - 159 didn't double 3rd beta Friday 5/30) - not a lot of hope left. Beta # 3 is 247 - probably ectopic. Beta # 4 is 813 - possibly vanishing multiple sydrome? 06/05/14 - 5w4days - first U/S - we see a gestational sac and yolk - still have hope! 06/17/14 - 7w1day - U/S and saw and heard the heartbeat - Finally! 06/27/14 - 8w4days - Baby and heartbeat look and sound great EDD 02/01/14 and It's a boy!
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
I want to thank every one of you who took the time to write. I'm tearing up as I read each of your replies. You have no idea how much it means to me. It's funny how I get so much support from you all instead of people I know IRL (I don't talk much about IF to my friends, and even the ones I do, they don't get it.)
I am SO HAPPY to see so many of you who are pg right now - I know it's been a difficult journey for all of you. Good luck to you all and I'll try to lurk every now and then just to see what you are all up to!
TTC since 10/2008 RE consult 6/2010 Dx:Unexplaied IF
Failed multiple cycles of Clomid+TI and Clomid+IUI
@pb_bride, I'm so sorry you are hurting. But know that you will be giving your little guy the best life possible. He will not lack for not having a sibling or 1st cousins. You will be missed. Hope your heart heals. Hugs
Me 35, DH 36 TTC summer 2008 Diagnose me. DOR, DH perfect IUI # 1 6/2010, BFN IUI # 2 8/2010, BFN IVF # 1 10/2010 Canceled poor response IVF 1.2 12/2010 BFP! mc 6 weeks 2 days Mental health break for 10 months IVF # 2 10/2011 BFN IVF # 3 5/2012 BFP! 10 eggs retrieved (best ever) 7 fertilized transferred 3 Beta #1 14dpo - 72, Beta #2 17dpo 145 Beta 3 20dpo 521 First u/s June 15 saw HB 126 bpm missed m/c 7/5/12 10 weeks D&C 7/6/12 IVF#4 ER 9/30 ET 10/3 Beta 10/16 BFFN. IVF #5 final with o/e. ER 1/21 only 1 retrieved, hoping my lonestar is the one. Beta #1 2/6/13 = 209.... please let this be it! Keep growing lonestar! Beta #2 2/8/13 - 586! , Beta #3 2/10/13 = 1898. First u/s perfect little heart beat at 116 bpm. Measure 6 weeks 1 day. EDD 10/14/13 3/4/13 measuring right on track beautiful heartbeat 171 bpm, graduated from RE to OB... bittersweet. PAIF/SAIF always welcome! Its a girl!
Maggie Grace is here! 10/5/13... 8lbs 6 ounces of pure joy!
TTC#2 No birth control since DD was born. Getting ready to jump back in the saddle. Weaning this month. RE appt scheduled 5/8. Here we go again!
IFV# 6. 10/27 6 retrieved 4 mature 3 fertilized. 2 made it to 3dt 10/30. 1"very pretty 8 cell" and 1 6 cell. Beta
11/13. Please stick embies!!!! We love you so much already! 11/12/14 POAS, BFP... beta tomorrow! 11/13 beta #1 924!!! 2nd bet 11/15 1906, one more on 11/17 3rd & final beta 3430. First u/s 12/5, 7w4d, 2 heartbeats,
both measuring right on track....2nd u/s... all is well... both beans measuring right on track... released from RE... first
appointment with MFM 1/5. Looks like this is really happening!
Re: Happy New Year, and a Goodbye
Me:34 Type 1 Diabetes, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Hypothyroid DH:35 Perfect
DX: Unexplained IF
Many IUI's with various meds all BFFN
IVF #1 11/11 canceled due to OHSS
IVF #2 Feb/March 2012 ET of 2 on day 3 4/7 BFP! 5/1 u/s blighted ovum
IVF #3 July 2012 ET of 3 on day 3 7/24 BFP!
Healthy baby girl born at 36w4d on 3/9/13
TTC#3
IVF #5 June 2018- PGS planned, no surviving embryos
IVF #6 August 2018- ET of 2 on day 3 - Chemical pregnancy
IVF #7 August 2019-....?
Big hugs to you dearie, and I will be (and have been) thinking about you often. Have a wonderful life.
And you know, you're always welcome back for any reason.
IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
beta #2 11/28 = 2055
Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
Me-36, Unexplained Infertility, DH-35, all clear
Clomid 50mg 12/2011 = BFN
Clomid 100mg 1/2012 = BFN, with Cyst
IVF #1 Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f/HCG Trigger
ER 4/19/12 = 11 retrieved, 6 fertilized,
ET 4/22/12 = 2 transfered (day 3), remaining 3 weren't good enough to freeze
Beta 5/3 = BFP, 87 Beta #2 5/7 560.9 Beta #3 5/9 1376.5 First u/s One Baby, 125bpm!
Second u/s, 176bmp! Kicked over to the OB by the RE at 8w. Team Green!!
I can reassure you that speaking from someone who is an only child who has amazing parents, has always been surrounded by a supportive family, and as someone who has always had lots of friends, M won't need a sibling to know how much he is loved and cared about! I know saying that won't make it easier for you to deal with right now, but please know he won't grow up feeling like he is missing anything because he has YOU and all the others who love him in his life.
All the best to you and your family! Take care.
TTC #1 since 3/2011
DX: anovulatory and severe MFI
DH is a testicular cancer survivor
IVF#1 w/ICSI lupron, gonal f, ovidrel
ER 6/15/12 6R 6M 6F! ET 6/20/12
Beta #1: 154 Beta #2: 509 Beta #3: 7326
Baby Boy born 3/1/2013
TTC#2: 6/2014 all testing came back normal
IVF#2 (#1 for LO#2) 9/2014 - 17R 10M 10F 4 blasts frozen on day 6.
FET #1 10/15/14 - Beta #1: 216 Beta #2: 823
Baby Boy born 7/10/2015
"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, I"m still looking up."
TTC #1 since August 2011 MFI Diagnosis - April 2012
IVF #1 - July 2012 - Stims start 7/2, ER 7/12, 20 retrieved, 16 mature, 13 fertilized!
ET - 7/17 - 1 blast transferred. Beta - 7/26 273, Beta 2 7/30 - 1143. Beta 3 8/6 - 11,597
12/25 - Santa tells us "IT'S A GIRL!" EDD - April 4th
Our Little Easter Bunny has arrived!
Molly Mildred born 03/31/13
TTC A Sibling....... FET #1 11/14/14, Transferred one beautiful blast
Remaining four frosties arrested due to "embryologist error"
Plllllleasssee stick little icicle.....Beta 11/23...BFN
Starting ALL over with a fresh IVF cycle
Stims start 11/28/14, ER December 10th, 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, only 4 fertilized
1 Blast Transferred on December 15th..... Beta Christmas Eve... Please Santa, bring me a baby!
Beta #1 345.....Beta #2....750/ First U/S 1/13/15/HB 131....EDD 9/2/2015
I'm so sorry to see you go, but totally understand. Sending nothing but good thoughts to you and your family.
12dp5dt: 765; 15dp5dt: 1979; 17dp5dt: 3379...TWINS!!!!!
Our perfect baby boys were born at 36w1d!!
___________________________________________________________________________
Trying for #1 since May 2010 l DX ~ Unexplained Infertility June 2011
IUI #1&2 = BFN; IUI #3 = BFP, m/c @ 6 weeks
November '11 ~ IVF#1 ~ ER 11/18 (29R, 17F) ~ 5dt of one beautiful blast on 11/23 = BFP!!
Beta #1 9dp5dt = 116, P4 = 28 ~ Beta #2 13dp5dt = 700 ~ Beta #3 20dp5dt = 9500, P4 = 26
1st u/s 12/27 - hb of 156!! EDD 8.10.12 **TEAM GREEN!**
Sweet baby boy born 8.18.12
Trying for #2
FET #1 - October '13 - c/p l FET #2 - December '13 - cancelled l FET #2.2 - 1.30.14 - BFN
~ More testing - hysteroscopy, endometrial biopsy & more b/w - all normal / negative~
Surprise BFP while waiting on FET #3 ~ beta #1 500; beta #2 1600; first u/s 4/3 - measuring 5w5d, no hb yet!; 2nd u/s 4/10 - hb 132, measuring 6w6d - EDD 11.29.14 **TEAM GREEN!**
Beautiful baby girl born 11.24.14
Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant
Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB , 2nd u/s 146bpm
baby girl born 5/10/13
TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28.
IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!! Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!
Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl
3 IUI's w/Clomid & Ovidrel=all BFNs
3 IVF (2 Fresh, 1 frozen) =BFN
Jan 2012 New RE & Fresh Cycle =BFP!
Me 38 MH 41 - TTC since June 2010 - dx with Severe MFI. Straight to IVF with ICSI. IVF #1 - ER 06/13/12 - 9 Eggs Retrieved - 4 ICSI'd - only 2 fert. 06/15/12 - 2DT - 3 cell & 6 cell with fragmentation. Beta 06/29/12 - IVF #1 = BFN. 07/20/12 - WTF Appt -Told by our RE to quit IVF. Second Opinion from RE is good. IVF#2 - November 2012. Estradiol Pills Started 11/6. Stims start 11/16. ER 11/26 - 7 eggs retrieved - all mature. 4 fertilized with ICSI. ET 11/29 Transferred 3 embryos. Beta is 12/10. 1st Beta 81 2nd Beta 160 and 3rd beta 360!!! First U/S 12/21/12 - We saw one beautiful gest. sac. 2nd U/S is 01/04/2013 - H/B 183 02/05/13 - NT Scan - everything looks good and IT'S A BOY! Aiden was born 08/20/2013.
IVF #2 is in progress. ER was 05/12/14 - 11 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilized with ICSI. ET was 05/15/14 - we transferred 3 embryos as we did on the cycle my son was conceived. We were able to freeze 3 embryos. Beta is scheduled for 05/26/14. 1st beta - 111. 2nd beta - 159 didn't double 3rd beta Friday 5/30) - not a lot of hope left. Beta # 3 is 247 - probably ectopic. Beta # 4 is 813 - possibly vanishing multiple sydrome? 06/05/14 - 5w4days - first U/S - we see a gestational sac and yolk - still have hope! 06/17/14 - 7w1day - U/S and saw and heard the heartbeat - Finally! 06/27/14 - 8w4days - Baby and heartbeat look and sound great EDD 02/01/14 and It's a boy!
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
TTC #2
Failed multiple cycles of Clomid+TI and Clomid+IUI
3/2011 inj+IUI #1 BFP. 4/2011 missed m/c.
Fall 2011 inj+IUI #2&3 BFN
Jan/Feb 2012 IVF#1 BFP 2/23 EDD 10/31/2012 ~~~ Halloween ~~~
Our IVF miracle, Baby Boy M, arrived on 11/8/2012!
TTC summer 2008
Diagnose me. DOR, DH perfect
IUI # 1 6/2010, BFN
IUI # 2 8/2010, BFN
IVF # 1 10/2010 Canceled poor response
IVF 1.2 12/2010 BFP! mc 6 weeks 2 days
Mental health break for 10 months
IVF # 2 10/2011 BFN
IVF # 3 5/2012 BFP! 10 eggs retrieved (best ever)
7 fertilized transferred 3
Beta #1 14dpo - 72, Beta #2 17dpo 145 Beta 3 20dpo 521
First u/s June 15 saw HB 126 bpm missed m/c 7/5/12 10 weeks D&C 7/6/12
IVF#4 ER 9/30 ET 10/3 Beta 10/16 BFFN. IVF #5 final with o/e. ER 1/21 only 1 retrieved, hoping my lonestar is the one. Beta #1 2/6/13 = 209.... please let this be it! Keep growing lonestar! Beta #2 2/8/13 - 586! , Beta #3 2/10/13 = 1898. First u/s perfect little heart beat at 116 bpm. Measure 6 weeks 1 day. EDD 10/14/13
3/4/13 measuring right on track beautiful heartbeat 171 bpm, graduated from RE to OB... bittersweet.
PAIF/SAIF always welcome! Its a girl!
TTC#2 No birth control since DD was born. Getting ready to jump back in the saddle. Weaning this month. RE
appt scheduled 5/8. Here we go again!
11/13 beta #1 924!!! 2nd bet 11/15 1906, one more on 11/17 3rd & final beta 3430. First u/s 12/5, 7w4d, 2 heartbeats,
DX: 6/9/2011: Azoo ICSI/IVF only option for biological child
IVF #1: ER - 9/26 * ET - 10/1 * beta#1 10/13 - 140 * beta#2 10/17 - 477 * beta#3 10/20 - 1101
1st u/s at 6w6d - one hb * 2nd u/s at 8w3d - no hb detected 11/10/11 * natural m/c 11/13/11
FET #1 Jan/Feb 2012 - 3 delays - cancelled 2/13
FET #1.2 - May/June 2012 - ET 6/6/* beta#1 6/15 - 95 * beta #2 6/19 - 322 * beta #3 6/22 - 940
7/6 1st u/s @ 7 weeks - one beautiful hb - released from RE
EDD 2/22/2013
PAIF/SAIF/PGAL welcome