Honest Article on Anger after Loss

Re: Honest Article on Anger after Loss

• StacyLH24 member

  January 2015

  Thank you for sharing this.

  Me: 30  DW (aka C): 29

  Together since 2/15/11 ~ Legally married in NY on 9/29/12

  ***CP mentioned***

  We've been working on baby #1 since July 2013 using Open ID donor sperm.  8 IUI attempts with 5 actual IUIs and one chemical pregnancy.  We have one fresh IVF cycle under our belts as well as a FET.  I have endometriosis and a uterine septum that was corrected via surgery in November 2013. 

  11/14/14 -  Second HSG shows that tubes are still clear and ute is looking good. 

  12/6/14 - Started BCPs in prep for IVF #2

  12/22/14 - Saline u/s and endometrial scratch (All was clear and OUCH!)

  1/2/15 - Began stimming for IVF #2

   ****All Welcome!****

  We are Mommas to four fur babies - 3 dogs and 1 cat.

     
  

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• Danni_Girl member

  January 2015

  Thank you for sharing, I will be checking it out tonight

  I'm 35, DW is 33
  Together since Dec 2007
  Married since 18 June 2011

  
  TTC #1
  1st IUI - trigger, 9 July 14 at midnight, IUI - 11 July 14 at noon - BFP!!
  10 Dec 14 - Lost our Baby Girl to Hydrops & Cycstic Hygroma due to Turner Syndrome
  TTC #2
  2nd IUI - hoping to try for our Rainbow in the Spring

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• 2MamazInSeattle member

  January 2015

  Interesting read. I sort of land with the woman who commented first...I never felt hateful like that at all. I was much more sad and hopeless, and I did feel ripped off but it never turned outward hate toward others. Maybe because I didn't have multiple losses...I could see myself going in that direction in that case. Interesting that grief is experienced so differently. Thanks for sharing!

  Lil'mamaz was born on Aug 21, 2014! She's PERFECT!
  
  

  It's been a long road to here...
  Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
  June'12 - First RE Visit
  Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
  Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
  Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
  Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
  Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect.
  Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
  Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
  Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
  Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
  EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
  Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
  We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle
  
  
  

  

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• doodah1013 member

  January 2015

  @2MamazInSeattle‌ I remember being specifically impressed at your handling of frustration when we were all still in the TTC game. I, for one, was an angry train wreck... And I am really not an angry person.
  
  I remember one day turning down an aisle in Target and seeing a lady wearing a newborn. Before I could reel myself in, I muttered "I hate you" under my breath. She didn't hear me ( thank GOD!) but I knew then I needed to do some serious soul searching... I hated being that angry!

  Baby Hayden Frances born 12/20/14 at 11:11 a.m...  Our perfect little miracle.  Here's how we got here:

  My lovely wife:

  5 IUI's January 2013-June 2013- 3 Cycles with Clomid- BFN

   

  Myself: Genderqueer guy who hopped in the driver's seat of the baby making train

  IUI #6- 7/23- Monitored and Trigger on Day 12, with one 16mm follicle and one 18mm follicle- BFN

  IUI #7- 8/21- Not monitored, 50mg Clomid- BFN

  September and October: Missed Cycles due to vacation and a Half Marathon

  IUI #8- Monitored and triggered on day 15, with one 23x18mm follicle- BFN on 11/19/2013

  December:  Moved onto to see an RE to make a good plan.

  IUI #9- 1/1/2014 Natural Cycle, BFP on 1/15/2014,  6W Ultra-Sound Reveals nothing in Gestation Sack... Natural M/C at 7W, 2/3/2014

  IUI #10 3/21/2014- Natural Cycle- BFP on 4/1/2014 (please don't be an April Fools.  Beta #1 13dpiui- 48, Beta #2 16dpiui- 416, Beta #3 1018...

  1st Ultrasound- 4/22/2014- 6w4d HB- 134!

  Check out my Blog at: http://pregnantboithinksoutloud.blogspot.com/ 

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• ball.and.chain member

  January 2015

  Yup. This was me. I hated it.

  Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
  9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
  IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
  ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
  FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
  Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
  FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
  EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
  *Everyone welcome*
  
  

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• 2MamazInSeattle member

  January 2015

  @doodah1013 - I know exactly what you mean! I hated being that sad and hopeless. It was/is not how I roll! It is amazing how loss changes you into someone you just...aren't. Whatever it looks like. And it never goes away, but in some weird, twisted way, I do feel like Babykins unlocked a part of me I'd otherwise not have known. Not saying it was a 'good' thing, but in a way, I feel like I know a deeper part of myself having lost him, and I"m grateful for what he gave me in that regard. For what it's worth, that is - if I try to find the good, that's what I find. I can relate, understand and connect with other people who've been through it, for one.
  
  When I saw people with babies or pregnant people, I always thought "one in three people miscarry at some point - who knows if that is a loss mom finding success like I hope to." Right before we transferred Simone, I ran into a 39-year-old friend who told me she got pregnant with her husband naturally. My first reaction (inside voice) was resentment. Until she detailed her 6 (!!) miscarriages! Then I was like "I'm an a-hole." Of course, it took a while to find the rational response inside me (much like the author of the article you posted). Time does help I guess! (P.s. that friend and her 10-month-old just visited us the other day, it still is just a little cooler to hang out with other loss moms who've found success, I find anyhow...)
  

  Lil'mamaz was born on Aug 21, 2014! She's PERFECT!
  
  

  It's been a long road to here...
  Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
  June'12 - First RE Visit
  Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
  Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
  Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
  Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
  Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect.
  Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
  Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
  Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
  Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
  EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
  Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
  We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle
  
  
  

  

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• 2MamazInSeattle member

  January 2015

  @TwoMomsinTX - sing it. As much as I would be super sad and sympathetic to friends who miscarried, I realize there is no way to 'get it' until you are there yourself. It will get better, in time, I promise.
  

  Lil'mamaz was born on Aug 21, 2014! She's PERFECT!
  
  

  It's been a long road to here...
  Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
  June'12 - First RE Visit
  Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
  Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
  Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
  Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
  Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect.
  Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
  Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
  Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
  Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
  EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
  Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
  We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle
  
  
  

  

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• bfonz619 member

  January 2015

  Wow, that was a very interesting and eye opening read.  Thanks for sharing.  Just like @twomomsintx, loss is something hard to completely understand until you have experienced it.
  

  "S15 January Siggy Challange - Happy Dance"
  
  
  Married: 10/4/2013
  TTC Since September 2014
  BFP 11/30/2014 ~ EDD 8/13/2015 ~ CP 12/5/2014
  BFP #2 12/30/2014 ~ EDD 9/13/2015 Stick bean stick!
  

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• Danni_Girl member

  January 2015

  Yep, I never fully got it till we lost Baby Girl.
  My friend who has been trying for a year to get pregnant again, with many BFN's, 1 miscarriage has been angry a lot like that article. However, She has been my saving grace through all this as she understands. I was actually super worried about telling her and her wife that we were pregnant because of their struggles to have another child. But she has been very supportive and actually told me that because of our pregnancy, it helped her to less angry. But we have been friends for over 15 years and she has always wanted us to have a baby.
  
  I find myself mildly resentful and jealous of those with babies. Especially here where there is a high percentage of women who drink and do drugs while pregnant.
  Every time we turned a corner at the hospital the day I gave birth, there was a poster about drinking and doing drugs while pregnant. There is actually a clinic down the street that deals with only fetal alcohol syndrome. So it's super upsetting seeing some of these morhers wondering around town and wonder if they drank or did drugs while pregnant and they have their baby, and yet we did everything right and lost ours.
  
  So many emotions. I've had some angry, but I'm trying to not let it take over and control me.

  I'm 35, DW is 33
  Together since Dec 2007
  Married since 18 June 2011

  
  TTC #1
  1st IUI - trigger, 9 July 14 at midnight, IUI - 11 July 14 at noon - BFP!!
  10 Dec 14 - Lost our Baby Girl to Hydrops & Cycstic Hygroma due to Turner Syndrome
  TTC #2
  2nd IUI - hoping to try for our Rainbow in the Spring

  Report0 Reply