Babies on the Brain
branibug
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What happens when one person changes the game?
branibug
member
My husband and I have been married for only a very short time; going on six months and due to work have not had the chance to live together yet as a married couple. We both were on the same page about children, neither of us wanted them but agreed that if we happened to get pregnant it would not be horrible. We both adore other peoples children and children are drawn to both of us. I am not sure if it is our separation and inability to physically be together or what but lately I have been more open to the thought of expanding our family. It almost has come to the point where it is all that I can think about.
To be honest, I am a little afraid to talk to him about this because I am not even sure if that is what I truly want; what happens if I have changed the "game" so to speak? Am I crazy? I feel like I should wait until he gets here with me (in one month to the day actually) and enjoy being married just he and I. I am not sure what I am looking for here, I think it is more just a safe place for me to vent? Well thank you for your time.
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Re: What happens when one person changes the game?
Even if your DH has changed his mind and you're sure you want one... unless there's a reason that you'd need to hop on the TTC train soon, I would be married for a while before trying. DH and I were separated for about a year after getting married (military) and then I got pregnant right away (whoops!) when he got home. So our first year of being married and together was spent pregnant and with a newborn. No fun.
It sounds like you guys had at least not totally foreclosed the possibility of a baby - if you were both okay with maybe getting pregnant and didn't take any permanent action to prevent kids (vasectomy or tubes tied) then I would think this is something that can be discussed openly. It sounds like you've moved from, "Eh, if it happens we will be okay with it" to "Maybe I really want to actually try to have a baby." This is still pretty casual, and you need to discuss it so he at least is on notice that this is where your thoughts are (because as your husband he really should care about things like that, even if his thoughts on kids are different than yours). Probably best to speak to him in person, and I agree with PPs that getting to live together as a married couple for a while is pretty important to figuring out what you really want.
Me: 33 DH: 39 Married 5/17/14
TTC #1 - Jan 2015
Formerly known as JennyH81
DH has one son (11) from prior marriage
Baby Girl Pug is my furbaby
Come peek in my ute!
I echo PPs and say you need to live together and be married before you try and bring the stress of a pregnancy and newborn into your relationship. Living together is difficult enough, enjoy some time together and then make a plan for TTC if that's what you both want.
Surprise! Baby #2 EDD 7/28/17
DH - 27
TTC #1 since July 2014
All I can say is everything can change when you actually live with someone. You truely get to know a person when you live with them, it may be for the better, or the worse, but I would recommend waiting until you live together before bursting out "i want a baby". Maybe sneak it into conversations a bit starting off slow "_______ just had a baby, makes me think that getting pregnant wouldn't be such a bad thing" or something. Drop hints and plant the idea in his brain....