WWYD...my poor nephew

cdseno · January 2015

So my sister and BIL are disgusting people. Their house is gross, it smells like grease, there is trash everywhere, just all around nastiness. They have 3 kids. The oldest is his from a previous relationship and they have full custody, and then they have 2 together. Their first is two weeks older than my oldest. She was FF and I always thought they weren't very sanitary about it, but I kept my mouth shut. Now they have switched their second LO (he is just 3 months) to formula and I don't know if I can contain myself much longer, but I have zero formula experience so I am wondering what everyone else says. They make a bottle and if he doesn't eat it they save it for him to eat later. Even if he eats some they will still save the rest. They let it sit out for hours until he wants to eat again, then they give him whatever is left in the bottle and then if he wants more they just rinse the bottle and make fresh in it. I'm pretty sure they only have one bottle and they just use it over and over. This is disgusting right? I feel like it is super unsanitary also because they are feeding him formula that has sat at room temp for hours. I want to say something but my sister is the type of person who feels attacked about everything so it never goes over well. I want to mention it to my mom so maybe she will say something. But someone needs to tell them it is bad right? It can't be healthy for him to eat that way, can it?

kareik01 · January 2015

I'm pretty sure you stole this from my head.

My sisters are the same way. One sister has a disgusting house that I can't stand to be near, the kids all stink because the house stinks, etc, and she also takes it as an attack on her if you try and give her help/advice. The other sister told me it's "weird" that I breastfeed and formula is the only way to do it.

Anyway, the sister that formula feeds does this exactly with the bottles. Just dumps out the dirty and puts new in, doesn't wash it out at all. I agree that it is awful thinking of all the germs building up in that bottle over and over! My poor niece is only 6 weeks old.

I think something needs to be said, whether by you or your mom. Even if she does take it as an attack, at least you're putting your thoughts out there for the wellbeing of your nephew. That's most important. You can only do your part, but his parents have to decide to do the rest. Hopefully any advice/thoughts you give make them adjust things to be healthier on your nephew.

alphaxi614 · January 2015

Oh that's gross, the poor kid!!! I'm prone I storing formula if there is a lot left in the bottle because it's to expensive! But always in the fridge, and I always throw it out if it's older than 24 hours. Also when I reheat it I transfer to a new clean bottle. Something needs to be said or the kid will get sick from eating spoiled formula.

MandMLeona · January 2015

I know nothing about formula. Is the child healthy? Is he gaining weight appropriately? Is he having any reflux type issues? If he's having issues, you could ASK if it might be from the old formula in the bottles...you can say, you aren't familiar with formula but it will cause issues with breastmilk...maybe suggest she try not doing that or at least ask her pedi about it.

In my experience TELLING any mamma anything will get you no where.

cdseno · January 2015

Well I don't think it requires CPS at all, but they were just talking last night about how they switched him to a gentle formula because he was always really gassy and fussy after eating and they were giving him tons of gripe water to soothe his stomach. Again, I don't know formula, but it seems like that could be a sign that the way they prepare his food is contributing to that.

jamjoyful · January 2015

I mean, I don't see an issue with mentioning that his stomach issues could be caused by leaving his formula out. If you worded it right, they may think it is more of an innocent question.

cdseno · January 2015

Joy1192 said:
I mean, I don't see an issue with mentioning that his stomach issues could be caused by leaving his formula out. If you worded it right, they may think it is more of an innocent question.

Oh that's a good idea. I can just make it seem like I'm just asking and perhaps it will put the idea in their heads at the same time. The one bottle they have him last night he had drank out of twice and was at least 4 hours old by the time he was done with it. That seems like a long time and I wouldn't leave a bottle of BM out that long.

cdseno · January 2015

Thanks everyone. I know I really shouldn't get involved, but I think the main reason it bothers me so much (other than it is gross), it because they are the least informed parents ever on top of being super lazy. I wouldn't be surprised if they never read the side of the formula container. You would think they were 18 by the way they act instead of 38. Often my mom has to tell my sister that it seems like the baby is hungry and then she gets irritated because it means she has to get off the couch and stop playing on her phone to make a bottle. I really just need to stop spending time around them because I get irritated at their lack of common sense parenting skills.

dogperson11 · January 2015

cdseno said:
So my sister and BIL are disgusting people. Their house is gross, it smells like grease, there is trash everywhere, just all around nastiness. They have 3 kids. The oldest is his from a previous relationship and they have full custody, and then they have 2 together. Their first is two weeks older than my oldest. She was FF and I always thought they weren't very sanitary about it, but I kept my mouth shut. Now they have switched their second LO (he is just 3 months) to formula and I don't know if I can contain myself much longer, but I have zero formula experience so I am wondering what everyone else says. They make a bottle and if he doesn't eat it they save it for him to eat later. Even if he eats some they will still save the rest. They let it sit out for hours until he wants to eat again, then they give him whatever is left in the bottle and then if he wants more they just rinse the bottle and make fresh in it. I'm pretty sure they only have one bottle and they just use it over and over. This is disgusting right? I feel like it is super unsanitary also because they are feeding him formula that has sat at room temp for hours. I want to say something but my sister is the type of person who feels attacked about everything so it never goes over well. I want to mention it to my mom so maybe she will say something. But someone needs to tell them it is bad right? It can't be healthy for him to eat that way, can it?

Sounds like laziness and lack of money. What if you offer to give them a few bottles? "Hey, I noticed you use xxx bottles. I've got several spare - could you use them?"

FrodaBaggins · January 2015

cdseno said:

Thanks everyone. I know I really shouldn't get involved, but I think the main reason it bothers me so much (other than it is gross), it because they are the least informed parents ever on top of being super lazy. I wouldn't be surprised if they never read the side of the formula container. You would think they were 18 by the way they act instead of 38. Often my mom has to tell my sister that it seems like the baby is hungry and then she gets irritated because it means she has to get off the couch and stop playing on her phone to make a bottle. I really just need to stop spending time around them because I get irritated at their lack of common sense parenting skills.

this makes me so sad for the poor baby

brachysira · January 2015

Ugg. We still wash my 2 y.o.'s cups after each beverage rather than pouring her more milk. I wouldn't call CPS unless the child is sick or you are generally worried. I would say, "hey, I was just looking at this formula can and it says you have to throw out formula within an hour."

amj1053 · January 2015

Could it be a money issue? Maybe they aren't aware that its supposed to refrigerated but they can't afford to waste it so they just leave it out. Do actually have more than one bottle but just chose to use the same one? Or can they not afford to buy more?

I know lack of money doesn't justify bad hygiene or lazyness but I'm just throwing some ideas out there.

cdseno · January 2015

It isn't a lack of money, it is a lack of priorities. My BIL will reuse old formula so that he can buy himself new boots for ice fishing. I would offer them bottles but I only have a couple myself because I EBF and rarely leave LO. I'm very aware of their money/spending situation because it is all BIL talks about. That's why I am bugged. He talks about how finding the cheapest formula (I know that the cheaper ones are just as good, that's not my point) but then he talks about how he wants new furniture and new boots and how much they spend a month on cable and Internet. His priorities are just off.

FrodaBaggins · January 2015

hmctagg01 said:

That's so sad that it just comes down to laziness/priorities. When I rule the world, uteruses will be removed at birth and only given if you can prove you're worthy. It's breaks my heart when kids suffer (on any level) because their parents are rocks.

@hmctagg01 I couldn't agree more. I feel like since becoming a parent I truly understand now how fundamentally innocent and precious children are, these total blank slates that beyond their basic needs of sleep/food/clothing, also need so much love and comfort and support and guidance, and so many don't get any of that.

lynds002 · January 2015

I'd be careful with involving your mom. My aunt made a comment about safe parenting to my cousin, and as punishment, she hasn't been allowed to see her grandchild in a year. It's not worth it if they are easily offended.

Jessica+Penny · January 2015

There is not much you can do IMO. I would buy some more bottles and give them to your sister. I know it makes you angry that they are scrimping on their kid for fishing crap, but you can't change that. I would give the bottles as a gift and let the anger go.

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