Bridesmaid in a wedding 2 weeks before due date and in another wedding 2 weeks after due date

scharle3 · January 2015

I have a dilemna, I'm supposed to a bridesmaid 2 weeks before my due date and also 2 weeks after, but not sure if I will be able to do either. I really don't know how to tell friends that I don't think it would be a good idea to be in the wedding because you never know how you will feel...etc. Need some help deciding on what to say.

TeacherMom2015 · January 2015

I think you just need to be honest with them. I know that some brides are definite bridezillas, but I would think that if they truly care about you and value your friendship that they will definitely understand.

mpiemont · January 2015

Honestly, the one 2 weeks after your due date will probably be pretty close to impossible. If you deliver "on time" you will have a 2 week old, and from my experience being in a wedding is an all day event. You could potentially still be pregnant 2 weeks after your due date (unlikely but some women go to 42 weeks...) I'd just be up front with the bride(s) sooner rather than later.

lgsdesigner · January 2015

Yeah...no to both.

#1: Even if you could do the one 2 weeks post due date, you are going to be sleep deprived, still healing and not a happy camper. No one wants to look like a wombat in wedding pics from dark bags under the eyes.

#2- The one right before the wedding? Imagine how pissed off/tired you will be then too from carrying around a bowling ball. And you will have to pee more, too. Can't really do the pee-pee dance in front of a wedding crowd.

You will thank me later.

Unknown · January 2015

This content has been removed.

scharle3 · January 2015

Thanks for the comments, I have kinda told Bride # 1, but it was a couple of months ago and I told her I would let her know, but I was just thinking the other day, it probably won't be a good idea....I do need to tell them ASAP though.

AliceKC9876 · January 2015

Starbuck128 said:

Wedding number 1: Is she your BFF, twin sister separated at birth, soulmate and would walk through hell for her? If so, explain you can't be in her wedding party because you might not be able to make it and don't want to cause her the stress of last minute changes to her wedding party, but you will try your best to make it to the ceremony.

Wedding number 2: It's not happening.

Totally agree with this...#2 for sure won't work. #1 I would only try to do if it was my sister or BFF...otherwise no

Snapdragon750 · January 2015

Neither would be a good idea to commit to being a bridesmaid. So much can happen at any time during the two weeks before and after your due date! You can say you will try to attend, but that's about all you can do.

MrsPDX · January 2015

Wedding #1, I would go with along the lines:

I would love to be there for you and am so honored to be a bridesmaid! That said, due to the fact that I will be 38 weeks pregnant, I am not sure I can commit. I would hate for you to plan on me being there, and then I go into labor before, or God forbid my water breaks at the wedding. Even if I don't deliver early, I do not know if I will feel comfortable or up to the responsibilities of being a bridesmaid, and wouldn't want to let you down. I think at this point it would be better for me to plan on attending as a guest.

Wedding #2: I would love to be there for you and am so honored to be a bridesmaid! That said, due to the fact I will have a newborn, I do not think I will be in any shape to attend a wedding, let alone be a bridesmaid. Who knows if I will even be ready to leave the house? I hope you understand, that under different circumstances I would love to be there for you, and am so happy for you.

I would try to go to #1 (as a guest) if it was me, but definitely no way in hell I would be attending #2.

beefinch · January 2015

I'm in a similar situation, my best and oldest friend (solid 20 years of being best friends) is getting married, 7 weeks after my due date.
Not going to lie, it very much pissed me off as she got engaged a month ago, and I'm 22 weeks pregnant so she knew I was obviously pregnant when setting the date.
I can't drink at the hen party (if I want to go being very pregnant at the time)
My son will be 7 weeks old (if I give birth on time) at the wedding, I'm breast feeding so will be focussing my time on him, not the wedding, and I'm maid of honour.
It just seems selfish, she is rushing to get married.
I want to be able to enjoy my best friends hen party and then the wedding, my OH is also quite annoyed because he's an usher (the groom is his cousin) and he knows the pressure we will both be under that day, let alone having a less than 2 month old baby to look after between us.
We have to go obviously, but still, it just sucks.
I have said this to her, about her rushing and she's just said "I'm just excited that's all"

(Edited as I can't spell)

melissak1q · January 2015

Nope. The only things you have to do in this lifetime are pay taxes and die. Everyone's wedding can eat a bag.

We got a save the date for a wedding set the same day as the baby shower. It says, "We're having an Open bar...and a wedding." Way to cock-tail block, LO.

jennygirlmt · January 2015

I would have felt well enough to go at 38 weeks but DD arrived two weeks early, which is always a possibility. Not to mention you might feel horrible by that point. I was a guest at a wedding at 7 months, my feet were swollen after a few dances and I fell asleep in a chair like two hours into it.

If you plan to nurse, nursing my 10 month old at my brothers wedding was stressful enough (refused bottles), but a new baby will require so much more effort. You'll be dealing with engorgement, leaking, long nursing sessions...I can't even imagine. It would be hard as a guest, nearly impossible as an attendant.

I'd politely tell your friends you'll make your best effort to attend but it would not be wise to plan to be a bridesmaid.

laur1020 · January 2015

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be in either wedding. Chances are, the one right before your due date, you will be pretty miserable feeling. The one after, you will be healing, exhausted, and if you're BF'ing, have leaky boobs...if they are good friends, they will understand. Better to tell them now so that they can prepare and make adjustments for being down one bridesmaid.

Poppy715 · January 2015

You need to change your plans. Let those brides know babies aren't usually known for their reliability and punctuality. I'd politely tell them to find a replacement for you. There's no way to plan if you will be able to make it to either.

Poppy715 · January 2015

beefinch said:

I'm in a similar situation, my best and oldest friend (solid 20 years of being best friends) is getting married, 7 weeks after my due date. Not going to lie, it very much pissed me off as she got engaged a month ago, and I'm 22 weeks pregnant so she knew I was obviously pregnant when setting the date. I can't drink at the hen party (if I want to go being very pregnant at the time) My son will be 7 weeks old (if I give birth on time) at the wedding, I'm breast feeding so will be focussing my time on him, not the wedding, and I'm maid of honour. It just seems selfish, she is rushing to get married. I want to be able to enjoy my best friends hen party and then the wedding, my OH is also quite annoyed because he's an usher (the groom is his cousin) and he knows the pressure we will both be under that day, let alone having a less than 2 month old baby to look after between us. We have to go obviously, but still, it just sucks. I have said this to her, about her rushing and she's just said "I'm just excited that's all" (Edited as I can't spell)

This isn't similar at all. You think SHE'S being selfish? Huh.

Your friend is excited to get married. I doubt she's thinking about you at all while planning the ceremony to begin her life with her new husband. You need to chillax and find a sitter. Things will be fine. My sister couldn't drink at my bachelorette either. She made it through some how. I think you are forgetting the universe doesn't revolve around you and your baby.

lakingsfan2015 · January 2015

What is a hen party?

lladymack · January 2015

My BFF was in my wedding 3 weeks before she have birth.
I told her from the start that if she couldn't do it I would understand. But she was a trooper. She even made it on the dance floor for a few songs.

If she's a good friend (which she should be if you are standing for her) she will understand. Just be honest.

Poppy715 · January 2015

lakingsfan2015 said:

What is a hen party?

Bachelorette.

amalama · January 2015

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that I would try to be in the first one (but I don't think your friend should be upset with you if you don't want to). I would say something along the lines of what everyone is recommending (that you want to warn her that you might not be up to it or could be in labor), but then say it's up to her if she wants to take the chance or just plan on you attending as a guest.

I only say this because I think there is a good chance you will be up for it, and I would hate to back out and then end up being able to make it. You could even ask her about possibly sitting for the ceremony if it will be long. I know as the bride in a situation like that I would be totally happy to just roll with whatever happened (there's really not much to adjust if a bridesmaid isn't there at the last minute). I was in a wedding that a BM was due on the actual wedding date. She came to the ceremony and then went into labor and missed pictures and the reception. I know the bride was so happy she was there at all and I don't know the BM as well, but I think she was probably glad that she made the effort to be there for her friend.

Again though, if you don't want to I don't think there is anything wrong with that either, but explain soon.

Wedding #2, I would tell her that there is very little chance you can even make it. I just don't see how that would be possible, you are going to have a baby a week or two old at the most (most likely, I know you could technically still be pregnant but it's so much more unlikely than being able to go to wedding #1).

amalama · January 2015

beefinch said:

I'm in a similar situation, my best and oldest friend (solid 20 years of being best friends) is getting married, 7 weeks after my due date. Not going to lie, it very much pissed me off as she got engaged a month ago, and I'm 22 weeks pregnant so she knew I was obviously pregnant when setting the date. I can't drink at the hen party (if I want to go being very pregnant at the time) My son will be 7 weeks old (if I give birth on time) at the wedding, I'm breast feeding so will be focussing my time on him, not the wedding, and I'm maid of honour. It just seems selfish, she is rushing to get married. I want to be able to enjoy my best friends hen party and then the wedding, my OH is also quite annoyed because he's an usher (the groom is his cousin) and he knows the pressure we will both be under that day, let alone having a less than 2 month old baby to look after between us. We have to go obviously, but still, it just sucks. I have said this to her, about her rushing and she's just said "I'm just excited that's all" (Edited as I can't spell)

Seriously? You think SHE is being selfish because YOU want to be able to enjoy HER wedding and bachelorette without being pregnant? Just like the world doesn't stop for her wedding, it also doesn't stop for your pregnancy.

missjenniebean · January 2015

If they are true friends, they will understand. :]

KER9171 · January 2015

bwisco123 said:

HilarityEnsued said:

I'd tell them both no. Being a bridesmaid blows anyway.

hahaha this for sure.

But in all seriousness - a simple "I don't know for sure when my baby will get here" is a good enough reason alone. You can't tell the future and your baby could come 2 weeks early or 2 weeks late. If you're a bridesmaid then odds are whoever the bride is SHOULD be somewhat understanding if she is a friend or relative.

THIS exactly. The reaction may not be kind at first, because brides always are so focused on their own wedding plans. But it's doing her (and you) a favor ultimately for being upfront and realistic about it now.

MommaMacri · January 2015

I'm a wedding photographer and have a wedding every weekend in the month I'm due. I had to hire someone to cover. On top of the my SIL is getting married a week before I'm due I am buying a dress and preparing to be there. She knows it may not happen but hoping for the best. I was very honest with her and that way she didn't expect anything. I also have a game plan incase baby already has arrived as this is my second. If that is the case my mom is going to come sit so I can walk down the aisle and come right back home. If it was a friend and not sister I wouldn't even consider still doing it.

kby721 · January 2015

Ugh I cringed when I read your situation. I would tell both of them no and they should understand without much of an explanation. But, thinking like a selfish bride, you may also have to tell them you would hate to be a no show at the last minute and have them be a maid short.

JessLB1014 · January 2015

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding that was a week from my due date. My best friend was prepared to have me drop out at the last minute. Luckily I made it through the wedding. It was definitely a long day and I was shot by the time pictures were done but I am so thankful I made it. The other bridesmaids were very supportive throughout the day and I tried my best to hide my exhaustion/discomfort on my girlfriends special day. Another bridesmaid of hers actually had her baby 2 weeks before the wedding. She pumped in the bridal suite. Good times!

Ballet80 · January 2015

I would just apologize and bow out of both weddings. They will both understand once they get pregnant the level of stress and exhaustion you will be under. Don't feel bad, you will have a teeny tiny baby that will need you even more than they need on that day.

tashad18 · January 2015

Tell them now. Waiting will cause problems. If they are true friends they will understand your situation.

sunnyday016 · January 2015

Definite NO on wedding #2, especially if you plan to nurse. I was the MOH at my sister's wedding when my son was 10 months old and it was a huge pain! I had to take my entire dress off to access my boobs. And that was just twice during the day. I can't imagine trying to feed a newborn every hour or two in a dress like that...let alone your healing and tiredness!

blitzy23 · January 2015

This seems to be a somewhat common phenomenon. Are people asking women to be their bridesmaids after they are pregnant or before?

And to anyone who thinks a wedding should be planned around someone that is not a bride, I have a friend who is trying to plan a wedding around multiple pregnancies. It's a disaster, and I told her to only worry about her sister and then do what she wants! There is no perfect wedding date for everyone! Brides shouldn't expect extremely pregnant women to be in their weddings, and pregnant women shouldn't expect brides to plan around their babies. When I was a bride, I let the gals choose their dresses, paid for half the cost, and tried to give them as little responsibility as possible. I wanted it to be fun, and no need for anyone to dread the day or be uncomfortable. Your friends will hopefully understand, and might even be relieved if you make the choice to bow out of the commitment.

Whew, that was a long rant.

clarever · January 2015

I was in a wedding 6 weeks after my son was born and to be completely honest, I wish I had told her no. I was still breastfeeding so I was incredibly uncomfortable from being super engorged, I was exhausted, and still had a bit of a baby belly with the baby weight so I didn't fit nicely in my dress. Felt like a whale beside everyone else. I can't imagine being in one 2 weeks after. I think they would understand.
If you decide not to be in it, then maybe write a heartfelt speech for the reception at least.

annerz22 · January 2015

My sister was MOH in our oldest sisters wedding 2 weeks before her C-section date. She was a trooper and had a great time. However had it not been our other sisters wedding, she would have backed out prior to the wedding.

At 2w pp you aren't going to want to go anywhere but you bedroom to the couch and possibly out to grab a coffee or go for a walk....in yoga pants and a tshirt haha.

I know it's a tough situation and it sucks to feel like you're letting people down, but at the end of the day a true friend will understand.

McBaby19 · January 2015

My old roommate/good friend has her wedding planned for mid may, and I'm due the end of May. Her new baby will be 6 months old. She hopes I can come but completely understands if I can't make it. She's also having it an hour away from where I live. I wouldn't dare ask her to change her date or anything so I could surely be there! Hopefully at 38 weeks I'll be up to going, but with the hour long drive and my son already measuring 8 days ahead of me, we'll just have to see how it goes!

I've never been to a wedding let alone in one, so I don't have any real advice. I agree with PP though. They seem to know what they're talking about :-bd

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