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TTC After a Loss
mrswheelo
member
Ready to leave the shadows
mrswheelo
member
Hello ladies! My name is Kayla and I've been a "lurker" on this board (and a few others) for a little over a month now. I've been studying the etiquette and hope I'm getting it right.
My husband and I had the perfect relationship/life. The kind that makes some ppl want to throw up after seeing our Facebook updates. (I'm sorry). Anyway, I am 27, he is 23. I never wanted children until I met him. We decided to start ttc after our wedding in June. We were pregnant the next month! Everything was wonderful. An us at 8 weeks revealed that we were expecting TWINS! And I couldn't have been happier. We waited until we were 16 weeks to announce that we had 2 beans instead of 1 bc I thought that was the "safe zone".
I did everything right. From diet, exercise, reading, prenatal visits every 2 weeks. We never had a single complication, until we did...
We were the happiest couple on the planet when we found out that we were having a boy and a girl. I had known since we were 6 weeks along that we had b/g twins. I just KNEW. We named them Lane Edward and Lydia Ann. We had maternity pics done, (I'm glad we did them early now), just painted the nursery, had every baby thing we needed and were just a few weeks away from the baby shower, when it happened.
On a completely normal day, I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding. Deep breaths. We remained calm. Called ahead to the ER and went straight to L&D for evaluation. I was stable, babies were stable, not dilated. There was no explanation for the bleeding or any abnormalities with the babies, so I was released after 24 hrs of fluids and observation. My bleeding was considered spotting to them and not anything to be worried about, but I knew in that moment something was wrong, that we would not be bringing our babies home like we had planned.
6 hrs later, I was back in the hospital after starting to have consistant contractions that seemed to be getting stronger over 2 hrs. In that time, I was fully dilated and was told to prepare for delivery. I couldn't believe we were out of options. How can there be NOTHING they can do!? But my babies were only 21 weeks. And not viable. They told me I would deliver shortly and encouraged me to take medication to help "speed the process". I said NO. Babies were still doing fine, so I decided, much against the wishes of my husband and doctors, to hold on to our twins until they WERE viable, which would be 1 WEEK! I thought i could give them a chance. But, 24 hrs later I developed a fever, infection, & anemia from having exposed membranes.
My water broke on its own soon after and I delivered Lydia Ann at 10:30pm 11/24/14. She was the most perfect creature I had ever seen! She had my long fingers and toes. My chin and nose . Her daddy's ears. She was so perfect. So tiny. We held her through her first and last breath. She was gone as quickly as she arrived. Her brother Lane Edward came at 2:30 am 11/25/14. He never took a breath. My sweet, perfect little boy looked exactly like his father!
My husband and I decided we wanted to be alone at the hospital so we could spend as much time as possible processing what happened. We were/are broken. What a strange feeling. To be so in love and happy to see the children you've been eagerly awaiting. But so saddened by their loss at the same time.
I feel so proud to be thier mother. But it is hard processing the fact that I am a "childless" mother.
I knew right away that we would try again.We have no intentions of forgetting about the twins and have their pictures up in the house. But I often feel as though a new child would be replacing the 2 we lost. As we did not plan to have more children after the twins. So at times, I feel guilty for wanting to be pregnant again. The twins were so special. I hope that here, I can navigate the TTCAL rollercoaster with women that have experienced what I have. Thank you for getting through that. I'm sorry for the length. I cant share with many ppl.
My husband and I had the perfect relationship/life. The kind that makes some ppl want to throw up after seeing our Facebook updates. (I'm sorry). Anyway, I am 27, he is 23. I never wanted children until I met him. We decided to start ttc after our wedding in June. We were pregnant the next month! Everything was wonderful. An us at 8 weeks revealed that we were expecting TWINS! And I couldn't have been happier. We waited until we were 16 weeks to announce that we had 2 beans instead of 1 bc I thought that was the "safe zone".
I did everything right. From diet, exercise, reading, prenatal visits every 2 weeks. We never had a single complication, until we did...
We were the happiest couple on the planet when we found out that we were having a boy and a girl. I had known since we were 6 weeks along that we had b/g twins. I just KNEW. We named them Lane Edward and Lydia Ann. We had maternity pics done, (I'm glad we did them early now), just painted the nursery, had every baby thing we needed and were just a few weeks away from the baby shower, when it happened.
On a completely normal day, I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding. Deep breaths. We remained calm. Called ahead to the ER and went straight to L&D for evaluation. I was stable, babies were stable, not dilated. There was no explanation for the bleeding or any abnormalities with the babies, so I was released after 24 hrs of fluids and observation. My bleeding was considered spotting to them and not anything to be worried about, but I knew in that moment something was wrong, that we would not be bringing our babies home like we had planned.
6 hrs later, I was back in the hospital after starting to have consistant contractions that seemed to be getting stronger over 2 hrs. In that time, I was fully dilated and was told to prepare for delivery. I couldn't believe we were out of options. How can there be NOTHING they can do!? But my babies were only 21 weeks. And not viable. They told me I would deliver shortly and encouraged me to take medication to help "speed the process". I said NO. Babies were still doing fine, so I decided, much against the wishes of my husband and doctors, to hold on to our twins until they WERE viable, which would be 1 WEEK! I thought i could give them a chance. But, 24 hrs later I developed a fever, infection, & anemia from having exposed membranes.
My water broke on its own soon after and I delivered Lydia Ann at 10:30pm 11/24/14. She was the most perfect creature I had ever seen! She had my long fingers and toes. My chin and nose . Her daddy's ears. She was so perfect. So tiny. We held her through her first and last breath. She was gone as quickly as she arrived. Her brother Lane Edward came at 2:30 am 11/25/14. He never took a breath. My sweet, perfect little boy looked exactly like his father!
My husband and I decided we wanted to be alone at the hospital so we could spend as much time as possible processing what happened. We were/are broken. What a strange feeling. To be so in love and happy to see the children you've been eagerly awaiting. But so saddened by their loss at the same time.
I feel so proud to be thier mother. But it is hard processing the fact that I am a "childless" mother.
I knew right away that we would try again.We have no intentions of forgetting about the twins and have their pictures up in the house. But I often feel as though a new child would be replacing the 2 we lost. As we did not plan to have more children after the twins. So at times, I feel guilty for wanting to be pregnant again. The twins were so special. I hope that here, I can navigate the TTCAL rollercoaster with women that have experienced what I have. Thank you for getting through that. I'm sorry for the length. I cant share with many ppl.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Ready to leave the shadows
Me: 32 DH: 32
BFP #1: 4/1/2010 DS born: 12/3/10
TTC #2 since 5/2014
BFP # 2 : 6/16/14 EDD: 2/25/15 Missed Miscarriage discovered 7/10/14 D&C 7/17/14 Pathology results normal
BFP #3: 10/21/14 EDD: 7/6/15 11/24/14: Saw heartbeat!
TTCAL January 2015 Siggy Challenge: Animals in the snow
Scumbag Penguin
Me 36 DH 39
BFP 11/28/14 ~ MMC 12/29/14
TTCAL Siggy Challenge
DX Endometriosis 2/2002 (lost left tube due to a cyst), PCOS 6/2010
BFP - 10/18/2012, EDD - 6/26/2013, Baby Girl lost at 22 weeks (T21), D&E 2/15/2013
BFP - 4/23/2014, EDD - 1/2/2015 Twin Boys lost at 12 weeks, M/C 6/25/2014
My chart here All ALers welcome!
Me: 31 DH: 36
Dated Since ‘02, Married in ‘06
BFP#1 05/16/06, EDD01/16/07, MC 06/12/06 at 8 weeks
BFP #2 08/14/14, EDD 04/22/15, MC 09/17/14 at 9 weeks
My Chart
My Ovulation Chart
As for questions to ask a doctor, I would ask many, the first of which would be to check on testing that my be appropriate to rule out any issues. I don't have any experience given your situation, but I would see a reproductive endocrinologist after you see your OB--your OB may not have the breadth of understanding on this issue. I would not let your age and "these things happen" deter you from seeking further answers. Incompetent cervix? Clotting issues? Again, I have no idea bc I have no experience with later term losses.
I know you are eager to start again, which is very common and totally understandable, but you want the best possible environment for future babies. Get yourself to a RE and, if you feel like you need it, widen your support circle.
Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.
DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!
Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your babies, Lane and Lydia. My situation is similar to yours - I went to the ER at 17 weeks with bleeding. They told me baby had a strong heart beat, everything looked good, they didn't know why I was bleeding. I went home and then 12 hours later my water broke.
I am still trying to navigate the post-loss world and figure out exactly what I should be asking my doctor. My biggest questions are why did this happen and what can I do to prevent it from happening again?
Welcome to the board. I hope you find some comfort here.
TTC #3 since June 2013
BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14
IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
I have no advice on what to ask your Dr or about the wait time since I have not experienced a late loss such as yours. All I can say is make sure you are mentally ready as well.
Married: 9/25/10
TTC # 1 since 5/2013
BFP # 1: 2/7/14, mmc 3/12/14, D&C 3/19/14
Boy, Trisomy 13, Karyotyping and Genetic Testing all normal
Hysteroscopy and D&C 6/2/14, retained tissue
Off the bench 7/14
BFP # 2: 10/3/14, Blighted ovum, D&C 11/12/14
Girl, no chromosomal abnormalities detected
RPL Testing: Pre-diabetic, ANA+
"I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it." - e.e. cummings
Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.
DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!
Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!
Proudly on the dark side
BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)
Me: 31, DH: 30, Married July 2013
TTC since March 2014
BFP#1 5.17.14, EDD 1.26.15, MMC (measuring 6w3d at 8w3d), D&C 6.26.14
BFP#2 9.19.14, EDD 5.29.15, AF on 9.23.14 CP
BFP#3 12.17.14, EDD 8.25.15, AF on 12.21.14 CP#2
Current plan: TTC while waiting for RPL results to come back
Stalk my ute