Hospital Etiquette- new baby

brigsky · January 2015

Before having DS, I luckily had only been to a hospital three times-twice for pregnancy classes, and once for my grandpa. Not the point, but just really hitting it in how clueless I am...

My good friend just had her adorable new squish Sunday night via unplanned csection. She texted us all and then a little later facebooked it. Here's my question- I sent her a text saying that if she was up for visitors I would love to stop by. She said yes, since she was there for 4 days. I told her in no way expected her to write back but I could come tonight or tomorrow. Our good friend posted a pic of her at the hospital, but I haven't heard back. Trust me, I'm all for privacy. For real, I love my alone time and it's a special time. So, do I bother her again tomorrow, just show uP, which feels super awkward and rude, or maybe ask our friend who saw her what the deal was? Just want to see her and the new squish but don't want to not get the hint or something. Also thought about sending flowers to the hospital and seeing her at home when she's ready.

Thanks!

MamaFantastic · January 2015

Do not just show up. Text her again tomorrow and tell her you're at the store. Ask if she's craving any particular food or if she needs lip balm, lotion, trashy mags, candy, etc and tell her you'll be happy to swing by if you can help meet a need. Reiterate how excited you are and that you're available for whatever/whenever.

Don't take it personally if she doesn't respond. If it's been a few days and you know she's home, cook her a meal on a day of her choosing.

Food is hardly ever turned down

deidremaria · January 2015

It depends on your relationship I guess. When I had dylan I let my twin know when I didn't want people around (which was only when I was in active labor and those first few hours out of the OR) after that I didn't mind people just popping up during the day

brigsky · January 2015

Thanks ladies. Ya, I was in the boat where visitors where great but I didn't think I would feel that way; I'm totally a hugger but a personal space person-love you, now give me some time. My friend is very open but she had her lo a week early so we didn't get to chat first and I just want to be respectful. Thanks so much!

Jessimax · January 2015

Most hospitals have visiting hours, I don't see an issue going during those hours. Peak in first and make sure she is awake and don't stay for hours and it would have been fine with me.

UnofficiallyLO · January 2015

I wouldn't show up. Try her again and maybe she will be all OMG sorry yes please come by whenever or maybe she had visitors already and realized the rest can wait until she's home. I had a friend visit me at the hospital but I didn't visit her when she gave birth months later, I wasn't offended and kind of assumed she didn't want me to bring the baby since hers was brand new.

Mport90 · January 2015

I ignored people in the hospital, I think my PPA was just setting in.....

katy4128 · January 2015

Don't just show up. The day after my CS my uncle's mom (no relation to me) showed up in my room at 9am! I was asleep while DH and LO were getting some time together. It was very awkward I said hi and let DH deal with her and went back to sleep. Whatever you do..call first!

zazu13 · January 2015

Do not show up. I had an unplanned Csec abd three SILs showed up 2 days pp right as I was meeting with my lactation consultant. They waited in the lobby for an hour. It was annoying. I welcomed scheduled visitors but in hindsight wish I'd waited to let people visit until I got home. I had a constant stream of people between my large family and the hospital staff so I got no rest. When I got home I was exhausted and then I really needed baby holders. People overstayed their welcome but I was not good at hinting for them to leave. When I should have been napping or bonding with babies I was entertaining and letting others hold. I'd wait to follow up with her. And like mentioned above, bring her a meal at home.

chichi589 · January 2015

I hatttted when people just showed up! Between all the nurses coming in and learning to breastfeed I felt very overwhelmed. I would text again like @mamafantastic said and asked if she needs anything that's a great idea if not go see her at home!

nycgirlkat · January 2015

I agree with PP, check in one more time before coming up to the room. She'll be feeling different hour by hour. But I know as a FTM I was glad to have company since I was all over the place.

This is an extreme case, but my sister posted LO's arrival on FB without speaking to me first and this crazy woman I work with found out from another co-worker I am friends with and showed up the second I was wheeled into my room post unscheduled c-section!!! She grabbed the baby out of my arms and was holding her when all the grandparents arrived. I was so shocked. I felt like crap, it was getting late in the day and I even didn't feel like having my parents and in-laws there. The first thing I said to her was "what the hell are you doing here?" It was so inappropriate and my family was pretty annoyed by her presence.

brigsky · January 2015

nycgirlkat said:
I agree with PP, check in one more time before coming up to the room. She'll be feeling different hour by hour. But I know as a FTM I was glad to have company since I was all over the place.

This is an extreme case, but my sister posted LO's arrival on FB without speaking to me first and this crazy woman I work with found out from another co-worker I am friends with and showed up the second I was wheeled into my room post unscheduled c-section!!! She grabbed the baby out of my arms and was holding her when all the grandparents arrived. I was so shocked. I felt like crap, it was getting late in the day and I even didn't feel like having my parents and in-laws there. The first thing I said to her was "what the hell are you doing here?" It was so inappropriate and my family was pretty annoyed by her presence.

That's insane! You poor thing!

deidremaria · January 2015

nycgirlkat said:
I agree with PP, check in one more time before coming up to the room. She'll be feeling different hour by hour. But I know as a FTM I was glad to have company since I was all over the place.

This is an extreme case, but my sister posted LO's arrival on FB without speaking to me first and this crazy woman I work with found out from another co-worker I am friends with and showed up the second I was wheeled into my room post unscheduled c-section!!! She grabbed the baby out of my arms and was holding her when all the grandparents arrived. I was so shocked. I felt like crap, it was getting late in the day and I even didn't feel like having my parents and in-laws there. The first thing I said to her was "what the hell are you doing here?" It was so inappropriate and my family was pretty annoyed by her presence.

That's fucking crazy and inappropriate of her! Who TF does that???

nicole mackenzie · January 2015

I originally didn't want any visitors but we changed our mind and told a few people they were welcome.

They stopped by at unknown times, but we'd invited them. If I was sleeping they came back, if I was busy they waited outside.

I didnt visit sil in hospital because I'm worried of my lo getting their kid sick

Id just ask again but leave it be if she doesn't respond. She might need a break from visitors? Could be she's had a lot and is exhausted.

Jodash24 · January 2015

She might of just forgot to text back, I know my phone didn't stop at the hospital to the point where it annoyed me, I ended up ignoring my phone.

My parents and il came withing half hour of lo being born, I didn't have the chace to just lay there and hold my baby, and my sister also announced his birth on Facebook and a picture! But what's done is done, I know I'd do things different if there was a next time

deidremaria · January 2015

Jodash24 said:
She might of just forgot to text back, I know my phone didn't stop at the hospital to the point where it annoyed me, I ended up ignoring my phone.

My parents and il came withing half hour of lo being born, I didn't have the chace to just lay there and hold my baby, and my sister also announced his birth on Facebook and a picture! But what's done is done, I know I'd do things different if there was a next time

Stuff like that I why I let everyone close to me know that my SO wanted NO Facebook announcements. Especially ones that included pictures. My twin simply posted "Happy Birthday Sweet Pea" and that was great. Nothing else and people still respected our privacy.

Jodash24 · January 2015

That was nice what your sister said

I didn't even think of the whole no facebook thing at the time, I got a whole list of things I would do differently IF there was ever a 3 rd baby [-X

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